Disclaimer: The Twilight Series characters and world belong to Stephenie Meyer. Who is not me.

This is a humor fic, and I've worked to keep the characters from going OOC, but feel free to suspend disbelief at your leisure.

Thank you to my wonderful beta, Ledybug, who made sure everything makes sense and doesn't offend the English language. Any errors that remain are entirely my own.

Also, any onions neglected in the making of this fic were compensated for their sacrifice.

Chapter One: Curiosity Killed The Cat

In Forks, 'summer' was a bit of a misnomer.

At the start of summer break in Phoenix, Bella could expect hot days, humid nights and to spend every moment outdoors. On day one of her first summer in Forks, she was rained in at the Cullen house, making her own fun by going through Edward's things.

Edward had gone into town to pick her up some much needed nourishment, and with the rest of the family out hunting, Bella was completely alone.

Therefore she wasn't as embarrassed as she might have been when the first drawer she opened contained Edward's underwear.

"Boxers man, good to know." Face flaming, Bella shut the drawer and moved on.

She hummed to herself as she continued her search. In her opinion, she was completely justified in her endeavor. Edward had spent months sneaking into her bedroom at night to listen to her talk in her sleep. Surely he wouldn't begrudge her one afternoon of going through everything he owned?

"What on earth does a vampire need fifteen pairs of sunglasses for?" Bella picked up a pair and examined them. Designer, of course, and they probably cost more than the contents of her savings account. She slipped them on and looked in the mirror. They were far too big. Sliding the glasses up so they were perched on the top of her head, Bella turned to eye the closet.

If she was lucky, he would still have clothes from decades past, and Bella could laugh like she did every time she saw old pictures of her parents in the seventies.

Upon swinging the doors open, it became obvious that Edward was not entirely in charge of this part of his domain.

The proof was in the post-it notes. They were scattered all over the inside of the doors and even attached to items of clothing that were hanging up. Edward did not seem to own any clothing in very bright colors, but there were plenty of pink and orange post-it notes to make up for it. On them, Alice wrote directions about which shirts matched which pants, and that if Edward even thought about pairing up the designer Marc Jacobs button-down shirt with his Henleys hoodie ever again, she would redress him herself.

There was a large pile of colorful paper crumpled up on the floor of the closet, and some of those that remained even had little replies scribbled on them in Edward's flowing script.

Alice, one read, stay out of my closet.

In another, he was clearly perplexed. I have no idea who John Wye is, but I assure you I will not be accessorizing anything with his belts.

They had even carried out an entire argument along the sleeve of a leather jacket. The topic appeared to be on whether a motorcycle would go well with it.

Edward had the final say with, A motorcycle wouldn't fit in my closet anyway, Alice.

With a grin, Bella grabbed the pen that one of them had stuck to the door of the closet with an adhesive and scribbled her own reply. The motorcycle can go in the garage.

Clearly, Bella would have to step up her efforts to keep Alice from invading her closet if even Edward fought daily battles with her.

Recapping the pen, Bella returned it to its rightful place and closed the closet doors. Eager to see what other secrets Edward's room contained, Bella took a good look around for something of interest. A flash of brown caught her eye. Bella walked over to Edward's desk and leaned down to peek under it. Pressed hard against the wall was a cardboard box. She fished under the desk, snagging the edge of the box and pulling it out.


A dozen or so photo albums were sitting in the box, gathering dust, when they would be far more useful in Bella's hands. She sat down on the plush carpet and picked up the first album.

There had to be something embarrassing in one of them.

A dozen photo albums and not a single photo contained Edward being anything other than his calm, unruffled self. Maybe it was impossible for him to lose his composure. Maybe he was the anti-Bella.

With a sigh, Bella flipped back to have another look at her favorites.

"What are you doing?"

She started in surprise, fumbling with the photo album. She turned to glare at Edward in reproach. He had appeared behind her silently, as he often did. Bella was almost one hundred percent sure that he did it purposefully. She was uncertain if it was the look on her face or the sound of her hammering heartbeat that was so amusing, but while he kept his face carefully blank, he had trouble concealing his bright eyes, sparkling in amusement.

Huffing exasperatedly, Bella turned back to the album. She knew it would be futile to try and call Edward out on his behavior. He was maddeningly good at pretending to be ignorant. He crouched down beside her on his bedroom floor, cocking his head and waiting for her to answer.

