Disclaimer: Don't own any part of Gundam Wing or the characters, more's the pity. This is for fun...no profit involved.

Warnings: AU , yaoi, swearing (lots), some OOC (probably), violence, drugs, sex, vague references to long- past NCS, a naughty Duo (i.e. he has a potty mouth and is a bit, er, slutty)…if you are wedded to the "pure, chaste" version of Duo, he might be a bit dark and crude for your taste…ditto for the other characters in here…hey, Quat's a lawyer…how much lower could he get?

Pairings: 1X2X1, 3X4, 5XC, (past 2X3X2, 6X2)


Chapter One: Losing it All

Dear Diary:

Well, life officially sucks again. Not that it should surprise me, since it always seems to flow downhill, but this time the fall was much further than usual.

We'd just gotten back together, Zechs and me, and he took me back to his place and we made love and then made supper and then made love again. It was great. He was great. And being back in his arms and in his bed was enough to make me feel like I could do anything.

Anything except save his life when he needed me the most.

God, why did Treize have to show up? And what was he talking about—Zechs betraying him—betraying Oz? Never happened.

I can't believe he's dead.

When Treize pulled the trigger, I felt like that bullet went straight through my gut. The pain was—indescribable. And to see them just drop Zechs' body on the floor—like he was nothing. God!

I might've stood there all night staring in shock, except that Trant said something about dishes in the kitchen sink, and I realized they'd see the two wine glasses and two plates, and, well, put two and two together.

I went out the window. The damned squeaky window! But I remembered to leave it open a bit, so it wouldn't make noise and alert them.

It wasn't until the rain hit my skin through the thin fabric of my shirt that I realized how completely unprepared I was. I climbed the fire escape, hands slipping on the wet railing, and made it to the roof, by which time I was shivering like crazy. It was freakin' cold up there—the rain beating down—practically freezing, it was so cold.

All I could think was—I had to hide. If Khushrenada remembered me—and I had no doubt he would—he'd be able to track me down in a heartbeat. The Jungle and Sanc were off-limits, as was my apartment. So, where to go?


When I pounded desperately on his door, it only took him seconds to open it, though judging from the baseball bat clutched in his hand, he hadn't been expecting anyone. He must've just gotten in from work.

"What the hell—?"

I flung myself against him, clutching at his shirt and sobbing for breath.

"Duo? What the fuck—?"

"He's dead, Tro'," I heard myself say, my voice so hoarse it sounded like I'd been strangled.

"What? Who?" Trowa pulled me inside, kicking the door shut and then holding me at arm's length and pushing the wet hair out of my eyes. "Jesus, Shini—you're freezing!"

I nodded, my teeth chattering, as Trowa began unbuttoning my soaked shirt.

"You need outta these wet clothes! God, Duo—what happened to you?"

"He's dead."

Trowa paused, halfway through dragging my shirt off of my damp skin. "Who is?"


The green eyes went wide and Trowa sank back against the wall. "Zechs?" he breathed in horror—in disbelief. "When? How?"

"Tonight—I don't know how long ago—." I shook my head, the trembling spreading from my hands up into my entire body. "Jesus, Tro'. He's dead! Zechs is dead!" I still couldn't believe it—couldn't grasp that I'd never run my hands through that gorgeous blonde mane again—never feel him thrust into me—or feel his lips around my cock. "Oh fuck—he's dead!"

I found myself clutched in arms that held tightly, as if trying to keep me from scattering into a million pieces. I don't know if I cried, or what happened next, because I couldn't seem to make myself breathe—and then everything sort of faded to black.

When I woke up, I was in bed—with Trowa still wrapped around me.

The heavy drapes that my nocturnal friend used to keep out daylight when he wanted to sleep, were drawn so tightly that not a sliver of light crept in—though it had to be morning long since.

And despite a moment of confusion, I returned to reality all too fast, sucking in a sharp, painful breath.

"Shh, love. I'm here."

Trowa's voice—soothing as ever.

"What—what should I do?"

"First, tell me everything. Then we'll figure out how to deal with it."

So—I told him. I told him how the evening had gone perfectly, until that stupid midnight wakeup call. And how, from there, it all went to Hell.

Treize Khushrenada somehow thought Zechs had betrayed him to the police. And in retribution, he blew his brains out in the front hallway of that penthouse.

And I was next.