A/N: I have a confession to make, everyone. Brace yourselves, it's a real shocker. Are you ready? Okay. Here it comes.
…This was supposed to be my ChiChi's Christmas present. XD God, I hate myself. I gave her other stuff, but that doesn't change the fact that it has literally been sitting unfinished in a now-ancient notebook for four fucking months, and not until last night did I get the inspiration burst required to write more. It's DeiSaso because back four fucking months ago, it was still Chi's OTP. She better still fangirl over it, though. X3' Because I mean. It's her second OTP now. I think?
I actually had a lot of fun writing it, though. Which surprised myself. 8D'
Enjoy, everybody! (And happy really really late Christmas. Lawlz…)
I do not own Naruto.
The Proper Balance of You and Me
Nothing but his pencil scratching on the paper.
Now answer, again.
"HEY, DANNA, UN!"
"Gah!" Startled, Sasori jumped, the pencil flying out of his hand and half way across his bedroom. "Jesus, Dei! Do you have to be so loud about everything?!"
"Nya, how else am I supposed to get your attention?" He huffed, glaring from behind his curtain of hair. The blonde was stretched out upside down on Sasori's bed, watching him scour over homework at his desk. "Play with me, un. I'm bored as hell and I miss you."
Sasori sighed. "You miss me? Come on, we're in the same room. How can you miss me? And what are you, a sex addict? I'm not going to play with you now, I'm busy."
Neh. He was getting into one of his moods again. The fact that he was overloading himself with school work wasn't helping, either. Mountains of extra credit added to the mountains of already perfect grades wasn't going to matter. "At least talk to me some, un." Deidara complained, rolling over onto his stomach for a better view.
Rising wearily, Sasori went to retrieve his fallen pencil. "Talking is distracting, Dei…" He glanced over once at his deflated looking lover and started to cave in a little. "Look, I'll talk you when I'm done with this question, alright? Would that make you happy?"
Deidara's face brightened. "Hooray, un! My Saso-kins isn't entirely a robot anymore!"
"You're anti-social. So sue me."
"Maybe I will."
"Ooh, so are you spending all of this ridiculous time studying and shit so you can be a lawyer, un?" He sniggered, poking fun.
"I don't know…maybe?"
"Goodie, 'cause they always say to marry a doctor or a lawyer, right?" Sliding off the bed and worming his way over to a blushing Sasori, he enveloped him in a tender hug. Playfully tickling his neck, he whispered, "Can we play now, un? Your grandma's not here."
Sasori was taking fucking ages to reappear back out of his biology room. According to him, it was only going to take a minute to ask his teacher to specify something on the essay he'd assigned; but Deidara was counting the time and it was taking way longer than a minute. Damn him. Stupid little fibber. If he wasn't so adorable, I'd shove him into a locker and never let him out. Hell, he's small enough that he might even fit…oh, here he comes. Finally.
The redhead emerged, juggling a textbook and binder as he struggled to zip up his obese black back pack. He grimaced when he saw Deidara tapping his foot impatiently. It was sort of comical actually, but he did feel guilty to have kept him waiting. Again. For someone who loathed waiting himself, he was certainly making a rather nice hypocrite lately. And that was yet another thing on the list of things he detested. "Sorry, Dei. Didn't mean to take so long. It's my fault…"
Deidara sighed, the air from his lips flipping up his blonde fringe. "Whatever, un. I can deal with it. Anyway, I have you now, so it's all good. Come on, let's go to lunch, un. I'm starved and the lines are probably hellishly huge by now. God, the lines make me cringe! Why the fuck do so many people buy the shitty cafeteria food, un? They always complain about it in the school newspaper's editorials. Although I guess I shouldn't be the one talking, considering how I complain and still eat it, un. Wow, I'm so stupid…!"
