Chapter Two

(BELLA and EDWARD are making out passionately on BELLA'S bed.)

Edward: "I miss you already!"

Bella: "You" –kiss- "pervert. You need some time with the guys. You need to be with the dudes once in a while. Go hunt so you won't eat me."

Edward: -somber-

Bella: "go on. JASPER! EMMETT!"

Jasper: -claws at glass- "Let's go, brother."

Edward: "NOOOO! I must risk losing my virginity before marriage ONE MORE TIME!"

Jasper: "Em, get the rope."

Bella: "Toodles! Write when you get work! Oh wait… never mind!"

Edward: -tearlessly sobbing, bound in a rope-

Bella: "Now, you have him until sunset, but have him back before the music starts, and he must look nice. I have to remember the wedding I didn't want by all of us looking nice."-lowers voice to a whisper- "I'll pay you fifty dollars to torture him."

Emmett: "You're on. Thanks Bella!"

Edward: -whimpers- "HELP ME!"

Bella: "It's a miracle Charlie never hears any of this. Goodbye!" –promptly falls asleep-

Bella: "Ooh, ahh! I'm dreaming I am a vampire! Oh wait… I'm not. Oops. Oh well! Oh look! A baby! Oh, he's so pretty! I must hug him and squeeze him… but what's he's sitting on? Oh no! It's my dead loved ones! Well, I can do without Jessica or Mike… how could you, pretty baby?"

Volturi: "We must kill him!"

Bella: "NOO! You will not kill my pretty baby! He's pretty and he's a baby! How could you?"

Baby: -OPENS HIS BRIGHT, BLOODRED EYES-

Bella: -wakes up screaming- "Oh no…"

(BELLA then obsesses over scary stories. She does not fall asleep.)