Magnus: Well, here is the next chapter, this one will explain some points of the plot, as well as have some fun with the family, any similarities with the real life are pure coincidence (I always wanted to say that), oh, by the way, if anyone had the thought that this was going to be a Haruhi bashing fic, you are wrong, Haruhi will be happy at the end, I promise (can't say the same about Koizumi), so, now, time to enjoy this chapter, so please, read and review.

Disclaimer: We don't own Suzumiya Haruhi no Yuutsu or anything you believe is being mentioned here (should I'll claim ownership of Kyonko now?).


Chapter 3

Recipe for revenge

It was noon when Kyon arrived to Yuki's apartment, he was received with a soft hug from Yuki, and a smile from Kyonko, "We missed you, so, any ideas?, it seems that my brain is dry, but I got a nice time sleeping, not having my sister here to awake me up is GREAT!", Kyon looked at her with a smile, then kissed Yuki on the lips before explaining, "Yes, I have an idea, Yuki, can you falsify original documents to give a false identity to Kyonko?", Yuki blinked once, and then replied, "...Yes, is not difficult... All needed documentation will be ready in 15 minutes, I only need the proper data...", at this, Kyonko felt the need to ask, "Ok, I know I need a false identity, but, who I'll will be, I mean, remember that I'm not truly a girl, I'm a guy", Kyon looked at her with a smile that resembled somewhat to the one of Koizumi, 'I need to remember to tell him to never smile like that again', Kyonko thought, "Well, I came with the conclusion that you'll play the role of my cousin, that will explain our similar look", Kyon explained, but Kyonko glared at him, "That may work with Haruhi at first, but what are we going to do when Haruhi tries to ask our parents about my existence?", Kyon was specting this, so, he turned to face Yuki, "Yuki, can you brainwash my family into let them think that Kyonko is truly my cousin, and she is moving with us?", at this request, Yuki proceed to bite her right index knuckle, thinking in all the possibilities and requirements, and rewarding both Kyon and Kyonko with one of the most cute sights ever seen 'Oh! Yuki! HOW LOVELY YOU ARE!', both thought at the same time.

After some minutes of enjoying her little cute pose, Yuki finally replied, "...Brainwash is not necessary... a set of nanomachines introduced on their systems will reprogram their brains with fake memories of the existence of Kyonko... however, certain factors are required to avoid conscious rejection...", after a few seconds of silence, Kyonko concluded, "Like being questioned by a another person about my past and why they never talked about me, right?, or what about me being questioned about that past?, how to make it congruent?", Kyonko was a little disappointed, the plan seemed to be weak, but Kyon was still smiling, "Don't worry, I thought about it all, because you are going to be the never mentioned tomboyish lesbian cousin of the family", at Kyon explanation, Kyonko didn't let a second pass to show her shock, "WHAAATT?!", Kyon tried his best to explain, "Look, you are not going to start acting all girlie, right?", "True, I'm a guy after all", Kyonko replied, "And you simply will never date, kiss, or even hug a boy, right?", Kyon continued, "HELL NO!", Kyonko was seriously disgusted with the last idea, but now she saw the strong points of the plan, "Well, you are right, is a good identity, I'll be able to go out, while keep being myself", Kyonko now fully agreed, "Now we need to think what to do afterwards", Kyon stated, and now Kyonko was the one smiling, "I was thinking about that all the night, since we can't be seeing together with Yuki, and Haruhi is a damn bitch who wants full attention, I have decided to give her more attention than she had ever wished", Kyonko half explained, "But...", both Kyon and Yuki tried to reply, but got cut by Kyonko, "Look, if we don't do anything she'll keep screwing us, so, I'll make people get the WRONG IDEA, so, either she will desire for my disappearance, or she will keep me for herself forgetting about you two, either way we all win", Kyon and Yuki didn't liked how the 'either way' sounded, but there were little choices right now.

"...I see... I'll start the data manipulation now, as well as the programing of the nanomachines, however, I need to be close to the subjects in order to administrate them...", Yuki looked at both Kyons with a questioning face, they needed an excuse to bring Yuki at home and let them being injected with the nanomachines, after thinking for a while, Kyonko proceed to sat and hug Yuki from behind, "Well, is about time for you to meet my family", Kyonko said at Yuki's ear, making her blush a little, "...A meet with the Nagashima family has already occurred in the past...", she managed to reply, but Kyon was now in front of her face, at less than one inch, "But is time for you to officially be introduced as my girlfriend...", Kyon stated just before start kissing her, it was his way to say 'no more arguing', and they ended leaning just too much over Kyonko, who didn't complain for being pinned by Yuki and Kyon.

The next day...

"...I fail to understand the difference between this this formal meeting and the last times I've been in your home as a normal visitor...", Yuki was stating to Kyon at the time they were almost at Kyon's house door, "Well... the other times you were here only for a little, just to take a book or something else, a brief visit, today... you'll need to socialize with my parents and my sister and... answer some uneasy questions... you remember what NOT to say, right?", saying that Kyon was nervous was an understatement, he wasn't shaking only because his girlfriend was Yuki Nagato, an alien humanoid interface with a superior intelligence, she couldn't blow it, right?, "...I will repeat the answer for 12th time, yes, I know what not to say and understand the reason for not doing it...", Yuki answered, but somehow, Kyon knew that this was going to be a hard day, but right now, it has to be started.

