Rachel's Abandonment Ch. 2

I don't own ER.

Rachel

After breakfast I went upstairs to change, while Elizabeth's mother did the dishes, and Elizabeth changed Ella. Not knowing if we were going to find a school for me to transfer to today or not, I just put on jeans and a long sleeve shirt. I am not much of a morning person, so after changing I laid back on my made bed.

I know I don't want to go back to my old school here because that is where some high school guy gave me the drugs that almost killed Ella. When I had realized what the kid had given me I didn't know what to do since I knew I wasn't going to take them. I had spent enough time at the hospital with dad to know what they could do to me. I didn't know if I could just throw them away or not so I brought them home to give to dad or Elizabeth, whom ever came home first. My backpack was zipped so I didn't even think that Ella could get to them when I went to get her finished bottle.

I suddenly realized that I was crying, and had to wonder why Elizabeth was doing this for me when I almost killed her daughter, my own sister. I rolled over on to my stomach so I could cry into my pillow hoping Elizabeth could not hear me, and ask what's wrong. I want to know how she is able to even look at me after what happened, but I am not sure I could bring it up out loud. I also wasn't sure I would like the answer, I don't want Elizabeth to feel like she has to do this for dad.

I felt a hand start rubbing my back and realized that either Elizabeth heard me, or was coming to get me. I sighed and figured I might as well get it over with before looking up. Elizabeth was still rubbing my back with one hand while holding Ella on her lap with the other. Looking at Ella I spoke quietly. "How can you do all of this for me when I almost killed Ella?" Chancing a look at Elizabeth's face I only saw understanding and concern before I looked down at Ella again.

"Rachel, what happened to Ella was an accident, Mark and I both knew that then and I still know it now." Elizabeth started after lifting my chin so I was looking at her instead of Ella. "I know that you did not mean to hurt her, and so did Mark. You made a mistake, we all do. When you brought the drugs home you were trying to do the right thing. You didn't know what to do, so you were planning on asking you're dad or I which again was the right thing to do. After Ella got a hold of the pills, you gave her, her bottle which helped save her. Ella is perfectly fine, healthy, and there wont be any side effects from what happened. Aside from feeling guilty your fine as well, and that is what matters. What Marry did to you was wrong, and no one deserves that. She did it on purpose knowing that it was wrong. That was not an accident and she at least knew that it would hurt you. Do you see the difference?"

I nodded and said "Yes, but I still feel guilty." I took Ella's hand in mine for comfort and to stop her from getting a hold on my hair.

Elizabeth chuckled at this and asked, "What brought that up?"

I answered after sitting up and taking Ella. "I was thinking about school. I don't want to go back to my old one because that is where the high school guy gave the drugs to me."

"I have to ask Rachel. Where you planning on taking the drugs?" Elizabeth was not sure if now was a good time for this but she needed to know.

Looking directly into Elizabeth's eyes I answered "No, I wasn't. I had been to the hospital enough to know what they could do to me. I just didn't know if I could throw them out so I brought them here to give to you or dad. My bag was zipped, I knew Ella was putting things in her mouth but I didn't know she would be able to get to them." I looked down at Ella again before kissing the top of her head while whispering that I am sorry to her.

"Okay." Elizabeth said simply, before adding. "I trust you're not going to be trying out any drugs then."

I shook my head quickly, knowing that was not going to happen after that. I was curious though, "Are we going to find me a school to go to today?"

"Yes, but the movers will be here at four so we will be home by then. I know you really don't want to talk about this but we have to. I know Marry and Steve are lawyers but I don't know for a fact that the guardianship papers are legal. I also know that abandonment is illegal, and neither Doug, Carol, or I can let them get away with what they did to you. We need to talk to the lawyer that you're dad used, and soon. There will most likely be a trial and you will probably have to testify. I can not say that I know what will happen because I don't but know that I will be right beside you through everything, just like Doug and Carol will be."

"I don't really want to talk about it, but I will. I want to know that I can stay here, and that they can't take me back." I said, making it clear where I wanted to be. "I also want to get over this and I don't think I will be able to if I know I could run into them at some point."

After a few minutes of silence Elizabeth spoke up again. "Before we leave I have a few questions that I would like you to answer. You don't have to if you don't want to right now but I will need to know sooner or later. Did either one of them ever hit you, Rachel?"

