*** THIS STORY IS CURRENTLY BEING RE-EDITED. **
I've noticed a lot of errors in the earlier chapters and that my writing is a lot better in the end compared to the beginning, so I'm going back and re-editing and replacing all the chapters. None of them will be taken down, they will all stay on but gradually be replaced. I'll take this bit of the A/N down when its all done.
Summary: No one ever forgets their first love. Edward dies in the Second World War and leaves behind his broken hearted fiancée Bella. 3 years later she feels that she can move on, but what happens when Edward returns? ~ Based on the song by Katy Perry.
I was listening to this song and watching the music video earlier and this idea came to mind, I felt like I had to write it right away whilst I still felt inspired. Just a bit of background info here to start with- Bella is currently 17 having turned that 3 months ago, while Edward is 20 and turns 21 in June. So he is 3 years and 9 months older… at the moment. They have been together for 15 months- since Bella turned 16.
Please review, I have a lot of free time so I can update quickly- granted if people want to read anymore so reviews will let me know that.
Disclaimer: all belongs to Stephenie Meyer, the brilliant and creative genius that she is.
(Song for the story- Thinking of you- Katy Perry)
"Comparisons are easily done,
Once you've had a taste of perfection.
Like an apple hanging from a tree,
I picked the ripest one,
I still got the seed.
You said move on,
Where do I go?
I guess second best,
Is all I will know…
Cause when I'm with him,
I am thinking of you,
Thinking of you…
What you would do if…
You were the one,
Who was spending the night.
Oh I wish that I,
Was looking into your eyes."
Thinking of you
The air was crisp and thick with the winter mist; everywhere in sight the ground was white covered in snow and ice which glistened in the small amount of sunlight.
Although we were already far into the winter this was the first day that I had seen the weather like this, and felt it in the air so much. I wrapped my blanket tighter around me trying to feel warmth- an attempt, which failed miserably.
I looked at the scenery around me trying to find happiness somewhere, because even though all I could see was white which represented purity, innocence and beauty, I knew that today would be the worst of my life that would take them things away from me.
… I knew how horrible today would be before it had even begun.
Keeping my hands on the rails, I leant over the balcony watching the trees sway in the distance, looking and listening for signs of life. No one was around and that was understandable; this day was going to be difficult for many people.
I silently wondered what it would be like to jump from here right now… would I fly or would I fall? The answer to that was pretty much obvious, but what I'm wondering is- what would it feel like? Would it make you feel free… or afraid?
The last option didn't even matter or scare me at all, because I knew there was no chance of me feeling anymore afraid then what I do now.
So trying out my theory I began to lean further over, seeing more and more of the ground as I did.
I must have looked close to falling because the next thing I heard was Edward's panicked voice, "Bella!" he gasped in horror and shock. I heard him running towards me, and then in the next instance he had his hands on my waist and was pulling me back over to safety.
I didn't say anything; I just stood there not facing him, feeling ashamed as I looked down at my feet.
Edward made the first move wrapping his arms around my waist and resting his chin on my shoulder- admittedly, his warmth was very comforting.
"Are you okay love?" he asked me quietly, his warm breath tickling my ear.
I nodded, not trusting my voice enough to speak, it was as if the almost-falling-from-the-balcony hadn't happened, as the reality of what was going to happen today settled back into my mind instead of it.
… Today my fiancée is leaving to fight in the Second World War in Europe, and word has spread of how brutal this war is going to be, and so I'm afraid that he will die.
So far, my life has been perfect, easy… because Edward has always been there for me. We've been best friends our whole lives despite him being 3 years older. When I turned sixteen I realised that our friendship had grown even more, and that I was in unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him. He had always known me too well; it was as if in this instance that he could read my mind because the day I had of my birthday that I had my epiphany - or so you could call it - he confessed that he was in love with me.
And now its Fifteen months later and needless to say we're still inseparable, 3 months ago he proposed and we plan to get married when he returns… if he returns, that is.
I know that I'm very lucky to have a fiancée as sweet and caring as Edward is- if we argue its only little ones about irrelevant matters, which we recover from within the hour- he's normally the one to apologise, even if it wasn't his fault. We struggle to be apart from each other, which some people could and do call unhealthy… not like their comments matter to me, after all being with Edward makes me feel alive, that's got to mean our relationships healthy right?
Things have been a little difficult lately with the war beginning and all… Edward felt it was his duty to sign up when they asked for soldiers, saying he wanted to help his country.
At the time though, it wasn't known just how horrible the war would become… and now he knows its not going to be easy, yet he has never complained or told me he regrets his decision. But now today is the day that he has to go- and the day has approached far too quickly for my liking.