Only half listening to his boyfriend chattering on and on, Sasori walked through the halls with him. Rows of identical lockers passed them, and he wished he could take a paint brush to them all. Get rid of that gross colour. What an ugly shade of dirty yellow. Deidara's hair was so much more flattering. Technically the puppeteer was biased thinking that, but still. Really, they needed some sprucing up.
"Oh, Saso-kins!" The sculptor of the pair chirped, swing open the door as they entered the noisy cafeteria. "I drove my car today, un. Do you want to go somewhere after school? I am totally craving a new pair of shoes. And I'll buy you nail polish too, if you want…"
"Oh." The other boy flinched, insides clenching with regret. "I can't today. Sorry…I have rehearsal for the play. So I'm busy…"
Hearing this, he stuck out his lower lip in disapproval. "Awh. That seriously makes me sad, un."
"No, it's alright. What is the school play, again? I know you told me a few times before, but my memory absolutely sucks for things like that."
"It's your typical prince meets princess drabble. Predictable and incredibly stupid, but what else can you expect from that kind of plot?" Sasori snorted, shaking his head. "Oh well. It looks good on college applications and whatnot. Especially when no guy in this student body can act worth a damn and I get landed with the prince's part…"
"Mm. I see, un." Those stupid fucking college apps. Deidara wondered how well they'd burn on top of a bonfire… Now that was an extracurricular activity he would enjoy. Why was there no club for lighting shit on fire? Because there needed to be. He bet he could round up a couple of members. How was that for spirit, huh?! Take that, mister peppy principal and future colleges. Deidara would gladly conform to the bouncy, involved student they wanted everyone to be if there were actually some interesting options available for him to explore.
"Yeah. It's a real riot."
Eventually the sluggish lunch line moved forward enough for them to grab some trays. Picking one off the haphazard stack, Deidara tried again. "How about tomorrow? Are you doing anything important then, un?"
Sasori looked down at his feet. "Sorry…trivia team meeting."
Deidara groaned in defeat. What the fuck. This boy was impossible to get alone. Curse looking good on those goddamn picky high end college apps! "Okay, fine! Saturday, then! Anything on Saturday? I mean, being the bloody weekend and all, I would think—"
The look on Sasori's face stopped him cold. God, he looked like a wounded puppy dog or some other equally pathetic animal. As he started to open his mouth to apologize once more, Deidara shushed him abruptly.
"Gah! Alright, alright! I give up! Don't say you're sorry, un. It's fine. Just give me your new brilliant excuse. It's really fascinating how you spit them all out, you know. You're like a fucking machine gun, un."
"Play rehearsal…again…" He said limply, sliding along his tray and disdainfully selecting a somewhat wilted salad that looked as miserable as his voice. "Really, I am so sor—"
"Ah! No! No apologizing, I said!" The blonde scolded, patting him on the head. After all, that was what you did with sad little puppy dogs. "I'm sure I'll get you to myself eventually, un. I have my ways…"
Sasori smiled, glad to be partly forgiven. (Plus, it just made him grin to be petted by his lover.) "Oh, I know you do."
"Of course you do, un."
However, that little plan didn't come along quite so well as either of them would have preferred. Sasori's schedule was overly crammed, but he was reluctant to drop anything and Deidara was left with only seeing him during school hours. What a drag. When would they ever be able to do kinky things together during class? Such a pity.
But, Sasori was having a small crisis of his own regarding the fate of those very carefully built up applications that Deidara hated so strongly.
The girl, whose name was Mary-Sue Runnferthahillz, who had been slated to act opposite him as the princess in the play, was leaving the cast. Now, if there was no princess to smooch the handsome prince, then there was no show. And no show meant certain doom for those applications, because somewhere along the line Sasori had convinced himself that every line needed to be filled with honestly pointless activities he'd been a part of.
So, he was distraught, and that distraught-ness was getting dumped onto Dei in the form of a blubbering, freaking out redhead.
"Oh god, what are we gonna do?! Ah, it's ruined! It's all ruined, Dei…!" He fretted, oblivious that his partner was bored out of his mind by all of this.
