Messing with Dolores' head

A./N.: Hi guys, this is a short story that popped into my head after finding this hilarious pic (you can watch it in my profile). Hope you enjoy it. :)

Disclaimer: Neither the characters nor the picture are mine.

Minerva McGonagall was a very private person. Not many people knew what her life was like outside of Hogwarts. The students for starters were not really interested. The younger ones saw her as sort of a sexless, strict, old dragon who lived to torture her students with homework. In the fantasies of some of her older students she would be a seductive dirty-minded teacher who desperately wanted to feel the body of her young student. Her colleagues understood her need for privacy and didn't force her to reveal more of herself. If any of them knew the real Minerva McGonagall they would probably be shocked.

Chuckling to herself, Minerva observed Dolores Umbridge's attempts to find out more about the teachers' social lives. It was quite funny to see how easily Filius diverted Umbridge from her task and started an interrogation of his own. Umbridge was actually too daft to notice. It was hilariously funny. Biting the inside of her cheek, she decided to go and help her friend out of his current situation because whatever Umbridge was telling him made him obviously sick.

"… so you see, dear Professor Flitwick, that I was left with no other choise as to fire my esteemed assistant. But who wants to work with a half-breed."

Flitwick was becoming angry and Minerva knew only too well what that meant. Hastily she moved between Umbridge and Filius. Bending slightly forward, she addressed her much shorter colleague.

"Filius, a quick word if you please. One of your students has repeatedly forgotten his homework. I really need you to make it very clear to him that I won't allow this again."

Filius immediately caught on. None of his students would ever come to a class without their homework done. He shot Minerva a very grateful look before turning to Dolores and bowing his head.

"If you'll excuse me, Madam."

After the door to the staff lounge closed behind them, both professors heaved a sigh of relief.

"I can't believe that woman", whined Filius in his high squeaky voice, "She just hates all half-breeds. We better have a look out for Hagrid and Rolanda. Both are on top of her list."

"I know", Minerva's voice was saddened and strained, "but with Albus gone I'm not sure that there is much we can do."

"Have you heard anything from him?" asked Filius with a sidelong glance at his younger colleague. He had danced at their wedding and was a close friend of the couple for longer than he could remember.

Immediately Minerva's shoulders drooped. The strain she was under this year made her appear much older. Dark circles were under her eyes, showing Filius that she hadn't slept well ever since Albus had been forced to leave Hogwarts a week ago. It wasn't noticeable (especially when you were a pre-teen or teen) but her eyes looked still a bit red from crying. Lines had began to appear on her forehead from all the frowning lately. Her mouth wasn't slightly curled in a sarcastic manner ... oh no, it was set in a grim line, suggesting the wish to curse Dolores Jane Umbridge on the spot with her most humiliating spell in her arsenal.

"No, not yet. It is probably too dangerous to send me a message. He is not in Headquarters, that much I do know from the others. But knowing Albus, he could be everywhere else. It is frustrating not knowing if he's safe and ...", Minerva gulped down the tears threatening to fall, "eats anything besides Lemon drops."

It was a very poor attempt at a joke but Filius chuckled nonetheless, hoping to make his friend feel better.

"Don't worry too much, tomorrow is a new day and we keep our fingers crossed that it is a more enjoyable one."


But the next day was worse. 'Well, that explains what she has been up to lately', mused Minerva. She was very angry at Umbridge and her stupid prejudices against not only muggle-borns and half-breeds but everyone who didn't face eye to eye with the ministry and her. She was a typical Slytherin, as Septima Vector pointed out but Severus Snape and Aurora Sinistra protested on the spot. Neither of them wanted to be put in the same sack than Umbridge.

The day started out well enough with tea and breakfast and her favourite class with Hermione Granger in it. But then the trouble started. It was really frustrating. The twins and Lee Jordan tried to put a Niffler into Umbridge's office, Rolanda Hooch was put on probation for no other apparent reason as being a half-breed, multiple pupils skived classes, using the twins' snack-boxes and driving poppy Pomfrey insane. The evening was even worse if possible. All D.A. members had detention with Umbridge and Minerva was well aware that the horrible toad was using her blood-quills. She couldn't bare to be anywhere near another human being.


