Cooking mayhem

So, this is just a friendship between Naruto and Kabuto. Don't ask why Kiba and Kakashi aren't killing Kabuto. Let's say they forgive him. How about that? Reviews R awesome.


"So, I'm helping again…why?" Kiba asked, as he helped Naruto get out several ingredients.

"Because. I can't ask any girls. And everyone else was busy." Naruto looked at an open book. "Let's see…eggs, flour, oil…seems easy enough."

"Are you sure you know how to cook?" Kiba asked, as Naruto got out the heavy bag of floor.

"Of course! Now get out the eggs."

Kiba grumbled, but headed to the fridge and got out the carton of eggs as he wondered why exactly he was helping Naruto bake a cake for one of his friends. "And why, once again, are we using my kitchen?" Kiba asked, placing the carton of eggs on the counter next to a silver bowl.

"Because I don't have all the ingredients." Naruto answered, trying to open the flour bag. "Preheat the oven!"

"And stop telling me what to do!"

"This is a tough little bugger, ain't it?" Naruto tugged harder as Kiba stood in front of him, watching his struggling in amusement. "Why don't you help me?"

Kiba sighed. "Oh, all right." Kiba tugged on the other side of the bag. Together, they got it open, but both tumbled backward when it opened suddenly and sent a heavy shower of white flying into the air and dusting everything, including Naruto and Kiba. Naruto hopped up, flour dropping from his hair, and looked at the bowl.

"Hey! Some went in!"

"Good. We go dusted for glory."

"Now, we do 2 eggs." Naruto picked up an egg and looked at it. "Um…let's see. I remember seeing a cooking show and the chef hit one of these on the side of the counter. So…" Naruto cracked the egg on the edge of the counter and lifted it up. "Like that." He got it halfway to the bowl when the egg shattered and the goopy egg yolk fell on the floor. "Um…"

"Nice going, Naruto! You wasted an egg!"

"Don't worry. There are several more where that came from." Naruto picked another egg and hit the egg gently on the edge of the bowl, making the tiniest of cracks. He watched it.

"You got to open it sometime, Naruto. Might as well do it now."

Naruto glanced at Kiba, then carefully stuck his thumb in the crack and opened the egg over the bowl, but a few slivers of egg yolk fell on his hand. "Eww. Yuck. That's slimy."

"Way to be a man, Naruto." Kiba said sarcastically. "Now stir it while I get a pan."

"Okay." Naruto stirred the batter with a wooden spoon, but started grunting as the stirring became harder to do. "Hey, Kiba?"

"Yeah?"

"Is it supposed to be hard?"

"How should I know?"

"Oh…okay, then." Naruto continued stirring when the spoon suddenly slipped from his hand and disappeared inside the batter. Naruto blinked. "Um…Kiba?"

"What?"

"Is it supposed to eat spoons?"

"Huh? That's not possible. It's not alive."

"Oh."

"Why?"

"Never mind. I need another spoon."

"Why? You have one."

"No I don't."

"Where'd it go?" Kiba looked at Naruto, who shrugged. "Are you serious?" Kiba went to Naruto's side and started at the batter. "You lost the spoon in the batter?"

"…Something like that." Naruto backed up behind Kiba.

"You're scared of the cake batter?"

"Yes."

"You're such a coward. It's so cute. Yes, you are cute, aren't you?" Kiba waved a finger over the cake batter. "A cute wittle cake batter. Harmless. Innocent. You couldn't hurt a fly."

The batter suddenly shifted, reared up, and growled at Kiba.

Kiba screamed and jumped into Naruto's arms in fright.

"It moved!"

"I told you!"

"You two okay in there?" Kiba's sister asked, opening the closed kitchen and Kiba quickly rushed to the door and shut it in Kiba's sister's face.

"We're fine!" Kiba said.

"Perfectly!" Naruto agreed.

"Peachy keen!"

"Nothing's wrong!"

"I heard a scream." Kiba's sister said. "Are you sure you two are okay?"

"Yeah!" Naruto yelled. " There's no spoon eating cake in here! Oof!"

Kiba hit Naruto in the side and hissed, "Shut up!"

Kiba's sister grunted. "Well, okay. Just call if you need help."

"Okay!" Naruto said.

"Will do!"

They both waited until the footsteps receded and slid to the floor, sighing.

"That was close." Kiba sighed.

"What do we do with that?" Naruto asked, watching the cake batter, which was growling as it tried to climb out of the bowl.

"Let's bake it in the bowl."

"Right."

"Got get it."

"What? Why me?"

"You created it, so you get it."

Naruto looked at Kiba, then at the cake bowl. Cautiously, he crept toward the bowl, grabbed it, and dashed to the oven, shoved the snarling bowl in, and slammed the oven door shut before he slid to the ground with a sigh. Suddenly, he perked up. "Let's make something simple!"

"…Simple?" Kiba feared what 'simple' meant in the mind of Naruto.

