Waiting on some Beautiful Boy Chapter 17

Summary: Bella and Edward married in 1917. In 1918 Edward is saved by Carlisle, and forgets Bella existed. Today the Cullens return to Forks and to a certain brown haired vampire, but is it too late?

Disclaimer: No Twilight for me.

Present Day Forks, Washington


Alice had promised that today would be a good day, and who was I to doubt the psychic?

We had needed to take two cars to school today and Alice had seen it as an opportunity to separate Tanya from Edward, not that I was complaining. Claiming that she needed fashion advice on the new boots coming out this season, Alice all but forced Tanya into the car with the rest of the family, leaving Edward and I standing by his silver Volvo that had been driven down from Alaska.

Always the gentleman, even a century after it was expected, Edward opened the passenger's door for me, before taking off for school at an alarming speed. Speed delinquents, all of them. I wished that he wouldn't drive so fast so that we could spend some more time together alone, without his family hovering over us, or Tanya literally shoving me away from him the second I got too close.

We hadn't spoken since the almost kiss. And I wanted desperately to know what he was thinking. Was he regretting even trying to kiss me? Was he glad that we had been interrupted? Or did he want me just as I wanted him?

Looking back I could see that it had probably been for the best. Before Edward and I could be together again, we needed to talk. But I was scared. If I just blurted it all out at once, who was to say he wouldn't run? I came with a lot of baggage, once he found out everything, about the marriage, about the baby, he might decide that he didn't want anything to do with me.

Could I risk that? I'd only just found him again, I didn't want to scare him off. I figured that if became his friend first, got him trust me, then I could tell him and we'd have some chance of being together again.

If I just kissed him now and didn't tell him the truth, would he be mad at me for keeping it from him?

Argh, so many questions, and the only one who could answer them was Edward.

As if sensing my internal dilemma, Edward fiddled with the controls on the car for a second and then Debussy's music filled the car. "You looked tense, and well classical music always calms me down."

At least that part of Edward hadn't changed, and I told him as much.

"I thought you'd be so different, being a vampire, but you just keep surprising me Edward, you're so much like your old self."

"And that's a good thing?" Edward looked over at me, eyebrows furrowed, but the car never swerved from the centre of the lane. "I mean, was I a good person?"

He looked so innocent, so confused as he asked, as though I was going to tell him that he'd been a mass murderer as a human.

"You were the best person I knew, that I still know." I laid my hand over his on the gearstick, squeezing it gently.

He looked back to the road, his face now stormy. "I'm not such a good person as you think Bella, I've done things that I'm not proud of."

I couldn't believe that Edward was anything less than the wonderful man I married. And I hadn't been such a wonderful person over the years myself.

"There's nothing that you could tell me Edward that would make me think any less of you, nobody is perfect, I know I certainly am not, and whatever you've done, I will always be on your side, know that."

Edward looked at me skeptically before he hardened. "I've killed people Bella, killed them for their blood, drained them dry. And not just one Bella, hundreds. All of them dead. Because of me."

I sighed, over the past few days I had been wondering about that, whether or not he had drunk human blood before turning 'vegetarian'. It didn't matter to me, he would always be my Edward, and I would always be here for him, if he let me.

"You're not the only one Edward, drinking from humans, it's normal for what we are now. That you had the willpower to stop, and that you continue to refrain from killing, not to mention that you surround yourself on a daily basis with humans that you leave alive, unharmed, speaks volumes for the kind of person you are. That you could stop, once you'd started tells me that you're a better person than you're giving yourself credit for."

Edward's shoulders slumped over the wheel and he looked upset but also relieved. Did he really think I wouldn't understand? I had witnessed first hand how hard it was to resist the lure of human blood, that he could give that up and live amongst them just made me love him that much more.

"I thought I was helping you know? Upholding the law, only going after the bad guys, the murderers, rapists, the filth of humanity. But it was too much Bella, too much blood on my hands. How can you look at me? I must be a shadow of my former self. I'm a monster."