"I'm looking for embarrassing photos of you," she finally admitted, when one of his fingers poked her interrogatively in the side. "And where's my food, mister?"

"It's down in the kitchen waiting patiently for you to devour it." Edward shifted until he was sitting beside her, long legs stretched out, propping himself up on his arms. "Have you had any luck?"

Bella shot him a pointed look. "What do you think? These are your albums."

Edward hummed in wordless agreement, leaning to one side so he could rest his chin on her shoulder and look at the album in her hands. "You'll only find some amusing shots of Emmett in there. He couldn't care less about being embarrassed – he's completely shameless. Most humiliating photos get burned after a few years. It's hard to keep vigilant of your blackmail material when you're hoarding several decades' worth."

Bella turned beseeching eyes on him. "So there are no embarrassing pictures? Not even one?"

"Those that remain are in Carlisle's possession," Edward replied, frowning a bit. "None of us have any idea where he keeps them. How he's managed to thwart me and Alice both is anyone's guess. They could be in a safety deposit box in Switzerland for all we know."

Defeated, Bella flipped some pages and slipped her favorite picture out of the album. "Can I have this?"

Edward glanced at it and nodded. "Of course. Why that one?"

The photo had been taken fairly recently, downstairs in the living room. In it, Edward and Emmett were playing 'Rock, Paper, Scissors'. Unsurprisingly, poor Emmett was looking vexed, while Edward had a wide smirk across his face as his paper beat Emmett's rock. "I just find it amusing that Emmett is getting so upset when playing a mind reader."

"He tried Alice afterwards," Edward informed her, lips quirking. "Then he put the two of us against each other."

"What happened?" Bella asked curiously.

"Nothing." Edward reached over her shoulder and flipped the page. He tapped one long finger against a photo of him and Alice staring at each other. "We never got as far as actually deciding what were going to use."

Edward's gaze suddenly shifted to the door. Bella turned to see Rosalie standing in the doorway, with her wet hair pulled into a messy bun and somehow managing to make automotive overalls stylish. They were a devilish shade of red, and were unzipped far lower than was probably practical. She was still stunning, as if the look was carefully engineered for the catwalk instead of the garage.

"You're back early," Edward noted.

Bella sat quietly, idly running her fingers through the gold carpet. Rosalie intimidated her. It was always apparent that the blonde vampire thought her unwelcome in their family.

"I left as soon as I could – too much mud. The rain is really starting to set in." Rosalie entered the room completely and curled up on the black couch across from them. "Besides, I wanted to work on the BMW without Emmett around to distract me."

Bella often wondered to herself what drew Emmett and Rosalie together. One thing that was quickly becoming apparent was that they shared a unique way of imbruing a word with innuendo without altering their tone of voice at all.

"Want some help?" Edward offered, startling Bella a bit. She had never heard Edward speak more than a few terse sentences to Rosalie when she was around – she was under the impression that they didn't get along very well.

Rosalie nodded. "Yes, thank you."

Edward jumped gracefully to his feet and held a hand down to help Bella up. "You can wait for Alice downstairs if you want - she shouldn't be much longer - or you can come down to the garage with us, although it won't be very interesting."

The look Rosalie gave her made Bella's mind up quickly. "I'll wait for Alice. You have about a hundred channels on that flat screen downstairs, I'm sure I'll find something." She didn't really mind waiting for Alice – the smallest member of the Cullen family was quickly becoming her second favorite, especially since she had helped so much while Bella was still wearing the cast after the incident in Phoenix.

She followed Edward and Rosalie downstairs, grabbing the takeout Edward had left for her in the kitchen, while they continued out to the garage. She then settled herself on the couch in the living room, turning the television on and quickly got lost in the wonders of the Discovery channel.

It was 'Shark Week' on the Discovery channel. Bella watched in horrified fascination as a Great White ripped apart a hapless seal, the water around the carcass turning a deep red. The program was supposed to be on shark reproduction, but so far Bella had yet to see one cute baby shark, only feeding frenzy after feeding frenzy. She almost hoped the idiot in the shark cage got what was coming to him – he clearly had no idea how to make a proper documentary. She chuckled somewhat inappropriately when a huge (apparently pregnant) Great White slammed itself against the bars of the cage, causing it to violently lurch to the side.