I do not know how I would live without him- he's always been a part of my life, and most recently he was all I lived for. I had my parents Charlie and Renee and my friends Alice and Jacob… but I don't think I could ever live a happy life that Edward wasn't in. The thought of it alone seemed impossible.
We stayed quiet for a while- the silence surrounded us. I noticed out of the corner of my eye that he had turned to watch me and that his expression was concerned- the frown apparent on his beautiful face.
Knowing him well I could guess what he was thinking- he was worried about how I was acting.
How could he be afraid for me? Doe's he not realise what's ahead of him?
"Please tell me what you're thinking about," he eventually pleaded breaking the silence, his face now pressed into my hair.
I sighed gently, I faced downward letting my hair frame my face, and finally replied- "I'm thinking about why I'm afraid," I whispered.
He brushed some of my hair away from my face, mumbling something about wanting to see my face as much as possible while he can. "Why are you afraid?" he asked me softly.
I laughed without humour; my voice bitter- "Isn't it obvious?" I mumbled.
"No…" he replied slowly.
How infuriating of him!
"Edward, now is not the time to act stupid okay?" I snapped, stepping out of his embrace, walking to the other side of the balcony.
I heard him sigh sadly, "I know that, what I'm saying is theres no need to be afraid okay?" he told me, his voice now slightly hysterical.
"Of course there is!" I screamed, "Edward… you… after today I might never see you again!" I whispered, finally letting the barrier break down. The tears began to fall steadily, feeling hot against my face.
Now that I had started crying, I couldn't stop. I cried for my fears - my fears for what Edward was about to go through, my fears for my life without him, my fears that we will never have our life together… my fears about everything.
Edward held on to me to keep me from falling, I cried into his chest whilst he ran his hands through my hair and rubbed my back soothingly.
He rocked us gently whilst whispering softly to me, "you will see me again, I'll be back, I swear I will, my love."
I shook my head but couldn't find the words to argue, instead I managed to whisper- "Promise me," my voice was slightly muffled by his shirt.
He seemed to understand what I meant because he pulled back and instead took my face between his hands. His thumbs kept brushing at my tears, yet they still kept falling.
His green eyes were wide and sincere, unblinking as he spoke to me, "I promise I will come back to you."
I nodded again, trying to believe him. I bit my lip to try and stop crying, though it didn't help much.
He ran his lips along my cheeks kissing the tears away, whilst I closed my eyes trying to commit the feeling of his touch to memory.
When he stopped kissing my cheeks he lifted my hand and kissed the engagement ring I was wearing, which had now been there for 3 months proving our love for eachother.
We had walked indoors and just sat quietly enjoying each other's company for a couple of hours… it was bittersweet, knowing that we only had limited time together, but we made sure to enjoy it as best we could. It seemed all too soon when Edward glanced at the clock on the wall, regret and sorrow obvious in his features.
"You have to go," I whispered - it wasn't a question, but a statement.
He looked back at me and slowly nodded, his expression now pained.
It was then that I realised… he was more frightened then he was letting me know.
We walked to the door hand in hand, and after grabbing his bags we began our walk into town, the centre of Chicago.
As we approached the goodbye point Edward let go of my hand and instead wrapped his arm around my waist keeping me tightly pressed to his side.
He seemed to be getting tenser and more nervous each step we took, I couldn't help but wonder whether it was for what was ahead of him or the thought of leaving home… both were upsetting thoughts.
Edward had already said his goodbyes to his friends and family yesterday, which was tough for him, but somehow he had held it all together, which only made me admire him even more. I certainly wasn't as strong as him… I never had been.
He quietly began humming under his breath, and I instantly recognised and felt soothed by the wonderful melody…
"I have something I want to show you," a 19 year old Edward told me excitedly.
He pulled me by the hand and I willingly sat next to him on the bench facing the beautiful grand piano.
"Oh, you completed the song!" I said excitedly in recognition, I loved his music - I always had. He had always been an amazing player, and composer. He told me that he was struggling to write a song recently, I assumed that now he had completed it he wanted me to hear it - he had always played for me after all.
He nodded, running his hand through his beautiful bronze hair, something he did when he was nervous.
And then without any more words he began playing and instantly the most magnificent and flawless music began. So many emotions were displayed in it but one was the most obvious- joy.
My eyes filled with tears just because of the sheer beauty of it, I was stunned and mesmerised.
Edward wasn't even looking at the piano- instead he was watching me, a small smile on his lips.
He leant towards me so his lips were now brushing my ear, "you inspired this one," he whispered softly.
If I thought that my smile couldn't have gotten bigger before then now I'm sure it was impossible, my cheeks ached from the smile. Yet it didn't matter… I had never felt so happy.
