Disclaimer: No infringement is intended. All belongs to CBS.
AN- Each is a one shot though some may carry on into short series contained within the larger work…this will be noted.
Warning: Character death in some including the first each chapter will note this as well.
It was as if he had never existed. They say that memories live on forever and it gets better with time but they are wrong. Every day he slips further and further away and there is nothing that can ever be done. There are no more memories to be made. It seems impossible that he was here not that long ago. He was here sitting at his desk, joking, reading, sipping coffee, and filling out paperwork. But that is no more, he is gone.
It seems that some days he will just walk into the bullpen laughing and explain that it was all some sort of a joke. We will all be so happy that none us will remember to be anger with him and everything will be back the way it should be, but that will never happen.
The worst moments are the moments where we forget that he is gone and we all have them. Those moments where we have to remind ourselves that he is truly gone. It is then that our hearts break again for him and for us.
His funeral is like a vivid dream that replays in my mind daily. It hurts more not less and I would wonder if the others feel this way too but I know that they do. I see them looking on his desk and I can tell that it is worse with each day. Each day we miss him more.
Everyone remembers that date with sorrow and when it has passes they seem fine again. But for me that date is just the beginning, to me it is the start of it all again. Today was his funeral two years ago. Yesterday was the calling hours, two years ago. I remember the bagpipes, they whisper to me that this will never be over.
But the hardest part is that everything else is still the same. So much is the same. People still smile and laugh, people still dance and fall in love. Our cases still pour in as if we have not just lost one of our own. Life goes on as if he was never here to be missed.
But he is missed and I wonder how long it will be before his absence drives us apart, out of the BAU, or just plan insane.