A/N: My second Castle fic. This is written in Castle's point of view. It's the first time I've ever written anything first person so I hope it's okay. I was thinking about doing another chapter of this same story, except put it in Beckett's POV. If anyone would like to see that tell me in a review and I'll be glad to do it. I hope you like it and reviews are amazing (so please review!)! Thanks! :)

(oh, please keep in mind that I'm not a doctor and all that medical stuff is completely made up. So if it's incorrect...sorry)

Disclaimer: Castle doesn't belong to me.


I couldn't believe it.

As I heard the shot and watched her take a few steps backwards and then crumple, falling to the ground, I still couldn't believe it. I wanted to run to her, to apologize, to beg her to be alive, but my legs seemed to be disconnected to my brain. I was frozen. I wouldn't have believed that I was still breathing if I couldn't hear my heart pounding in my ears.

The next things I hear are the sirens and shouts. This seems to snap me out of my brief shock and I began to run, feeling Esposito and Ryan close on my heels. Other police officers were arriving, and I heard shouts of "Someone call 911!"

I couldn't concentrate on anything. I knew that if she didn't make it out of this, it would be my fault. I was the one who had come up with the brilliant plan. I always acted before I thought about the consequences. But that was me. Kate knew about the consequences of what could happen if this went wrong. We had talked about it, all of us at the precinct. She said that she wasn't scared. She was a cop, she had to be brave. She risked her life everyday, so why was this time any different?

The murder was a creep who only went after women. We found out everything about him—we got in his head. But we still couldn't catch him. The little dirtbag would slip through our fingers every single time, and then go off to kill someone else. We had to do something. That's when I came up with my plan. Get a woman, beautiful and fearless, and use her as bait. It was sort of twisted but it was the only thing that I could see working. The others had agreed, and Kate had volunteered herself.

Everything was going smoothly. We, meaning Ryan, Esposito, and myself, had caught site of the killer following Beckett around. He had taken the bait, and we were nearly ready to spring into action and apprehend him when he turned the tables on us. The killer, who had been notorious for his torturous killings by stabbing his victims to death, pulled a gun out of his jacket, pulled the trigger, and took off running.

I finally made it to Beckett and dropped to my knees. Ryan and Esposito were beside me, but I didn't even notice. Kate had been shot in the chest, and her blood was seeping through her clothes. I looked into her eyes and saw that they were wide and full of fear. She was having trouble breathing, and began to cough up blood.

Where the hell were the paramedics at? She needed help, now!

"Hold on." I said, taking her ice-cold hand in mine. "Hold on Kate. You're going to be fine. Just hold on."

Her eyes focused on mine and for the first time since I had known her, I saw Kate Beckett completely terrified. Even when we were being shot at, chased, or whatever else in God's name that we had gotten into, I'd never seen her this terrified.

But she'd never been dying before, either.

The sirens of an ambulance began to blare and the next moment two paramedics were rushing towards us with a stretcher. I moved out of the way while they loaded Kate on and I followed them back to the ambulance.

"Can I go too? Please?" I asked one of the paramedics. He looked at me, and I was praying that he wasn't going to say no. If he did, I was prepared to beg, bribe, or do whatever the hell else it took. This was my fault. Plus, if I was in Kate's situation I would be scared to death to be stuck in an ambulance all alone thinking that I was going to die.

The paramedic seemed to consider, and finally he said, "Okay,"

I breathed a small sigh of relief and then followed him into the ambulance. I took a seat on the side and did my best to stay out of the way while they tried to save her.

"We're losing her!" The one who I had spoken to exclaimed. I began to panic.

"Beckett? Don't give up!" I exclaimed, grabbing her hand again. I watched her eyes fluttering as she fought to stay conscious. "Kate, they're going to save you. Just hold on until we get to the hospital okay? Just hold on."

I continued to talk to her the entire way to the hospital, doing my best to keep her conscious. If there was one thing about Kate Beckett, it was that she was a fighter. I'm pretty sure I would have given up hope long ago if I was the one in her position. She was amazing.

We finally made it to the emergency room. I stayed with them as long as I could. When they told me that I couldn't go any farther, I was led to a nearby waiting room by a petite nurse.

I was too nervous to sit, so I paced. Back and forth, back and forth, back and forth again and again and again. The few other people that were sitting in there watched me with tired eyes. It was the middle of the night, after all.

What would I do if she died? No…no…I can't be thinking like that. Beckett would make it out of this, and then probably break every bone in my body for coming up with this stupid, stupid, idea in the first place.

I looked up as two people walked into the waiting area. Esposito and Ryan. We exchanged worried looks and then they each took a seat, and I continued my pacing. I'm really not sure how long I had paced back and forth in the confined space, but it must have been awhile since the faces of the people began to blend together with the colors of the wall.

An elder couple who had been there since I arrived each stood up and left the room. Ryan, Esposito, and I were the only ones left now. I vaguely wondered if Kate was still in surgery or not.