I couldn't take this, his self-loathing, I knew I needed to put a stop to it now, before he spiralled down too far.

"Pull over." I commanded.


"Pull over right now Edward."

He complied while sighing and looking down dejectedly at his lap as if he had anticipated this. As soon as the car ground to a halt, I was out of the car and pulling his door open, kneeling down on the wet ground.

"Your not a monster, you're beautiful, on the inside and out. And I will never leave you, no matter what happens." I grabbed his hand and pressed an open mouthed kiss on it. I couldn't help myself, I knew that I shouldn't be doing this but I could never stand to see Edward upset. And he tasted so good. The same, and yet different. Our eyes locked and he gasped, his mouth wide open, clearly shocked by my actions. I pressed several more kisses to his hand, all the while looking him in the eyes.

"No blood, there's no blood on these hands Edward. Their perfect."

He nodded his head, probably too shocked to even say anything. I realised that my position might have been making him uncomfortable. I quickly got to my feet and rounded the car, returning to my seat.

Edward started the car, staring straight ahead. I looked out the window and sighed. I had probably just made things a thousand times worse, what had I been thinking?

Way to scare him off Bella. Really taking it slow.

My miserable inner thoughts were interrupted by Edward clearing his throat. I looked over at him expectantly.

"Thank you Bella, you have no idea how much that meant to me. I don't know what I did to deserve you, you're too good to me." His face broke out into a dazzling smile that I couldn't help but return.

Please, he was the prize in this scenario, not me.

But I couldn't help but feel slightly guilty as we pulled into the student car park of the high school, Edward had confessed his secrets to me, but it would be some time before I could open up to him in return.

Parking next to Rosalie's car, I could see as well as hear, that we were the focus of the school's gossip again, it would take sometime before the novelty of us would wear off and people would start ignoring us.

Despite Edward's speeding we had still arrived slightly later than the others, and I could see Tanya and Rosalie's impatience at having to wait for us. Something that had been explained to me the last time we were here, is that the Cullen's banded together, not leaving one person to have to deal with the onslaught of attention by themselves. Safety in numbers and all that.

I sighed as I exited the car, now I had to share Edward with hundreds of students, when I wanted him just to be mine for a little longer.

"Hey Bella," Emmett nudged me in the shoulder. "Why are your jeans dirty and wet huh? Been kneeling down on the ground? Getting down and dirty with it Bella? Is that why you guys took so long?" He winked at me. I glared at him and a growl rose in my throat as Tanya's head whipped around and glared daggers into me knees.

"Shut up Emmett, don't be so crude." Edward walked up beside me, looking faintly embarrassed, which was not particularly helping our case. Rosalie just rolled her eyes at her husband's antics.

The bell for class rung as Tanya sauntered over to Edward. "Come on Eddie, we should go and get our schedules, I want to make sure we're in all the same classes."

Edward rolled his eyes at her. "Tanya, my name is Edward, maybe you could use it, and Alice has already organised our schedules, haven't you Alice?" he looked at her pleadingly.

Tanya looked at her suspiciously, "Are Eddie and I together in our classes?"

Alice smirked, "Don't worry Tanya, I took care of it." Edward and Alice shared a look, and Edward smirked back at her.

The first part of the day passed quickly, Alice had arranged it so that I shared most of my classes with Edward, and listening and watching him in class was fantastic. He was so intelligent, he had always been smart as a human but after all this time, I found that there wasn't much that he didn't know, and I found myself showing off just a bit, trying to impress him.

The depth in which he discussed Shakespeare in English stunned me and his Spanish was fluent, Mathematics was a breeze for him, and he passed through all his classes with ease, leaving behind stunned teachers and pupils alike. He really was too good to be true.

But then it was lunchtime, a chore no one really enjoyed. After purchasing the terrible smelling food, Alice Edward and I sat with the others. I could see Mike Newton scurrying past our table, trying desperately not be seen and Lauren and Jessica sitting at a table with their friends, shooting dirty looks my face and lust filled ones at the guys. It would have been comical if it wasn't so sad.

