My first TWINCEST FIC! YAY! HikaruxKaoru for OHHC! Ow Ow! What beauties, those two. *fangirl scream*
Disclaimer: I pwn nothing. D:
Please Read and Review for me! It's a first!
Rated M for concepts and some language. No dirty scenes; sorry, guys XD
The redhead turned down another corner as his brother gave chase. Hikaru and the Hosts had noticed that as of that early winter, the more timid twin had been avoiding his brother. It started off with giving restrictions in Brotherly Love dialogue, then the constrictions leaked into physical confrontation, social gatherings, outings until finally he was almost completely ignoring Hikaru. His brother, having always been there 24/7 to care to his every whim and cry for attention, Hikaru was no fan of the new laws. The extravagant halls and marble floors echoed the clicking of their formal designer shoes as they ran from and to each other through the building like a labyrinth. Earlier that day, Kaoru had been hanging on Kyoya's arm; not only did it infuriate Hikaru, but it had become a new habit of the twin. While he was tearing away from his brother he seemed to take a liking to the cold and composed company of his "Mommy". Hikaru had returned from a trip to the Commoner's Grocery Store with Haruhi when Kaoru gave him a sad look he couldn't read and whispered something to Kyoya. The taller, charcoal-haired teen nodded and responded to the unheard comment,
"That is a good idea, Kaoru, as long as your brother is okay with that,"
Hikaru stiffened, "Am I okay with what?"
Kaoru refused to make eye-contact, so Hikaru moved his semi-glare to Kyouya, interrogating,
"Kaoru suggested that we eliminate the Brotherly Love package in exchange for Social Class Clash Forbidden Romance package between you and Haruhi; not only would you both be boys, but you would be disobeying the laws of social borders. I think it would be an interesting change. Not only that, but he's offered to help the Directory with me instead, as he's excellent in math and apparently doesn't mind not playing the role of a host, like me and would rather aid me in our financials,"
Hikaru's blood boiled in rage as his fists tightened and he moved his scowl back to his twin,
"What the Hell is this about, Kaoru!? You've been acting weird for weeks and now you're trying to get rid of me!?"
The Hosts and most of the guests turned to watch the fight play out, but the seriousness of the situation made their fangirls much too tense and upset to squeal over it. Kaoru would still not look to Hikaru, he just clung his arm tighter around Kyouya's upper-arm and muttered,
"I haven't been acting weird, and what if I'm bored?"
"Bored!? Bored! You're bored with me, Kaoru? Is that what you're trying to say!?" Hikaru shouted, "You've never said that about me! Sure, you and me got tired of our toys, but together! Always together! Was I a toy to you too, then!? Once you decide you're sick of acting all lovey-dovey, I'm just tossed aside!?"
"Whatever you want to think, Hikaru," Kaoru murmured.
"What?! What are you saying? What's up with you!? You won't let me say anything perverted, you won't let me touch you or hold you, you buy separate beds without even telling me and now this!? What did I do!? What's going on?!"
"Nothing!" Kaoru shot, breaking away from the club manager, "Nothing is up! Nothing has changed! Just go and be happy with Haruhi! It's what you want, isn't it? Being around Haruhi makes you happy, you know I'd never do something cruel to you, Hikaru! You know I'd never think of you like a toy! I can't believe you'd ever say something like that to me! So just leave me alone from now on!"
Hikaru backed away as silence thickened the room. He outstretched his arm towards his brother, stepping forward,
His fingers folded back, his shoulders tightened, his eyes widened in shock and his jaw dropped in unison with his heart to his stomach as he saw tears quickly fall down Kaoru's face when he barked,
There was a moment of quiet until Kaoru clutched his hands until his knuckles shown white, his body shaking slightly in embarrassment and untraceable, passionate emotion until he sprinted to the doors, shouting,
"Stay away from me!"
That confrontation was what had brought Hikaru into the predicament he'd been in; chasing his twin down corridor after corridor. Kaoru had always been a tad faster than Hikaru, whether in literal physical strength or emotional evolution, he always seemed to be a step ahead. Finally they found themselves alone in an empty classroom, Hikaru slamming the doors shut behind him as he huffed and choked to find his breath,
"W-what is going on with you?"
