Author's Notes: This was, I must shamefully admit, first intended for the Kuroshitsuji kink meme. The prompt was, "SebastianCiel, sex in front of a mirror," and I, more than happy and willing to fulfill that request, set out to write a short, fluffy, prOny tale.
....what I ended up writing is this: dark, angsty and fucking long. I slaved over this for a week and revised it 5 times before I posted it; I don't know about you, but something tells me that a kink meme prompt shouldn't be this much work. XD;
I'm absolutely unable to write prOn without justification. Ah. Woe is me.
Oh, wellz. I do hope you enjoy. Ciel is 16 in the story, so I think that it doesn't count as shota - at 16, Ciel was legally an adult in England. There are some very mild past mentions of a 15-year old Ciel's sexual relations with Sebastian in this, but other than that, nothing too shota in this story, I think.
Some of Sebastian's dialogue was contributed by SavvyLovesYaoi. Thank you, hon. :-)
Rating: M for sex, language, heavy symbolism and my rather distinct writing style O.o
+A Sebastian/Ciel Oneshot+
Ciel wasn't scared of the dark. Except for when he was.
Which was silly, really, because, in principle, Ciel was not only past his sixteenth birthday by now, but also quite liked the dark. It drenched things that were of barren white in silver, shadowed imperfections, glossed over them like concealer over a scar, and hid what should best be forgotten and never be presented set against the glare of the sun.
Yet at the same time, Ciel hated the night. It came to no surprise that children believed monsters to live under their beds only at night, for it was darkness that allowed the mind to bravely tear through the spiderwebs and wander into dusty rooms that sat in distant parts of the brain and people never dared visit when the sun smiled down at them from the horizon above.
It was always at night that Ciel would stir awake and wander to the giant mirror set up in a far corner of his room. Lizzie had given it to him a few months ago; she'd had a bright smile on her face, sung a birthday song and planted a wet kiss on his mouth that had tasted of peaches and all things pink and feminine. Her eyes had sparkled in a way that had melted something in Ciel long enough for him not to lash out at her; he had bitten his quiet thanks and ordered Sebastian to bring it to his bed room with his eyes moodily closed and his fingers digging into his elbows.
He had felt something stir inside him the moment he had seen the mirror that had arrived in such a flurry of bright pink, but it hadn't been until a night a few months after his 16th birthday that he had started to gravitate toward it with almost compulsive regularity.
It had become almost a ritual now. He would stand there, still as a statue, and trace the lines of his own features in the mirror. He would let the tips of his fingers trail over his eyes down over his nose to his lips; lips that he would then, and only then, allow to slip out of its usual mask of apathy. Worms of disgust thinly masquerading as anxiety would thrash about in his stomach as he glared at the pentacle mark in his right eye. He would always stare at it until he could no longer bear to. On most nights, between looking away and losing his sanity, Ciel was still sane enough to choose the former.
That night, Ciel broke through the skin of sleep with a gasp. He'd been sleeping uneasily, but once his eyes flew open, he could no longer remember the nightmare that had plagued him. Rubbing his eyes, he shuffled to the mirror almost automatically, coming to a halt right in front of it.
For it was only at night and in front of this mirror that he allowed his eyes to crack enough to reveal the plane of uncertainty that stretched beyond.
Faint lights from outside fell through the window in bright bars, glinting off the mirror as they touched it. Ciel tilted back his head and blinked, watching his mirror self mimic the gesture. Ciel raised his hand, hesitated; then reached out, slow as a gentle lover's hand trailing up a virgin thigh, and pressed his fingertips against the surface of the mirror, running it over the reflection of his right eye.
Ciel's eyes swirled to the door, seeing his butler walking toward him in his usual measured steps, mild amusement on his features. Ciel's nails raked along the surface of the mirror as his butler came closer. Ciel noticed that his right eye throbbed.
"Sebastian." It was not a greeting so much as a tightly-corded threat, but Sebastian skipped over the venom as he stepped up behind the boy, his hands coming to rest on Ciel's shoulders. Ciel realized with a pang of almost desperate pride that he had grown tall enough for the crown of his head to reach the height of Sebastian's nose.
"Young Master. Do forgive me for saying so, but you seem to have a rather morbid attachment to Lady Elizabeth's birthday present. May I inquire as to why you feel the need to study your features quite so intently?"
Ciel finally tore his eyes away from his reflection, shifting them to look into his servant's.