She was so engrossed that she didn't notice the return of Edward's family until they were already inside. Bella glanced around to say hello and found Esme reprimanding a blood-splattered Emmett about his table manners.

"Hey there, Bella!" Emmett grinned at her before escaping upstairs. Esme shook her head long-sufferingly. The fact that most mothers only needed to spend a little while teaching table manners to their kids, Bella understood completely Esme's exasperation after 70 years of drilling them into Emmett.

"Good hunting?" Bella asked, as Alice leapt over the back of the couch to sit next to her.

Alice nodded, smiling at Jasper as he sat in a nearby chair. Bella suspected that her presence made him uncomfortable – Jasper never came too close to her.

What sounded like a herd of elephants parading down the stairs turned out to be Emmett returning in clean clothing. The fact that he was a supernatural being who could move silently seemed completely lost on him. He spread his arms wide and gave Esme a wide grin. "Happy?"

"Ecstatic," Esme responded dryly, before nodding to them all and heading upstairs.

Emmett flopped into a chair near Bella, grabbing the remote and changing the channel. "As amazing as shark reproduction is, I'd rather watch something a bit more exciting."

'Exciting' turned out to be the sports channels – Emmett couldn't settle on one so he flipped through all of them. Bella figured that vampire brains must process information faster than humans, because the speeds he was changing the channels at made her feel like she would have a seizure any minute now. She was starting to miss 'cage' guy.

As Jasper began arguing with Emmett about what sport to watch, Alice turned to Bella and inquired curiously, "Where's Edward? It's not like him to leave you all alone."

"-Because everyone knows I can't be trusted," Bella replied sarcastically, before shrugging. "He's with Rosalie. It was weird actually, seeing them get along."

Bella wasn't sure how they did it, but the vampires around her went quiet and managed to somehow make the room feel eerily silent even with the television blaring in the background. Bella glanced uneasily from one inscrutable face to the next, wondering if she had unintentionally done something to provoke them into eating her. "What?"

Emmett was starting to look a little horrified. "Rose and Edward were getting along? How well?"

"I don't know," Bella replied, growing more confused by the second. "He offered to help her with the car and she said thank you."

All three vampires sighed in unison. If Bella wasn't completely freaked out she would have laughed and asked if they had coordinated it.

"He's helping with the car, that's fine." Alice looked like she had survived a brush with death. Emmett and Jasper didn't look much better.

"What is wrong with you all?" Bella asked. "You're acting like I announced the coming of the Antichrist or something."

"Close enough," Emmett said, unnerved. "Rose and Edward getting along for an extended period is a harbinger of doom, destruction and possibly the apocalypse."

"Really?" Bella replied doubtfully, to humor him.

Emmett's face turned dark. Without his normal grin and dimples, he truly was an imposing figure. While it normally might have frightened her, the ridiculous topic of conversation kept Bella from taking him too seriously. He seemed to sense her levity, because he frowned and shook his head at her. "Don't laugh, Bella. Those were dark times for our family, dark times!"

Bemused, Bella turned inquiringly to Alice, who was – to her great surprise – nodding along with Emmett. "Why on earth do you all fear Edward and Rosalie being civil? What happened?"

Alice took a deep breath and announced in a voice full of reverence and prophecy, "It all started with a bet."

Of course, Bella thought, rolling her eyes. Everything in the Cullen family starts with a bet.

"Don't scoff," Alice warned. "This bet went down in Cullen family history."

Emmett nodded in agreement. Even Jasper looked completely serious. Bella wondered if Edward's reluctance for her to spend large amounts of time around his siblings didn't stem from fear that she would be eaten, but rather fear she would be driven away by their insanity.

"So…" Bella began slowly, once she was sure they weren't suddenly going to start laughing at her gullibility. "What was so special about this bet?"

Emmett answered in a hushed voice, "In 1985 Alice made a bet. She lost. It's the only time she has ever lost a bet – Rose and Edward are a force of evil."

Bella half-expected some dramatic music to start playing in the background at Emmett's announcement. She had been around the Cullens long enough to know one of the family truths, 'never bet against Alice', but it was just a little bit ridiculous for Emmett to act like a child who just found out Santa Claus wasn't real.