"I told you to leave me alone, Hikaru,"
The brother's lips twitched, wanting to move into a smile at the much missed and admired sound of his brother's raspier voice. Concern writ across his face, he inquired,
"What did I do, Kaoru? What's wrong? Why aren't you talking to me?"
"Haruhi," Kaoru began, "If you like her so much, you should be with her,"
"L-look, I had a crush on Haruhi for a while, it's true, but I'm not as serious about her as The King is,"
"Did you just call The King serious?"
They both fought the urge to laugh before Hikaru uttered,
"Alright, he hasn't noticed how serious he is about her yet, but she shot me down anyway,"
"Your feelings are still there, though, aren't they?"
Hikaru's brows knit, "Why does it matter?"
Kaoru glared at his feet, his fingers twitching,
"It's your fault, Hikaru, not mine, it's your fault that all this happened,"
Hikaru tilted his head, "What? What's my fault?"
Kaoru's face flooded with blood, his eyes crunching closed as more tears fell down his face,
"That I'm in love with you, you dunce!"
A wall of nothingness fell between the two, playing shadows and hues on the particles that danced across the empty room's recycled air. Hikaru was no longer looking at his brother. There was only a human being, only a person pitifully carved down to their raw emotions by the painful knives of social boundaries and playful teasing. Looking at the crying figure, there was no history, because there was no way of knowing what he might have been feeling or what he was supposed to feel in the past. Hikaru didn't know if he should have questioned every embrace, all the times Kaoru insisted on holding hands, all the times they fell asleep on each other or "pretended" to be flirtatious; could it be that Hikaru had actually made his brother fall for him? Kaoru fell back onto the ledge before the tall windows and held his thighs tightly, his shoulders touching his reddened ears with his head facing the floor,
"I…" Kaoru began, his feet turning in bashfully, "I know it's wrong, Hikaru, so I wanted you to be with Haruhi…if you were with Haruhi I thought maybe…I'd be forced to find the resolve to…stop feeling the way I do…so…I just wanted you to leave me alone and be with Haruhi…it would make it all easier…"
Hikaru was still trying to gather words in his brain that would properly express the inward seizure his body and mind were having. However, the two entities could not meet between his tongue and his heart. He could only stare as the typhoon of epiphanies and unmasked lies turned against him and swallowed his sensibility and all that he used to know into a rip in space, forcing all the light in his once glowing perspective to a small jar in the farthest corner of his being from the outside world.
"So, you see? I'm trying, so it's not my fault," Kaoru's voice calmed, "I know you don't want it, I know our parents don't want it, I know no one wants it, so…I figure it's best that…now that you know…we should get separate rooms, ya know?"
Hikaru's eyes shot wide open, "S-separate rooms!? But wh-"
He didn't finish his sentence. He knew why. His brother, his twin brother was in love with him. He couldn't stand to be in the same room anymore, he couldn't stand to be touched by Hikaru in ways that translated emotions he didn't feel. Kaoru's heels lifted and pushed against the ledge he was sitting on, his back curling a little more over so that the optimum of his spine's bend touched the cold window everso slightly.
"I have a question,"
Kaoru looked up curiously, still looking hunted, desolate and torn; Hikaru could hardly bear to see the expression on his most beloved relative.
"Yeah…how…if you're so ashamed of what you've been feeling, then…how have you been living with yourself? I mean, with sleeping next to me all this time and pretending like we're a couple…how did you justify it all?"