Tension rose between them, making it a little harder for Ciel to breathe. Sebastian looked at him with amusement intermingled with concern openly playing on his face, and Ciel broke the eye contact and gazed back into the mirror. "It's none of your business. More importantly..." He could see his own eyes hardening. "Why are you here? Didn't I tell you not to come into my room in the middle of the night unannounced? Is that how you think a proper servant is to behave?" Ciel's brows furrowed into a frown. "Just leave me alone."
Sebastian only continued to smile. His words pricked Ciel like little needles. "Is there something I may assist you with, young master?"
If there was one thing Sebastian enjoyed, Ciel had learned throughout the many years, it was either outright ignoring Ciel or skillfully finding the loopholes in his words. Technically, not having been ordered to leave, Sebastian was under no obligation to do so; and even a fleeting look at the butler's facial expression confirmed that he was very well aware of this. Sebastian cocked his head to the side, probing the boy's face with his eyes.
Ciel grit his teeth, defiantly turning his head to the side.
Sebastian raised his gloved hand to Ciel's face, the tips of his fingers skidding along the curve of his cheeks.
"Is there something you find wrong with your reflection?"
Ciel's eyes met Sebastian's in the mirror. Anger flared in his Ciel's eyes and he opened his mouth to bark at Sebastian and tell him to leave, to just allow him to wallow in his own thoughts, to just leave, but -
"Sebastian." It sounded lost to his own ears, his voice almost getting drowned out. He raised his own hand and daintily held it against his right eye, watching as his fingers traced the lines of his lashes. "I've always wanted to ask something." He fixed Sebastian with a glare before he continued. "Don't think it means what you think it does. I just never thought of asking before."
Sebastian gave a slow nod, amiable smile on his face.
Ciel bit his lower, eyes clouding over. "My - my right eye. It -"
" - confuses me sometimes. Like it manipulates me, like it can feel my thoughts. Like it's not really... a part of me." He squinted at his own reflection, his fingers unknowingly digging in deeper beneath his eye until he could feel the bone in which it lay cradled. "There's something you're not telling me about this atrocious thing." His voice took on a sharp edge. "Isn't there?"
"Young master..." The sternness in his voice was masked by playfulness. "'Atrocious' is not a word I would ever use to describe you."
Ciel gave a snort in reply.
Sebastian's gloved fingers were soft on his skin as they trailed down along his master's jaw to his neck. Sebastian's eyes flashed as he said, "I can feel you." Ciel's face in the mirror was bewildered, but Sebastian only went on, in a calm and composed voice, "I can feel your emotions when I allow myself to listen closely." Sebastian leaned down, his mouth brushing against Ciel's ear and his voice dropping to a whisper. "It's as if I'm inside of you, young master, but I'm not."
Ciel shivered. A fist wrapped itself around his heart and began to squeeze, tighter, tighter -
"This mark," Sebastian turned Ciel's head around and pressed his lips to the boy's eyelid, "is a symbol of our bond."
The touch of Sebastian's lips against his ear was soft as butterfly wings, but deceptively so; Ciel could feel his butler's aura thrumming just underneath his skin, pulsating like maggots beneath a wound.
Ciel swallowed. Hard.
"Bond?" His face was apathetic as usual, but his voice dripped venom. "How overly sentimental of you, Sebastian."
"Young master." Sebastian smiled and let his lips trail back to Ciel's ear. "You know I speak the truth."
Ciel made an annoyed sound at the back of his throat. "Whatever. This bond you speak of..." Ciel drew his eyes to the floor, hesitation in his voice. "Whether it exists or not...it doesn't mean you know everything." He tilted his head, making Sebastian's tongue slide out of his ear. In the mirror, their eyes melted together and the tension between them crested.
Sebastian's hands dropped from Ciel's shoulders down over his arms; it was gentle and sensual and revolting only when Ciel thought about it, like the feeling of a spider running up and down the sensitive skin of one's forearm that one may enjoy until they opened their eyes and saw what it was. Sebastian pressed his nose into his Ciel's hair and Ciel could feel his own hair rippling in Sebastian's breath.
"Young master...is it that you wish to be someone you're not? Is that why you look into the mirror like this? Tell me what you want, young master. Perhaps I can give it to you."
"All you can give me is death."
A breath of hot air: Sebastian laughed. It was muffled by Ciel's hair, but it still managed to seep through Ciel's skin. "That is an awfully unkind way to look at it, young master. I've given you so much more than this." Sebastian paused; when he spoke, his voice was as calm as the rain trickling from the roof top, but the message it bore seized Ciel's heart into a tight grasp. "There is only one thing I can't give you."
