Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Angel the series, Twilight, Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, Supernatural, or any other verse that rears its ugly head in this land of Sue.

A/N: This was written for the Mary Sue Challenge for The Guild of the Fantastic Quill. We had several options for dealing with our Sue. This was my choice. If you're offended for some reason, don't be. This is a mega-Sue, so powerful she's rarely spotted in actual fan fiction. Enjoy!

Setting: After season 7, Faith is on her own and the New Council is working hard to unify slayers.

"Sue Slayer"

"You fell for it, B," Faith muttered. She shook her head before taking a last drink. The burn felt sufficient.

Faith sat down her shot glass, staring at the grimy surface of the table. She grimaced, pulling her elbows up; why was everything in a run-down motel always so damned sticky? Granted, the slayer couldn't force herself to complain aloud. She'd seen worse from rooms that actually required guests without criminal records, and the Emperor Inn's weekly rates were low.

She could, however, complain about the unwanted visitor standing in her doorway.

"Heard of knocking, watcher?" she sighed, licking the liquor off her lips.

Her dark eyes didn't lift when he walked in.

"Do you know why I'm here, Faith?" Giles asked, closing the door behind him and cutting off the sound of a passing semi. He approached her slowly and took a seat. "You know what's happening to the New Council."

"No full scoop, but I hear rumors," she admitted.

"Then you've heard about her?"

She scooted the coffee maker to the side, pulling a small foam cup from its plastic wrapper. She poured the man a Scotch. He took that as her answer.

"Something must be done," he said. His blue eyes caught hers. "I won't be able to take her down on my own. God knows, I already would have, if it were possible."

Faith poured herself another drink as well. "Tell me more, teach."

Giles nodded. His gaze aged many years behind his glasses. "There are some things you need to know about Mary, before we face her. For one, she's both a slayer and a vampire."

"I hear there's more to that," Faith interrupted.

"There is," Giles noted. "She's of a rare species of extremely capable vampires with skin like granite. In fact, their outer forms are so formidable that the sun doesn't harm them. They're said to sparkle."

Faith's eyes darted up. "Sparkle?"

"Also, because Mary was both a potential slayer and a very talented student, when she became a vampire, she, in turn, became a genius killing machine with the beauty of a European super model. However, instead of staying with her own kind, she decided to seek out the family she never knew." Giles paused, his brow furrowed as he tried to gather his thoughts. How exactly did this go. . .? "Apparently, she and Buffy share the same father," Giles began.

Faith sat up a bit straighter. "That explains why B would trust her."

"But there's more that than," Giles continued. "According to Mary's very shaky account, Hank Summers has a half-brother named Winchester, John Winchester, whom she was also searching for. Suffice to say, Buffy was very surprised by this news. Mary went on to explain her other travels. Her mother, it seems, was a witch—explaining the hidden powers Mary's training has been revealing. Mary started to develop these powers after she met her cousin, a young wizard who'd defeated a dark sorcerer. When the sorcerer was resurrected, he became enamored by Mary long enough for the slayering vampire-witch to gain an advantage and to destroy this . . .Dark Lord once and for all. Stealing all of her cousin's thunder, of course. Also. . ."

"Enough with the backstory," Faith snapped, her eyes slightly reddened.

The slayer stood suddenly, crossing the room. She pulled a duffle bag out from beneath her bed and unzipped it, withdrawing an axe.

"So, this won't chip her skin?" Faith asked.

Giles cocked his head. "As it is, no. However, I've been researching spells to reinforce basic weapons. I found something in Native American superstition, a Quileute charm that should do the trick."

"That's all I need to know," Faith said. She smiled at the gleam of the blade.

The watcher walked to her side, placing a stern hand on the woman's shoulder.

"You should be careful, Faith," Giles said.

Faith recognized the gesture as an act of desperation. It shook her slightly. "What aren't you telling me?"

Giles sighed, pulling away from her. "A few weeks ago, before Mary's arrival, one of Willow's wiccan students passed an anti-lust spell on me, as a joke. It's probably all that saved me. Willow and Xander have both fallen into Mary's web. When Mary went to seal up the hell portal in LA, both Spike and Angel began to fight over her love."

Faith's mouth dropped open.

"I know, I know," Giles breathed, "it's frightening. But hear me out, Faith. She's going to be hard to kill. She's nearly perfect in every way, shape, and form. You might find yourself falling for her charms."

His eyes became distant. "I knew another girl like her once. . .Her name was Ophelliadora. Her spell was so powerful that an elfin archer travelled through time to regain her love." Giles swallowed, as if in relief. "Thankfully, I wasn't forced to deal with her—if turned out that she was secretly a royal daughter of some long lost kingdom. She and the elf travelled back in time to vanquish a flaming eye. No doubt, they lived happily ever after."

Faith shook her head. "Can we do a spell or something? Send Mary to another dimension."

"I wouldn't wish that on another world," Giles answered. He removed his glasses, cleaning them gently. "You should know, Faith. If we defeat her, Mary will no doubt go down a martyr. We'll probably be hated by the masses."

Faith paused for only a moment. Then she shrugged, stepping towards the door. "They hate me already—let's kill, Miss Perfect."

Giles raised a brow, following the slayer. "I believe the proper term is 'bitch'."

The door shut behind them. It was time to slay a Sue.