Theories


"You're a vampire."

Kabuto looked up from the book he was reading to see the young ninja Naruto in front of his desk. "I'm a what…?" He asked stupidly.

"You're a vampire." Naruto repeated.

Kabuto sighed, closing his book and placed it on the table. Amused, he leaned back in his chair. "And how exactly am I a vampire?"

"You've got black eyes, pale skin, you glitter in the sun, you don't eat, and you're strong."

"There are logical explanations to those things."

"Okay. Tell me." Naruto crossed his arms across his chest and stared at the older medical nin.

"One, I have black eyes because I was born with them. I can't change my eye color. Two, I have pale skin because I'm in my lab most of the time. Three, the reason I glittered that one summer was because some A.D.H.D. fan crazy girls switched my sun lotion with body glitter. Four, I don't eat because I don't have time. And when I do, you're gone. And finally, I'm strong because I'm used to picking up heavy things. Like you."

"I'm not heavy!"

"Yeah, you are." Kabuto taunted. "You just don't know it."

"Well…what about staying away from me most of the time? Is that because my blood is too tempting for you?"

"No. It's because I don't want people to know we're friends when we're supposed to be enemies."

"You have to be a vampire! Stephanie Meyer's books prove it!"

Kabuto sighed. "Is that where you got your stupid theory? From those Twilight books? Anything else you want to try and test? Why I was born on a leap year? My hair color? Why I have glasses?"

"No. We're staying on the vampire topic. But I will ask about those one day."

"I'm not a vampire! How can I prove to you that I'm not a vampire?"

Naruto thought about it. "Mm…maybe a hug?"

"I've hugged you tons of times."

"But I wanna see if you-"

"And I've never gotten tempted."

"Why?"

" 'Cause I'm not a stupid vampire!"

"Well…vampires are cold….so, if I hug you and you're cold, then you're a vampire. How about that?"

"Fine. But I'm not a vampire." Kabuto dropped his chair down, stood up and headed over to Naruto. He hugged the younger boy warily, but gently.

"Hmm…you're warm."

"I told you." Kabuto sighed, backing away a little.

"A little too warm."

"…What?"

"I know." Naruto looked up at the medic nin eagerly. "You're a werewolf!"

Kabuto groaned, wanting to bang his head against a wall at his friend's idiocy. It was going to be a long day.