"I don't see what all the fuss is about, un." He mumbled, head resting lazily on his arm. "Why can't they just get a new stupid princess?"
"Oh, come on. It's not such new news that we're gay. No girl here wants to kiss a dirty homosexual. We were lucky that Mary-Sue was such an attention whore she was willing to take the part as long as it was the lead. I don't even know, but apparently it's like they all think somehow that kissing me would turn them into a lesbian or something. Which I don't even know how that's supposed to work, but."
Deidara considered. "Huh. Neither do I. But you know, I do think we'd make pretty hot lesbians ourselves, un…we should totally cross dress one day. What do you say?"
Sasori groaned, annoyed. "Dei! Be serious, would you?! This is a disaster! The prince has no princess!"
An off centered idea floated into his head, but he decided to keep it to himself for just a small while. Well, you don't have to cross dress if you don't want to, Sasori. But that ain't stopping me from it.
Drama club meeting, three o' clock in the afternoon. Sasori arrived all set to be informed the production was cancelled. By then he had sufficiently braced himself for it. Even if it meant his apps suffered a severe artillery hit, at least he would have more time to work on all that grueling studying. Ah, he could imagine the lustful glee on Deidara's face when he heard the news…
"Hey, Akasuna! Get your bony ass over here! We've got good news, yo." Anko, their high energy sponsor, flagged him over while chewing ravenously on a piece of dango.
"Oh…?" He ventured her way after depositing his book bag down by one of the auditorium seats. Good news was highly unexpected. Unless she was just being sarcastic…
"You've got yourself a new medieval girlfriend, prince-y poo!"
He blinked, shocked. "I do? Since when? Who is it?"
Chuckling, Anko shook her head slyly at him. "That," she smirked, "is something you will have to wait to find out until it's your scene, mister prince."
Another thing he hated: surprises. "Neh. Tell me who it is."
"Nope~. Not till you're up. But something tells me you're gonna have great chemistry with them…"
When it was finally to a part in rehearsal that he had a conversation with the beautiful princess, Sasori was confused when the new replacement appeared in costume. Huh? It's nowhere near time for dress rehearsal yet. What the hell is Anko up to with this new girl…?!
Shaking it off, Sasori glanced down at his script to speak. But just as he began to open his mouth to do so, the princess tackled him in a sharp, full on kiss.
"…the FUCK?!" He yelped, shoving her off, but she only cascaded into a hyper, happy giggle fit.
"What, you prefer real vagina, un?"
"Dei?!" The redhead sputtered, feeling like an idiot.
His familiar blue eyes sparkled out from behind gobs of extra makeup, and even more than usual primped yellow hair. Huh, he looked good in a fluffy princess dress, too… Not surprisingly. "Hell yeah, babe. 'Cause it's no secret I'd make a damn good chick. So tell me, how smokin' am I in all this, un!"
"God, you're insane!" Sasori grinned, embarrassed to have mistaken his own lover. "How many strings did you have to pull to get this part…?"
"Hm, let me think. Well, for starters, I had to sleep with Anko over there…"
"Kidding, stupid! You're so gullible, un… I swear."
He rolled his eyes. Of course. Only flamboyant Deidara would say something like that. "Yeah. But really, how come you decided to? I'm betting it's not for brownie points."
"Depending, un. Whose brownie points are we talking about here?"
"College ones, of course."
"Oh. Well in that case, no. Because," he linked arms happily with his boyfriend, "They're for you, un!"
Sasori blushed. "You're willing to waste hours on making this idiotic play work…?"
"Ah…actually, it's only because I'm very much intending on making out with you in between scenes behind the curtains, un. But sure, whatever you wanna say to make it sound more PG."
He smiled. "You whore, you."
"Of course!" Deidara chirped proudly, tickling him where he liked it. "It's me, after all, un. What else do you expect?"
There was nothing else he possibly could expect. Deidara was already going above and beyond.