I looked up startled, that never even crossing my mind, and answered. "No, but there was one time I thought Steve was going to."

"Have they ever left you alone for a long time?" Elizabeth continued.

"Depends on what you think is a long time I guess. I don't really know how long I can be left alone."

"Have they ever not given you something you needed?"

"I don't think so."

"Have either of them ever said anything mean, or hurtful to you?"

"Yes." I said while trying not to cry.

"Alright, that's enough for now. My last question has nothing to do with them. Do you mind if I tell my mom and dad what's going on? It's up to you, I will respect you're choice here."

"No, I don't mind as long as I don't have to be the one to do it." I said smiling weakly at Elizabeth. "Is Ella coming with us?"

"As long as you have no problem with it. Although considering your living here you would have to get over that pretty quickly, if you do."

"I want her to come, I haven't seen her in a week." I said turning Ella around so I could kiss her cheek before getting off my bed with her in my arms. "I am ready whenever you and Ella are."

"We are both ready so lets go."

After getting Ella strapped into her car seat, we left the house headed toward the school that was my second choice when I stayed here before.

Getting into see the headmaster, Elizabeth explained the situation briefly before asking if it was possible for me to transfer in immediately. He said that it was but that we had to be sure that Elizabeth is my legal guardian first. I spoke up saying that we are going to my dad's lawyer today to find that out among other things, and politely asked if he would have time to see us later today. He did and we made the appointment for 2:30 since all the paperwork would take about an hour to finish.

In the car again Elizabeth spoke quietly because Ella had fallen asleep during the meeting. "After we talk to the lawyer, we are going home to have lunch with my mom since tonight is her last night here. I wont bring up what's going on until after you and Ella are asleep tonight. I know you don't want to hear it. I am not sure what we are going to do with all the furniture that the movers are bring here so we will have to figure that out before we come back here to get you enrolled. Are you alright?"

"Yeah, just dreading talking to the lawyer. I'm scared Elizabeth."

"I know, and I am a little scared myself but we will get through this together." Elizabeth replied after taking my hand. "I don't know what will happen but there is no way I am letting you go back to them, and Doug won't let it happen either. Please don't worry about that because it wont happen. I will protect you from everything I can Rachel, but unfortunately I can't protect you from the pain you are feeling right now. Anything I can do to help you please let me know, and you can talk to me about anything. If you don't want to talk to me if something is bothering you promise me you will go to Doug or Carol. We will do anything we can to help you with anything, and not because of you're dad but because of you."

"I promise, but most likely I will stick to talking with you if something is bothering me. Can we both promise to be honest with each other though, no matter what?"

"I can do that, but if you start asking how much money I make I will have to draw the line." I could tell Elizabeth was joking trying to cheer me up, so I smiled before squeezing her hand. Elizabeth turned serious again. "How about we start by being friends and work our way up? Obviously I will still give you allowance, chores, and be a . . . well a mom to you, if you will let me, but we will decide everything together as we go along."

"I would like that. Do we have to make an appointment with dad's lawyer or what?"

"No, I forgot that I already had one for the pre will reading. Basically he is just going to tell us what will happen at the will reading. After that we will fill him in on what has happened, and go from there. Don't worry it's just us that will be there today."

Elizabeth started driving so we would not be late, while I told her a little bit more about what had been happing between me and my mother since the divorce.

"We never really got along well, but dad was there to stop it from going to far. After we moved he wasn't there to run interference anymore. She started working a lot more then before claming that we needed the extra money. When I wasn't in school I spent most of my time with babysitters. She stopped tucking me in at night, and I didn't she her much. That helped with the fighting, I mean its hard to fight with someone you only see for a few hours a day. We had never really talked but that drew us apart so much that we didn't know each other anymore. I didn't notice for a while but I eventually caught on that she was trying to keep me from dad. Making excuses when I was suppose to be with him, so that I couldn't go. That's why I was kind of mean to you, after we met. I thought I wouldn't get to spend as much time with dad when I actually got to see him. I didn't want to share him, when I barley got to see him as it was. I am sorry for that, but honestly I got over that on thanksgiving. I wanted to get to know you, and I still do, but I don't know how. I didn't know then either, because every time I had to talk to my mother we were distant and cold to each other. I don't know how to talk to adult women really."

