I understand that, for various reasons, you are angry with me. Among the reasons for your anger has been the revelation of my actual identity. With I am not Madara, nor will I claim to be any longer, I request you refer to me as such in the Akatsuki Employee Handbook. The real Madara has permitted it, and believes it may be beneficial so Akatsuki supporters are not confused.
Supporters might wish to know that there are references to your DeviantArt only work 'Whirlpools of Lightning', although they are vague. This chapter was mandatory for all Akatsuki to read, no matter their rank, as it applied to everyone. When collectively referred to, Akatsuki members, subordinates, and associates are known as 'Akatsuki personnel'.
My understanding is that you wish to do a sweep of the Handbook to fix grammar and add 'omakes', if possible. In these 'omakes', individuals are called by their surname first and given name last instead of the other way around. As grammar is important, I support this move. Readers need to understand that this process may take a while.
If there is a subject not yet covered, supporters may let us know so the issues in question are addressed. It is a pleasure working with you.
Akatsuki Housing Policies
By Madara Uchiha
Edited by Konan
Edited by Pain
Comments from Zetsu
It has come to my attention that members, associates, and subordinates of Akatsuki are confused about what activities are acceptable to perform in the Main Base. While some of these questions have been answered in other sections of the Handbook, they have not covered all situations.
Many have been concerned about their living arrangements while not on missions. While Akatsuki is a busy organization, there may be occasions where members might have extended periods of downtime. With this section, I hope I can put minds at rest. Members, note that any underlings of yours who live at the Main Base are required to read this section as well. There are submission forms attached to the chapter to sign, indicating that a member and his/her subordinates have read and understood the rules in their entirety.
While there has been no official rules regarding noise levels prior, senior management has decided to implement some as a result of recent events (Deidara playing some rock and roll music in the middle of the night, waking all of the base). No individual may listen to or perform loud noises between eleven PM and seven AM. If anyone disregards this, we will not be held responsible for the actions of other members. Deidara spent the following weeks in Amegakure's hospital and was used for target practice for three months afterwards. For everyone's sanity, obey the noise limits!
It may seem childish, but in Akatsuki, there is a curfew imposed on all staying at Headquarters. Adequate rest is imperative to mission success and health. Occupants must be in their rooms by eleven PM. At midnight, all lights are turned off. Any member who has a mission with a late departing time must remain in their room until departure. Conversely, any member returning from a mission late at night is to report to Pain-sama and Madara-sama upon return to give a summary of their mission. Afterwards, they are to go straight to their rooms. Mission reports will be handed in the morning after. Be careful not to disturb others late at night. Many Akatsuki personnel have unpleasant surprises for those who wake them.
Every member, associate and subordinate who lives at Headquarters is provided a bedroom. The door to each bedroom has a brass nameplate displaying the name of the room's owner. Unless you have prior permission, entering another individual's bedroom is not recommended. Invading someone's bedroom can be punished by varying methods. The punishment will be decided by senior management on a case-by-case basis.
All bedrooms are approximately 200 square feet. They are meant to house one member each. Other members may be invited into the bedroom at the occupant's discretion. For non-management members, their bedrooms also act as their offices for filing mission reports, organizing information pertaining to their assigned bijuu/jinchuriki, skimming over financial documents, or looking over information gathered by spies. The Organization provides the appropriate furniture and tools so these activities may be done in privacy.
Basic furniture given includes a futon, a wooden desk, a lamp, a wooden chair, bookshelves, a dresser, a laundry basket, and a closet. Storage bins for personal items are provided, but any other furniture/décor must be purchased on your own. Pain will give the directions to the local furniture store for any interested.
Members may decorate their rooms according to their wishes, as long as their effects do not badmouth the Akatsuki in any fashion. Posters showing their interests may be displayed, and rooms may be painted to the occupant's taste. Occasionally, an individual may have a photo of a friend or deceased loved one framed. While houseplants are allowed in Headquarters, certain varieties are banned. If the guidelines given about plants later in the chapter do not satisfy your queries, see Zetsu for more information.
Each bedroom is equipped with its own bathroom. As an organization of nine official members and many more subordinates and associates, having a single bathroom in the Main Base is unfeasible. Towels, toilet paper, and washcloths are provided, but personnel are responsible for purchasing hygiene products. Remember to read the hygiene section of the Handbook. Keep in mind what Konan might do if it's not followed. In addition to the regular hygiene requirements, members are asked to brush their teeth and floss daily. Dental bills should not eat up so much of our budget. Prevention is better than cure!