"Yeah. Vanilla icing!"

Kiba sighed. Simple.

Naruto stood up and started to look around for a recipe. "Ah! Here it is! Sugar, vanilla extract, eggs, milk! Easy! All you do is add it all together!"

Kiba stood up. "I'm doing the eggs this time."

"Darn. Oh well!" Naruto put all the other ingredients in a bowl and Kiba put in the eggs. "Now it says to beat together well. What…? It wants me to hit the icing?"

Kiba shrugged.

"Oh well." Naruto stared to punch the mixture, when he yelped and held his hand. "That hurt!"

"I think they mean another way. Like mixing it with a mixer or something."

"Well, we lost our spoon. What's left?"

"How about a kunai or something?"

"Good idea!" Naruto pulled out a kunai and started to mix the icing with it. He soon stopped, staring at the water-like substance. "Um…"

"It's supposed to look like that, right?"

"I dunno. I don't know how chefs do it. They must be miracle workers!"

"Um….the cake's done."

"I'm not gettin' it."

"Well, I'm not."

"Let it burn."

"Let what burn?" A voice asked, and Kiba and Naruto immediately turned around to see Kabuto standing in the doorway to the kitchen. Kabuto suddenly smelled something. "Something's burning." Kabuto headed to the oven and opened it, peering in and seeing a burnt cake. He grabbed the edge of the bowl, pulled it out and quickly dropped it on the stove. He hopped around, shaking his burnt hand. "Oh! Owowow! Owie ow!" Kabuto stopped, still shaking his hand, and started to blow on it.

"It's dead." Kiba said, carefully poking the cake with a long knife.

"Huh?" Kabuto glared at Kiba suspiciously.

"It was alive!" Naruto said.

"Yeah! And it tried to bite me!"

"It ate a spoon, too!"

Kabuto blinked at both Genin, then laughed. "That's impossible! Cake batter can't be alive."

"This one was." Naruto whispered and Kiba nodded.

"Look." Kabuto touched the cake and Naruto and Kiba backed up. "Not alive."

Cautiously, Naruto and Kiba crept closer to the bowl, then immediately stopped when Kabuto yelped.

"Ow! It bit me!" Kabuto shook his right hand, the cake attached, trying to shake it off. "What the hell is this?"

"It's still alive!" Naruto cried, as Kabuto banged the bowl on the counter. "And it's trying to eat Kabuto!"

"Get it off!" Kabuto hit the bowl harder and managed to shatter it, but the cake monster was still attached. "It's crawling up my arm! Get it off already!"

"Hold still!" Kiba started to stab the monster with a kunai. The kunai was suddenly gone as the monster ate it.

"It ate the kunai!" Naruto yelped.

"Hurry!" Kabuto cried. "It's up to my shoulder!"

"Now what?" Kiba asked. "It'll eat anything we throw at it."

"We need to freeze it! Quickly! But…we don't know any blizzard jutsu." Naruto frowned, then smiled. "But I think I know who does! Come on!"

"What about me?" Kabuto asked, as Kiba and Naruto ran to the door.

Naruto stopped and looked back at Kabuto. "Keep it busy. Talk to it or something. We'll be back soon!"

Kabuto looked at the cake monster, which was inching across his chest.

"Um…hello."

The monster reared its head up at Kabuto, then snarled.

"Ah! Someone save me!"


"Okay! We're back!" Naruto stopped near the entrance to the kitchen, and Kiba and Kakashi, who were behind him, stopped as well. Kabuto was leaning against the corner of a wall with a weird look on his face. The cake monster was on his shoulder, licking the side of his face.

"I'm okay." Kabuto muttered, his mouth twitching. "I'mokayI'mokayI'mokayI'mokay."

"Is that cake…moving?" Kakashi asked.

"I'm not okay." Kabuto's body trembled as the cake monster climbed onto his head. "I'mnotI'mnotI'mnotI'mnot. Get it off me!"

"Hold still." Kakashi sighed, walking over to Kabuto.

The monster growled, its body bristling as it seemingly glared at the masked Jonin.

"Sharingan." Kakashi growled, flashing his red eye.

The cake monster froze and toppled to the ground. Kabuto sighed, relieved, as he slid down to the floor.

"What was that?" Kabuto asked, trying to get over his shock.

"It was a cake." Kiba said. "But somehow Naruto turned it into that."

"Who was it for?"

"You." Naruto said.

"Me?" Kabuto blinked. "Why?"

"It's your birthday."

"….Huh?"

"Isn't is your birthday?"

"No. That's tomorrow."

"Oh." Naruto was silent for a few seconds, before he chirped, "Then I'll make one for you tomorrow!"

"No!" Kiba, Kabuto, and Kakashi cried. "Don't!"

After the cake monster incident, Naruto was banned from any kitchen, including his own.


Poor, Poor Kabuto. It's fun to torture him. Please review! So now that it's updated, anyone wanna take a crack at drawing it as a short manga?