Title: The Gift-Slash-Monstrosity
Summary: Just a bit of House/Wilson fluff with a fair bit of dialogue and a surprise second ending.
Word Count: 675
Disclaimer: Every time I have to say this, it gets more depressing: I do NOT own House, M.D. or any of it's sexy, sexy characters.

The Gift-Slash-Monstrosity

In his office, House stood next to Wilson looking down at something on his messy desk.

"I wonder who I've offended lately," House mused.

"Everyone. You offend everyone," Wilson offered helpfully.

House narrowed his eyes and tilted his head to the side, hoping a different angle might provide his eyes with some relief. "Yes, but anyone specific? Anyone offended enough to leave me this monstrosity?" House gestured to the object on his desk.

Wilson shrugged half-heartedly, still mesmerized by the object. "Maybe it's meant as a gift; a thank-you gift or something."

House tore his eyes away from his desk to look at his friend rather pointedly.

Wilson looked away too and caught House's look. "It's been known to happen," he said defensively.

House rolled his eyes and they went back to staring at the gift/monstrosity.

"You think maybe someone left if as a joke?" Wilson said, once again caught in the objects trap.

"Only if the punch line is me having nightmares for weeks."

"Maybe the person who bought it is color blind."

"Colors blind, you mean. A person would have to see in black and white to make this okay."

They stood in silence for several minutes, morbid interest not allowing them to look away, when Cameron came in.

"I think I've got a case for you, House. House?" Her voice didn't seem to stir her boss or his friend Wilson, so she crept closer to see what had captured their attention.

Cameron's squeal of girlish delight finally broke the trance. They turned to stare at her smiling face in simultaneous confusion.

"That is so adorable! A pink and orange heart-print teddy bear! Where'd you get it?"

House stared at Wilson. Wilson stared at House.

"House? Dr. Wilson? Are you alright?" she said, her voice switching from enthusiasm to worry.

The caring glint her in eyes roused House, who in turn roused Wilson with a sharp poke to the shoulder. "Giver the bear," he commanded.

Wilson shook his head. "It's your…gift. You give it to her."

"I don't want to be contaminated. Man-up and grab the thing."

With a heavy sigh, Cameron shoved past both of them and grabbed the bear off the desk. "What is wrong with you two? You're acting really strange." When both men stared at her blankly, she said, "Fine. Whatever. Don't tell me. Thanks for the bear," and then left.

When she was out of earshot, House glared at Wilson.


"You said the word 'gift'. Now she'll thing I actually like her."

A grin split Wilson's face. "No one's as stupid as to think that."

"You do."

"I don't think it, I know it," Wilson replied with a smug grin.

"Oh really? How do you figure that?"

"You let me sleep in the bed, that how I figure that."

"Huh," House answered, pulling on his jacket and slinging his backpack over one shoulder as Wilson did the same with his own jacket and briefcase. "Just for that, you're sleeping on the floor tonight." House started out of the office.

"The living room floor? What's wrong with the couch?" Wilson cried, following House.

"Besides the fact that you urinated on it?" House said, grinning now.

Wilson scowled.

"I meant my bedroom floor, which actually means my bed because if you're going to be in my bedroom anyway, which is a requirement for sex to happen, as that's where I'll be, it might as well be on the bed so I don't have to hear you bitch about it in the morning." House held open the door for Wilson, who was grinning again.

"House, you old softie," he said, stepping out the door and tripping over the unexpected obstacle of House's cane. He landed with a loud 'oomph'.

House laughed as Wilson got up, and then they walked away together down the hallway, both smiling.

Second Ending

As the two men disappeared around the corner, the door of one of the cabinets in the PPTH Diagnostic Room swung open and Foreman crawled out, a wide grin on his face.

A/N: I don't know where Chase is. I first considered having him be the one that crawled out of the cabinet, but I wanted Foreman to have a little fun for once. Just assume Chase is somewhere being cute, kissing some ass or a patient.