Comparisons are easily done
Once you've had a taste of perfection -
I could say I was happy in my marriage. I had all I ever needed financially, I was protected, safe and I knew that nothing bad would ever befall me. Sokka was kind, compassionate and sweet.
But that's not what I wanted. I wanted a risk in my life. I wanted to be in danger, and have to defend myself. I wished for a little change in my boring life. Things had changed, and I could do nothing to stop that. I was stuck in the plain, ever repeating crescendo that was marriage.
He pulled her close to his body, so close infact that she could feel his rapidly beating heart against her chest. His fingers splayed across the base of her back, she could feel his trembling as he lowered his head to give her his lips.
She responded by gently pressing her own against his, her breath being torn from her chest upon being close to him.
It was difficult closing my eyes, every time I did, I'd remember. It was painful, unbearable even when it first started, but I learnt to cope.
Sokka is amazing, it's undeniable, he cares for me, gives me everything I've ever asked for, and yet it's not the same, he just isn't him. He isn't the man I loved; he isn't the man that would take my breath away. He isn't the man that meant everything to me.
"I love you Bei Fong…I really do…" His voice was hoarse, and his eyes were closed as they lay there, her head nuzzled into his chest as sobs racked her body. Blood covered her hands as she continued to cry, noticing nothing around her but the man she was with.
"You say it as if it's the last time Sparky…" She sounded just as bad as him; her grief was evident in her voice, and whole demeanour as she continued to grip onto the material of his yukata helplessly.
I sometimes look at Sokka and I think I love him. It's not love though, because it's not intense, It's not a constant feeling, not something that makes me weak at the knees... Not the same as with him…
I'm pathetic; I can't even say his name… He'd laugh if he saw the state of me, I'm sure. He'd laugh, and tell me to pull myself together. Then I would, as usual.
I do love him. I remember his little quirks, his voice, his habits, his kisses, and when I think too deeply, I find myself crying again. It's strange, even after all these years, I still love him, and I'd openly scream it to the world if I had the courage. It was something that was impossible to deny. My feelings for him were ridiculously strong, they still are, they never have calmed down since then.
Our relationship was simple, we never claimed to be together, but we just knew it. There was no reason to say anything, because we felt it. Our chemistry was amazing, and we immediately fell. And we fell deeply.
"I love you Toph." I hear Sokka say quietly as I feel his eyes upon me. I ignore him, and I try to act as if I didn't hear him. I wonder often why Sokka puts up with me. Why he continues to say he loves me, even if I don't say it back.
The ashes blew in the summer breeze, spreading the silver across the field swiftly, and effectively. She stood there as the sun set quietly, tears dried up on her face, arms hanging limply at her sides. She made no noise as she continued to stand, everyone staying silent also as the ashes continued being spread across the fire nation.
To say I missed him would be laughable… I didn't miss him I needed him. I craved him, I wanted him here again, I wanted him to hold me like he used to. Hold me and describe how the sunset looked like he did on the long summer nights we would send together…
"Toph, it's late, we should sleep…" Sokka says groggily as he walks into our room. I nod quietly, though stay where I am, still thinking.
It's like this a lot. I'll stay here, thinking of nothing but him as Sokka goes out and works hard to keep me and out son happy. Truth is, I'll not be happy. I never will be entirely content.
Well, not until I'm reunited with him. With my Zuko…
A/N: 'Thinking of you' by Katy Perry heavily inspired this. I hope you enjoyed it, and please, feel free to review. ^^