Alice looked irritable. "I only lost because I teamed up with you and Jasper, Emmett."

"You're supposed to be psychic," Emmett replied, in what sounded like a long-standing argument.

"My inner eye was clouded due to your interference," Alice said sarcastically. "You two wouldn't know a good bet if it bit you on the ass!"

Emmett and Jasper wore identical looks of offense. The last thing Bella wanted was to get in the middle of a family argument, so while they were distracted she quietly stood and crept to the front door. She glanced behind her at the last second to see Jasper give her a wave, a small smirk on his face, while Alice and Emmett continued to argue.

Yeah, well I got the better of you in Phoenix, buddy! Bella thought, before opening the front door and heading towards the garage to find Edward.

Edward and Rosalie were bent over the engine of Rosalie's red BMW, tinkering with God knows what. It had something to do with oil, because they were smeared in the stuff. Once again, Rosalie managed to look like the black smudges on her face were artfully arranged. Edward glanced up as Bella approached. From the way he frowned in concern, Bella suspected she looked a little freaked out. "Hey."

"Hello," Edward replied. "Is something wrong?"

Bella rolled her eyes, trying to downplay how wrong-footed she felt. "Your siblings are a little weird."

"You only just noticed?" Edward asked drolly, briefly turning back to the car to help Rosalie adjust something small, metal and adjustable, before looking back at her. "What did they do?"

Blushing, Bella glanced nervously at Rosalie, who appeared to be paying absolutely no attention. She knew better. Rosalie would probably hear everything Bella said even if she whispered in Edward's ear. "They were talking about a bet – which Alice lost to you two. Emmett called you guys a force of evil."

To Bella's complete shock, Edward gave an undignified snort and Rosalie giggled a bit. She was rapidly beginning to wonder if she was stuck in the Twilight Zone.

"They're just sore losers," Edward finally said, after collecting himself. His lips were twitching in amusement. "There was a bet. They lost. We won. Yes, we may have been a bit enthusiastic, but we were hardly the axis of evil."

Bella was far more ready to believe the others had a bad case of sour grapes than Edward and Rosalie being friendly was a sign of the impending apocalypse. "I thought it would be something like that."

Edward smiled and turned his attention back to the car.

Bella watched them for a bit, before glancing at her watch and realizing that she would need to get home and start dinner for Charlie. She was glad that she had insisted on driving the truck over today. "I'm going to head off now, okay? Make dinner for Charlie and have some father-daughter time. You'll come by later?"

Edward looked up and nodded. "Of course. I can come with you now if you would like?"

That would make her feel far too much like the girl who didn't let her boyfriend have a life outside of her if she did that – even if she wanted to. Bella shook her head. "No, it's fine. I wouldn't want to drag you away from the car. I'll see you tonight."

Bella was ready to forget the strange conversation in the living room had ever happened, but as she was leaving the garage she glanced back and saw Edward and Rosalie smirking at each other. A chill went down her spine. They shared an uncanny resemblance to a pair of sharks – that smiled right before they ate you. Shaking her head at her own reaction, Bella hurried out. Clearly she had been spooked by Alice and Emmett's over-dramatization. And the Discovery Channel.

As she hurried from the garage to her truck, Carlisle's shiny black Mercedes peeled up the driveway and slowed to park in front of the garage doors. Bella waved at Carlisle as he climbed out of the vehicle. "Hi, Carlisle."

"Good evening, Bella." Carlisle smiled at her warmly, and Bella couldn't help but grin. Despite his youthful appearance, Carlisle really did have such a fatherly presence. "How was your day?"

"Um, it was fine," Bella replied. Except for the part where all your children went insane.

Like all good fathers, Carlisle seemed to have a sixth sense when details were being left out. He gave her a concerned look. "Are you alright, Bella? You seem a bit perturbed."

Blushing, Bella shook her head, lowering her eyes to the ground so she didn't have to meet his all-knowing gaze. For some reason, lying to Carlisle seemed more morally wrong than lying to her own father.

Carlisle made a thoughtful noise. "Did my children behave themselves?"

The sarcastic Bella wanted to say 'No, they were horrible monsters and I want a bonus before I even consider babysitting again'. The rational, mature Bella decided this was unwise because lightning would probably strike her down should she ever mouth off to Carlisle Cullen, who had probably never had a mean thought in his entire life.

