Fall and I will catch you
Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural or any of the characters in it (mores the pity!) and I don't make any money from writing this.
Summary: Castiel has Doubts about his orders. And now, he is also experiencing Distraction. Will he listen to Dean, and follow his heart, or keep looking to the heavens for a Revelation that just isn't coming? Rated M for later chapters ** I promise there will be action ;-) **
The angel had been ordered to Earth to aid a member of his garrison in battle. His brother was losing the fight, and time was of the essence. If this seal was lost, Lilith would be yet another step closer to freeing Lucifer. So Castiel was flying; skipping across land and sea in his true form and invisible to the human eye. All of his concentration was focused on simply getting to his destination before it was too late, and although the emotions of the humans below washed over him as he flew, they were fleeting and unimportant in the face of what was at stake.
An angel should never falter in its duty. But as Castiel passed over a particular house in an unfamiliar city, for a split second he felt the fear of a single human soul overwhelm all of the other emotions that had washed over him. She was afraid for her life; trapped in her own home and at the mercy of a stranger who wanted to take pleasure in her fear. And both the woman and the stranger knew that she was not going to escape.
No humans could sense the woman's fear, and so none of them were coming to save her. Even knowing this, within that first split second of sensing the fear, Castiel had passed the house and continued on his journey. But even after the woman's fear had faded from his awareness, a part of him was still stinging, regardless of how many times he had reminded himself that we do not interfere.
He arrived to a scene of carnage. Just moments ago, a building had stood here. Hard to believe from the mess of rubble, earth and blood that remained. The stench of sulphur permeated the air and the moonlight shone starkly onto a mound of bricks ahead. His brother lay there, body broken and eyes devoid of the light they once held. Castiel dropped to his knees by his fallen brother and bowed his head. Since the first seal had broken, he had seen several of his brethren lost in battle, and the sorrow that all the angels felt at the passing of one of their own had never lessened. But this angel had fought by Castiel's side in countless battles. He had known him for an eternity, and this angel's death was simply unimaginable.
Even knowing that his fellow angel had long since vacated this human vessel, Castiel felt reluctant to leave. He gently arranged the body into a respectful position before closing the eyes of the fallen man, and then looked to the heavens for guidance on what he should now do. He waited for several minutes, but no orders came to him. This had never happened before, and after everything that had happened this night, Castiel was shaken. He did not know what to do, and so he started to retrace his steps in order to return to heaven and give his report.
The woman. Her fear had lessened, but in its place the woman's heart was filled with sorrow and despair. Her emotions were painful enough to jolt Castiel out of his flight. He glided into the house, remaining unseen so that he did not alarm the human as he entered.
She was laid on her side, curled tightly into a ball with her hands clutching her knees until her knuckles were white. Her naked body was pale, and the bruises and bloodstains that covered it were painfully apparent. The bed sheets were tangled and soiled, and even to the innocent eyes of an angel, it was obvious what had happened to her at the hands of the stranger.
Castiel did not need to see the sobs racking the woman's body to know what she was feeling. The emotions that had been distant during his flight now poured out her and filled him with another sensation he had never experienced before. Her sorrow was as painful as his own. Her body was bruised and violated, and she felt such despair that she would have gladly welcomed death, even at the hands of the stranger. And he could have stopped it.
No. We do not interfere, Castiel repeated to himself, but even so he found himself gliding closer to the woman. He knew that he had done the right thing. It was not an angel's place to question the will of the Lord. But still, this woman was lying in the dark, beaten and alone, and Castiel could have stopped it. Somehow in this moment, the will of the Lord seemed to lack its usual level of comfort.
He needed to leave. There was nothing that he could do here and no doubt there would be work for him once he returned to heaven. But even as he turned to depart, the new sensation stabbed at him once again. It was alarming – he should not be experiencing human emotions – but the feeling was so strong that he could not ignore it.
Castiel settled himself next to the woman, leaned closer so that he could see her tear stained face. Her dark eyes were filled with pain and her chestnut hair was matted and wet from her tears. Still invisible to the human eye, he reached out a hand that hovered somewhere between his true form and the mortal vessel that he often occupied, and rested it against her cheek. "You will find the strength to survive this," he murmured, while allowing a calming warmth to flow into the human beside him.
She gasped; she had not felt the angel's hand touch her or heard his words on a conscious level, but the warmth that filled her body helped to still her tears. After a few moments, she sat up on the side of the bed and slid her feet to the floor. "You're alive," she whispered to herself, her voice small and wavering. Gathering her strength, she repeated the words with more conviction as she stood and made her way to her telephone. "You're alive. That's a start."
Author's note: Ok, so this chapter was a little short so I'm sorry about that. But I wanted to get something published straight away to keep my motivation up. Poor Castiel and his first experience of Guilt!