We had just pulled into the parking lot of the lawyers office when I finished talking, and Elizabeth parked before saying anything so she could look at me.

"With me just talk as you are now, and how you have been. Just like you talk to Carol, and Doug as you always have. This I can definitely help you with, and I will be happy to do it. As for getting to know each other, that's easy. We will start with that over lunch with my mom. After I fill her and dad in, they will probably spoil you along with Ella, so they will both want to get to know you too. Mom already expressed an interest in that last night, but wasn't sure if you would be okay with that. I will warn you that we will probably fight in the future, but if we stick to our honesty policy we should be fine. We will also need to watch what we say because I know I don't want to hurt you by saying something I don't mean without thinking. If we don't go in now though we will be late, so we will continue with this later, I promise."

"Okay." I said smiling, happy with the way things are going so far. I let Elizabeth get Ella out of the car and hold her this time because I didn't want to accidentally wake her up. I grabbed her dipper bag, and waited for them at the door before going inside.

After I explained what happened to the lawyer, Mr. Hills, he helped us file charges. He also notarized the guardianship papers making them legal and filed them with the court. He told us that the reading of the will would have to be postponed because of what happened. A conviction would automatically change some things in the will. He also said that as my godfather Doug would have to sign off on, and support Elizabeth's guardianship of me in court.

Ella woke up at this time so knowing I wouldn't really understand what they were talking about, I took her to the bathroom to change her. I played with her on the floor for the rest of the meeting knowing that I would be filled in on the things I needed to know later. The lawyer had to call the cops to get the three papers I had found on my bed for evidence. He gave Elizabeth a copy of the legal guardianship form so I could get enrolled in school, and she could change emergency contact information.

Getting home at 11:30, Elizabeth, Isabelle, and I made lunch together while Ella watched from her high chair. Lunch was fun as we were all getting to know each other, and sharing stories about various times in our lives. We all stuck to happy, funny, and slightly embarrassing stories. After cleaning up, we all figured out where the furniture would go. While doing this we still talked, trying to learn more about each other.

Isabelle agreed to watch Ella while we went back to my new school to get me enrolled. Elizabeth said that she would have just gone by herself, but knew that she would need my help filling out the forms. Filling out the paper work was a boring 45 minutes. We got home at the same time the movers got there, because they were ahead of schedule.

Having them put the boxes in the living room, so we could short through them there. Before putting everything where it belongs even though most of it would go in my room. Showing them where to put the furniture took longer as we had to do it piece by piece.

After they left we put Ella in her playpen in the living room so she could play while we went through everything in the boxes. Elizabeth took all the papers we had found into her office for safety, and so she could look at them later. We agreed that after making a list of the things I would need to start school tomorrow, Elizabeth would go get everything along with a new cell phone for when my old one shut off. That would also give me time to add all my contacts to the new phone before losing them all. Isabelle and I would watch Ella and put all of my things in my room. I also wanted to go through my stuff in case I wanted to throw anything out. I knew that I would have to ask if I could throw some of it out, because it might help us with the trial. I just don't want any reminder of my mother in my room or anywhere else that I could see it. Not having much of anything that reminded me of them was a good thing as far as I am concerned, as it will be easier to get it all out of my sight.

After shorting through everything in my room, I rearranged everything so I knew where it would be. Putting aside the things I don't want anymore, along with anything that reminded me of them, I went downstairs to play with Ella waiting for Elizabeth to get home so I could ask what to do with it. I had left space for everything I would need for school, in my room and when Isabelle took Ella in the kitchen to start dinner I sat on the couch to read the information on my new school.

Hearing the door open and close, I put down what I was reading to get my school things from Elizabeth. I figured I would ask what to do with the stuff I don't want after dinner while getting ready for school tomorrow before dinner.

After dinner I asked what to do with the stuff I had put aside. Isabelle and I brought it downstairs into Elizabeth's office while Elizabeth washed Ella up from dinner. I wanted to be prepared for school so I went back upstairs to finish reading what I had on the school. I also knew that as Isabelle's last night here she and Elizabeth should spend time together.

At 9:30 there was a knock on my doorframe and I invited Elizabeth in. I had finished reading about my school at 9 and decided to get ready for bed knowing that tomorrow would be a long day. Elizabeth came in and sat on my bed next to me after I moved the book I had been reading onto the nightstand.

