Here's the deal guys… this story is done and had been for a LONG time. All I need to do is type up the epilogue I hand-wrote. I haven't posted these chapters for many reasons.
Reason 1: No one ever edited these for me. So there's undoubtedly a bajillion mistakes. I'm a better writer now, and could fix a lot of them. But I'm just not interested in this story anymore. Sorry.
Reason 2: I now hate this story. In all truthfulness, I almost deleted the whole thing. It was being on the receiving end of that from other authors that kept me from doing it to you.
Reason 3: I don't really like Twilight anymore. And I won't go into my many reasons for that.
So yeah, I hope you guys enjoy the conclusion of this story. And to all of my story alerters, favoriters, author alerters, readers etc. I thank you so much for all your support. I didn't deserve any of you at all. Thank you for bearing with me as I became a better writer. If it weren't for you this story (and most definitely the conclusion) would have never been posted. Thank you.
I woke up with a start. Something was not right. The scents were too familiar; the colors shining against my eyelids were too bright. The sounds were too homey. The wrong home. "Jake… how did I get home?" I asked groggily knowing that he could hear me. I stumbled towards the descending staircase in a dazed manner. My eyes wishing that I had kept them firmly shut.
The whole stumbling thing wasn't right either. It was a near impossibility for a Vampire Hybrid to exempt klutziness. Still… it seemed I was destined to be like my Mom; there were times when I did in fact show how clumsy I could be. This moment was one of them.
I laughed out loud where I sat hunched on the floor. I'd never fallen down before. And it truly should have been impossible. Oddly enough I seemed to feel weightless. Gravity had pushed me down, and yet I felt like I was flying. Reality came flooding back to me with unrivaled clarity. It was so hard to believe that I had shot Jacob down mere hours ago. The idea seemed ludicrous to me now. Who cared if I might lose him eventually? I would value the time he would give me. And I would turn my shoulder purposefully. I refused to think about the involuntary and unchanging imprinting phenomenon. I would own Jacob as long was possible (and the imprinting would have to fit somehow into that scenario).
"Jake!" I called eagerly. "Thanks for bringing me back to the house." It was easy to put two and two together now. The brightness of the day seemed to shine retrospect on the shadows that sometimes enveloped my life. How sweet had it been that he'd carried me home after I fell asleep?
A phantom tried to take my mood down a notch and I did reluctantly somewhat agree with the less optimistic side: crying took a lot out of me. And it was embarrassing that I'd cried nonstop (no doubt ruining Jacob's shirt) because I'd thought that I couldn't have an unfaltering hold on Jacob. But just because something wasn't forever, it didn't necessarily mean that it wasn't unfaltering.
I began to descend the stairs in leaps and bounds. I had to tell him. He simply had to know that I wanted to be with him no matter what resulted.
As I stood outside the dining room common sense, as well as my heightened senses, returned to me. Why was everyone assembled? Surely, we were all running late for school. The sunlight glistened in through the window nearest my line of vision. I suppose that answered that question. We wouldn't be going anywhere near the humans today. Though I doubted they were observant enough to notice my subtle luminescent skin I knew we had to keep up appearances. We'd all be "hiking" today. Not.
But why… why were they having a meeting without me? And how had they not noticed that I was near?
"Are you sure now's the right time?" Alice asked. Her voice alone very clearly hinted at her pixie like quality. "Don't you want to make it more special? I can't see anything for awhile so that must mean…"
"No, fortune-teller," Jacob answered here endearingly and jokingly at the same time. "After what Ness said last night, I know I can't wait any longer. It's making things worse."
"So we're all in agreement then? Jacob will tell Nessie about their relationship?" Carlisle questioned.
Jacob huffed and fell back into his seat with a strong force. "It shouldn't be up to all of us. It's between me and her."
My mother laughed some humorously. "Of course it's about Edward and I too, Jake."
"Bella…" Jacob moaned teasingly. "You already agreed to this. Now you're just wasting time," he laughed.
Rosalie stood up instantly. Her beauty claiming nothing but attention. It was only fitting that she'd become the voice of reason at this moment. "I think we've all just been stalling for too long a time now. I know my best friend, and I know my brother and sister," she said inclining her head towards my parents, "And I know they hate being left in the dark. Jacob's right. It's worse to keep this silent. Nessie needs to know that Jacob imprinted on her."
Stillness. Absolute stillness. That was all my body was capable of at the moment. My mind was unable to keep up with what I'd just heard, and I was truly in shock. I only wished that my mind processed things as slow as a human's mind did. For the anger and sadness replaced the shock immediately. And like my parents – my emotions were very impressive when they got out of hand, but it wasn't in a good way.
They had lied. My entire existence I had been lied too! And it just wasn't the fact that they'd lied to me that was so bad. What was really awful was that the people I cared most about in the world, who claimed to love me the same way, had kept a vital part of my existence a secret.