Sebastian wrapped his arms around Ciel's torso, fusing his chest with Ciel's back. "So would the young master care to inform me of his wishes?"
Ciel paused for a long while, mulling the question over in his head. He took a deep breath. "I want...I want..." He shook his head so hard his hair whipped both his face and Sebastian's, trying and trying to say it. It wasn't until a few seconds later that it finally sank in that the reason he couldn't say it was because he -
"I...I don't know." His voice was so faint that it only just barely passed the line of audibility. "Sometimes.... sometimes I just -"
(don't know who I am)
"- don't know." He threw his head to the side stubbornly, his cheeks rapidly reddening.
Sebastian's hand trailed down along Ciel's stomach. "Is it because you look so much like he did?" He spoke against Ciel's ear and his hot breath launched right into Ciel's body where it flicked off sparks. "Your features have blended so well into adulthood." He reached around Ciel and raised his fingers to Ciel's face. "Your nose is just like his was." His finger danced up higher. "And your eyes -"
Ciel slapped Sebastian's hand away. "What are you saying, you impertinent fool?"
The light of realization shone in Sebastian's eyes. "Ah. Does the eye bother you so much because..." he raised his hand to cup Ciel's cheek, leaning forward so they could both look at their reflection, "...because it's what separates you from looking like him? Like them in general? Is they who you desire to be, young master?" Hi voice dropped even lower. "Do not think this way, young master, for you are beautiful the way you are."
Ciel's eyes were ablaze with anger. "Quit sweet-talking like this, Sebastian. What, do you want me to give you a pay raise?" He didn't wait for Sebastian to answer, instead drawing his eyes to the floor. There was a note of resignation wafting atop the forced nonchalance when he said, "Not that it matters, anyway - how beautiful or not I am, that is. Or how I look in general. Beauty is only skin-deep. Its use is only to manipulate people, to thrive on their mortal desire - or rather, weakness, I should say - to capture and possess what it deems to be aesthetically pleasing. What is the inherent value of beauty, anyway? Why should I -" he trailed off, almost choking on his words. His eyes widened.
"Mirror, mirror on the wall," Sebastian said, wrapping his hand around Ciel's erection. His smile was sweet, but in the way a rotten apple was. "Who is the fairest of them all?"
Ciel huffed. "I'm not a child anymore, Sebastian. Stop quoting fairy tales. I never needed their empty promises of sunsets and princess and 'happily-ever-afters'."
"You are quite right, young master." He gave Ciel a squeeze that made Ciel suck in his breath. "That quote is quite empty indeed, for mirrors do not show true beauty."
"Sebastian." The word dripped poison. "Is this the point where you launch into a lengthy monologue about how delicious souls taste?" He let his eyes drop down to Sebastian's uniform. "For someone who doesn't regard physical beauty as real, you sure are quite the narcissist."
Sebastian's smile grew, obviously amused. "Never mind, then." He leaned forward, nibbling on Ciel's shoulder. "If it is neither beauty nor reassurance you seek in this mirror... then what is it, young master?"
Ciel shivered at the sight of his butler's face buried at the crook of his neck. "You can be..." Ciel closed his eyes for a moment, enjoying the feel of his butler's tongue on his neck and his hand around lower parts; soon, however, he made an annoyed sound at the back of his throat and jerked to the side; Sebastian's lips dropped of off of him with a wet sound.
Something vicious flashed in his eyes and Ciel lowered his voice, needles barbing just below the surface. "No... you are quite a whore sometimes, Sebastian. Tell me, did you also fuck your previous masters?" His eyes hardened. "Before they turned 16, too?"
"Previous masters?" Mock-surprise spilled across Sebastian's features. "What insignificant things you speak of, young master." Ciel could feel the grin from the way it curled against the back of his skull. "As insignificant as your age, at least in moments like these. Rather than that, I'm more interested in... other things about you, young master."
How was it possible, Ciel thought, to be saying things that really should have sounded romantic, but somehow only came out sounding condescending? Was it the way his tone carried this amused tilt, as though stuck to his voice like honey to a jar? Was it the way he could feel him playfully nuzzling his hair? Or was it even -
He fixed Sebastian with a bored glare. "As I said, you're such a whore, Sebastian." He twisted a little in Sebastian's arms, watching his own hair splaying across Sebastian's cheeks and fusing their hair in a tapestry of moonstone and ink. Sebastian's grip did not relent and Ciel huffed, turning his head to the side and closing his eyes in a display of haughtiness.
