Beast boy laid in his king size bed holding his girlfriend Raven close to him.
He spoke calm relaxing words to her trying to calm her down. She had had another nightmare. She had been having them a lot more often now.
When he was just the annoying green kid that tried to get her to laugh, he just thought that she was grumpy. He knew that she couldn't express her emotions, but there was no need to be so mean. What he didn't know was it was partially because of her lack of sleep.
It always seemed to end this way. She would wake up screaming with her eyes shut tight rambling on in other languages. Then he would hold her and rock her until she either fell back asleep or wake up.
The first time this happened he wasn't sure what to do. He was confused and scared, here was his girlfriend of three years screaming so loud it woke him up. And he was a heavy sleeper, he had tried many attempts to try and wake her up but to no avail.
When she finally awoken, she had tried to brush it off as nothing. Just something that happens to her occasionally. Of course he did not believe it but decided to let it rest for now.
He always wished there was som-
"No please stop, please no more, I'm sorry, I…" his thoughts were cut off as Raven panicked in her sleep.
He pulled her as close as he possibly could
"Shhhh, it's okay, I'm here for you. Nothing's gonna hurt you when I'm here."
He really did wish she would be able to go at least a week without these horrible things she was seeing.
At first it seemed to him that she was just saying random nonsense in words he couldn't understand both in Latin and English. But when he started to listen in closely, it almost seemed she was back on Azarath, she also seemed to be trying to get away from something. Or someone.
He often wondered if this was the result of something from her childhood.
"Man, did she ever have it easy?" he asked to no one in particular.
Raven who had been fidgeting and whimpering now shot up nearly hitting Beast boy in the jaw.
After a couple of heavy breaths later when she finally calmed down, he spoke to her.
"Hey" was the only smart thing he could think of at the moment.
"Hey" she replied.
"Want to tell me what the dream was about now?"
"It was nothing"
"No Rae, it wasn't nothing, this is the third time this week. You're starting to worry me".
"I know I'm sorry, but it really is nothing for you to worry about. It's all in the past now."
"What is, I mean if it's keeping you up at night then I'd like to know what's bothering my girlfriend."
"Thanks Garfield and you're right; you have a right to know. It's just that I am having a hard time forgetting about the past."
"What you mean that whole Trigon thing? That was ages ago what are you still worried about?"
"No not that, way before I mean when I was a kid."
"You really want to know?"
His only response was an eager nod.
"Very well, what some people forget is that I was a kid too. I enjoyed playing and running and just having fun. I know hard to believe, Raven liking fun, but it was true as well as forbidden. The monks on Azarath always tried to keep me from being a kid. They always told me things like I should spend more time on my meditation then running around like a fool. But I never listened, so they started to take drastic measures. Whether that meant locking me inside my room or beating me. The funny thing was that they were monks who believed in non-violence". They claimed it was for my own good, but that didn't mean they had to enjoy it. They tried to play it off, but I could sense it.
Beast boy shifted uncomfortably as Raven continued her story.
"Although I would be giving them more reason to beat me, the more they tried to control me, the more I rebelled and ran away. Until this one time when I had snuck out to take a walk in the park, just to enjoy the sun. Something I didn't see often due to me being locked in my room. Anyway I saw several kids my age around seven or eight just enjoying themselves, enjoying life. Me knowing I could never have that. I felt envious of them and that is when I had my first what you call "Raven power fits". My powers lashed out knocking down a tree. The tree landed on one of the kids. All I could remember was screaming and crying coming from all around me."
Beast boy held her tighter and continued to listen while kissing the top of her head.
"All the emotions came at me full force, I couldn't concentrate, it was too much for me to handle. I remember the monks hearing the commotion and running towards me. The last thing I saw was one of the elder then I blacked out."
Raven took a deep breath. Beast boy could tell this was going to be the really hard part.