"Are you nervous for tomorrow?"

"Not really, I have done it enough times now that I am used to it." I answered calmly. "How will it work though? I mean do I take the bus there and back? Do I watch Ella after school? Do I have to pick her up someplace? Do I even come straight back here after school? What time will you be home?" I had worked myself up at this point not liking the fact that I didn't know the answers to these questions. Elizabeth had finally gotten my attention by putting her arm around my shoulders and pulling me close. She had apparently been trying to get my attention since I asked the first question. When I realized I hadn't given her a chance to answer I blushed, and put my head on her shoulder to try to hide it.

After Elizabeth had stopped chuckling she answered my questions and more. "You will take the bus there since I have to be at work by 7 and the bus will pick you up here at 6:30. That is about the same time I will have to leave. Tomorrow I will pick you up. I get off at 2 and I will be at you're school by 3 after picking up Ella. Other days it won't be like tomorrow. I don't know how long I can leave you alone or how long you can watch Ella for yet so it will not happen until I do. I know you don't really need a babysitter but I don't want to risk loosing you. So when I won't be home within an hour of you getting home from school you will go to Ella's daycare. That way you will be able to spend time with her, and stay here without the risk of being taken away. Also the women in charge said that if you help out while you're there it will be considered a job and she will pay you minimum wage. You don't have to but it will be extra spending cash, and work experience. Since tomorrow is Friday we don't have to have the details together yet, so we will leave that for the weekend. Now it's late, and you need to go to bed." Elizabeth tucked me in again doing what she had done the night before.

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Elizabeth

After leaving Rachel's room I grabbed the baby monitor, and went back downstairs to the living room where my mom was waiting for me. We are both in pajama's not knowing how long our talk would take. I hoped that it wouldn't be too late however as I have to get up early and make sure Rachel does the same. Before starting I told mom that I wanted to tell her and dad at the same time so I called him putting the phone on speaker. I now understood Rachel's comment about it being hard to explain then easier. My parents finally agreed on something and that was that they would both support me and my choice. They also agreed on getting to know and spoiling Rachel along with Ella. After I promised to keep them both informed we all said goodnight. Seeing that it was almost 11, I went upstairs to check on the girls again, before going to sleep.

Waking up at 5:30 to my alarm I wanted to brake it and go back to sleep. Knowing that I couldn't I got up showered and dressed. In the hallway I heard the shower running and checked Rachel's room to be sure that it was her and not my mom. Waking Ella up I quickly got her dressed and ready to leave. At 6 I started breakfast after getting Ella a snack and settled in her highchair. Rachel came into the kitchen at 6:10 with her backpack ready to go. Setting her plate in front of her she started eating after we both said good morning. I left the dishes in the sink knowing that my mom would do them for me later when she had finished eating. Before leaving the house I made sure Rachel still had her keys to the house just in case. The bus came just as I was starting the car. I waved goodbye and said have a good day through the window before Rachel got on the bus to leave. I pulled out of the driveway after the bus, and was off to work after dropping Ella off.

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Rachel

At 3 I got into Elizabeth's car, and noticed she was distracted even though she asked how my day went. She said "that's good" to my failing a pop quiz that covered things that I hadn't learned yet. I stayed quiet the rest of the way home not wanting to overstep by asking what's wrong. In the driveway I said I would bring Ella inside. Elizabeth nodded and grabbed the dipper bag before unlocking the door and going inside. Following her I was confused when I found her lying on the couch face down. I put Ella down in her playpen, and quietly dropped my backpack. I sat down next to the couch unsure of what to do or say. I had Doug and Carol's cell phone numbers so I text messaged them hoping they could help me. I was still using my first cell phone, secretly hoping that my mom would call to make sure I am okay before turning it off. I had put everything on my new phone last night just in case though. After getting there advice on my thankfully silent and still working phone I gave it a try.

Placing my hand on her back I asked, "Are you okay?"

"Not really." She answered quietly after shifting on the couch so she was facing me. "I knew it would be hard going back to work at county, but I didn't expect it to be that hard. After I got there it took me ten minutes to go inside."

I just nodded my head to show I had heard because I didn't know what to say to that.

I got up to take Ella's coat and shoes off right before Elizabeth spoke up again. "I am sorry I didn't really catch what you said in the car. How was school?"