Should any problems come up with plumbing, water or lighting, there are specific subordinates trained to fix such problems. Go to one of them, explain the problem, and let them work their magic. Do not harass such subordinates while they repair things. While killing your own subordinates is permissible, the ones trained in house maintenance all report to Pain. If the base has a blackout or backed-up water from your shenanigans, you will pay for the bill and training another subordinate.
Members are responsible for keeping their rooms clean. Failure to clean up after yourself will result in punishment. Sneaking into another Akatsuki personnel's room and then trashing it is also forbidden. Hidan, who was new at the time, found out the hard way after he trashed and performed his ritual sacrifices in Itachi's room when the latter was assigned to a long-term spying mission. One Tsukuyomi was all it took for the knucklehead to understand the message.
Restrictions on Houseplants/Gardening Guidelines
Members may keep varieties of indoor bonsai in their rooms. These would include the Christmas cactus, Japanese sago palm, and weeping fig. As bonsai have shallow roots, water them regularly.
Most types of houseplants are allowed. Those on the restricted list are generally invasive species or endangered. The only exceptions to the above would be carrion flowers, corpse flowers, skunk cabbage, lords-and-ladies, and dead-horse arums. Because of their foul scent, no member is allowed to cultivate them. When I attempted to raise a carrion flower, other members complained of the odor. Itachi nearly had us with his Katon jutsu!
While not forbidden, keeping very large houseplants is not advised. Keep in mind Amegakure's wet, rainy climate when making a purchase. Buy artificial lights to provide plants with adequate conditions. Clean up leaves and petals your houseplant sheds to keep your room tidy. Have someone water your plants while you are away.
As they may give away our location, outside plants, with the exception of those grown in the greenhouse attached to the base, are banned. If you wish to grow a plant in the greenhouse, ask Zetsu for permission. He and his subordinates take care of the Organization's gardening needs.
With the assistance of subordinates, the kitchen is kept stocked with food at all times. There are specific breakfast, lunch, and supper times, but members may take food at any time. Keep in mind that there is a book for members to sign on the counter so senior management knows who ate what and when. Only sign it when taking food outside of meals.
Staff takes care of cooking the food at mealtimes. As many of our membership are known to be poor cooks, no one should use the oven or stove without assistance. Itachi, because of going blind, you are no longer allowed to cook. If you want warm food, ask one of the staff in charge of cooking to make something for you. Remember that your girlfriend is my underling and is more than happy to cook if you need it. Because of poisoning Kisame with a crab dish in revenge for shaving a stripe down his head, Deidara is banned from cooking as well. Kisame was having diarrhea for days, and could not be sent out on missions for two weeks. For assisting Deidara, Sasori has been assigned to dishwashing duty and is not allowed in the kitchen or dining area with poison on his person.
Living Room Rules
A community room is available for use by all members. Among other things, it is furnished with a television, a large couch, a coffee table, magazines, manga, shelves of fiction books for personal reading, beanbag chairs, and shogi boards. Stealing any of these items is not allowed and will result in ten lashes. Destroying the furniture and other items in the living room will end in one week of target practice and the member's paycheck being used to replace it.
While drinks are allowed to be consumed in the living room, food is not. Food may only be eaten in the dining room or in a member's room. If a drink is spilled, clean it up. Do not fight with other members over the television, magazines, books, manga, or shogi.
Training Ground Reservations
A training ground for personnel exists a short distance from the base. It is large enough to be used by multiple individuals at once. In the lobby of the base, a sign-out book is laid out so Akatsuki members may reserve the training ground. Full members are given first priority, then associates and subordinates may have a session.
To make sure everyone gets a chance to use the faculty, there is a time limit on training sessions. If you have a good relationship with your partner, another member, or a subordinate of yours, have them book a training session with you. If you need more time to train, use one of the public Amegakure training grounds, but erase all traces of your jutsu when done.
Some personnel are interested in keeping pets for their enjoyment. The Organization does not mind, but there are some restrictions.