And it was a very long life.

"They just told me about a certain bet that Alice lost," Bella finally said, sticking to as little detail as possible. If the bet wasn't a big deal, as Edward claimed, then surely Carlisle wouldn't know about it, and therefore wouldn't find out that such a silly thing had Bella absolutely freaked out.

"Ah." Bella looked up to see Carlisle's face smooth out, like she had answered all of his questions. "The great Rosalie-Edward alliance of 1985 – no wonder you look so out of sorts."

Clearly, Bella and Edward had severely different views of what 'not a big deal' meant. "You know? I mean – what exactly happened?"

Carlisle sighed, leaning back against the Mercedes and crossing his arms. Bella was amused to note that if she took a photo she could probably sell it to a magazine to advertise Mercedes. "It was a bet that spiraled quickly out of control. Not their most shining moment."

"Emmet said when you put Edward and Rosalie together, they are a force of evil," Bella said, hoping he would give her details. She was fast becoming quite curious about this event that had caused such strange behavior in the Cullens.

Carlisle shook his head in fond exasperation. "While Edward and Rosalie did behave badly, they do not suddenly turn evil the moment they're together. They just have a bad influence on each other."

He sounded as if he was speaking of young children who couldn't control themselves. Bella was beginning to suspect that Edward's dismissal of the bet as not important was actually an attempt to keep her from finding out embarrassing things about him.

"Thanks, Carlisle." Bella smiled, hoping that he was reassured that she was no longer 'perturbed'. Thankfully, he just nodded and headed inside, bidding her goodnight as he went.

Bella climbed into her truck, deciding to corner Edward for details when he came over later that night.

The sudden opening of her passenger side door caused her to jump in fright, dropping her keys to the floor. She turned to glare at the small vampire who hopped inside. It was just one vampire after another today.

Alice beamed, ignoring her ire, and leaned down to grab the keys for her. "I'm accompanying you home. It's been a while since I've seen Charlie."

"You saw him two days ago." No doubt Edward was uncomfortable with the idea of her driving home alone, and had asked Alice to chaperone her. A deer could run onto the road and no doubt Bella would find some way to ensure the worst case scenario. It was sad that Edward's overprotective tendencies had factual support. Her defense of her self-sufficiency would go so much better if he didn't have one hundred and one reasons to disagree.

"Two days is a long time," Alice said mournfully, passing the keys over and then clutching her hands to her chest dramatically. "I pine for him to the very depths of my still heart."

"Yeah? Are you going to be my new Mommy?" Bella started the truck and put it into gear, smiling a bit as Alice laughed. It felt good to have people appreciate her jokes. In Phoenix, Renee had been the only one who ever had, as Bella had never had a lot of close friends she was comfortable joking around with.

Bella began the drive down the Cullens' long driveway, pleased to be going her own pace and not Edward's hectic one. He drove with the assumption that speed limits were for lesser beings. Beside her, Alice went suspiciously silent. She remained that way the entire ride home, not saying a word until they were inside the house and greeting Charlie.

Bella left the two of them to catch up on some alone time and headed into the kitchen to start dinner. Cooking was never a chore for her. It made her feel accomplished and relaxed – she had plenty of time to think.

Alice reappeared as she began chopping up the vegetables. Bella watched from the corner of her eye as Alice sat at the kitchen table. She was back to being eerily silent. Bella waited a few minutes, finishing with the tomatoes and getting some onions out, before she decided to speak. "Is something wrong?"

"I confess," Alice replied. "I didn't really come here to see Charlie."

"I gathered that," Bella said dryly. She was starting to get a little worried about the real reason for Alice's presence. She didn't bother trying to hide it when Edward asked her to come around. "Why are you really here, then?"

"I had a vision." Bella could always tell when the Cullens were really nervous of otherwise out of sorts. Instead of human gestures, like fidgeting, their act fell away and they became still. Alice looked like a statue with a movable mouth. It was a little disturbing. Bella could feel her heart-rate increasing. "I saw that you weren't going to stop interrogating us about the bet."

Bella blinked. "Huh?"