At first Kaoru's stare was blank and unreadable, uncharacteristically stoic, but Hikaru's heart disturbingly skipped a beat at the clouded look Kaoru's golden eyes took on when they turned into a dreamy gaze,
"It wasn't a sin at first…I felt lucky," He paused, looking beyond Hikaru, through him maybe or perhaps he was reeled back into the darkest eave of his mind to a lost fantasy of his brother, "I felt lucky because I thought to myself…people search their whole lives, all over the world for their one true soul mate," He looked back down, his chin lifted just enough that Hikaru could see the smile creeping onto his handsome face, "But me…I was lucky enough to be born right beside mine,"
Hikaru's heart was pounding as his brother continued slightly nostalgically,
"You know when you start making a puzzle, and you open up the box to all the miss-match pieces, there's always two or three pieces that are already connected…I thought I was one of those pieces. In all the miss-matches and lost, wandering pieces, I had already found my match. But look, I know it's taboo, I know it's pretty disgusting actually and I hate that I'm this way…but…I can't help it, so I think it's best that you get closer to Haruhi and Mori-senpai, Hunny-senpai, Tamaki and Kyouya and…just…stay away from me,"
Hikaru finally looked away from Kaoru, disregarded daydreams and shameful contemplations fluttering from the depths of repression to the front of his mind's eye.
"You're the immature one, Kaoru,"
The boy looked shocked at the calm sound in Hikaru's voice, "What?"
"You're the one who's wrong here…" He looked up to the boy pleadingly, "How could you make a decision like that all on your own? How could you just leave me behind without…without explaining?"
Kaoru couldn't bring himself to answer that question. He couldn't find the words to convey how sorry he felt, all the self-loathing and how Hikaru wasn't aiding in making him feel any better. He sighed in the silence,
"What did you want me to do?"
Hikaru scowled, "Say it again,"
"Tell me how you feel about me,"
Kaoru blushed furiously, his brows furrowing, "No,"
"Do it. Tell me,"
"No, Hikaru, stop," Kaoru demanded, "I'm not here to entertain you like some freak show. I'm sorry about how I feel, I told you that, you don't have to push it,"
"Just say it,"
"Why?! Why do you want me to say it?! Why does it matter!?"
Hikaru stormed forward, sharply pulling Kaoru off his feet by tugging on his forearm. His grasp was tight enough to make his brother wince and look at him pleadingly, but he was far too angry and far too overwhelmed with newly unmasked feelings and far too compelled to kiss him.
"It matters, Kaoru,"
That was all he had to say. The why didn't matter, really. Not to Kaoru, not anymore. With the most pitiful, worthiest, strangest and terrifying magic, his brother would leave him spellbound; nothing but his puppet at times like these. Times when he couldn't form coherent words or comprehensible conversation. He couldn't break his gaze with Hikaru as he stammered gracelessly,
"I-I…I l-love you…more than…th-than normal…"
Whatever would have been left to stammer, whatever words were left to butcher were of no consequence, because it wasn't a second later that Kaoru's lips were tightly sealed against his brother's. Hikaru took hold of Kaoru's jaw, holding him in place as he felt Kaoru stiffen against him in shock or fear or anything otherwise. Confessions to follow the gesture, all the apologies and secrets bubbling into audible sentences in Hikaru's fogged cognition were to end the act. After Hikaru's kiss; a kiss that meant he loved his brother, that he loved his brother more than normal, that he wanted his brother, and that he wanted his brother more than normal, life would forever change. No more lonely and no more dark. Hikaru couldn't stand the thoughts of Kaoru feeling so alone in his feelings for so long, and he would spend the rest of his life filling up all that he chipped away at, unconsciously. Haruhi was never further from his mind, being disowned or becoming a social scandal didn't matter to him at all; only Kaoru. Brethren. Blood. Identical blood. However, Kaoru's kiss was shy and soft and confused and his body was magic against Hikaru's; that was very different. Hikaru's kiss was strong and secure and hungry; Kaoru's timid love was the prelude to a wonderful future only just unfolding. Hikaru had wandered from the puzzle box, searched for an alternate fix, but no one clicked to him as perfectly as Kaoru. Their hands with cloned Braille prints entwined more perfectly than any others could for the other, the other was the only one to be trusted, the only one who loved them so selflessly and took their love so selfishly. It was a beautiful transition that only they could provide for one another. Hikaru smiled into the kiss, feeling his heart pounding and his mind racing and his blood tickling and fireworks bursting behind his eyes and he was certain, then, that it was right. He loved Kaoru, maybe, a little more than normal.