Do not own Doctor Who or Stargate.


Two shivering figures staggered towards the Tardis. Both looked as though they'd just been dragged through a hedge backwards. And then run over by a truck.

"Well!" the smaller female one said sarcastically, "that was a lot of fun!"

Her compatriot declined to comment, digging miserably into his pocket for the Tardis key. Having successfully acquired said key, he quickly turned it in the lock. And then turned it again. And again.

"Uh, Doc? Why isn't the key working?" the young woman asked in confusion.

The Doctor shook his head like a wet dog, dislodging earth from his hair and spraying his companion with water droplets. In revenge, she poked him hard in the kidneys. Or at least, where kidneys would be if he were human.

The Doctor let out a high pitched yell of disapproval. "Yeowch! What did you go and do that for? That hurt!"

"The key, Doctor," the girl stressed. "Why isn't it working?"

A rather sheepish expression crossed the Doctor's face and he took a sudden keen interest in the ceiling. "Sheduznwanletsin" he muttered in embarrasment.

"What?" his companion said, looking more angry by the minute. "What did you say?"

The Doctor sighed in defeat. There was no escaping it. "I said she doesn't want to let us in," he admitted.

"She what?!" his companion shouted, her face going red underneath the mud. "Why?!"

It was the Doctor's turn to go red, although in his case it was caused by embarrasment instead of anger. "Because we're covered in sticky muck" he told her.

"Okay, that does not make sense. We get covered in dirt all the time, thanks to your disastrous destination choices. What's so bad about this time?"

"This mud is a little different" the Doctor explained, hoping to keep a lid on his friend's impressive temper. "The Tardis is. . . well, she's sort of allergic to it, to be honest. But only while it's wet. As soon as it dries we can go in and get back to earth for a bath. Can't have one in the Tardis 'cos that would make the old girl ill."

The Doctor's companion was not impressed with this information. "The Tardis is allergic to this planet's mud?" she queried disbelievingly.

"Yes." he confirmed. "Which is exactly why I've been finding excuses not to come here for so long. You didn't really think I was just trying to avoid holding up my end the bet with Thor, did you?"

"Well. . . actually. . ."

The Doctor scowled at his companion, who grinned back in amusement. "Gotcha Doc."

"You did not!" he defended himself.

"Did too!" she riposted.

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

"Did not times infinity!" he said, ending the increasingly juvenile argument.

The young woman slid to the ground with a sigh. "I knew I should've taken up the offer to go home on the Asgard ship with those SG-1 guys." she said regretfully. "That Dr. Jackson was really cute too."

The Doctor gave a her a look of disapproval. "He's more than ten years older than you, you know," he pointed out, disgruntled.

"Says the nine-hundred year old man." she pointed out. "Hypocrite."

The Doctor spluttered in denial of this observation. His companion yawned and then sighed in resignation. "Well," she said, "since we're gonna be here for a while, you may as well explain something that I've been wondering about since we got here."

The Doctor perked up at the chance to display his wealth of knowledge. "Go on then, ask me anything!"

"Why are all the Asgard naked? And how come there aren't any young Asgard? Don't they have kids?"

"Uhh. . . you know what, you should really ask Thor any questions you might have."

"Chicken. I knew I should've gone with the SG-1 guys. They were cool." The girl sighed again, wistful.

"And of course, Dr. Jackson was really cute." the Doctor said acerbically.

"Yep. That too."

"I give up. Remind me never to bet against Thor again."


Finito! The bet between the Doctor and Thor will have to remain a mystery, because I'll never think up anything good enough to match expectations. Feel free to make up your own mind. As for who the companion is, feel free to pick whichever one you like best and pretend it's them.