The weariness of the day finally began to catch up to me as the first beams of sunlight filtered through the one and only window in the waiting area. I sat down heavily in the nearest chair to me and leaned my head back against the wall. It had been a long night, and it was probably going to be an even longer day. I figured that I should call Alexis and my mother, but maybe waiting until a reasonable hour would be smarter.

The doctor walked into the room and I stood up suddenly, Esposito and Ryan only about a half-second behind. We knew this had to be Beckett's doctor.

"Are you all here for Miss Kate Beckett?" He asked, knowing the answer already. I wondered why he even bothered to ask. Maybe it was some kind of hospital procedure thing. Hm.

"How is she?"

"Is she okay?"

"Can we see her?"

I spoke at the same time that Esposito and Ryan did. All of us stared at the doctor as he took a deep breath and then blew it out. I felt fear stirring inside me as I stared into his grey eyes. This was a doctor who had seen it all, you could tell. He'd probably had to tell families that their loved ones were gone more than once.

Of all the times to think of something utterly stupid, I picked now. I began to wonder what it was like to be Kate Beckett. Her mother was dead, she was an only child, and I hadn't heard her talk about her father that much. I wonder if he even knew she had been shot. In a strange, disfunctional way, I realized that Esposito and Ryan were like family to Beckett. I hope that someday she can think of me as more than the "arrogant, annoying author".

"I'm glad to inform you that she's going to make a full recovery."

The breath that all three of us seemed to have been holding whooshed out and I suddenly felt giddy. Now that I knew Kate was going to be okay it seemed like a huge weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. I could almost bet that Ryan and Esposito felt the same way.

"She's going to have to stay here for a few days. The bullet punctured her lung and it collapsed. That was the worst of her injuries." The doctor explained. "She's been in the ICU for the last few hours and she just woke up. If you'd like to see her you can visit one at a time, but you can't stay any longer than ten minutes. She needs rest."

We all nodded and looked at each other, deciding who would go first. Esposito stepped forward.

The doctor nodded at him and turned, "I'll show you to her room."

Ryan and I both sat down as Esposito left with the doctor. I sighed and shut my eyes, letting a feeling of relief wash over me. That had been one of the worst experiences of my life.

"She's okay." Ryan stated. I could hear the relief in his voice, and imagine that it would sound the same in mine if I spoke.

"Thank God."

"You said it." Ryan grinned and I grinned right back at him.

A few minutes later and Esposito was back. His expression was unreadable as he gave us directions to her room. I told Ryan that he could go next. Esposito sat down beside me.

"How's she look?" I asked. I wasn't sure if I wanted to know.

"She's definitely been better." He said, glancing at me. "But at least she's alive."

I knew that Ryan and Esposito were incredibly protective over Beckett. Sure, they loved to tease and annoy her just like I did, but if something really bad happened, they'd be there for her. Just like I would.

Ryan came back sooner than I would have liked. I mean, yeah, I'm anxious to see Beckett and to make sure that she was completely fine, but I was also strangely nervous. I don't know…I guess it's the guilt. None of this would have happened if I hadn't suggested my plan.

I walked to her room and paused outside the door, thinking. Then I took a breath and entered.

The room was just like your typical hospital room. A small television was playing the morning news and there were a bunch of different machines surrounding the bed. And there was Kate, looking fragile and breakable lying there with an almost…annoyed?...expression on her face. I smiled.

"Hey, Beckett."

She turned to look at me and I saw the very faintest hint of a smile. "Castle." Her voice was quiet and tired.

I walked towards a chair that had been pulled up next to her bed, undoubtedly the same one that Esposito and Ryan had sat in. "Quite a night it's been…," I said, shaking my head slightly. "How do you feel?"

"Like I've been run over by a bus."

"Ah." I nodded, showing that I understood. I didn't know what else to say.

Beckett seemed to realize that too, because she saved me from the awkward silence by speaking.

"I really thought that it was the end there for a second." She coughed and grimaced. My hands twitched because I wanted to do something to help her, but I knew there was nothing. She continued quietly. "You know how they say your life flashes before your eyes when you're dying?"

I nodded.

"It's true." She shut her eyes for a moment, but then reopened them. I felt like I should leave. She was clearly exhausted. "And you know what?"

"What?"

"My life sucks."

I looked at her, not quite sure if she was upset by this or what, and then I saw her smile. I laughed and rolled my eyes. "Kate Beckett, the hospital comedian."

"Mhm." She mumbled. She shut her eyes again and I smiled.

"Yeah well, Miss Hilarity, I suggest you get some rest." I stood up and hesitated, then I leaned down and kissed her forehead. "And get better soon. It's no fun solving cases without my muse."

She frowned and I figured that if she wasn't so tired she would have taken a swipe at me. "Don't call me your muse!"

I laughed and left the room.

She was still the same ol' Beckett.