His lips were still at my ear, his face turned towards me, and yet the music continued flawlessly.
The song slowly came to a close; the notes lingering in the air for several moments… even when the music was gone I could still hear it.
"That was… so, so beautiful," I whispered, knowing that my words didn't do it justice - 'beautiful' barely even covered it but I didn't seem able of thinking of any more adjectives at this moment.
His smile though was dazzling; he kissed my cheek softly- "I love you," he whispered.
More tears ran down my cheeks, "I love you too," I replied, my voice sincere and full of love.
He leant in and kissed me until I was breathless, while I still remembered the wonderful melody that this amazing man had written… for me…
I came out of my memory with tears streaming down my face again, I could see that we had reached our goodbye point- from here he had to go on without me.
And I wasn't ready; I would never be ready to say goodbye to him.
Edward turned to look at me and saw the tears on my face, in response he held me tighter then before.
"Shh sweetheart, please don't cry… it'll be okay…" he murmured into my hair, trying to soothe me, though I could tell by his voice that he was crying as well by this point.
"I'm sorry," I replied, I was shaking by this point and felt unable to control myself.
He only held me even tighter then before to calm me. "Don't ever apologise," he groaned into my hair, seeming to tell me something to remember whilst he was gone.
"Sorry," I mumbled weakly, before slapping a hand over my mouth.
"Isabella…" he groaned disapprovingly, shaking his head.
I managed to smile slightly at this, before expertly changing the subject, "you'll write won't you?" I asked softly, pressing my face into his neck.
"Everyday if I can," he promised me, his voice sincere.
"Good," I said simply, already looking forward to his letters - something to keep him close to me… I would always make sure to reply to him if I could.
It was silent for a moment- though I could hear people in the background, our time was fast running out, and he knew it as well. He pulled away slightly, glancing around us before directing his gaze back at me.
When he spoke he was even more serious then before- "Bella, can I ask you to do something for me?" he asked slowly.
I nodded, my vision was now blurry through the tears, yet my voice came out strong, "Anything," I promised him.
He took a deep breath, and took my face in his hands making sure I was paying full attention, "Be happy for me… please? While I'm gone… just enjoy your life as best you can. Never think that you can't be happy- just do what it takes to make yourself so, even if I don't come back don't think that you don't deserve happiness…"
I stiffened at his last words, I thought he had promised that he would come back…? Was he breaking that promise already?
I hadn't replied to his request, and it didn't escape his notice.
"Bella," he groaned, "promise me…" he begged, his voice now sounding desperate.
"I-I promise," I replied shakily. "…I'm going to miss you so much," I sobbed, the tears now falling even faster then before.
He sighed gently, and loosened his grip; I kept hold of him though, not wanting to let go.
He took hold of my face again, and his voice was the softest I had ever heard it, "Bella… I love you so much, always remember that. You are my life, and you are all that has ever mattered to me," he said softly, his forehead pressed against mine.
I nodded through my tears, "I love you too," I managed to reply. It wasn't as beautiful as what he had said, yet it seemed to be enough because he smiled softly in response.
The noise increased in the background, "I have to go now," he said reluctantly as one single tear fell down his cheek.
"Okay," I replied my voice now lifeless.
He kissed me gently yet lovingly, our tears mixing together. I ran my hands through his hair, trying to remember the softness of it.
It was a goodbye kiss, maybe our last one.
He kissed me until it was necessary to pull apart for breaths, even then he continued kissing me- he ran his lips along my jaw and then down my neck. I closed my eyes, committing this feeling to memory… the feeling of what his lips felt like against my skin, the feeling of him against me.
It could have been minutes, even if it only felt like seconds, all I knew was that I felt like screaming when he eventually let go of me, "remember what I told you," he said softly.
I opened my eyes to look at him, afraid that it really would be the last time. I took in all of his beautiful features… his beautiful eyes, his messy hair… it seemed like he was doing the same with me.
Finally when we knew our time was up, he leant towards me and kissed me softly on the forehead, holding onto one of my hands tightly.
"Be safe," we both whispered to each other at the same time, both meaning different things yet with the same meaning to each other.
Slowly he stepped away, and I let my hand stay attached until it was just our fingertips barely touching. Another tear fell down each of our cheeks as he took the final step away until there was no contact between us.
'I love you,' he mouthed to me, before he turned and walked until he was out of sight. He kept glancing back at me every few seconds, and his expression looked the same as mine - broken hearted.
And then, he was gone.
And something told me; it was going to be a long, long time until we were ever reunited.
Yeah I know its kind of depressing at the moment; it will get happier though! Unfortunately it has to get a lot sadder before the happiness. There will be happy fluffy flashbacks though!