"When I woke up the monks were cursing at me in azaranean (A/N no clue how that's spelled!). Then one of them delivered a strong blow to my face that made my knees buckle. They had never hit me that hard, or in the face. I remember being on the floor and taking both physical and verbal abuse. They blamed me for the accident and told me that this would not be the first time I hurt someone with my powers. They buried the boy at the park, I could never bring myself to visit the park or go outside. So from then on I did what I was told. I meditated then retreated back to my room to read and that was it.
"My powers were not to be underestimated again, especially not by me. If my emotions were the price I pay to keep those around me safe, I would sacrifice it."
"Raven, you probably know what I'm going to say but since I'm your boyfriend I get to say it anyway, it wasn't your fault. There was no way you could have stopped your powers. You didn't mean to hurt anyone".
"But I could have stopped myself from running away. If I had never been there I never would have cost that boy his life!"
At this point he took Raven's head in his hands and made her face him. He looked deep in her eyes before speaking
"Rae I don't think anything I could say would change your mind, but I can still tell you that in no way are you a killer. You didn't ask to be given these powers and you didn't ask to go through life struggling to keep control. But even though you may think these powers are a curse, I see it as a blessing."
"Because it brought you to me". He looked at her, finally he said "wow, that was really corny".
They both shared a small chuckle before placing a small kiss on her lips.
Raven relaxed into his arms and rested her head on his chest.
"Yes" she spoke in a small whisper.
"When all of that stuff that happened, did you cry?"
There was a long pause as Raven pondered this. Did she cry, she didn't think so? She was so afraid of her emotions, she tried so hard not to. The monks taught her that crying was a weakness and could bring about calamity from such foolish behavior.
"I suppose not, why?"
"Well that's the reason you keep having nightmares, duh"
"What do you mean?" Raven was utterly confused. What did crying have to do with anything?
"You know Rae those monks taught you everything you need to know about control and stuff, but nothing about release"
"I repeat again, what?"
"When you go through hard stuff like that, you gotta let it out, or it'll build up and give you nightmares."
"Since when are you so smart and insightful?"
"I have my moments. Like I know that you not crying is the reason you can be so grumpy." With that he received a glare. "Uh, I mean you can be a little tense. Everybody cries, even me"
"That's not hard to believe."
"Yeah I … hey! What I mean is you got years of crying inside you just dying to get out, so cry."
"Well okay" Raven replied unsurely. She figured the best way was to remember that day and relive it. She didn't know if this would help, but if it could stop her from having nightmares, she would try it. Plus she trusted Beast boy, she trusted him with her life. Well sometimes.
She closed her eyes and thought back and remembered everything from the jealousy she felt in her heart. To the time she saw the tree fall on the frightened little boy no more then her age. To the worry and panic she felt fro herself and everyone around her.
She let it all go and soon felt the tears run down her cheeks. It started as small whimpering but then completely fell apart. She didn't just cry over the incident, she cried over all the times she wanted to. She cried from the beatings she received unjustly. She cried over the childhood she wish she could have, over the one she missed out on and would never get back. It seemed Raven had to be an adult since birth.
But most of all she cried tears over Beast boy. She cried for every time she ever put him down when he tried to help her. She cried for all the times she had to suppress her feelings towards him.
Most of all she cried for how blessed she was to have him. At this moment she could not think of any other man she would rather be with. There was no one she could trust herself more then with him. She loved him because he was the only one that can make her feel like this, the only one she knew would put her before himself. Plus she didn't know who else would be able to put up with all her sarcasm.
Raven lifted her head off his now soaked shirt.
"No problem." He lifted his shirt over himself leaving his well toned abs completely exposed. This made her blush slightly.
"We've been going out for three years now and you still blush around me. Cant' blame you though." Raven's only response was rolling her eyes. "So how do you feel?"
"Great actually, I didn't think it would feel this good." Raven paused to take in a big yawn. "Thank you doctor Logan"
"You are most welcome" he replied in his worst Einstein impression.
She let a small smile grow on her lips, but she was having a hard time keeping her eyes open.
"Let's go to sleep Rae, you look exhausted."
She once again closed her eyes and laid her head on his chest. He kissed her forehead then turned of the lamp. But not before saying
"Love you Rae"
"Love you too." It came out as a mumble but he heard it.
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