His home always had been a place of peace, a place to rest, to feel oneself secure, but right now, under the gaze of his parents, Kyon's mind was screaming to his body to get the hell out of there, as if he had developed a skill to sense imminent danger, "Mom, dad, I want to introduce my GIRLFRIEND, Nagato Yuki... Yuki, I know that I told you that these are my parents, but now this is more formal", Kyon did his best to sound relaxed, so, Yuki did the same, "...Nice to meet you... I hope that you can accept me just as my dear Kyotachi accepted me as I am...", and there, is when this dreamy time turned into a nightmare, "OOOHHHHHHH!, AND SHE ADDRESS YOU BY YOUR TRUE NAME!", both of his parents said at the same time with a tone that disturbed even the stoic Yuki, "I see, so, Kyotachi, let's go and talk upstairs and let the ladys to known each other", Kyon father said while dragging Kyon with him, 'This is not as predicted, why does they have to separate us, I don't like this', Yuki was on her train of thought, looking with despair in the direction of the stairs were Kyon went, "Well Yuki-chan, I can't say I'm surprised to see that you are his girlfriend, I still remember the first time you came, the way you were looking at him, I knew that you liked him from the beginning", Kyon's mom was very direct, and this was somehow new to the alien, "...from the beginning?...", Yuki asked before noticing it, "Yes dear, I noticed it, and... I know that Kyon fell for you from the beginning too", Kyon's mother replied, at this, Yuki made a mental note to remember that human mothers seemed to have an enhanced perception, then, Kyon's mother continued, "So, Yuki-chan, have you been using protection", it took one second and half to register what was implied, which made the poor Yuki to show an extremely shocked expression (this time obvious to anyone who looked directly at her), 'What?!, did I say what I wouldn't have said?!, accessing memory of the previous 2.5 minutes... analysing... negative, the topic hasn't been touched until the previous 70 seconds', "Is ok, you are so pretty, and I know that my son is handsome, there is no need to be shy, you are almost part of the family", Kyon's mother continued, showing a sly look, while Yuki was still not able to formulate a proper reply, 'Not to be shy... part of the family... not to blow it up... truth or lie?.... truth or lie?, TRUTH OR LIE?!', "Well..."...

Meanwhile in Kyon's room...

"Well son, I'm proud of you, no wonder your notes went high, smart and pretty, how did you caught her?", to Kyon, his father was just predictable, "Dad, do we really need to have this kind of awkward conversation?", Kyon's father was about to reply, when, "Honey, you can come down now, this pretty girl has just confessed!", it was the voice of Kyon's mother, and all that was implied in that phrase petrified the poor Kyon, 'Damnit!, why my great and beautiful goddess, why?', "So, when is the wedding?", Kyon's father just couldn't resist to ask that awkward question, while making a big grin.

Now in the kitchen...

The 'I'm sorry' from Yuki was something to remember, even if he knew that his family was going to tease him until his death, he was now allowing his mind to be flooded with all kind of fantasies while looking at Yuki helping his mother making dinner, the pink shade of her cheeks never left her face since he came down, but that made her look much more cute, however he also knew that making dinner was part of the plan, she was going to add microcapsules with the nanomachines required to reprogram his family memory, "OK FAMILY!, time for dinner, and Yuki-chan made it with just so little help!, Kyon, you really know how to choose!", Kyon's mother was being more annoying than ever, but any discussion right now was useless, the dinner was great, thing that gave good points for her in the eyes of Kyon's parents, and right now, 2 things were needed to keep the plan working, first, to keep the secret of Yuki, and second, to test the nanomachines, so, Kyon proceed with the first one, "Hum... mom, dad, Imoto-chan... now I need to ask you something very important...", Kyon started, just to be cut by his mother, "Oh my!, don't tell me you need to marry ASAP?!", "MOM!, THAT'S NOT IT!", Kyon shouted, then sighed before continuing, "Ahem!, what I need to ask is that you need to keep my girlfriend as a secret, there is certain girl that we don't want to get this knowledge", as predicted, his parents gave him some suspicious looks, his sister was already making plans to tease him in front of his friends, and then, his father took the word, "So, why and who is this girl?, don't tell me you have 2 girlfriends!", "...Is not like that... Suzumiya Haruhi is a very overpossesive person, she will not take kindly our relationship... Kyotachi is worried about me, Haruhi may try to abuse of my weak condition...", Yuki explained before anything else could happen, and her explanation made all Kyon's family turned pale, "But... why will she do something like that?!, did she love our Kyon that much?, is she obsessed?", Kyon's father was worried too, he knew who this Haruhi was, and in his eyes, Yuki was much more better than the hyperactive and weird girl, and just then, as if it were a miracle, Kyon and Yuki received the confirmation of the nanomachines, "Honey, what if this Haruhi is like Kyonko?!, maybe she is obsessed with Yuki-chan and not Kyon!", Kyon's mother added to the comment of his father, "Ok, for the well being of our future new family member, we'll keep the secret, by the way, which day is your cousin arrival?", with the last reply from his father, Kyon and Yuki were making a mental happy dance, they succeeded in the first part of the plan, now it was a matter of letting Kyonko do her revenge, and see how far she'll go...


Magnus: Well, there ya go, did you liked it?, anyone saw his/her parents here?, I'm open to new ideas, so please review, and see ya in next chapter!