I woke up the next morning extra early. I took extra care putting on makeup, and drying my hair. I was still unhappy about how I looked. I hated the stupid uniforms. The butterflies in my stomach wouldn't go away, in fact they multiplied as it got closer to leave. By the time I was done getting ready I still had twenty minutes until we usually left. I decided my best bet was to just leave now, I was going to drive myself crazy if I sat around and waited here. I practically skipped on my way outside, a huge smile plastered on my face.
"Someone sure is in a good mood today."
"Edward!" I went to give him a hug, but stopped myself. I still wasn't quite sure where we stood. Instead he placed his hands on my face and leaned in for a kiss.
"So you ready for the field trip today?"
"I guess, it's better than sitting in class all day."
"If you could do anything today, what would it be?"
I gave him a confused look, "I don't know," I shrugged my shoulders.
But he persisted, "Seriously, what would you do?"
I thought about it, "Go to the zoo."
He laughed. "No, seriously."
"Really, I love the zoo."
He thought about this, "Alright, we can do that." he seemed to be talking to himself more than me.
"Um, I think you're kind of confused, we have a field trip."
"I know, but who said we have to attend?"
I went to protest again, but he held his hand up to stop me.
"Don't you trust me?" he gave a sly smile, eyes twinkling.
"Of course, but-"
"No 'buts'. We're going to the zoo." he took my hand and we began to walk towards campus. He started talking, rambling almost. "I never would've thought you as the zoo going type. I like it though. It's cute, like you. Believe it or not, I've never been to the zoo..." he continued to talk, and I tried to keep up with him. Didn't he get tired always walking so fast?
"Edward, slow down."
"I'm sorry, I forgot... " he shook his head.
"Where are we going anyways?"
"Back to the basement, there's a way out down there." he had slowed his pace, it was much easier to keep up with him now, though I still had to keep up. Once inside the storage room I was blinded again. I stood and waited by the door, waiting for him to pull out a flashlight or something so we could see.
"You coming, Bella?"
"How can I go anywhere Edward? I can't see a thing. How can you go anywhere?" he laughed.
"I can see perfectly fine, Bella."
I rolled my eyes, "Ya, right."
"I promise. You don't have to roll your eyes at me."
"Are you scared?"
i hesitated, then held up 3 fingers, "how many fingers am I holding up?"
"Three," he didn't miss a beat.
"How..." I trailed off.
"Are you scared?" he asked again. I took a step backwards towards the door. Trying desperately to focus my eyes.
"How can you see anything?"
"I'm not like other people, Bella," he was closer to me now, his voice was louder. "I don't want to scare you, I would never hurt you." I knew what he said was true, but deep down I had that sickening feeling that I should be running. Just then a light flicked on, he stood only inches from me, flashlight in hand.
"How?" I looked in his eyes, he looked so frightened, though I couldn't understand why he should be the frightened one..
"I can't tell you. Not yet at least. Believe me when I say I want to more than anything, Bella. I want you to know the truth."
My head was swimming. What on earth could he possibly be hiding?
"Do you want to go back? I'll understand if you don't want to go anymore."
I thought about it, "No, I want to go still," It wasn't like I didn't have secrets hidden from him. I didn't want to be a hypocrite. Though I was sure his secrets were far more interesting, and the only way to find out for sure was to stick around.
"Can we use the flashlight at least? Some of us aren't lucky enough to have night vision." I playfully pushed his stone chest.
"Of course we can," I followed him down into the basement and past the table that we sat at the other day. Suddenly he stopped. We had come to a dead end.
"Are you lost? Maybe we should turn around?"
"So little confidence in me? We're not lost," he pointed his flash light up to show a large wooden storm door.
"Still want to do this?" he grabbed a broom and used the handle to push open the door, the room flooded with sun slight. A huge smile spread across my face.
"Let's go!" I looked around for a ladder or something.
"I'll lift you up." he put his hands tightly around my waist. " Count of three." Suddenly I was incredibly self conscience of my weight, but before I could argue he said 'three' and I no longer was standing in the basement, but on grass, surrounded by trees, with Edward standing next to me.
"How did you... oh never mind." it was pointless to ask. "So where do we go from here?"
"All the way to the zoo?" I made a face.
"Do you even know where the zoo is, Bella?"
Now that he brought it up, I didn't. "No,"
He laughed, it's only three blocks away from here, I think you can make it." he took his hand and messed up my hair.
"Hey! No fair!" I stomped ahead, combing my hair out with my fingers.
"Ruban rose cicatrices ne jamais oublier," he read. I quickly let my hair fall back into place, covering the tattoo on my neck. "Pink ribbon scars that never forget." he translated. "I like it."
"Thanks," he came up next to me, falling into step.
"What does it mean?"