Sebastian grasped one of Ciel's arms and brought his wrist to his lips, tracing the blue veins with his tongue. "I wasn't talking about your physical qualities, young master. Rather what lays cradled inside that ivory orb inside your head. What walks behind your eyelids." When Sebastian's lips brushed against Ciel's pulse, the boy shuddered. "What ghosts tap you on your shoulder and make you whimper. What makes you despise your mark when it is the symbol of your life and mine."
Ciel's eyes flashed with anger. "Don't pretend like this means anything." He turned his head to the side again, his hair falling over his face. He hated himself for how lost his voice sounded. "What do you care, anyway?"
As usual, Sebastian skipped right over Ciel's question. "Blue veins," he said, gazing at Ciel's wrist. "The blue blood of the noble people. That's what you humans say, don't they, young master? That the blood of nobles is blue."
Ciel looked at him like he'd finally lost it. "You make absolutely no sense, Sebastian."
Sebastian smiled. "Oh, I do know that your blood will run as red as other people's, young master. What I'm saying is that -"
"- You're saying that everybody is the same and I'm not special." Ciel moodily snatched his wrist away, rubbing it as if it was sore. "Spare me the Pharaoh's puzzle."
But apparently, Sebastian wasn't done. "I did not say you were not special, young master." He smiled pleasantly. "Would I ever be so unkind?"
Ciel scoffed. "You don't even want to know what other unkind things I think you are capable of doing, Sebastian."
Sebastian put a finger against his lips, making a show of considering this. "Ah, yes. The young master does have a point there." He dropped his hand. "But it still doesn't change the fact that you misinterpreted my intentions this time, young master."
Most of the time, Ciel didn't hate Sebastian. Not really.
Sometimes, though, he hated him so much that the idea of punching him in the face and knocking out all his teeth seemed like the pinnacle of his innermost wishes.
Whatever he felt, though, whether he felt hatred or the first forebodings of affection, whether they were fucking or verbally sparring, one thing that Ciel could never deny was the fact that, when they were together, his right eye throbbed and where his and Sebastian's skins touched, it burned.
Ciel had been able to feel it from the very first day they had met; a silent pull into Sebastian's direction like ghostly claws digging into Ciel's limbs and attempting to drag him toward that inhumanly beautiful creature. Whether he had fought to tear those hands off himself and sprint into the lap of safety or to leap into Sebastian's arms, though, Ciel had never been able to figure out.
Ciel's back straightened when Sebastian began to pump him harder. Ciel grit his teeth, mumbling a quiet, "S-Sebastian..."
Ever since they had crossed the line, it had only become worse. Unearthed and dragged into their middle like a pulsating, malignant force, the attraction that had always been there humming just below the edge of Ciel's hearing had launched into a ear-splitting crescendo that he could no longer ignore the moment they had leaped over their boundaries as master and servant. Sebastian's presence was - it was almost like -
Ciel frowned at the mirror. It was true that he grown a lot, that his features had blended; his bones had shifted, his nose had grown to be as fine and narrow as his father's had been and even his lips had thinned and settled into a matured jaw.
His eyes, though, were still as large and wide and horrible as they had been at thirteen.
When he said it, his voice was barely above a whisper. He neither knew why he was sharing these thoughts with Sebastian nor whether the answer would jeopardize his sanity. Worst of all was he didn't even quite know if he really cared.
"I know what you meant." He took a deep breath. "My veins are blue, but my blood is red; in other words, my appearance is deceiving." He paused, letting the words sink. When Sebastian made a surprised noise and stiffened against Ciel, the boy went on, "I also know what you meant earlier. About feeling me. I can feel you, too." He snorted at himself then and the face in the mirror suddenly became ugly, doubtful, a mask of palpable irritation. "But that's insipid, isn't it? Demons don't even have a soul. How can there be a connection between ours? Besides, I don't even like you."
Through the pricks and needles that followed that statement, Sebastian's smile didn't even waver. "I suppose now it's my turn to point out your unkindness, young master."
Ciel rolled his eyes. "Oh, shut up."
"Well, if the young master desires to know..." Sebastian shrugged. "Us demons do have a soul... "
Ciel shuddered, his eyes wide as he listened.
Sebastian's hand finally stopped pleasuring him and drifted upward, slipping underneath Ciel's pajama top, roaming over the delicate rib bones that shuddered beneath his finger tips. "What we possess is only a small remainder of our original soul, however. Worst of all, no matter how many souls we devour, it won't complete the fragment we have left."