I looked back at her grinning and said, "Yeah I caught on to that when you said that it was good I had failed a pop quiz because I hadn't learned the material yet." It was my turn to see Elizabeth blush from embarrassment. I waved it off before putting aside Ella's stuff and moving back to where I was sitting. "It's understandable. I have some work to make up along with my homework for Monday. It's not a lot so I think I can get it done, before my Wednesday deadline."

"Did you make any friends?" Elizabeth asked curious.

"No, I usually don't on the first few days of a new school. I'm too busy getting the lay of the land and sometimes catching up."

"Its almost time for Ella's afternoon nap, and I think I am going to join her. Why don't you start on your homework, that way on Sunday when I am off, you can just do what you want. If you need help, come get me." Elizabeth got off the couch picked up Ella and their things before going upstairs. I reached over and dragged my backpack to me so I could get started. I grabbed a soda from the fridge and sat down in front of the coffee table with my math book.

A hour and a half later, I had finished all my homework and decided to take a break before starting on the make up work I had. I went up to my room and turned on my computer so I could talk to my friends online. I would tell them that I had a new number and am in Chicago, but not why. I would most likely tell them that I am staying with Elizabeth, but I am not sure I want to hear the questions even if I already know I wont answer them.

Elizabeth walked by my room and into Ella's and I hoped that if she went downstairs I wouldn't get in trouble for leaving everything out. Twenty minutes later I left my computer on but went back to the living room to do some more work. I finished half of it when I realized that dinner would be ready soon. I brought my stuff upstairs and checked my computer for any new messages before washing up for dinner.

In the kitchen I set the table as I had before everything happened. After dinner I decided that I would do the rest of my work tomorrow while with Ella at daycare, and asked Elizabeth if I could watch a movie in the living room. When Elizabeth said that it was fine and that I didn't have to ask, I brought Ella with me to start the movie so Elizabeth could clean up.

Elizabeth joined Ella and I on the floor to watch the movie after she finished in the kitchen. The movie was done at 8:30 and Elizabeth gave Ella a bath before putting her to down for the night. I cleaned the living room up quickly and then went up to my room.

I looked toward my doorway when I heard Elizabeth ask. "Did they make you ask permission to watch movies?"

"Yeah." I answered quietly. I answered an instant message before signing out and turning off the computer. "I remember that I didn't always have to but for the last few years I did."

"Cleaning up the living room?" Elizabeth continued and I knew what she was asking.

"I got in trouble when I didn't clean up after myself, or left things lying around. May I ask you something?"

"Of course." Elizabeth answered coming into my room to sit on my bed. I turned the computer chair around so I was facing her before asking. "If you knew it was an accident, why did you kick me out?" It bothered me that I had to go back to stuff like that after I had stayed somewhere I felt wanted.

Elizabeth sighed and started. "I'm going to tell you a story. When I was 7, my dad had the day off, and he let me skip school so we could go to the zoo. My mom was working that day, and while she knew of the plan she didn't agree with it. She let him take me however because I was so excided. I wondered away from my dad for just a minute wanting to see the monkey's. He was talking to someone and I knew better to interrupt. When my dad stopped talking and realized I wasn't with him he was worried, and notified security. My mom had gotten off work early and had come to meet us. She arrived to find that my dad had lost me. That is one of the reasons my parents divorced and started fighting. After they had found me and made sure I was okay my mom got a house and moved out. Half of my stuff went with her, and because they both lived within my school district I would spend one week with my mom and then the next with my dad. It was like that until the divorce was final and the custody was worked out. After that I spent the school years with my mom and summers with my dad. I never said anything to them but I felt guilty for causing them to brake up, and still do. When I was spending weeks with one of them at a time though, I had to see both of them looking upset. It only made me feel worse, and after Ella came home from the hospital I realized that like me you would feel guilty for something that was not your fault. However you didn't necessarily have to see Ella everyday and have that guilt build every time you looked at her. I should have explained, or at least done it differently but I remember that feeling like it was today that I first felt it. I didn't want anyone feeling like that." Elizabeth paused for a minute with a far away expression on her face. "I had hoped that my parents would make up, and everything would be okay again. I wouldn't have to feel guilty anymore and I would get to live with both of them together again. I mostly gave up that hope but I still have some of it now even though I know it won't happen."