Dogs cannot be kept as pets in Akatsuki. Many grow to large sizes, need to be walked daily, and may severely injure other members. This means a certain subordinate cannot have one, Konan. You might want to let her know. Itachi took care of it. He also bought her a pet not affected by the by-laws. She's quite happy with it.
While they would help out terrifying image, crocodilians will never be suitable pets. They require large quantities of meat for sustenance and are liable to kill their owner once they are large enough.
Only non-venomous varieties of snakes are permitted as pets. With the Orochimaru fiasco, I imagine they will not be popular for a long time.
Cats are a wonderful choice as a companion. They are small, can be kept indoors-only, only need a small amount of food, and their waste is easily cleaned up. Scratching posts should be provided for the cat's enjoyment. They are usually independent creatures, but will sit on your lap if in the mood.
Hamsters, gerbils, mice, rats, hedgehogs, chinchillas, sugar gliders, and guinea pigs are good pets because of their small size, easiness to care for, harmlessness to humans, and sweet dispositions. They should only be let out of their cage when their owner is supervising.
Livestock, including chickens, horses, goats, pigs, llamas, cows, sheep, and peafowl, are not to be kept as pets. They banned for the same reason outdoor plants are.
Rabbits can be nice pets, but they are not allowed to be housed outdoors. They should be kept in a large cage in their owner's room, let out when appropriate.
As they are very mischievous creatures, especially if left alone, ferrets are banned from Headquarters.
Fish are low maintenance pets. Both freshwater and saltwater varieties may be kept. For information about setting up an aquarium, ask Kisame for advice. Be wary about acquiring pond fish instead of fish more appropriate for an aquarium environment. How an aquarium is furnished is up to the owner.
As long as they are kept in appropriate enclosures, insects and most arachnids are allowed. Sasori, you may not keep a scorpion. We do not care whether it goes with your name. They are not pets, and might kill another member if they escape from their enclosure. Black widows and recluses are also forbidden.
Almost all bird species are allowed in Headquarters. Because of the incident involving Hidan shipping various large birds to base as a prank, it must be clarified that penguins, emus, ostriches, flamingos, pelicans, and albatrosses do not make great pets and are banned. Smaller animals, including exotics, may be maintained. Kakuzu is upset about the money spent on the escapade and is dealing with his partner at the moment.
While technically allowed, turtles and other reptiles often require specialized care and are fragile. Caring for one is not advised.
Big cats are not permitted. Many are endangered, need a lot of meat, require large enclosures, and have been known to kill their owners. For similar reasons, no one may keep a non-human primate, wolf, or any other creature that may harm its caretaker. Any animal that is on the endangered species list is forbidden. For a full list of banned pets, see Pain.
Personnel are liable for their own pet's care. If you are to depart on a mission, a subordinate or trusted friend may be delegated for pet maintenance. Members are advised not to harm others' pets. If you kill a pet belonging to another Akatsuki member, the owner is allowed to harm you. You are not allowed to kidnap a pet, either. Any injuries sustained by harming or killing a member's pet will not be covered under the Akatsuki's health policy.
The red tail shark swam quickly in its large tank. It zoomed behind every plant and cave.
The school of bala sharks hid in one of the caves as the red tail came around. On the other hand, the silver dollars went about their business, paying no attention to their aggressive tankmate.
Kisame gazed at his fish tank from his futon. After becoming a missing-nin, his fish were the few things he continued to care about.
The blue-skinned sharkman thought of himself as a good fish owner. He fed his fish properly, cleaned their tank when needed, researched which fish were compatible, and had an underling of his take care of the fish while he was away.
While some members of Akatsuki were not interested in pet keeping, several had a pet or two.
Zetsu was the only member to keep snakes. The dually-colored spy claimed that they were great pest control for the greenhouse. One of his subordinates tended to a beehive that pollinated the plants inside.
Once, Kisame had seen a milk snake wrapped around Zetsu's arm, the cannibal cooing to it softly.
I'm an animal lover, but that was just creepy.
Wanting some fresh air, the white-eyed man bade goodbye to his fish. He stepped out of his bedroom.
Headquarters was alive with activity. Deidara held several shovels. The young blonde was headed for the base's exit.
"Good afternoon Kisame, un."
Kisame looked in the young bomber's direction. He waved to him.
"Nice to see you too, Deidara. Off to gather more clay?"
Deidara nodded furiously.