Poor Jasper sat there in silence just staring at his tray, feeling all the lust pouring off the human's bodies, but the one I really felt sorry for was Edward.

He had told me during the day, that the worst part of it was hearing the disgusting thoughts of the males and females regarding his family. Several times during the day, his fists had tightened and he would glare at a particular individual until the looked away.

Tanya was no help in shifting the attention off the Cullens, she all but encouraged the boys to fawn over her, smiling and waving, giggling and winking. At least I knew I wasn't the only one she made sick.

As she blew a kiss to a tall geeky looking kid, named Eric in our year, the others at the table all exchanged meaningful looks and sighed. Rosalie looked as though she would have liked to kick Tanya. Maybe we could bond over our mutual hatred of the vampire.

"So anyway," Tanya brought me out of my reverie, "I spoke to Irina and she said that she was thinking she and Kate could come and visit us soon. Wouldn't that be great Eddy?" She asked leaning over the table to Edward who sat opposite her, giving him an eyeful of her large cleavage. He looked away looking slightly nauseous as he answered.

"It's Edward Tanya, and your sisters are always welcome in our home." This welcoming gesture was slightly ruined as Rosalie snorted. Tanya turned to glare at Rosalie and opened her mouth to make some remark, but I cut in, wanting to be spared the drama.

"So tell me about Alaska Tanya, what's your family like?" She immediately set off talking about her family, all the fun she had there, the great hunting variety, and all the cute boys that were there for the taking. If I had had any respect for her before this, it would have been long gone after listening to her go on about herself. It was clear that she cared only for herself, talking about people and places as though they were her possessions. She had to be one of the most self absorbed people I knew.

I stretched in my chair, staying still too long made the humans suspicious, so every now and again, I'd cross my legs or cover my mouth in a fake yawn, but this time my foot bumped into Edward's under the table. He looked at me, raising one eyebrow, and I shrugged. I went back to pretending to eat my lunch and just as I was about to take a fake bite of pizza, I felt a foot tap mine.

So he wanted to play did he? Well I wouldn't be the one to walk away. And then it turned into an all out foot battle, limited by the humans around us. At one point our legs were so intertwined that if we had been facing each other, our crotches would have been pressed together, a thought that had me internally blushing, something that had been happening a lot lately.

"Earth to Bella?"

"Huh, what?" I looked back at Tanya, my feet stopping on top of Edward's.

Tanya heaved a sigh, rolling her eyes. "I asked what you were doing before you came to Forks. Were you like, with some other coven? Oh my god! Did you have a mate?"

"Oh well I was just, by myself. I mean I…" I trailed off thinking about how lonely I had been before the Cullens, and Edward. I didn't want Tanya to know about my life, it had been hard enough experiencing it the first time, but talking about it with the woman who had spend so much of her time with my Edward, being happy with him, wasn't going to happen.

"I was alone, mostly living in Chicago. I ah, had I a little house there, right next to a park."

I was suddenly very conscious of everyone's eyes on me, some looking at me with pity, curiosity and others boredom.

"Well doesn't that sound, charming." Tanya scoffed. "Anyway, I was thinking that when…"

But by that point I had tuned her out. I was quickly discovering that the most efficient way to get through the day without murdering someone, was to drown out Tanya's voice and go to my happy place, which was basically anywhere with Edward, just as long as there was no Tanya following behind him.

Edward reached his hand over and placed it over mine on the table, squeezing it gently. "You'll never have to be alone again Bella."

Looking into his eyes I could tell that he meant it, that he would never leave me. But it was more than that.

The entire Cullen family had accepted me into their home, and into their hearts. Looking round the table at these fellow vampires made me realise that I had a family again, someone to belong to. For the first time in a century it wasn't just me on my own. I had people on whom I could depend, to talk to. It was such a comforting feeling, not being alone anymore.

It was a feeling I could become dangerously used to. What if Edward wanted nothing to do with me when I told him the truth? How could I bear it a second time if I lost him? And I would lose the Cullens as well, they had been his family first, of course they would take his side.