I hesitated a second not knowing if what I wanted to do would be accepted before taking the chance. I moved to sit beside Elizabeth on my bed and hugged her. The hug was not only accepted but returned and I smiled glad that I had tried. I noticed that it was 9 and that with my mom and Steve I would have had to been in bed by now. I didn't know if I had a bedtime here so I asked quietly after explaining why I was asking.

"Even on weekends?" Elizabeth asked for clarification. After I nodded she answered my question. "On weeknights I say 9 because of school, but weekends 10 at the latest. Mostly because tomorrow and other weekends you will still have to be up early so I can bring you and Ella to daycare. Once there you can go back to sleep for awhile, and on the days I don't have to work you can just sleep later. Even on the days I don't have to work during the week because I will be able to drop you off at school and pick you up."

We both heard Ella crying and Elizabeth kissed the top of my head before getting up and saying that she would be back at ten to say goodnight. I grabbed a composition notebook off of my bookshelf and grabbed a pencil to work on something I had found helpful in the past. No one knew what I wrote in my notebook, and I wasn't ready to share. At quarter to ten I stopped what I was doing to get ready for bed. I put my notebook back where I knew it would not stick out before turning out my light. A few minutes after I got into bed Elizabeth came in my open door, and repeated what she had done the last few nights.

I woke up crying silently this nightmare about my dad, and waited to see if Elizabeth was coming to me. I realized she had not heard me and got up to go to her. I was slightly scared of what her reaction would be but I remembered her words to me and hoped she meant them. I knocked on the door wary of just opening it, and heard Elizabeth telling me to come in. I did and saw her sitting up. She said "come here" quietly and moved her blanket down on the side of the bed so I could get in. I was still crying but less than when I had woken up so instead of waiting for her to ask I said "daddy" which was all that was needed to be said. After calming me down Elizabeth pulled the covers over us and talked quietly to me about nothing until I fell asleep again.

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Elizabeth

I woke up to my alarm and turned it off quickly, so it wouldn't wake Rachel. I let her sleep a litter longer waiting until I was showered and dressed before waking her up to get ready. I entered the kitchen after getting Ella ready to find Rachel ready and eating a piece of toast. I ate quickly knowing that before I could leave Ella and Rachel at the daycare that I had to make sure Rachel was comfortable there. I introduced Rachel to Heather the owner and helped her get settled before going to work. I told Rachel to call me on my cell if she needed anything, was uncomfortable, or just wanted to talk.

In the afternoon I was called down to the ER for a ambulance call. Karri Weaver and John Carter were also attending to the patient. I suddenly got dizzy, and felt like I was going to get sick. They both noticed immediately and since Peter Benton was in the next room let me sit down. Abby Lockheart who is a nurse today helped me get the gloves and cover shirt off right before holding out a tub which was needed. When I finished throwing up I realized that the only other time I had ever gotten sick and dizzy like that here was when I had found out about Ella. After saying I was going to get some air I left the room and searched for Susan Lewis. Susan was one of Marks best friends, is my best friend, and confident at work.

Finding Susan with a patient I waited impatiently for her to finish. When she did she asked me, "What's up Elizabeth?" She could read me well and knew I needed to talk to her.

"I need a favor." I said as I gently grabbed her arm and brought her to an empty room. I closed the blinds and locked the door before speaking again. "I might be pregnant. Could you do the test for me?" Susan didn't hesitate putting down the chart she held and getting set up. As I got onto the bed I said "And I thought I was confused the last time."

Susan asked for clarification. "What do you mean?"

"Ella was a surprise. We had talked about having kids after we were married but we didn't think that I would walk down the aisle pregnant.

Susan smiled and continued talking. "As you're friend not you're current doctor, what are you thinking about this? Feeling?"

"Right this second I'm mostly thinking how in the bloody hell am I going to do this alone, if I am pregnant. I also have all the things Mark is going to miss running through my head. He will never know so much, and it's not fair. I am feeling sad, scared, excited, and happy. Is that wrong?"

"No sweetie," Susan answered waiting for the results. "You just lost Mark, you are getting used to the idea that you are going to have to raise you're daughter on your own, and you just discovered that Mark might have left you another child. It's okay to be confused, and everything else. Before we get too carried away though we should wait until we know for sure."

