Drabble. Total crack!fic. :)



"Tell me again why you're here?"

"I told you," Alec turned to scowl at Mole. "I'm hiding." And it was all Josh's fault, the big jerk. Or at least, that's what Alec was telling himself.

Mole eyed him speculatively from his spot near the window, his dark eyes narrowing. "Not hiding from Max, are you, because-"

"No, no, not from Max," Alec waved the ridiculous suggestion, and the possibility of Mole tattling just to be a jerk, away. "From the rest of T.C.'s X-5 population." Even though, technically, he was supposed to be at work right now. Well, Normal would just have to get over it, because there was no way he was going out in public. Although, Normal probably wouldn't care so much… especially if Alec laid on the charm extra thick tomorrow… as disturbing as that could sometimes be.

But Mole was still watching him, a little bland, a little amused. "I was going to say, not from Max, are you, because princess just entered the building, and she looks pretty pissed."

Oh Christ.

"Quick, hide me!"

"Okay," Mole demanded. "Seriously. What did you do?"

"It's not what I did," Alec was eyeing Mole's furniture, building a quick schematic in his mind of a rather dangerously stacked barricade. "It's what she'll do when she smells me."

Mole was very rightly confused. "What are you on about?"

"Max! We can't let her in here or-"

"Or, what?" Max scowled, leaning in the front doorway of Mole's bright apartment. "Or I'll make you get your lazy butt to work where you belong?"

But Alec was backing away like she had the plague or something. Max's face twisted in annoyance and she stomped into the room, but Alec kept backing away. What the hell? Max's annoyance was going nowhere but up, growing exponentially, but as she passed through the spot he had been in, something slight and strange tickled her nose.

"What the hell?" Max repeated aloud, making a face, a different, confused kind of face, as she stopped a few feet away from him. "You been rolling around in plants? You smell-" And that's when it finally hit her, her pupils expanding rapidly, her frown turning upwards into something dangerous, wanting. "You smell delicious."

"Mole, you might want to leave," Alec said blandly, stifling the sigh, falling still in surrender with an exasperated sort of slouch that was almost comical.

Mole was eyeing Max in obvious confusion. She didn't smell like she was in heat… "Why?"

"Because I don't want Max to kill me when you blackmail her later,"

Mole finally just rolled his eyes and started to stomp out. He did pause slightly at the door, watching as Max advanced on his friend. "Explanation later."

"Fine, fine."

The door slammed and it was just the two of them left. Alec backed slowly away from Max, away from her narrow-eyed advance and the inevitable showdown that would occur.

He ran into a wall, couldn't go any further, so he tried a different tactic, his hands coming up in warning. "Max, get a hold of yourself."

"What are you talking about? I'm in complete control." She batted his hands away, her own coming up to fist in his shirt as she nuzzled against him.

Ten minutes. It'd only last ten minutes, all he had to do was survive that long… Or, her could always break away from Max and run away, into the middle of T.C… even more dangerous territory, given the number of X-5's that were around. Ten minutes, then. He could do it.

She wondered if he tasted as good as he smelled. She arched upwards, on tiptoes, and her mouth moved wetly against his neck. Alec staggered backwards a bit, further into the wall. No, not quite as nice as the scent in the air, but still good. He tasted like Alec; like warmth, and spice, and male. She sucked in another breath through her nose, took another taste of him, her tongue sliding against his skin.

She heard him mutter something, maybe it was "fuck," but she wasn't sure, 'cuz she was busy crowding down the aching disappointment as he shoved her bodily away. Right before he took off for the safety of the bedroom and a door that he could lock and barricade in the hopes of making it out of here alive and sane. Which was so not going to work for her.

He only made it a few feet before he collided with the ground as Max all but tackled him.

"Where you going?" She asked brightly, pushing herself to a seated position on his back.

"Far away from you," He struggled underneath her.

"But why?" She sounded so earnest, so desperate to please, Alec was tempted to snort. That was before she leaned down, her breasts pressing into his back as she murmured against his neck, "Don't you like me?"

He attempted to roll, but she shoved his shoulders back down into the ground, before letting her teeth nip at his ear.

His eyes squeezed shut.

"Max, this isn't you."

"Of course it is," She breathed, almost giddy, her hands sliding across his shoulders, down his back. She pushed herself down a little bit, sliding against him, all the better to-

His forehead dropped onto the bare wooden floor with a thunk, his eyes screwed shut, as teeth tugged at the back of his neck, against black lines. His body was starting to thrum, starting to stir, and he told it to knock it off; Max's friskiness had very little to do with sexuality and even less to do with him.

"It's not," He tried to crawl away. She shoved harder down into him, her teeth tightening warningly, and he hissed. "It's the cat," He managed after a moment, almost limp with pleasure upon the ground.

"Whatever," She sat up, sounding more like himself. "I would know if I was in heat, okay?"

How she managed to twist him onto his back while still remaining on top of him was a physics phenomenon that he would probably never figure out.

"That's not what I mean," he started, but fell silent as she tugged his t-shirt up and away from his jeans, baring smooth skin. He tried to convince himself it was a bad thing as her nose trailed down his chest, breathing him in. Tried to tell himself to take the opportunity to book it as her lips moved wetly just under his navel. Tried to tell himself a lot of things, but it didn't matter, because his brain wasn't really listening, much less functioning.