The bell ringing brought me out of my inner misery, and back to Edward who was looking at me worriedly. "I wish I knew what you were thinking, I never want you to be sad."

I smiled at him, there was the Edward I knew and loved. I pulled on his hand, and led him to Biology, Tanya's complaints about her schedule fading behind us.

I was looking forward to this lesson, or rather I was looking forward to spending the time alone with Edward. Well as alone as you could be in a classroom of gawking teenagers.

As if they had read my mind, Mike Newton and Jessica Stanley walked into the classroom and seated themselves behind Edward and I. Normally I would have protested about having a science partner, the humans had always just slowed me down, but I knew Edward was more than capable of keeping up with me. He was a genius after all.

"How many kids do you think the Cullens have adopted? The just keep showing up." Jessica whispered to Mike behind us, too low for other humans to hear, but no strain for our superior hearing.

"Ha, who knows? But I think it's weird that they're all together you know? I mean, isn't that kind of like incest?" Mike whispered back.

"You don't think those two are together do you?" Asked Jessica, sounding faintly upset by the idea.

I couldn't help but glance at Edward, to see what he thought about the idea of us being together as a couple, even if the idea was proposed by idiots. But his face unfortunately gave nothing away.

"I don't know, I thought he was with the blonde one, you know the other new one, well, newer." Mike seemed equally put out by the idea, it was clear he was not oblivious to Tanya's many charms. Edward stiffened in his chair and winced before catching my look and subtly tapped the side of his head.

I gave a mini shudder, not wanting to be inside the head of the horny teenage boy just feet from us.

"Well I'm going to go and introduce myself anyway, I want to meet him." Jessica announced slightly louder than she intended and stood up from her chair.

Where was this teacher? Shouldn't the class have started by now? This wasn't going to be pleasant, I could just tell, for everyone involved.

Jessica attempted what looked like a sashay over to our desk and Edward cringed back in his chair before sitting up straight and frowning at the approaching girl fiercely.

The poor girl's heart was starting to accelerate and she seemed to be talking herself into making the final steps, before she caught sight of Edward's face glaring at her, clearly indicating that her presence was not wanted.

But she seemed nothing if not determined and the blood drained from her face and her breathing picked up as she finally made the distance between the desks. She cleared her throat nervously, but seemed to shrink back into herself as Edward doubled his death glare. I couldn't help but be amused by this annoying female. Did she actually think she stood a chance with Edward?

"Hi," she squeaked out, her voice unnaturally high, "I'm, er … I'm, Jessica." I could practically feel the waves of hostility radiating off Edward and I covered my mouth with my hand to hide the smirk that was forming. I'd never seen Edward react like this before. When we were human, he had always tried to let his admirers down easily, not wanting to hurt their feelings, and behaving in a gentlemanly fashion.

Perhaps these girls didn't realise that no meant no with Edward. Evidently Jessica seemed to think so. She was carrying on bravely, despite Edward's lack of response.

"I um, just wanted to… welcome you, to our school…?" The last part sounding like a question as she trailed off, like she was desperately seeking his approval.

I could hear some of the other humans snickering to themselves at her public humiliation, and I couldn't help but feel a little sorry for her, but only a little.

She seemed as though she was frozen to the spot, unable to run away, staring at Edward until he looked away, signalling his disinterest.

"All right, all right everybody to their seats. We've got a big lesson planned for today." The teacher finally came into the classroom, and the mortified Jessica scrambled to her seat and put her head down on the table.

"The person sitting next to you is now your science partner for the project we will be starting today. Now I want you to take a sheet and pass it on…"

"Well I guess that means we're partners then partner." I looked over to find Edward's face bent down next to mine, our noses just inches away from each other.

"I guess so, I hope the project isn't to difficult for you to manage, partner." I teased looking away from his mesmerising eyes.

Don't kiss him, don't kiss him. I chanted in my head, while I screwed my eyes shut, thinking of fatal car accidents to get rid of the image of Edward hovering over me out of my head.