She felt a bit like she would if she were watching a horror movie, sitting in anticipation as the tension built, the camera slowly panning around to reveal the monster, music building to a crescendo, and – a kitten is revealed. A bit like having the rug pulled out from under her – Bella actually knew from experience that it was rather painful, and she had the added embarrassment of having somehow managed to pull the rug out from under herself.

Alice maintained her serious expression, even as Bella waited for her to laugh at the joke she had just fallen for. It was mildly distressing when she didn't. "I thought I would try to head you off before you confronted Edward. The last thing we want is you two fighting over something so insignificant."

The vampire at her kitchen table looked as if butter wouldn't melt in her mouth. Bella, still standing at the kitchen counter feeling as if the earth was tilting sideways and sending her falling into some bizarre parallel universe, had wits enough to realize that Alice had ulterior motives. Her intuition was flashing a giant neon sign, reading 'Liar!' Even if Bella was hesitant to move, just in case that damned rug came out for under her again, she still had her brain. Whether it was enough against one hundred year old vampire wits was another thing entirely.

It was quickly becoming obvious that the events of the so-called 'Rosalie-Edward Alliance' were something the younger Cullens were quite happy for her to know absolutely nothing about. If Bella were a math person, she would've started calculating the percentage chances that the reason was due to embarrassment. Even without math, Bella knew it would be high. A sure bet. Ha.

Her interest was even more piqued. Alice's intervention had exactly the opposite effect than she had intended.

She seemed to notice this. "I'm serious, Bella. There is absolutely nothing that interesting about it."

Yeah, sure – and I'm a graceful ballerina.

"If it isn't that interesting, then why can't you tell me about it so I don't need to bother Edward?"

"I will," Alice replied, nodding decisively. Bella figured she would be getting a heavily edited version of events, but at least then she would have some idea of where to start asking Edward. "Where do you want me to begin?"

"How about you explain how you of all people lost a bet?" Bella grinned. It felt nice to know that even Alice was fallible.

"I told you, Jasper and Emmett negatively affected the outcome," Alice replied grumpily, before sighing in defeat. "I'll admit that we were overconfident. We had too much faith in my ability and not enough in Edward and Rosalie's combined stubbornness."

The onions that Bella was supposed to be cutting were abandoned on the counter. Bella was practically jumping up and down in impatience. Curiosity was gnawing at her brain like a squirrel on an acorn and she was hearing all these hints of interesting things, but no one was going into detail. "Can't you be a little more specific?"

Alice frowned, refusing to look her in the eyes. "It's not exactly a bright spot in the family history. We discovered a lot about each other that we were probably happier not knowing."

"Like what?" Bella turned back to the neglected onions, hoping if she acted casual Alice wouldn't feel pressured and would keep talking.

"Do you know that it's possible to make Carlisle lose his temper?"

Screw casual. Bella spun around to see if Alice was joking. She certainly didn't look it. "I didn't know he even had a temper."

Alice shrugged. "Neither did we."

The amount of aggravation they must have put him through…Bella absolutely needed to know what had happened.

Reading the enthusiasm on her face, Alice's face fell as she realized she hadn't managed to warn her away from the topic. "I don't think you understand, Bella. Things were very tense at home. It's not some funny anecdote like the time we lost Edward at Disneyland."

"You lost Edward at Disneyland?" Bella asked incredulously. How do you lose a seventeen year old at Disneyland? More importantly, how does a family of vampires lose a seventeen year old at Disneyland? Imagining Edward at Disneyland was difficult enough – the most she managed was picturing him giving Mickey Mouse a withering look.

Alice waved a hand dismissively. "Maybe not lost – temporarily misplaced. It's a long story. But that was funny. This was – actually now that I think about it, it probably would be funny to an outsider."

"So, you'll tell me?" Bella asked eagerly.

Alice laughed. "Oh no! It may be funny to you, but no one else wants to relive it. Besides, it would take days to go through it all."

"Really? How long did this bet go on for?" Bella frowned.

"For a couple of months," Alice replied. Her posture was relaxed now, hard angles smoothed out to make her look like a lounging predator after a large meal, instead of a bristling one preparing for a fight. "Although the bet was mostly forgotten in favor of the prank war."

"Prank war?" Bella echoed. Oh, this just got better and better.

Alice shook her head, standing from the table to leave. "You'll just have to wait and grill Edward. I can see you won't let it go. Just promise me you'll still respect us once you know everything."