"I used my last exploding clay on that hacker I was sent out to eliminate. And, I don't want to stick around, un. Konan's bringing out her cat! I am not a fan of animals, un!"
With that, the youth ran in a mad dash out of Headquarters. Other members and subordinates stared at his retreating back.
"Really… Even Kakuzu-sama refrains from those kinds of comments around other members," Fujimoto Norio, a longtime subordinate of Kakuzu's, muttered.
"Konan might force the brat to care for her cat as punishment for some of his crazier antics if she gets wind of this. Which is a move I completely support," Sasori agreed.
A short teenage girl carried a crate of small dead animals of various kinds from outside. All of them had holes in the neck where a kunai punctured them. She was heading to Itachi's room.
The girl was Itachi's subordinate, Shibata Mayu. Strong for her age, carrying a heavy bin would be a minor inconvenience.
The animals had to be for his crow and his girlfriend's snowy owl to devour.
A soft voice startled those present.
"It's nice to see you all this afternoon. Have any of you met Arisa?"
Konan had just entered the lobby. Nestled in her arms was an orange cat with black and white patches.
Kisame flashed his teeth.
"I don't think we have. Is he friendly? …Ouch!"
Sasori punched him in the shoulder.
"Idiot. That cat, with the orange, white, and black coloring, is a tortoiseshell. Almost all tortoiseshell cats are female."
"That's right. But Arisa-chan is very friendly. You can pet her if you want. Just don't take too long. I have to take her to the vet for her shots."
The blue-skinned man stroked Arisa's side with a large hand. After a few moments, he stepped back to allow the others a chance.
Once Mayu came by to give the cat a last rub, she and her owner departed to the main part of Amegakure. Kisame followed after them, but veered in a different direction.
There was a local koi pond in the village he liked to frequent. Many of the resident fish grow to three feet long. Two fish were known to have reached five feet.
Near the pond was a wooden bench people could sit on to watch the fish and a dispenser for koi food. The sharkman sat down on the bench. He trained early in the morning, so he could afford to relax now.
It was entertaining to watch the fish come up for food. There was always the good question of who would grab the food this time. Would it be the white one with orange spots or the black one?
The man with spiky blue hair walked back to Headquarters as the sun began to set. It was hard to tell with the constant rainy weather, but the clouds were tinged with orange, purple, and pink. Supper would be very soon.
Akatsuki personnel often ate in their rooms instead of in the dining room. Fights occurred when everyone was in a confined space. If you wanted to speak to someone during mealtimes, you invited them to eat with you in your bedroom. Words were best said behind closed doors.
This night's supper consisted of rice, various grilled vegetables in a bowl, and grilled chicken. Akatsuki personnel received steel trays to place their food on. In a disorganized fashion, they lined up to grab food and utensils. As quickly as possible, most left the kitchen.
Placing his wooden bowl of grilled vegetables on his tray, Kisame was about to leave too. But, a black-haired teen caught his eye.
Itachi had bags under his eyes. His skin was paler than normal. His sluggish movements were the final clue that he was feeling poorly. Concerned, the sharkman approached his partner.
"Itachi-san, are you alright?"
The teen did not verbally respond. He shook his head.
"You shouldn't be out of your room in this state. If it's okay, may I eat with you?"
The shorter young man nodded. After getting his food, the partners headed to Itachi's room.
The room's walls were painted black. On a wooden perch, Itachi's crow turned to look at its owner's visitor. Kisame let out a quiet gasp when he saw the Sharingan implanted where one of its' normally dark eyes should be.
"Itachi, your bird has a Sharingan."
The black-haired teen closed his eyes. As he spoke, his voice cracked with weakness.
"I am aware, Kisame-san. I was the one to have the Sharingan implanted in Kagemaru's eye. I usually have a genjutsu on him so his eyes appear normal."
The blue-haired man swallowed. He knew Itachi killed his entire family. After a deep conversation a couple of years ago, he learned why the teen killed his clan, sans his younger brother.
Despite his actions, the longhaired teen had morals. Surely he would not raid the graves of his relatives just to implant his kekkei genkai in his pet.
"Kisame-san, I know where your thoughts are going from your expression. I did no such thing. He is my companion, but I would not have implanted the Sharingan under ordinary circumstances."
Itachi looked directed at his partner.
"Where'd it come from, then?"
Seriously, there was an explanation for everything the teen did.