Minerva jumped slightly as her husband's arms embraced her from behind. She stood on her balcony looking out into the garden. It was early spring and there wasn't much color to it. As her husband kissed the back of her neck she made one concession – not everything was horrible today.

"I have a surprise for you, are you free?"

She turned in his arms and looked up at him mischievously.

"What did you have in mind?"

"A picnic." That simple answer delighted her to no end. She had come out on her balcony to get away from grading papers and contemplating Umbridge's next move.. It had helped some, but she still had the urge to be rid of Hogwarts and her sorrows for a little while. She hadn't been able to shake a restless feeling all week. With Albus gone her life seemed dull and unbearable.

Albus saw his wife's eyes light up at his suggestion.

"I have a change of clothes laid out for you on the bed, if you're interested."

He was rewarded with a quick peck on the lips and a promise that she would be back in a few minutes. When Minerva reentered the room again, she took his breath away. She was glad in a stunning dress. It was cut to fit her body perfectly and cling to her every curve. Albus couldn't help himself and stared at her openly.

"Stop staring at me, Albus", she jolted him out of his thoughts.

"I didn't stare at you", he denied. "I just admired you. They should exhibit you in the Louvre. You'd outshine Mona Lisa."

Minerva chuckled with blushed cheeks and strolled over to him. How much he loved it, whenever she blushed. Did it because of him.

"Shameless exaggeration", she crossed her fingers with his and looked up.

"No", he shook his head slowly. "It is not. Actually you outshine every other woman, dead or alive."

"You better stop it, otherwise I might tend to believe you."

"You better believe me, Minerva."

"Oh now", she smiled and buried her head on his chest. It felt like home. She never had felt more arrived and composed in her entire life. She wanted this. She wanted it so badly. "I like this", she murmured after a while.

Twenty-five minutes later they were nestled beneath one of the goalposts of the Quidditch patch on a blanket, Albus with his back to the tree and Minerva in Albus' lap. She was amazed at his picnic. He had obviously planned in advance. They had arrived to a chilled bottle of wine and an assortment of fruits, cheeses, and finger sandwiches. Minerva was attempting to open the bottle of wine, while Albus was attempting to discretely open his wife's dress while kissing her neck. His actions were making hers decidedly more difficult. When he reached the third button, she finally relented and gently pulled his hands from their task to the bottle of wine saying, "Open this instead."

As Albus made steady work on the wine bottle by simply pointing his wand at it, Minerva leaned back against him. He certainly was in an affectionate mood after a week's separation. As Albus handed her a glass, she moved to sit next to him.

Albus noticed a slight change in his wife and looked at her. He could see the sorrow in her eyes and knew immediately that she had been thinking that this was only temporarily. Sometimes he wondered how they could know each other so well and carry on a conversation by only looking at each other. He gave his wife a sad smile, to which she raised her glass in a silent salute and took a sip. She rested her head on Albus' shoulder.

"Where were you, Albus? I was so worried for you", she said after a while.

"Oh, everywhere and nowhere in particular."

"And what are you doing here?"

"Having a picnic with my wonderful wife, whom I missed desperately."

"What I mean, Albus, is what are you doing here with Umbridge still in the castle? It's far too dangerous for you to be here", her voice was shrilling in near hysteria. Minerva kept glancing in the direction of the castle, clearly worried that Umbridge would appear at any moment.

"Do you want me to leave?" he asked quietly.

"No!" She flung her arms around his neck and snuggled close. "I'm only worrying for you. I have missed you so much."

"I love you and this is worth the risk getting caught."

He kissed her forehead and then proceeded to fill a plate for her.

They ate in silence for a while, and Minerva felt a bit guilty. She was supposed to be enjoying a delightful nightcap with her husband and all she could do was think about Umbridge. It was Albus who finally broke the silence.

"Umbridge has no hope to catch me and she doesn't know I planned to be here tonight."

She looked into his eyes, as if asking him to continue. "Thanks to a little trick I learned from Nicolas the Ministry thinks I'm currently in Europe, trying to recruit an Army to storm the Ministry."

