This is my first fanfic, and it's a one chapter page, it's set between books 20 and 21, when Akito has just stabbed , and is about to meet Tohru, and her thoughts are flying around in confusion on what has happened.

Please rate and review, as I am eager to be told where I can improve in my writing

enjoy


Why do they always have to leave?

No matter what I do, at the end of the day they still move away, shrink back from my touch.

I don't want to hurt them – I need them

And they need ME…at least they did…

Everyone always said that the bond was…was "unbreakable", "karmic"…right

So why did they leave? –

How was I supposed to know it was wrong, the way I acted… no one ever told me… said I was hurting them… they just closed their eyes and endured it…

-I never meant to hurt them, Yuki… Shigure… Hatori… but why did they never tell me… And Kureno… he always stood there… resolute… calm… a statue… he saw, knew everything I'd done…

And he never told me it was wrong?

Why couldn't he have just left me… that dark day… when all ended… if he had, maybe, just maybe… I'd be different – better, even…

Why didn't he just tell me I was being destroyed by that "bond"… no, not a "bond"… that curse!

Why did he carry on letting me be consumed by that void of hate, and darkness, and despair… choosing to save me halfway… saving me… then abandoning me again…?

Why did he keep all those secrets from me as I grew up… about the "outside" world, the world I was kept from… and the world which I therefore forced the others from entering… because I DIDN'T KNOW!

His… his kindness… pity… it's been eating at me… how can I go on, knowing that I've been kept in the dark… knowing that their pretty words have been blotting out the stars, and the shining moon… leaving me cold… and defenceless… without me even realising it…?

And this "common sense" they're suddenly talking about… how could they have kept something so… so importantaway from me… never telling me that that stupid box was just a stupid box… and letting me believe that my father was th-…

I was always left out… wasn't I?

Always left behind… no matter how much I reached… yearned to be part of that circle… and now I've destroyed it… watched it crumble and pushed it forwards… not realising at the time… but never stopping to repair the damage I had done…

Yuki… I hurt him, made him hate me… destroyed his spirits and abandoned him… and yet thanks to this "curse" he was forced to return to my abuse… again… and again… and again…

Kureno… I forced him to stay… he could have left any day he wanted to… and yet he suffered so I wouldn't… why was he so… stupid?

Hatori… even though I destroyed his life… and his love… he still stayed… why? Why did he remain here? How could he forgive me…?

And Shigure… my Shigure… I betrayed him… and forced him out… and yet he still loved me…

But he hurt me too!

He went..with HER! That, woman… the woman who calls herself my mother. The woman that said she was loved more than me… and she was… for a while… when he went to her, to spite me!

"If I blame someone else…no matter how much time passes… I won't be able to change…"

What's that supposed to mean?

"He won't be able to change"…

It can't be changed! Nothing that has happened can be changed! And he still thinks…

But what if he's right?

If everything is meant to change…

Yuki…

Shigure…

The zodiac…

But what about me?

What can I do…?

Where can I go from now…?

Why is life doing this to me…?

How did this happen…?


Even though I am only planning this to be a one-shot, I will add more, if anyone else wants more (just in case, though I doubt it)

Please read my other work (The Melting Snow) If you liked this fanfiction, It's an installment one, and the first few chapters are up.