The teen closed his eyes again. His hands folded in his lap.
"Two years ago, I told you about the coup. Not every Uchiha agreed with it. A good friend of mine was one of the objectors. His Mangekyo Sharingan had a unique jutsu that was prized greatly within the clan. Our clan members would have fought over his eyes if he died."
The young man paused briefly for breath.
"He wanted to head off war, but Danzo, one of Konoha's elders, stole one of his eyes. My friend approached me shortly after. He knew I disagreed with the coup, and felt that his remaining eye belonged in my care. I implanted the eye in Kagemaru the night it was gifted to me. My friend died, but it was before the massacre. He made it seem as if his eyes were crushed before dying."
The story finished, Itachi's lips quivered slightly. A single tear fell from his eyes.
At that moment, Kagemaru flew from his perch. The broad-beaked bird landed on his owner's shoulder. He gently cuffed the black-haired teen with his wing.
His owner gazed at the bird, lips twisting into a slight smile.
"Thank you, Kagemaru."
Kisame grabbed his chopsticks. The food was cooling off.
The two partners ate with much gusto. In under thirty minutes, all of their food was in their bellies.
While he looked a little better, Itachi seemed to be exhausted. The muscular man in front of him wondered if he should put the teen to bed early. Ever since he returned from that mission in the Outside, his partner had been poorly.
A soft knock at the door startled the sharkman from his thoughts.
His younger partner nodded at him.
"Can you answer it, Kisame-san?"
The imposing man twisted the doorknob. In front of him was a heavily scarred teenager with ice blue eyes. Her eyes widened at Kisame's form, but not by much.
Just Itachi's girlfriend, thank goodness. I know he doesn't like Hidan, Tobi, or Deidara coming in here.
"Mitsuki-san, it's just you. Come in. Itachi-san is on his futon."
The spiky-haired girl nodded quickly. She made a beeline for Itachi. A white owl with speckled wings followed behind her.
"I heard from Konan-san that Pain-sama has noticed your failing health. They might take you off missions entirely if you aren't careful."
The black-haired teen gazed at his girlfriend. Slowly, he nodded.
"What is Konan-san proposing so I can continue missions?"
Mitsuki snapped her head in Kisame's direction.
"Kisame-san, I would like to have this conversation be private. Would you be kind enough to leave and not tell anyone about this?"
Grabbing his kitchen utensils quickly off the floor, the sharkman smiled.
"No one will hear about this. You have my word."
After curfew, Kisame dressed for bed in shark-print pajamas. All of the animal affection he had seen today made the usually bloodthirsty shinobi feel warm inside. He made his way to his large fish tank.
"Thank you, for being good friends of mine."
All of the fish swam close to their owner. The sharkman swore that some smiled at him.
A/N: This was fun to write. Maybe it's because I'm an animal lover.
I want to add omakes to each chapter that have something to do with the section they're based off of. Like having Taka (Team Hawk) in class with Kisame, Hidan being forced to read the Handbook, and the crab incident mentioned in this chapter. It just feels right.
As I made this new chapter, I skimmed through the rest of the Handbook and noticed many spelling and grammar mistakes. They will be corrected in time, but may take awhile.
About my Akatsuki subordinate OCs: Norio and Mayu both outlive their superiors.
Norio is older than most shinobi are and is one of Kakuzu's few friendly acquaintances. Like his boss, he is quite greedy. But, he likes order and is very polite. After Kakuzu's death, he moves to Hi no Kuni (Land of Fire) to work as an auditor. He is not married or in love with anyone.
Mayu was taken in by Itachi as a child. He noticed her taijutsu skills and had them polished by Kisame. She is not a big talker. Mayu is cautious, tries to avoid conflict if possible, but will punch someone's face in if someone threatens her. Before his death, Itachi assigns her a mission: protect Mitsuki at all costs. Mayu succeeds, and is granted asylum by Kumogakure alongside her charge. She lives in Kumo itself, while Mitsuki has been allowed to live on the outskirts near a mountain valley. I am not sure if I should give her a love interest.
I know some people might hate it, but I tried to make sure a certain someone was mentioned sparsely and would only appear briefly near the end. Was the omake too mushy?
For that matter, was it too long? I know this omake is a bit large, but I was trying to pace it throughout, not have it come to a screeching halt.
Please, let me know what you think.