I'd never tasted anything bitter before as strongly opposed to human food was I. But I knew for a fact that the taste in my mouth was equal to that supposed unpleasant human taste. The only thing that could be seen in my mind was something I'd never really seen, but had heard about. Emily slapping Sam when she found out he'd imprinted on her: mainly for hurting her cousin Leah. Her refusing to be anywhere near him. Her distaste for all things imprinting implied. And then when she had caved and kissed Sam, Falling for him shortly after, even now I could tell she still felt awful for betraying Leah.
A similar name started to drip in the back of my consciousness. Josh. I truly had become Emily and Leah combined. I knew that my feelings for Josh were probably equal to how Leah's had been for Sam. But then he'd imprinted and left her behind. And now I would have to be forced to have more powerful involuntary feelings for Jacob while I'd always regret what had and hadn't happened with Josh. If magic didn't exist I would have been with Josh. I should have known by now that freaks like me would never be human in any instance. I could already feel Josh turning into a fading dream.
I very nearly screamed out loud. And it would have been one of the most earth shattering ones in history.
Jasper cringed and whispered my name in the same moment that I strode into the room. I was done with the delusions that dominated my life. It was time to shed some light onto the subject.
"Why?" I asked with both anger and unfortunate sadness.
"Why what?" Jacob asked. I looked at his face broken heartedly before looking at the rest of my family's expressions. Esme's face was the hardest to take in. I could actually see my grandmother in her. The others might as well have been perfect strangers. What had happened to my flawless family? "Why what, Nessie?" Jacob continued to play innocent. "You said quite a lot in your sleep, honey. What issue are you talking about?"
I was through with games. "So it's all a lie then?" I said through my teeth.
"Is what all a lie?" Jacob asked unscathed. It seemed our family had corrupted him. His lie was flawless and it led me to seeing no human left in him. No human left in any of them.
"Everything I've felt about you… was it a lie!"
"Nessie…" Emmett trailed off warningly. It was so rare to see him act so serious. I owned up to that happily. It turned him more into the stranger I now saw him as. He wasn't my fun uncle. And I mourned that fact and celebrated it at the same time.
"It wasn't a lie." Jacob said sadly, finally giving up his defenses.
"Really?" I challenged. "Because it seems to me that Emily's feelings towards Sam are more ordered to be that way than an…"
"You don't know what you're talking about!" Jacob nearly growled at me and I shrunk back slightly. I didn't want him to know how much he'd hurt me, so I regained my stance quickly. "You don't know what it feels like for us. And Sam and Emily's relationship is one of the truest loves I've ever seen!"
"It's too bad we won't be like them then, huh? I have no love for you left. Only hate." I cried. I'd always prided myself on being smart. How had I missed something so painfully obvious? I looked upon all of my memories of Jacob with my new knowledge. Seriously, how had I missed something so clear!
One thing now was clear to me. Jacob and my relationship had never been as pure and beautiful as I'd imagined it. He didn't like me for me. He was just with me because nature said that I was his mate. I felt like I was going to somehow faint.
"Nessie that was really uncalled for!" My parents said the same words at the exact same time. It would have been funny if… well, it just wasn't.
"Why?" I looked at Jacob for the last time I would allow. "Why didn't you tell me? Why didn't any of you?" I couldn't look at any face besides Jacob. My heart couldn't handle me facing more betrayal head on.
"Because. I wanted you to choose to be with me of your own free will."
Carlisle sighed the same moment I did. "It wasn't our secret to tell, Nessie." He said acting like the leader he was. Well, their leader. These people's leaders. I couldn't trust any liar as my leader.
"That's hilarious, Jake." I finally said. "It seems to me that I've never had any choice at all!" As the words planted in my head I felt nothing but fury.
It was Jasper who seemed to be the only one who could manage looking for a silver lining." Why are you lying to yourself? I felt your resolve this morning. You were ready to be with Jacob even at the cost of losing him. Why should it change now?"
His words caught me off guard and I momentarily lost my train of thought. Before I was upset that he might imprint on someone else. Why was I now upset to find out he'd imprinted on me. I would have been with him even if he would have left me eventually. So why…
Maybe it was because I had known that Jacob loved me. Deep down I honestly wouldn't have believed he could imprint on anyone. We would have been together forever. But wasn't imprinting just another way of us realizing that? Why was I upset now? A little voice in the back of my head answered that easily.
Because you don't really love each other for yourselves. You love what fate chose for you, because you have no choice. So that was the kicker. Jacob would have been forced to love me if I was gothic, preppy, nice, bratty… he would have been forced to love me no matter what I was like. It was sort of insulting that he didn't see me when he looked at me but just his partner. His involuntarily chosen partner. I sighed.