He almost didn't hear her whisper, "But I'm still afraid to lose you."

He put his food down and wrapped his wife in his arms. "My darling …"

Albus knew his wife was crying and assumed it was because of the constant stress she was now under. What he wasn't prepared for was the gentle kiss to his neck followed by a gentile kiss to his jaw, then his cheek, then a rather passionate one to his mouth. Her tongue gently brushed against his lips begging for admittance into his mouth, as she shifted in his arms so that she was now facing him slightly. He opened his mouth to her and gently pulled her against him.

Minerva had been so moved by Albus' understanding of her feelings. She knew that she was truly blessed to have this man as her husband.

As his kisses became more insistent, she pulled him to her as she lay back on the blanket. Her fingers began working on his shirt and he wanted to make light work of her dress, but knew that they were not in the most private of areas. As she began kissing his chest, he found it hard to speak.

"My darling, we're not in the most discreet of locations. Or, for that matter, most comfortable."

Minerva gently nipped him then rolled them over so that she was in the dominant position.

She surprised herself with the response of "It doesn't matter." She began unbuttoning her dress, but the tiny buttons were taking too long. Instead, she reached down, grabbed the hem of her dress, and flung it off, not caring where it landed. She then proceeded to make light work of her undergarments, and then of Albus' clothes. As she lay back on the blanket with Albus looking down on her, she forgot her worries and concentrated on her husband. As he slowly sank into her, she knew that this moment might be short-lived at present but he would return to her and Hogwarts.


"Something is wrong with McGonagall. She scares me", said Neville quietly to Harry and Ron.

Hermione sitting next to Ron, and farthest away from Neville, glared at him. She didn't take kindly to anyone talking bad about her mentor. Ron and Harry, though, sniggered softly. They too had noticed the unusual behaviour of their Head of House. She was smiling a lot, something she didn't do often and which made her appear at least 10 years younger, and ignored Umbridge's ridiculous attempts to get her attention.

Umbridge had entered the class of her esteemed older colleague in the hopes to finally break through the woman's defences. Her hopes had been high since she had seen the signs of stress and defeat on McGonagall's face. Ever since she had successfully got rid of Dumbledore, Umbridge had increased her pressure on McGonagall. Now it had seemed that McGonagall was ready to crack. Instead the older woman had nearly floated down the corridor to her class and was all smiles. Furiously scribbling notes on her pad, Umbridge sat in her chair and tried to think of something that could account for McGonagall's happiness.

After the class all students scrambled over each other to get out of the classroom. Neville didn't seem to be the only one who was scared by McGonagall's strange behaviour. Harry glanced over to Hermione and Ron, silently asking them to stay behind. He definitely wanted to know what had made his teacher that happy. Umbridge was obviously thinking along the same lines. She too stayed behind.

"Minerva, could I talk to you?" asked Umbridge sweetly.

Her voice was higher than usual and more girlish than when she was talking in class. McGonagall didn't refuse the woman. Instead she smiled at Umbridge and ask kindly.

"What is it you want from me, Dolores?"

"You seem very happy today. May I ask where this is coming from?"

"No, because I don't think it's any of your business."

Umbridge looked up to McGonagall furiously, muttering something dark under her breath. She scribbled something on her clipboard and shot more glares at McGonagall.

The other woman didn't seem to notice. She was too absorbed in her own happiness and her daydreams.

"Professor McGonagall, I will ask you one last time before I put you on probation. Have you information on Albus Dumbledore's whereabouts?"

That got McGonagall's attention. She whirled around and opened her mouth to yell at that insufferable woman but thought better of it. Closing her mouth again and curling it into a soft smile, she drew her wand and saw with satisfaction that Umbridge backed away slightly. But instead of jinxing the toad, something she really deserved, she dissolved the illusion charm on her left hand, revealing her wedding ring. Then she conjured up a sign and held it in Umbridge's astounded face. It read:

"Ya, well, Dumbledore and I did it on the Quidditch pitch."

Grinning at her three favourite pupils, she turned around and strolled out of her classroom, leaving behind a stuttering Umbridge and three smirking teenagers.