"I'm sure between the two of us, we can work out anything that's really hard." Edward smirked at me as I gaped like a fish, my jaw dropping open.

He did not just say that to me. Oh my Lord he did. Maybe he wasn't implying what I thought he was. He was probably just talking about the schoolwork. That's it, just the schoolwork.

Then he winked at me causally. Oh my Lord! Don't kiss him! Don't kiss him! Remember why you can't.

Right, I couldn't kiss Edward now, or throw him down on the table and have my wicked way with him in front of the whole class because we hadn't talked yet. He still didn't know the truth.

Well bloody tell him now you fool, he's flirting with you!

No! Be strong Bella. I could do this, I wouldn't let Edward see how easily he affected me. I took the sheets off the girl in front of me, Angela I think her name was, took two for Edward and I and passed them over my shoulder to Mike without looking. As soon as he took them from my hand, they fell out of his grasp, his hands shaking too badly even to hold them. More sniggers from the class. Perhaps I shouldn't have been so hard on Edward about his approach to Jessica, mine had hardly been any better the week before.

Edward and I breezed through the first part of our biology project, some of the class however, were finding it quite the challenge, resorting to cheating and consulting their textbooks for the answers.

With the work set out for today's lesson complete, we were allowed to talk quietly amongst ourselves.

"Bella, may I ask you something?" Edward looked torn as he turned to face me.

Oh God, what was he going to ask? Had he remembered something about our previous life?

"Uh, sure Edward, ask away." I managed to stammer out.

"There's something that's been on my mind Bella, ever since you told me that we were in Chicago together before I was turned." Edward frowned down at the desk. Here it was, the 'I'm not sure if I want us to be friends anymore speech'. I shouldn't have kissed his hand in the car, that was way to clingy Isabella! Way too strong, way too fast. Oh God.

"I keep going over it in my head, but there's only one conclusion I that I can come to..." He trailed off, looking lost in his thoughts. Now I really didn't know what he was talking about. What did he mean conclusion?

He took a deep breath. "Was Carlisle the one to turn you into a vampire?"

Oh. Was that all? I was almost positive he could see my relief. "No Edward, it wasn't Carlisle."

Now he was the one to be relieved. "Really? It just seemed, with the timing, and us knowing each other, I mean it just made sense. Although why he would keep it from me, I don't know."

After speaking with Carlisle, I had known for sure that he hadn't been the one to change me. He had reassured me that he wouldn't have turned a pregnant woman, so far along in her pregnancy, and I believed him.

"I don't know who changed me Edward, I didn't see their face when I was bitten. At the time I was delirious with grief, I wasn't thinking straight, I wasn't even aware of what was going on around me. And they were gone by the time my transformation was complete." I hadn't thought to track the scent left behind at the graveyard, and I had never come across it again.

"Why were you grieving?" My shocked eyes met his saddened ones. I hadn't realised that I had let that slip, thank god I hadn't told him I was at the graveyard where he was supposedly buried.

"Well, my parents had just died, and I had lost you, I didn't have anyone else in the world, I was all alone."

But this just made Edward even sadder. "I'm so sorry Bella, I'm sorry I wasn't there for you. You've been alone all this time and I've had a family. It just doesn't seem fair. I didn't even have my memories of my human life, I didn't know I was missing out on anything."

I sighed. Here was Edward's need to blame himself for everything. "Edward, we can't change what happened, it's in the past. But we have all of forever stretching out in front of us, all we can do is make the future better, until that time is just a small part of what are lives were."

Edward smiled at me as if the thought of us having a future together made him happy. It did more than make me happy.

The bell rang signalling the end of class and we walked to gym class together.

To say that I was preoccupied in volleyball was an understatement. Along with every other female in the vicinity, watching Edward serve the ball over the net became my first priority for gym class. That sliver of skin that peeked out from under his shirt as he lifted his arm to hit the ball had all the girls and even some of the guys drooling after his chiselled body.

