A/N: So after reading quite a few fanfictions, I have been able to collect a few things that have always confused me. Such as how Daniel, for no apparent reason, seems to swear a lot. Or, Rorschach will say something, and he'll completely lose it. Another thing that gets me, is how people have made Rorschach's speech so butchered. Okay, I know it's not perfect, but he does use full sentences sometimes. It's also weird how some describe him as being so freckly... hehe it doesn't bother me, but it seems like a strange detail. SO this here is... I s'pose a fanfic parody, taking all the odds I find in stories and exaggerating them here. If something here offends you, than that's okay. I tease myself here as well. Eh, if no one likes it, I sure had a hell of a good time writing it. Enjoy.
Night Owl squeezed into the increasingly-getting-smaller pilot's seat in the front of the owlship 'Archie' ". He and Rorchach had just spent the entire night beating off thugs. Well, Rorchach was beating off thugs. Everyone knows that Night Owl can't fight and he just sits there getting beat' up. He does end up the fat one, so there is only logical reasoning behind him not contributing to the fight. Anyway, it was a gruesome fight in which Rorchach took on five bad thugs at a time. Meanwhile, Night Owl was getting totally beat' up by this one guy. Night Owl couldn't... he just couldn't bring himself to hurt the poor man more than he already was. Well, the man was the one throwing the punches, but he must have been really hurt and misunderstood on the inside. Poor guy, Night Owl thought as he took another hit in the not-yet-flabby-gut.
Night Owl was finally able to overcome his offender buy kicking the feet from under him. He used his super high-tech device and wizardry skill in mechanics to fall the rotten thug-man. The fight was over, and Night Owl and Rorchach were left in the center of KO'ed bodies. They were panting very hard now, sweat falling like waterfalls from Dan's face. Rorchach wears a mask, which constantly shifts black and white, so you can't tell if his freckly face is sweating or not.
"Goddamn man, shit! Look at all these damn bodies!" Night Owl exclaimed.
"Hurm. No." Rorchach grunted.
"C'mon, dammit, look at them! They're everywhere! Shit..." He rubbed his nose.
"Never compromise, Daniel."
"Don't be a dick, man... crap, let's go home."
"Bodies in ally. Need to dispose. Are gonna help?" Rorchach asked, ignoring Night Owl's previous statement. Night Owl just stared at Rorchach. Hot-damn, he lusted for that shorter man. He stared longingly at the emotionless face, fantasizing about what may lay hidden beneath it. He continues to stare, lost in dreams. Until finally, "Daniel?"
Instantly, he snaps out of it. "Bitches. Okay, let's drag these fuckin' bodies to the curb. Damn criminals."
So together, he and Rorchach dragged the bodies out.
Now we find ourselves in the owl ship 'Archie'. Night Owl sits in his chair, rips of the goggles and slides his owl-mask off his sweat soaked hair. Rorchach takes the seat next to him, grumbling unintelligent words. The silence is awkward at first, but that doesn't last. They've been partners for a few years now, and that silence wasn't soul-shattering. The engines were starting to warm up, the gentle hum somewhat relaxed the two vigilantes.
"Hey Rorchach, damn, where do you wanna get dropped off?" Daniel asked. He knew it would be the same as always; just go to Dan's Owl-lair and exit through the abandoned subway tunnels. But Daniel was hoping, wishing, that tonight would be different. He wanted to invite Rorchach to spend the night with him, as he dreamed about with each passing day. But he knew it wouldn't happen. Rorchach wasn't a fag... not that Daniel was one either.
"Same. Your place; grab beans and go. Have places to be, after." Daniel just sighed.
"Crap... okay, my place it is." He smiled to himself, pretending like Rorchach had accepted the offer to 'sleep over'.
"Bad. Bad idea, Daniel. Not fag. Not a whore. Want sugar cubes."
Rorchach whispered, "No." But it was loud and sounded like normal.
That did it. Daniel's anger-line got waaaay passed just then. He could feel the burning hot emotion erupting through his whole body. In an angry voice, which even made Rorchach wince, Daniel shouted "GODDAMNIT Rorchach! You are so fuckin' hard to work with, you know that? Shit, you're so damn stupid! All I want to do is be a good friend and help you, bitch." His temper was buzzing the air and making things very uncomfortable. Rorchach was disgusted. Disgusted at how Daniel seemed to completely lose his temper for no reason at all. So he stood up, marched to where Daniel- still fuming in fumes of his own anger- stood, and shoved his mask above his nose. In his trademark raspy voice, he said to Night Owl:
"Want to go base. Eat beans. Leave. Not gonna fag with you, Daniel. Not gay."
"What the crap, man? I wasn't even asking-"
"Can see your eyes. Lying. Bad, do not do."
Daniel just stood there staring at his secret man-lust. His face which was so obviously freckled, his dry lips and rough stubble, just seemed so welcoming to Daniel. He could do it... fulfill his sinful thoughts. Rorchach was already angry with him, but his exposed, red-headed jaw looked so tempting. Now was his chance, perhaps his only ever.
Swifter than he'd ever been able to pull off during a fight, Daniel tackled Rorchach. Rorchach was completely caught off guard as the flying owl pinned him to the wall. Very hotly, Daniel met Rorchach's lips as he tried desperately to get response. Rorchach was angry and trying to shove Daniel away, but he realized that... he did kind of want this. Instead of pushing Dan away, we returned the kiss. Rorchach was a horrible kisser, but Daniel was so consumed by it, it was like kissing Santa. Wonderful; it was sweet, warm, and felt completely right. Daniel pulled his Owl mask and goggles off for a second time. He grabbed at Rorchach's shoulders as the redhead still wearing the mask pulled them together even tighter. The Night Owl kissed hungrily (hurr hurr Twilight reff LOL) down Rorchach's neck, stopping with his face buried in the man's beautiful Italian-made scarf.
"The crap, Rorchach, you have to many clothes. Fuck,"
Rorchach pushed himself away now, staring angrily into Night Owl's exposed eyes. Daniel was confused... he thought everything was going smoothly. For a few moments, all they did was stare. This was an awkward moment. Daniel felt silly, stupid, for allowing himself to do this to Rorchach. No, he was glad. Rorchach knew, and embraced the idea. But... he was angry now... why?
"Shit man, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to-"
"No Daniel. You... right. Too much." And with just that, Rorchach took off his stylish scarf. Night Owl gasped as he watched it flutter to the floor. This was the most exposed Daniel had ever seen Rorchach, he didn't think he'd be able to take it. An awe-inspired stare into each other's eyes, and Rorchach leapt back into Night Owl's muscular arms. Again, they kissed very deeply; drinking each other's spit.
Sweaty Daniel and scarfless-Rorchach continued to romantically attack one another. Rorchach hated himself for this, for allowing Daniel to get pleasure this way from him. But he was also loving it all. He liked the alien warmth against his body. Daniel's warmth, seeping through the Owl suit, through his own coat plus it's many layers, down to his very pale skin. On the floor of Archie, the two Vigilantes continued to make sweet man-love while the autopilot took them to the Owl Lair.
The end really is nigh.