"Alice, please." They had spent enough time together now for Alice to realize how silly the idea of Bella holding anyone else's embarrassing moments against them was. She had enough to full a couple of novels.

"I'll leave you to finish dinner then," Alice said, smiling and hugging Bella before leaving the kitchen. A second later, she popped her head back around the doorway to give Bella a bewildered look. "Bella? Just because it's summer, it doesn't mean you need sunglasses yet. Those are far too big for you, anyway."

Alice disappeared again before Bella even had time to open her mouth to respond. Blushing, she reached a hand up to feel the top of her head. Sure enough, Edward's sunglasses remained perched up there like the proverbial bit of toilet paper stuck to her shoe. She slipped them off and shoved them in her pocket, making a mental note to put them back in their rightful place tomorrow.

Breathing a deep sigh, Bella turned back to the poor onions, resolved to actually finish with them this time.

"Sorry guys, I got a bit distracted…"

When Edward arrived later that evening, Bella was waiting, ready to pounce. There was no way she was letting him weasel his way out of telling her everything, not when Alice had teased her with details like pranks wars.

Edward took one look at her face after climbing in the window and sighed in a resigned fashion. Alice had probably told him of Bella's resolve to broach the subject. He didn't look happy about it.

But she was resolved. She was prepared to play dirty to get what she wanted. "So, you got lost at Disneyland?" Bella asked slyly, as Edward slid into the rocking chair.

He closed his eyes briefly. "I'm going to kill Alice. And I was not lost. They just had no idea where I was."

"I'm sure that's the argument most five year olds find successful," Bella replied consolingly, even as she grinned at him. Finally she knew something that made the infinite amount of dirt he had on her easier to bear.

Edward rolled his eyes.

"So, I'm sure Alice told you what I wanted to know," Bella said, when Edward refused to speak first. She sat on the edge of her bed and regarded him with eager eyes.

"It's not really that interesting," Edward insisted. "I'm not sure why you seem so convinced that it was such a big deal."

"Yeah?" Bella regarded him skeptically. "Well, apparently Carlisle has a temper buried underneath all that compassion – and you guys managed to reach it. How is that not a big deal?"

Edward still looked reluctant. "It's not that interesting," he repeated. "Besides, with Carlisle – temper is relative. It's mostly embarrassing."

"You are talking to the Queen of embarrassment," Bella replied, undaunted. "What's so wrong about evening the score?"

Bella could see him begin to waver. His eyes, which had been staring at a fixed point past her shoulder, shifted to meet her gaze. Encouraged, she left the edge of the bed and kneeled at his feet, placing her chin on his knee and looking up at him with pleading eyes. "If you tell me, I'll never, ever ask about the story behind you getting lost at Disneyland."

Sacrifices had to be made for the sake of negotiations.

Edward finally cracked a smile, shaking his head and pulling her up to sit in his lap. He let out a quiet sigh. "Fine, you have a deal."

Bella mostly resisted the urge to do a victory dance. She may have wiggled her legs a bit, but she would deny it if Edward ever brought it up. She settled herself comfortably against his chest and turned to look at him. "Well, let's start with how this bet came about."

Edward nodded. "It was early October, during our third year in Colchester, Vermont. Rosalie, Alice and I were juniors that time around, and Emmett and Jasper were seniors. It was a pretty typical day – Rose and I were fighting."

"What about?"

Edward shrugged. "Do we ever need a reason?"

"No wonder they made that bet," Bella muttered, smiling at the mock affronted look Edward gave her. "Sorry, I'll stop interrupting."

Bella leaned her head against his shoulder as he began to speak.

"That year Rosalie and I were in the same American History class," Edward recalled. "Putting us in the same class is always a bad idea, but even Carlisle couldn't get the teacher to swap one of us out - she was a horrid old woman called Mrs Sharpe. I suppose in a way you could say that the entire situation was her fault…"

Edward's smooth voice was very good for storytelling. Bella just hoped it was a good one. She was giving up the Disneyland anecdote for this.

I know very little about clothing. I'm sorry if you feel a Marc Jacobs button-down would go well with a Henleys hoodie.

Also, the documentary Bella watches does not exist. I'm sure any documentaries on shark reproduction are actually very well done.

That is all.