"Just lyrics from Smashing Pumpkins, their my favorite band." I hoped he would drop it.
"Why did you pick those lyrics?"
I tried to think of what to say, without revealing my secrets. "They probably hold the most meaning to me."
"How come?" he looked at the ground while he was walking, his eye brows were crinkled, like he was frustrated with something.
"I guess I have a lot of scars, that I'll never forget."
"Mental or physical?"
This was getting to be too much, "What's up with the twenty questions?"
He looked over at me, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you, it's just that you're really hard for me to read."
"Oh," his golden eyes swept me away again. "It's okay, it's just weird to talk about, I don't usually talk about it with anyone ever, people think I'm a freak as it is."
He chuckled, "I really doubt anyone thinks you're a freak."
I rolled my eyes, "Ya, I bet they don't."
"Trust me Bella, no one thinks that."
"Well they would if they knew the truth, if they knew what I did to myself."
"What do you do?"
"Nothing anymore, but it's always going to be there, always going to follow me," I sighed. I knew I was going to tell him, whether it was now or later, somethings you couldn't hide, not when you felt this close to someone. The lies only work for those who don't really care.
"Bella, you aren't really making any sense."
"I'll understand, if you don't want to see me anymore..." I trailed off.
"Bella," Edward touched my face with the back of his hand, "I'm not going to leave you, Bella. Nothing you could say will scare me away."
"You shouldn't make promises you can't keep." I kept my eyes focused on his as I pulled up my left sleeve, revealing an intricate design of scars. His eyes slowly shifted from my eyes to my arm, then back to my eyes. He spoke softly,
"You did this?" I only nodded.
"But why? Why would you ever think you deserve this?"
"I never thought I deserved it! I never had a choice." Why did I fool myself into thinking he could understand? "It was the only I could do to survive. Everything would just boil inside me, and I had no way to get it out, this was the only thing that could make me feel better. It's like when you shake up a a bottle of soda, then slowly open it, it shots carbonation all over you. That's how it felt, like everything bad was flowing out of me. And only after that I could sit down and relax, I could think again. It gave me control, it made sense. I couldn't control my emotions, or even make sense of them half the time, but when I cut, that made sense, I could control that pain..."
"But you stopped?" he searched my eyes, trying to find truth.
"Ya," I started walking again, I had to get the nervous energy out. "A few months ago. My mother and I got in a fight, over something stupid. I took a new razor, and just, kind of, broke down. I cut myself really bad on the side of my stomach. I should've gotten stitches. It was the first time that I ever lost control that way. It really scared me. I did it for the control, and here I was, losing it again. So I stopped, I don't want to die, and it was the first time that I realized that's where I was going with it."
He walked next to me silently for a few minutes, then he spoke, "What do you do instead?"
"Nothing, I just kind of turned my emotions off, stopped caring. It's not like I don't want to though, I'm sure I always will. Once an addict always any addict.... so yo think I'm crazy right?"
"I don't think you're crazy, I promise," he leaned down and kissed my forehead. "You're only human." He gave me a huge smile, then wrapped his arms around me. I felt safe there, like nothing could ever hurt me again.
"Are we still going to the zoo?" I asked, I didn't want to keep talking about my messed up life.
"We're here," he pointed up to the sign we were standing under. He took my hand and we walked inside.
The day flew by. I thought it would've turned awkward, but it turned out perfect. He kept his arm around me gently kissing my neck when we stood and watched the exhibits. It was almost like nothing had been said at all.
He asked me questions all day, things that didn't seem to matter at all. We were standing by the elephant habitat when he asked, "What do you do in your free time?"
"Ya, you know ballet."
"Really?" his mouth turned a smirk.
"Why is that so hard to believe?"
"It's just funny, the 'troubled teen' pirouetting around."
"Ha, ha." I stuck my tongue out at him. "I've been dancing for ten years. I actually wanted to go to Julliard. I was working on my audition before I got here."
"Wanted to go? You don't anymore?"
"It's kind of a lost dream now, with me being stuck here now."
"You could still do it you know,"
"Ya, right. I don't even have a place to practice. Or even my shoes." My mind wondered, imagining being able to dance again. We began to walk towards the entrance.
"Tell me about your parents, what are they like?"
"There isn't much to tell."
"Do you get along with them?"
"Not really. My dad is alright, he at least seems to care sometimes, but my mother is intolerable."
"Why do you think that?"
"Because it's true," I laughed under my breath. "She's very controlling; she gives me no credit at all. She thinks that all I can do is follow other people, that I can't make my own decision. Nothing ever makes her happy; she's mad no matter what I do. No matter how hard I try and please her, it was never good enough. She's very tiring to be around."
"Is she really that bad?"
