Characters/Pairings: Richard, Benny, Krunch, and Cale of Looking for Group
Warnings: Extreme crossover. Extreme crack
Summary: Richard's war-cry explained! (Surprise minor crossover)
Disclaimer: I don't own Looking for Group or the mysterious guest-star
"Five hours. A new record." Richard commented to the priestess as they walked. They both glanced at the silent, sulking elf ahead of them.
"Seems like a sore subject," rumbled Krunch, striding along behind the pair. "We don't know yet what he saw, and he's not likely to tell us if you keep making fun of him, Warlock."
"Why does everyone always assume that I'm mocking him?" Richard paused to glance at his companions. Benny and Krunch glared at him. "What? Okay, fine. But it's a perfectly legitimate battle cry."
"Okay, how exactly is that a legitimate war cry?" Benny smirked. "I know I'll just love this."
"It's in memory of my dear, departed steed, Pony, of course." The warlock flicked an imaginary tear from his eye.
"Uh huh." Benny sounded anything but convinced.
"Oh, do we have to do a flashback sequence? Fine!" Richard threw up his hands, summoning a sepia-toned vision from his past.
About fifteen years ago. Richard stands at the outskirts of a burning village, hands on his hips, looking decidedly pleased.
"Try to spread rumors about my village, will you? Won't be trying that any time soon! Ruled by the evil undead. Hah! And they left out all of my titles..."
The Lord of the Undead watched the houses burn for a few moments more before turning away, bored.
He spun back around when a sound, terrible as the shrieks of a thousand beasts of hell, split the air. The blazing remains of a stable shivered, then collapsed. And rearing up amidst the wreckage was—
"Ooh, Pony!" Richard clasped his hands and hurried toward the maddened animal.
Benny and Krunch stared at the warlock, nearly identical expressions of bemused disbelief gracing their faces.
"He had a bit of trouble accepting me as a rider at first, but, ah, the good times we had..."
The sepia-toned illusion returned with a brief montage of Richard and Pony's adventures together:
Pony rearing back, dislodging the warlock, then trampling him underfoot.
Pony throwing Richard, the warlock sailing into a nearby tree.
Perhaps a year later
Richard and Pony riding down a fleeing mass of peasants.
Pony, stampeding through a small town, while Richard hurls fire and ice at anyone he sees.
Richard and Pony—
"Please stop. I think I'm going to be ill." Cale didn't turn around as he spoke.
"There's really nothing quite like the sound of a skull crushing under a hoof," Richard sighed in reminiscence.
"So what happened to him, then?" Benny asked.
"Well, I still talk to him now and then, and—"
"He TALKS?" Cale finally turned around, unable to keep himself from being drawn into the story.
"Hm. Not in words, but you can't look into those big, brown eyes and not know what he's thinking of," the warlock replied.
"And that is...?"
"Riiight. So where is he now? I thought you said he was dead?"
"I said 'departed.' He was getting bored with destruction here—not enough of a challenge, I suppose. So he's in some other dimension, working on taking over the world. Apparently evil is in short supply in some places. I'm just so proud." Richard looked contemplatively at the horizon.
"You should know when to let something go, Warlock," Krunch said, shaking his horned head.
The Lord of the Thirteen Hells sighed. "They don't understand, Pony. They've never heard your fearful cry..."
Some other dimension. Romania.
A group of workers cowers in fear before a majestic stallion. It rears back, paws the air, and a terrible death-whinny echoes through the hills...
A/N: Yes. Pony is Bad Horse.
Looking for Group
Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog
If I had to guess, I'd say that one of my co-workers may have had an influence on my train of thought somewhere along the line.
Edit: I found this on my computer about six months after I wrote it, and I'm not really sure why I didn't post it in October...