She was gonna kill him when she 'woke up'. And it was all stupid Joshua's fault.

You see, it was all Josh's fault because he had acquired a cat. And after Josh had acquired said cat, someone, or something, had clued him into catnip, and he'd somehow procured a small satchel out of curiosity. Well, the cat had acted euphoric for the customary ten minutes or so, and then wandered off in disinterest, and Josh had left it on the table and thought no more of it…

Until Alec came by to see him.

Then Joshua couldn't pry the small cloth bag from Alec's hands as the young man all but cuddled it, a useless, smiling wreck upon the ground. Once the pheromonic euphoria had worn off, Alec had stared at that terrible little bag in horror… until he started thinking… plotting.

Oh yes, Biggs most definitely deserved some retribution for swiping that blonde out from under his nose the other night. Alec had been making really good headway when Biggs had appeared from the bathroom, frowned, and slid his arm over the girl's shoulders, chatting at her like they were the best of friends. Needless to say, it was Biggs that the girl had gone home with, and that just did not work for Alec's competitive nature. After Josh had clued him in to the nature of the plant; it would only work once, for about ten minutes, in a 24 hour period… well, now that he was immune to it for another day or so, how could he resist finding Biggs and tossing the bag full of catnip at him…

Carrying it out of Josh's new digs and into the heart of T.C., though… yeah, not his brightest idea.

So he'd holed up in Mole's… And Max, already annoyed that he had randomly decided to skip work (and, even worse, Normal didn't care; said his boy needed his beauty sleep) had followed the trail of glassy-eyed X-5's to Mole's apartment with every intention of making his life miserable.

Well, so far, she was doing a pretty good job.

As she reached for his belt, he finally gained enough brain function to make a grab for her hands, stalling her. "What you want isn't in there."

"How would you know?" She smiled, a crooked smile, a hint of a canine showing, sharp and wicked.

"Trust me," He replied blandly, shoving her hands away, quickly reaching into his pocket before she could make another attempt, and pulling out a small, brown satchel emanating a slight flowery scent; something a little like earth, something a little like cut stems. Something a little like wonderful.

Max snatched it from his hands with wide eyes, lifting herself off of him quickly and traipsing away, baggie in hand. Little wretch probably didn't want to share.

She came out of the bedroom about five minutes later, hair a mess, eyes still wide but for different reasons, emanating a sense of horror that Alec thought was almost downright cute. Until she straightened her hair, her eyes narrowed, and her horror turned into anger that was directed at him.

"Now Max," he was backing away again, his hands were up in warding again, and the stupid wall was once more in his way. "This isn't my fault."

"Give me one good reason why I shouldn't kill you right now."

"Hey," he protested. "I didn't ask you to track me down and feel me up."

Wrong answer. He barely managed to avoid the blow that left a good Max-fist-sized hole in Mole's wall.

Alec tried to convince her to be mad at Joshua, not at him. Yeah, it didn't work. Still, he managed to make it out alive… somehow… Max would definitely owe Mole a new lamp or two, though. He made it to his apartment, and he bolted the door, and she never barged through it. And, stupid man, that made him think he was safe. No sign of Max that night. No sign of Max in the morning. He was almost at ease by the time he made it into work at Jam Pony the next day.

It'd been over 24 hours since he'd first found Josh and the catnip that was destined to ruin his social life forever.

"Where is it? I need it." His hands curled tighter into Max's shirt and he pushed her harder into the lockers, nuzzling at her throat.

There was no mistaking the dark glee in her otherwise neutral voice. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Don't lie to me! I can smell it on you." And then, with way too many people looking on, he tilted her head to the side and his tongue slid up her throat. As her eyes fell shut with a gasp, Max vaguely began to register that this had been a bad, bad idea.

Biggs, looking on, couldn't control the triumphant smile. It was him, after all, that had told Josh about catnip in the first place. Him that had gotten the transhuman a sample. Him that had called Alec and told him that Josh was looking for him. Him that had worked Max into a lather about Alec not being at work, and then sent her haring off to find him. Him that had subsequently told her that very morning that catnip immunity only lasted about 24 hours, and Alec would be susceptible once more. And it was him that was smirking as he turned his back on the spectacle, missing something good judging by Max's gasp, and sauntering his way out of Jam Pony.

Well, that's what Alec gets for trying to steal the blonde out from under his nose while he'd been using the bathroom. He'd almost succeeded too, and Biggs wasn't anxious for a repeat. Yes, it was high time for his tall friend to be settled down and out of the dating pool, far from the fishes that Biggs wanted to keep all to himself.

Biggs was almost disappointed to come in to work the next day and find that Max and Alec still hadn't given in, judging by Max's hunted, twitchy expression. But then Alec had sauntered in, a little smug, and guess Max hadn't had a chance to build up her immunity, maybe she'd been busy helping Eyes Only, because she was on him like a shot. Later, Biggs overheard Lauren hissing in jealous disgust to Christy that she'd walked in on them all but making out in the bathroom.

And as Biggs rushed over to comfort the two ladies, he couldn't help the very large smile that stretched across his face. Ah yes. Biggs: Ultimate Evil Mastermind.