Author's note: I'm going straight to hell for this one, folks. And you're all comin' with me.
That having been said… this one-shot was inspired by the picture I put up at the "TWoP Kicked Us Out, But We Still Love Chuck" forum's "Chuck Captions Contest" this morning. Go check it out if you want to be amused.
Chuck grumbled at the interruption of his sleep. Keeping his eyes tightly shut, he tried to ignore the voice.
"Not now, Ellie," Chuck complained. Then something tickled the bottom of his feet. Huh?
"Not Ellie, Chuck…"
That's when Chuck's eyes flew open, to see Sarah standing at the end of his bed dressed in black lingerie and a matching negligee. "Oh, God, not again," he groaned.
Sarah raised an eyebrow. "Not what again?"
Chuck shook his head, staying safely tucked under the covers. "This nightmare," he responded. "I had it once before, and you attacked me with a butcher knife. No fun."
An amused look crossed Sarah's face. "This isn't a nightmare, Chuck."
"Whatever," Chuck replied, rolling his eyes. "It's still got to be a dream."
And with that, Sarah knelt on the bed, and began to crawl toward Chuck. "It's not a dream, Chuck."
Chuck's eyes widened. "But… Sarah… it's Sunday. It's Easter!"
She shrugged. "So?"
Sarah had reached Chuck's knees, and was beginning to slide her hands up the sides of his still duvet-covered body. "Uh… uh…" For some reason, the only thing coming to Chuck's mind was Scripture. "Uh, Sarah, do not hold on to me, for I have not yet gone to my father!"
Sarah smiled. "John 20:17," she replied. "And yes you have. He was here last week, if I recall correctly."
Crap. Chuck was going to be in serious trouble. "Uh… Sarah, why do you look for the living among the dead? He is not here, he is risen!"
Just as he finished saying that, Sarah's hand landed in a very inconvenient spot. Her eyes widened as she stopped for a moment, and then she looked back at Chuck, a wicked grin on her face. "Oh, he is risen INDEED," she replied. "Luke 24:5."
Oh, I am so going to hell, Chuck thought. One last opportunity… "Uh, Sarah, go and tell… uh… John! Go and tell John and the others to, uh, go to the Buy More!"
And with that, Sarah sat up, planting her pelvis directly on Chuck's, a look somewhere between amusement and lust on her face. "Well, that's a complete manglefication of Matthew 28:10," she said. "But let me make something clear – if you're going to keep quoting Scripture, the only other one I want to hear is Genesis 38:16."
"Huh?" The look on Chuck's face turned to one of confusion. "What's that say?"
Sarah leaned down, slowly grinding her pelvis against Chuck's, and putting her lips close enough to Chuck's ear that her warm breath made him shudder, she whispered, "Genesis 38:16 says, 'And he said, "Come, let me come in to you."'"
Twenty minutes later, Sarah lay beside Chuck in his bed, completely naked. Chuck lay staring at the ceiling, in a similar state of undress, a look of dumbfounded satisfaction on his face.
Exhaling slowly, he looked over at Sarah. "What exactly got into you?"
Giggling softly, she raised an eyebrow. "Besides you?"
Chuck snorted. "Yes, besides me."
"Well, you see," Sarah began, "I hate to admit it, but I peeked at my Easter basket a little early. And, well, once I peeked, there was no stopping me."
Chuck frowned. "Your Easter basket? Sarah, why exactly did your Easter basket set you off?"
"Chuck," Sarah said slowly, as if speaking to a small child. "My Easter basket had in it this lingerie I am currently wearing, a small bottle of an extremely expensive lube, a rather, um, NICE vibrator, and a dozen plastic eggs, each with a condom in them."
Chuck sat bolt upright in bed. "WHAT?!"
Hotel Del Coronado
San Diego, CA
Devon Woodcomb sat watching in anticipation as Ellie opened the foil wrapping on her Easter basket. No sooner had she got it open than there was a squeal of glee from within.
Party time, thought Devon – but those thoughts evaporated as soon as Ellie pulled her hand out of the basket. "Oh, Devon!" she exclaimed. "I have wanted one of these sets of bubble baths for so long – thank you!"
Devon frowned. Bubble bath? I don't remember putting bubble bath…
His eyes widened. The foil was the wrong color. He had wrapped Ellie's basket in purple… and this was more of a rose shade.
"Ellie, you're welcome," he said, shaking his head. And Chuck, you're welcome too.