My first reaction to this was to growl at the gawkers and I was seized by a strong desire to rip out their tongues. That was my Edward they were looking at! I had never been this territorial as a human, but all of my suppressed emotions from the past century were boiling to the surface, and if I didn't do something soon, I would be tackling Edward to the gym floor for some very non-sport like activities. So inappropriate Bella!

But I couldn't help it. I hadn't been with a man since Edward and that was a very long time ago. And now seeing him again was stirring up some all too familiar feelings which were hardly appropriate for one friend to feel for another. And those gym shorts were certainly not helping matters.

I was noticeably tense as we walked out of the gym.

"Are you alright Bella? Those revolting boys in that class didn't make you feel uncomfortable did they? Seeing the looks they shot at you and Alice was one thing but to hear their disgusting thoughts, it nearly made go over there and teach them some manners." He looked so menacing as he said this that I didn't doubt that there would have been a lot of pain and blood in that lesson of his.

Alice laughed beside me, "Oh she was uncomfortable all right, but not because of the boys, well maybe one of them. Actually he's more of a..." Alice couldn't finish her sentence as she was distracted by my elbow digging into her ribs.

We arrived at the cars to find the others waiting, not so patiently as this morning, if that was possible. Tanya had already stationed herself outside of Edward's passenger seat and she shot me a victorious smile as he unlocked it with a defeated sigh.

With no other choice, besides walking back, I climbed into the front seat with Rosalie the ice queen. I couldn't help but wonder what had made her this way, surely she couldn't have always been so hard. And what did fun-loving Emmett see in her to start with? There had to be more to her than the wall she had put up between us, and I wanted to get to know her better, she was important to Edward after all.

As we sped along back to the house I tried to think of things that we might have in common, that I could talk and get her to open up about, but I was drawing blanks at every corner, besides our mutual dislike of Tanya.

Just as I was giving up as the others chatted in the backseat, we passed a park with a mother and her three children playing on the swings. Without even realising what she was doing Rosalie slowed the car down, and stared at the children with such a fierce sense of longing I could almost feel her desire.

The mother was pushing one of the children on the swing, while the other two took turns pushing each other on the next swing. Then one of the children fell off the swing onto the gravel below her and started to cry. The girl hadn't fell so hard that blood was spilled or any serious damage could be inflicted, but the mother rushed over and swept the child into her arms and immediately began comforting her.

One look at Rosalie told me that she wanted more than anything to be the mother in that park, to have her own children and to be there for them when they fell down. Had Rosalie been a mother too? Had she had to leave her child behind when she was turned? When the child had stopped crying and her wounds were kissed better, Rosalie stiffened and a coldness fell over her face like a cloud over the sun, she accelerated away from the park, taking turns sharply and making the tyres squeal as she raced away from the little human family.

The others continued talking as if nothing had happened, that Rosalie hadn't transformed into a completely different person as soon as she saw the children. They had to know. Jasper was an empath for Christ's sake. Maybe she didn't want to talk about it, maybe it was too hard to talk about the child that she had lost. I could understand that, I knew all too well, the excruciating pain of losing your baby. So much so, I hadn't spoken about him in a century. But maybe now was the time. With someone who could really understand what I had gone through.

Arriving back at the house, I wondered how I could talk to Rosalie about this, before deciding to simply walk up to her and tell her my story. She was blunt like that, maybe she would appreciate my approach.

I knocked on the door to her room and let myself in after receiving no objections or replies. Rosalie was sitting at her dresser staring at her reflection in what had to have been the largest mirror I had ever seen, I couldn't help but marvel that they had gotten it into the room. She hadn't turned around as I entered or given any indication that she recognised my presence in her room, so I made my way over to the luxurious king sized bed and nervously sat down on the edge.

As she brushed her hair, I couldn't help but note that she really was the most beautiful female I had ever seen in all my time, a fact that made my self confidence and my nerves for starting this conversation diminish. But since she didn't seem to want to acknowledge my existence, I figured I would have to be the one to get the ball rolling.