Ciel drew in his breath and waited. The seconds ticked past. Sebastian's hand came to rest over where Ciel's heart was. "Some demons lose themselves and just keep on eating. But to no avail. Gluttony is for the weak, as I always say. Myself, I am rather more of a gourmet, young master." He brought his hands up and started casually fiddling with the buttons on Ciel's pajama top, never taking his eyes off the reflection of Ciel's. "What you are feeling must be that tattered bit of soul that remains in me... to tell you the truth, I'm surprised it's strong enough to resonate." A button tweaked open, revealing a strip of pale skin that shone like porcelain under the moon light. "The young master must bring out the best in me." Sebastian slid the fabric off one side of Ciel's shoulder, leaving it bare and unblemished and ever free for Sebastian's lips to taint.
Ciel narrowed his eyes and his reflection in the mirror became a mask of rejection and doubt. "I didn't say I could -" Sebastian's lips descended upon his shoulder and placed butterfly kisses on it, "-just that- I just said it felt like it did, that's it. But that can be deceptive. I don't believe it's actually that." He shook his head to himself, his voice hard. "I don't believe in such sentimental things."
"I'm very saddened indeed to hear you perceive me as sentimental, young master. I'll have you know, my feelings are at stake here."
Ciel laughed at this, but it was entirely without humor. "Whatever feelings you may possess anyway."
Sebastian smiled. What he said, though, made his right eye throb. "Do you truly think I feel less than you do...?"
Ciel met Sebastian's in the mirror.
Ciel's fingernails bit into his palms as he balled his hands into fists. Something was scissoring in his chest, something he wasn't quite ready to face; he knew that if he did, it would eat him whole.
Just like Sebastian.
Ciel's breath whistled between teeth of condemnation. "Instead of talking about the soul you don't possess and the connection I may or may not be imaging..." He licked his lips tentatively, something in his eyes shifting. "Just fuck me. Or let me fuck you. I think it's my turn to top tonight, but I don't care at this point."
Sebastian's hands paused.
Silence stretched itself over the scene. Ciel held his breath and Sebastian held his as the tension between them thickened, took on almost corporeal form and wrapped itself around Ciel's face. Sebastian's touches singed his skin where they reached him and burned across his senses until, with only three words, said in a voice so low it was almost a whisper, Sebastian broke the tension with the precision of a scalpel.
"Yes, My Lord."
Ciel shivered; it reached from his shoulder blades all the way down to his toes.
He could remember the first time it had happened.
He had been all but 15 then, a few months short of his 16th birthday. The power struggles between them had always been as predictable as they had been common, but that one bright summer's day in his study, it had escalated. In a flick of boredom and a flash of cruelty, Ciel had ordered Sebastian to lick his shoes. He had watched as Sebastian's pink tongue darted out to run across the heels of his shoes, had seen that smile around the tip of his shoe, had witnessed Sebastian's tongue leaving a wet trail of saliva that had gleamed like crystals beneath the afternoon sun. Ciel had shuddered and battled with new desires roaring inside him and Sebastian had known it all too well. Ciel had been able to tell, from the glint in his eyes, the way his lips had curled into a devilish smirk, the way he had tilted his head and looked at Ciel with that look that had said, "I know, I know," and Ciel had let out a frustrated groan, pulled him up and, in a clipped hiss, ordered him to suck it, and suck it well.
Sebastian had done it, with a gleam in his eyes and his tongue swift and wet and it had felt so good that Ciel had squirmed on his chair and ripped out half a handful of Sebastian's hair. When the waves of orgasms had crashed down upon his head, Ciel had torn his butler's lips and that sinful tongue off himself and watched himself spill all over his butler's face. He had slumped back then, fascinated by the way the white fluid had trailed down over Sebastian's finely-cut cheekbones and dripped down his jaw to his neck, delicate as melted pearls.
Other things had soon followed and they had breezed through them all, as though trying to tick off a mental laundry list of all the sexual practices they could come up with. Bondage had come a month after, with blood play following only a day after that. Anal sex had come later - both of them had been unwilling to bottom and Sebastian's words had been so sharp and his condescension so poisonous the times Ciel had tried to order him to submit that Ciel had lost his erection. They had done it for the first time that day in the garden, in one desperate and breathless and entirely insane moment during which the autumn leaves had scattered all around Ciel's hands and knees and Sebastian's gasps had echoed in Ciel's ears and Ciel had come so hard the world had blackened for one divine moment. Ciel had scowled and hissed insults at Sebastian for the rest of the day, but the sex had still been so beautiful and terrible and perversely fitting that it had soon bled into their routine much like everything else had. They had taken their secret, their little 'affair', and they had run with it, giddy will the thrill of deception that brought them to new plateaus of elitist delight.