"Worse," I shook my head. "Once I graduate, I'm never looking back. What about your parents?"
He smiled, "They are the most amazing people in my life. I don't know where I'd be without them. Carlisle and Esme, they're actually my adoptive parents; my birth parents died when I was young. There's Alice, my sister, and Emmet, my brother; they're both adopted too."
"Doesn't Alice go to school here too?"
"Yes, Emmet already graduated."
It crossed my mind that I didn't know what year he was in. "When do you graduate?"
I smiled, we'd have another year together. Minus summer, it was doubtful that we'd be close enough to see each other during vacation.
"Where do you live when you aren't at school?"
"With my parents, they live about five miles outside of town. Emmett and his wife, Rosalie, as well as Alice and her boyfriend Jasper, all live there."
My mouth dropped open. "You all live together? Isn't that a little... suffocating?"
He laughed, "Not at all, we are all very close. I doubt we'd have it any other way."
"Weird..." We walked in silence for until we reached the opening into the basement.
"Um... how are we suppose to get back down?" I tilted my body forward enough to see how far the drop was, easily twelve feet. Before I had time to straighted back up Edward had me craddled in his arms.
"You ready?" A devilish smile spread across his face. When I realized he planned to jump, I started squirming to get out of his arms.
"Put me down! Edward! Put me down!" he barely moved, as I stuggled with all my might to get out of his embrace.
"Bella, I won't let anything happen to you, now calm down and hold on."
"Edward, you're going to get us both killed if you jump!"
"If you're scared close your eyes."
I could tell I was stuck, there was no way I was going to escape his iron grip on me. I conceded, burying my head into his neck, and tightly wrapping my arms around is broad cold shoulders.
"Alright, Edward, get it over with already." I refused to move my head when I spoke so my words came out all muffled.
"Open your eyes, Bella." he commanded.
"No way. Not until we are safely on the ground."
He chuckled, " We are on the ground."
"I meant the basement ground."
"We are on the basement ground."
I slowly peaked out from behind his shoulder. Sure enough, we were in the basement. I hadn't even felt him jump. I loosened my grip and he carefully placed me back on my own two feet.
"So what are you? Some sort of illusionist? A magician?" He sighed and flicked on the flashlight and began walking.
"I thought it didn't matter to you?"
"It doesn't, but sometimes curiosity gets the better of me. What other tricks do you have hidden up your sleeve?"
He laughed, "What tricks do you seem to think I already posses?"
I thought about it, "Well you're unbelievably fast. And strong..." I trailed off.
"Those aren't really tricks, Bella."
"I guess not," I frowned. He was always making me more confused. We had reached the door, but when I went to open Edward stopped me.
"Mr. Galapsi is out there,"
"But how do you-" he interrupted me by putting his finger to my lips.
I waited, glaring at him. I was going to get some answers this time. When he removed his finger I spoke, "So? Are you going to tell me?"
"Tell you what, Bella?" he pushed open the door and began to walk.
"How you knew he was out there," he was walking to fast again, I was sprinting to keep up with him.
"I told you, I heard him out there,"
"Edward!" I stopped walking, "How?"
He turned to face me, "Bella..."
I kept a straight face, I wasn't going to budge this time. He sighed, "Fine, Bella, I'll tell you; I can hear his thoughts, I can hear everyone's thoughts, are you happy now?"
"You've got to be kidding me, you expect me to believe that?"
"I'm not lying, Bella," he searched my eyes.
"Fine, what am I thinking right now then?"
"That's the thing, I can read everyone's mind- but yours"
"Seriously, Edward, couldn't you have come up with something a little more believable? HOw stupid do you think I am?"
"I don't think you're stupid, Bella," he tucked my hair behind my ear. I hated when he did that, it made me want to forgive him. "I think you're one of the smartest, most amazing, woman I've ever met."
"Then why lie?" I was begining to crack, why did he have this power over me?
"I didn't," he sighed "I'll prove it to you," he took my hand and led me, much to quickly, to my last class. Once in front of the door, he leaned over and kissed me. I wasn't expecting it, my breath caught in my throat. I quickly regained my composure so I could kiss back, but he pulled away before I finished.
"I'm not going to be on campus tonight, I'm meeting my family for dinner, will you keep your promise, to not go out alone?"
"Sure," I nodded, my head still in the clouds.
"Good," a huge smile spread across his face, "Jessica is going to ask you if we're sleeping together, the Newton boy, Mike, he's going to tell you that you should stay away from me. Angela, she's still debating. She's curious about when we made up, but she doesn't want to pry either."
I looked into the classroom, everyone was starring at us. I let my hair fall over my face, trying to hide my bright red cheeks.
"I'll see you tomorrow morning, don't forget your promise," he kissed the top of my head good-bye, leaving me to face my interrogation.