Clearing my throat I looked down at the bed covers, wanting to avoid eye contact in the mirror if she looked at me. "Rosalie, I, ah, know we haven't really gotten the chance to know each other all that well, and ah what I meant to say was... I mean today at the park I saw that you... Have you ever thought about adoption?" I rambled desperately trying to get my mouth to shut up.

But the damage was done, as I glanced up I saw her face turn icy in the reflection and she whirled around to face me.

"What did you say to me?" Her tone made me want to shrink back into myself but I held my ground.

"I know what it's like Rosalie..." I didn't even get to finish.

"You stupid cow! You have no idea what it's like. You have no right to talk to me about children, you don't even know me. You waltz in here, into my home and then think you have the right to tell me that I should just adopt some children! As if the thought had never occurred to me before, how stupid do you think I am? Where do YOU get off telling me you know anything about what I've been through? You know nothing! Your audacity astounds me, how dare you presume to know anything about me or what I want. Now get the fuck out of my room." She towered over me, tall and menacing.

Well that went well. She was officially enraged.

"I looked down to my lap and whispered so that only she could hear in case anyone was listening.

"I was seven months pregnant when I was bitten." I pulled in a huge gasp of air and let it out. There, someone else knew, it was out there. My eyes closed tightly and I wanted more than anything to just cry, but my body wouldn't let me. There was silence, Rosalie had said nothing, she hadn't even moved. I sat there and rocked in on myself, a century I had kept that inside of me and now I had revealed it to a vampire I was almost certain hated my guts. Just like telling Alice about Edward, I felt a huge weight lift off my shoulders, as though the burden wasn't just mine to bear anymore.

I buried my face in my hands, pushing my eyes with my fingers hard. I didn't want to see Rosalie laugh and tell me she didn't care and then kick me out of her room, I would just sit here and pretend I was somewhere else.

Then I felt two hands cover my own and pry them away from my face. I opened my eyes to find Rosalie crouched down on the floor in front of me as she brought my hands in hers and pressed them to her chest.

"Bella. I am so sorry." And she was, it was written all over her body from her scrunched up beautiful face to her shuddering shoulders. And I wanted to thank her, because getting this off my chest made me feel a little less guilty about losing my baby, about keeping him a secret for all these years.

So I got down on the floor in front of her and wrapped my arms around her shoulders and clung to her. And suddenly we were both crying, well crying as well as our bodies allowed.

Some time later she pulled back from me and bit her lip. "I don't know how you keep going, how you manage to still live your life, I have nothing like the excuse you have, I didn't even have any children."

My look of confusion prompted her to go on.

"All I've ever wanted to be was a mother, babies were what I lived for, it was my life's goal. I lived, breathed and slept babies and I was so close to having one of my own. And then it was taken away from me. I never wanted this life Bella, I just wanted to be a mum, but I've made the most of what I have, I have Emmett, and I love him. But, I don't know if it will ever be enough. You must think I'm a selfish cow." She gave a sad smile and shook her head.

"Never, I didn't choose this life either, and if I could go back and... but I can't, we just have to keep going. Who knows what might happen someday."

We both sat there on the floor, lost in our thoughts until Rosalie turned to me her face serious.

"Bella I know I have no right to ask, but I hope that we can be friends after this, I've treated you appallingly and I'm sorry. I hope you can forgive me."

This was what I had wanted, the chance to be closer to Rosalie and I couldn't help but smile.

"I'd really like that Rosalie, it's nice to have someone to talk to about this."

Her answering smile literally lit up the room she was so radiant.

"Good, because now that we're friends, I have to know. Was the baby Edward's?"

The longest chapter yet. And the quickest update. Thanks so much to everyone who is reading and enjoying my story, I get way too excited reading your reviews and seeing that you've put me on alerts. Really, it's sad how much I love hearing from you guys. I'm torn on whether or not to include any more back story from 1918, so if you would like to read more about Bella and Edward's life together before becoming vampires, let me know.

Thanks again

Dolly xx