No one else could ever understand. And no one ever would. Sebastian would see to that.
The way his silky pajamas fell off Ciel's body was soft, like a kiss, but less so were the touches Sebastian was bestowing upon him. Heat was dragged up from somewhere deep within Ciel, dusting itself over his cheeks and the bridge of his nose. Embarrassment burned down his spine at the sight of his own naked body; so pale, still as thin as it had been as a child, forever tainted with the scars his torturers had left on him. Ciel thoughtfully let his fingers trail along the rivulets of scar tissue that bloomed on his body like bruises, feeling disgust squirm underneath his skin.
"Sebastian," he drawled, turning his head to the side and brushing his lips against Sebastian's still clothed chest. "Take me to the bed. Not here."
Sebastian gently touched Ciel's chin and turned it back towards the mirror. When Ciel met Sebastian's eyes in the mirror, he could see him smiling that wicked smile of his.
"Look at yourself, young master."
Ciel's body tensed as Sebastian's fingers entered him; cool and slick with hand cream.
Sebastian's voice was low and intimate. "I can bring you to the well from which you drink, but I cannot force the water down your throat."
Ciel groaned. "Shut up, Sebastian. You are such a bore."
Sebastian lowered his head, hiding his amused smile. "As you please, young master."
Sebastian was behind him, tall and black as a creature of darkness. Ciel was no longer able to keep looking at himself and lowered his head. He made a dismayed sound at the back of his throat when Sebastian grasped him by the chin and made him look again. Lightning bolts raced up his spine at the feeling of Sebastian stretching him; delicate sparks of both pain and pleasure that bled into one sensation that crashed all over Ciel in a wave. He was so lost in the feeling that he almost didn't hear it when Sebastian asked, "Are you sure, young master?"
Ciel swallowed and sent Sebastian a sideways glance. "What, is this our first time? Are you a woman? Don't make me repeat myself." Some of his haughtiness returned as he added in a moody drawl, "Just do it. Before I change my mind." His eyes flashed. "Or worse, come to my senses."
The smile Sebastian gave him was devoid of all wickedness for once. Instead, it was like the first raindrop on a clear summer's day - warm and surprising and making one pause and wait for the drops that would follow. Ciel felt his heart beating and he almost wanted to tell him not to do it, to stop so he could look at that smile and watch it spread, but Sebastian abruptly bucked his hips, entered Ciel and said, in a whisper so low it scuttled down Ciel's spine in a shiver, "Yes, my Lord."
Ciel's muscles tensed and his hands balled into fists as he slumped forward, his forehead connecting with the mirror. Waves of pain tore through his body and washed away every other emotion that may have lurked there. Ciel's mind was a wasteland illuminated by the glare of pain.
Sebastian's arm, as black as the night, snaking around his torso. A buck of Sebastian's hips; so hard, hard and pulsing. Ah. A strand of fine hair across Ciel's shoulder. Hot breath along his spine, hot and burning, racing across his skin and -
Sebastian's voice came from far away. "Are you all right, young master? Do I hurt you?"
Ciel's nails raked along the mirror, making a horrible screeching noise. "No...I...." He raised his face to stare at himself. His jaw was taut, sweat was pearling on his temples. His eyes were screaming. "I'm...fine."
Sebastian placed a soft kiss against Ciel's neck. "Mirrors, you know-"
"-are an object shrouded in mystery." He thrust forward, burying himself to the hilt inside Ciel. Ciel gave a strangled moan.
His butler's voice was breathless when he went on, "To us demons, they are just pretty things that reflect the world as it is." Another thrust, another screech as Ciel's nails raked along the mirror, another moan from Ciel's throat. "But to humans, they... have... evidently always been fascinating."
"S-Sebastian." Ciel's hands fumbled around, as though trying to grasp something that just had to be there. "Why do you always...hah...talk during sex?!"
Sebastian grinned against the back of Ciel's neck. "Do you know that...there is a legend..." Sebastian's hands wrapped around Ciel's hips to steady himself. "That humans have... carried on...." He leaned forward, his weight pressing against Ciel's back.
Ciel groaned and elbowed him in the stomach. "Fuck, get off. You're heavy."