Josh… the feelings that I'd felt for him, why was it now that the depth of them seemed to rise to the surface? There was no doubting that the two of us were meant to be. Story of my life: magic had to come and ruin everything! Why did I have to be born in this mystic world? Why couldn't I have been normal? I wanted to be human! All of my dreams were pointless and hopeless. I'd never receive what I truly wanted.
"Nessie… everything's not exactly as you think…" My father whispered with provoking sincerity.
"Stay out of my head!" I screeched.
"Nessie… this has gone on long enough. And I think you need to know something." I unwillingly stared at my mother. She'd been so silent throughout this turn of events that it was easy to forget how involved she was. "You were never like a normal child," I cringed at her words and turned away from the unintentional onslaught of pain that her words were provoking. "Edward and I have always treated you more like a friend than a daughter. And you are our friend, Nessie." She said reassuringly. "But first and foremost you're our daughter. We've never had a need to discipline you before and I don't want to punish you now." She took a moment to regain her bearings. "As your parents we have a right to tell you or not tell you what we see fit." She once again halted her words, this time looking at my father for support. It would do her no good. Whatever happened next was already lost to me. I was planning my escape… "I'll be the first to admit that I wasn't ready for you to find out even now. It makes me remember when I thought the Volturi would kill us all and I'd have to give you to Jake for safekeeping." We both cringed at that. "It hurts to remember that time so there are days when I still don't know if I'm ready to let you be with Jacob. To let you go.
"But my reasons aren't because of him. I'm not ready to see you in a relationship, Nessie. The way you're acting towards Jake is really uncharacteristic. And I know it's because you're truly not ready for the relationship either."
"How do you know if that's ri-"
"Despite what you're probably feeling now, we do know you, Nessie." My father chimed in.
My mother nodded against his chest. "We know how much you want to be normal. And we know that's why you're hesitant to be with Jake. He, like all of us, is not normal. Your subconscious knows that if you choose him you'll be leaving normal." I was instantly reminded of an earlier conversation with my mother. I'd been so ready to 'leave normal' when she spoke of it before. But now I wasn't. And part of my consciousness recognized truth… a lot of what she spoke was right.
I was in no mood to be wrong. "You just want me with Jake because you feel guilty you broke his heart. It's probably because of you that he imprinted on me." I instantly hated myself after saying that.
I hated myself even more when my mother didn't seem angry by it. She just rolled her eyes, looking like me and my father. "Doesn't that contradict a lot of what I just said?"
Emmett sighed dramatically. "Did you ever think that the reason that Jacob did like your mother was because of you? Your mom was the closest thing to you at the time. It was always you." Emmett said with upright conviction.
"That doesn't make me feel any better." I said brokenly.
Unfortunately it was the mostly silent Rosalie that once again turned my depression into anger. "The sidestepping is getting really old now, Ness. I know you. You've always loved him. Why are you being so difficult?"
"Because! I loved him as a best friend. But this is…"
It was then that Alice decided to chime in too. "Nessie, I really think that you're overstating things. For the longest time your future has almost seemed blacker than black to me. And you know it was because you were going to intertwine your life with Jacob. Why get upset when you never were going to end up with Josh?"
How could I explain it right? That things had been different before. That I had thought Jacob's love for me was of love and not condemnation. I sighed heavily in realizing that it was exactly that. Truthfully Jacob had never had a choice in the matter either. Instead of trying (and failing) to get that point across, I solemnly said: "Alice, stop trying to look at my future especially when you can't see it anyway. And Dad, Jasper don't read my mind or try to control my emotions."
Through my peripheral vision it became exceedingly clear why Esme had been silent through most of this ordeal. She was trying to calm Jacob – the tremors running through his body, He was shifting.
"That's it, Nessie." He finally said. "I can take you being mad at me but not at them."
"Jake…" I said my voicing cracking with emotion. In some ways I loved that I still cared for strongly for him. It felt like I'd truly lost myself this day and I was glad that there was a hint of my old self leftover.
Still, I was also angry that I felt sympathy for him. It wasn't right to blame him over something he had no control over. But…
"I should have known that something wasn't right when I imprinted on you."
"Jacob…" I said with stupid sadness. I was angry he had imprinted on me. Why should I be sad that he regretted it now and saw me as a flaw?
"And I don't even mean because of your nature. All you care about is that evil Josh."
Once again the sadness was replaced with furry. I knew that he hadn't mean what he said but… I couldn't stop the word vomit that I said. "You're just mad that he has something more to offer." A chance at normalcy though I didn't say that. I didn't wait for an answer before I started storming off. I ripped off the promise bracelet Jacob had given me in a show of emotion.
As I geared up my motorcycle I tried very hard to think of nothing. It was hard but I did finally leave the area. The only thought I would allow to cross my mind was where could I go? Honestly I had no clue about anything anymore. My initial thought when I'd woken up had been correct. Something hadn't been right. And I said goodbye to any light in my life.