Susan got up to get the ultrasound, just in case before checking the clock and seeing that the test is done. "It's positive." I closed my eyes tight just letting it sink in that I was going to have another baby, Mark's baby. I smiled at that thought and lifted my shirt so Susan could do an ultrasound.

I saw one of Susan's eyebrows lift right before she asked. "This is the first time you've gotten sick? That you suspected?"

"I think so, why? Is something wrong?"

"Relax, nothing is wrong. You are over two months along though. I was wondering if there were any signs that you noticed in retrospect. I know you had a lot going on but to go almost three months with no sickness or anything."

"There was one time I got sick in Hawaii but I thought it was the food from the plane because it was not long after I got there. Mark said that I was probably right because he and Rachel didn't feel well after they're flight either."

"And your period?"

"Unfortunately, it's been accounted for. I was paying attention because before we found out that Mark was sick again, we were trying for another child."

"Well, not trying, succeeding."

"Thanks for the clarification." I said dryly.

"Hey, I'm not the one who knocked you up." Susan answered laughing.

"Can you not say anything to anyone? I need to get used to this, and figure some things out." I said thinking about how I was going to pay for everything, do it alone, and tell Rachel without her thinking that I don't want her here now.

"My lips are sealed. Though if you need to talk about anything, you know I'm here." Susan replied smiling understandingly.

For the next hour I distractedly waited until my shift was over. When I was with patients I put everything else out of my mind, but when I wasn't I couldn't stop thinking about everything. Five minutes before I would be off, Robert Romano approached me.

"Are you okay, Lizzy? You have been distracted since you came back from the ER. If you want to talk about whatever it is." He said trailing off.

"Thanks rocket but I am not ready to talk about it. I need to think, and do some things first. I will tell you, just not right now."

"Okay. Why don't you go home then? There is only a few minutes until shift is over anyway. Peter and I will cover for you, right Peter?" I looked up to find that sometime during my conversation with rocket Peter had joined us. "Of course." Peter answered and after expressing my thanks I quickly grabbed my stuff to leave.

Stopping to pick up Rachel and Ella, I focused on listening to Rachel telling me about how her day went this time. After unlocking the door I took off Ella's coat and shoes while Rachel went to bring her backpack upstairs. I was playing on the floor with Ella when Rachel came back downstairs and grabbed a bottle of water before joining us on the floor.

I thought I had found a good way to tell Rachel, without her thinking that she wasn't wanted anymore so I tried it. "Before I tell you something I want you to know that this is not going to change things. You are going to stay here with me and Ella. I still want you here, so please don't jump to conclusions. Okay?"

"'Kay." Rachel answered slightly worried.

"I found out today that I am pregnant again."

"Congratulations?"

When Rachel stated that as a question I raised my eyebrow questioning her silently.

"I can't tell if you're happy about that or not. In the car, you switched from smiling to frowning every now and then. So I wasn't sure if you think this is a good thing or not."

"I do. However all I can really think about right now is how much Mark is going to miss with all three of you. It's depressing me. I was also worried that you would think that I don't want you here anymore, which could not be farther from the truth. Then I have been trying to figure out how I am going to deal with a one year old and a new born by myself. I had also tried to go over expenses in my head which is not easy, nor do I recommend trying it because it doesn't work well."

"You are not alone. Granted there are thing I won't be able to do but I would like to help if I can, after all they are my younger siblings. Have you told anyone else yet?"

"Susan did the test for me so she knows. I wanted to tell you first. I'll call my parents after dinner to tell them, and I might call Doug and Carol tonight as well."

I called my parents and they were thrilled for me. They also said that they would help me with anything I might need, that I just had to tell them if I did. I also ended up calling Doug and Carol after dinner to talk to them. Of course they offered there help as well. Besides Susan I decided that I would wait a little longer before telling my other friends at county. I know that there are still more things to figure out and do but for the moment I am content with what I've done, and decided. I want Susan to be my doctor even though she is not an ob doctor, so I will ask her on Monday if she is also working.

After tucking Ella and Rachel in, I was able to go to sleep satisfied. Ella woke up from a nightmare but thankfully she didn't wake up Rachel. She also went back to sleep easily. The rest of the night was spent dreaming happily, for everyone in the Greene household.