Sebastian took the weight off of Ciel's back, straightening himself; in the mirror, Ciel could see that he was still smiling. "A legend about there being another world beyond the mirror. A parallel universe, so to speak."
Ciel's voice was flushed. "That's...all....ah...very fascinating, S-Sebastian. But during...nng..." He saw himself in the mirror, his flushed face, his sweaty temples, his eyes wide and shimmering. His right eye burned as though someone had dripped acid into it. "...during sex?!"
Sebastian dug his fingers into Ciel's hips. "I do have a point...young master..." He paused, his features softening in pleasure. "The legend says that if you look into the mirror long and... hard..."
"Hard," Ciel repeated scathingly. The smirk was wiped off his face when Sebastian gave him an especially fast thrust as if in retaliation. Ciel's chest crashed against the mirror. "Ah. Fuck, Sebastian!"
"...if you looked into it long and hard enough...that you could lose yourself in the... world beyond the mirror. It's where all those gather who cannot bear the... real world." Sebastian's eyes flashed red, the way they always did when he was nearing orgasm. His fingers were digging into Ciel's hips. "But in the world beyond the mirror lies no truth, only deception... young master."
Ciel nodded breathlessly. He breathed in the coolness of the mirror, watching his gasps cloud the surface. His open mouth pressed against the mirror, his fingers grasping onto the golden frame, a high-pitched gasp ripped from his throat and -
Sebastian's face twitched and he leaned forward to bury his face in Ciel's hair. Ciel let him this time, panting heavily.
"You are much like... like a mirror sometimes, young master. Brilliant bits of broken glass the light... the light -"
A sharp thrust and Ciel groaned and all he could see was the black of Sebastian's hair trickling down his shoulder, the pink of his lips twisted into a concentrated grimace; all he could hear was the slapping of flesh, their combined breathing, the screeching as his nails raked and raked and his right eye was still burning and -
"- glints off...but do you know the most ironic thing about mirrors is that they become more brilliant the more broken they are?"
Ciel found the presence of mind to hiss at Sebastian. "I get...it...but shut up now, Sebastian."
Sebastian smirked against Ciel's hair; it trembled around the edges. "Yes... yes, my Lord. As you wish."
Sebastian picked up speed and Ciel's muscles rippled underneath his skin when Sebastian's hips slapped against his. Soon, Ciel's gasps and groans morphed into something resembling sobs; out of the corner of his eye, he could see the reflection of his pentacle mark sparkling in tune with the red in Sebastian's eyes.
Ciel's mouth felt dry.
For a moment, just one moment only, their connection flared bright as a flame between them.
One of Sebastian's hands found Ciel's and covered the back of it with his palm, but Ciel was only half-aware of this as the reflex to snuff out the flame and squash it under his heel was an overwhelming reflex, but -
Sebastian's hand gripped tighter. Ciel found himself squeezing back.
- but right now he couldn't even think of it, because he was breathless and his eye was blazing, burning, reacting to Sebastian and -
He was so distracted that his orgasm took him by surprise. Ciel's mouth widened, but only a choked sound came out as his world narrowed down to the fragments of pleasure bursting through his veins. Only half-aware of what he was doing, Ciel whimpered and moaned and jerked against the mirror as he was swept away his the overwhelming sensation.
How long he had spent in the shimmering heights of pleasure, he couldn't tell. The last dredges of his lingering orgasm were only forced away when he came down far enough to realize that Sebastian was still thrusting into him, now having descended into breathing quiet gasps against Ciel's hair . Ciel could see something walk past Sebastian's eyes, like a fly flitting through the reflection of fire cast upon a wall. Ciel had to resist the urge to reach out his hand to try and catch it. Sebastian pressed his lips against Ciel's neck and Ciel could feel every single muscle in his butler's body tensing, his breathing getting faster, his hand squeezing Ciel's and -
And it was then that Ciel realized that a part of why he'd always liked to have sex with Sebastian was because when he came, he looked human.
Sebastian shuddered against Ciel. His hand on Ciel's gripped tighter, intertwining their fingers.
Only then did he ever look vulnerable. Ciel knew that if anyone had the chance of killing Sebastian, they had to do it then; had to drive in the blade in the moment the ecstasy escalated and his body shivered much like it was doing now. Only then was he stripped of all pretense, all otherworldly beauty; only then was the demon chafed away enough to reveal the dredges of humanity that were left hiding in the spider-webbed corners of who Sebastian was.
He didn't even really notice that they were holding hands.
Sebastian slumped against Ciel's back, taking heaving breaths as he rode out his orgasm. He recovered quickly and when Sebastian erected his spine and disentangled their fingers, Ciel knew with only one glance that the mask had been firmly set into place once more. He could tell from the way Sebastian's trademark smile slipped back onto his face, the way his fingers slid into his breast pocket with his usual casual elegance, the way the intensity brewed behind those eyes. No longer a human at the mercy of pleasure; one hell of a butler once again, through and through.
No words were spoken as Sebastian reached around Ciel's body to clean the mirror with a pocket tissue. Silence reigned between them thick and heavy, punctured only by Ciel's irregular breathing. Ciel watched Sebastian's face, his smooth cheeks, his narrow nose, the almost placid expression on his face and the silence seemed to suffocate Ciel, wrapping itself around his face like thick clothing.
He could feel it, even now. His eye was burning, but rather than the burning common with eye irritation, it was a steady pulse of fire that pressed against his eye ball from the inside. The tension that crested between them when their eyes met, the heat that flared along his body when they touched; it was a deep connection that went beyond words and that Ciel, had he been so romantically inclined, would have been forced to call 'soul mates'. Ciel Phantomhive breathed the mark, bled the mark that bound them - and somewhere along the lines the lines had blurred so much that Ciel knew that without it, what would be left behind would no longer even resemble who he was.
Irrevocable damage had been inflicted upon him the day he had summoned the demon; harm that, over the years, had continued to grow and spawn like a malignant tumor and, somewhere along the road, had taken such intimate possession of Ciel that who he was and who he had become had bled into the same entity. Unbreakable, that was what their bond was; the contract itself, and whatever else it was that bound them, it and the feelings best unnamed that lurked in the far corners of his chest.
The boy he had once been was dead, dead as a pile of rotting corpses drifting in the deepest whorls of the Thames.
Ciel had to draw his face to the side, gentle pink staining his cheeks. He immediately hated himself for it - he wasn't thirteen anymore, it was no longer acceptable for him to blush - but he couldn't help it as he mulled the words Sebastian had spoken earlier around in his head.
Ciel was only half-aware he was speaking when he said, "You were right." He erected his spine in shock and raised his chin. "Just this once, though."
Sebastian stopped moving. In the mirror, Ciel could see Sebastian cock one interested eyebrow. "May I inquire as to what I was right about, young master?"
"You know very well, Sebastian."
Silence once again descended upon the scene. Ciel licked his lips. "Is there...a special reason why you never kissed me?"
Sebastian tilted his head. "I wasn't under the impression you ever wanted to kiss me, young master."
Ciel's temper flared. "Who said I did? I was just curious... it's natural! We've done everything but that." He narrowed his eyes. "Is it because you can't or you won't?"
Sebastian paused again. His eyes were unreadable, like eyes a photograph that had been painted over and over again with water colors. "I will kiss you, young master. When the time comes."
An icy chill scuttled down Ciel's back. He said nothing, though, waiting for Sebastian to go on.
Sebastian gave him a bright smile. "Until then, there is someone else you should rather kiss, young master."
And Ciel understood, the way he always implicitly did and he wanted to laugh and snort and storm off, but for some reason he did none of those things.
And then, a few moments later, while he was looking at Sebastian and the world seemed to melt away around them, when the tension between them thickened the air and whatever it was that bound them pulsated between them like a living thing, Ciel closed his eyes, shook his head. Trying to rid himself of the expression on Sebastian's face that had imprinted itself onto his corneas, he leaned forward.
The mirror was cool when his lips touched it.
His right eye pulsed.
He broke the kiss and then threw the mirror a look that one might throw a filthy beggar.
"Have the mirror removed tomorrow," he called over his shoulder as he strode back to his bed. "Send it back to Lizzy or whoever."
As much as Ciel had realized how unbreakable the connection was, though, he wouldn't have been Ciel if he hadn't added in a moody drawl, "And don't come into my room unannounced anymore. Your nerve sometimes..."
Ciel didn't even have to turn around to know Sebastian was smiling.
"Yes, my Lord."
According to SavvyLovesYaoi, the sex scene went like this:
Ciel: "Okay, fun, but stfu, Seba. We're trying to fuck here."
Seba:"Oooh and da mirrz are so pretty and take you to a new world!"
I LAWLed. XD;
So. My first Kuroshitsuji oneshot!I'd be very delighted if you reviewed. I'm sure you have something to say about this, don't you? :-)
'Till next time!