Gromit; Yeah this ones been a while. So, people Have been saying I need too slow down a bit, but I just got really excited, you know, all these ideas coming into my head, I wanted to get them down before they stopped seeming funny. Ever happen to yis? Meh. But yeah, I'm going to slow it down, you know, try and add a bit more drama-
Dante awoke and yawned. "What a weird dream" he muttered. The End.
Not really but eh... Here we go.
Dante rushed forward; slightly stiff from the long pause it had taken Gromit to update. He met the first sister halfway across the room, swinging Rebellion back over his shoulder as though too strike with the blade, but instead brought up his bent elbow under her chin.
There was an agonising click as her teeth snapped together, her jaw snapping into fragments under the pulped skin. This distracted her long enough for him to bring rebellion back at her throat, almost severing her head from her shoulders.
He smashed her stomach with the base of the sword, sending her tumbling back into her comrades.
The next was dispatched with a swift uppercut. Before she could tumble to the floor, a summoned sword from Vergil pinned her to the roof, as he rushed into their midst, Yamato drawn in front of him.
The Brothers were fighting side by side again.
"Vergil?" Dante queried, flinching as a sister attempted to knee him in the crotch.
"Yes?" Vergil hissed, darting away from a clumsily swung blade.
"If these characters are so fantastic, then why are they such crap fighters?"
"These characters are weak Dante," Vergil sighed "The less thought that goes into them, the more flawed they really are. Look at us. We have a good back story, we are strong characters, and so become physically strong."
"Of course" said Dante, giving his chin a quick thoughtful stroke, before giving a sister a good, old, plain stab in the stomach.
She crashed to the floor, blood slithering freely out of her mouth.
"Wow," said Dante, "This is a change. Kinda disgusting though. I preferred the humour part."
Vergil slashed at another sister's head, cutting her jaw from her face with a single swipe, causing it to spin away, spraying blood from the joints, chipped bone flew from her ruined mouth and teeth pinged with a musical precision against the floor. The blade cut neatly through her tongue, cutting vein and artery-
"Gross" Dante muttered.
Alike as Vergil finished the move, by neatly jabbing through her ribs, piercing her heart and lung, which caused her to begin to suffocate as fluids swelled within the vital organs-
Causing them to inflate and burst-
"Taking it a bit far"
He then turned to his next opponent, jabbing his hand into her stomach and-
"Ok that's enough. You're not twelve"
"No buts. Go on, write the story. No gore until the next chapter."
The next chapter? That's ages away.
Dante dispatched the final sister with a simple gunshot to the head, and the bodies mysteriously vanished, never to be mentioned again. Gromit was clearly getting bored.
"I don't know Vergil" Dante said, sounding unconvinced. "This still sounds a bit mad,"
"Dante, this is no time for argument, we have to destroy Tuo before-"
"Before what?" Dante interrupted "If we stay here, can't we defend ourselves form Tuo's minions? Devil May Cry could be the last bastion of hope for those fleeing her dreaded nonsense. Surely, if we keep guard-" he pushed open the kitchen door, talking to his twin over his shoulder;
"Then we can prevent her effects from entering this-"
Dante stopped dead.
There on the kitchen table, were Agni and Rudra, his twin swords.
"Oh yes," Agni crooned "You jam your blade into my mouth..."
Rudra closed his eyes as he swayed forward, making a dull groaning noise.
"Yes indeed brother that's the spot," Rudra rumbled.
Dante's eyes widened in absolute terror.
"AAAAAAARGH!" he bellowed.
Agni and Rudra seemed to come out of their reverie, and glanced at each other. Their faces fell.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!" screeched Rudra.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!" howled Dante.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!" screamed Agni.
Agni tumbled from the table, as the three continued to shout in each other's faces. After about five minutes, Dante turned to Vergil with a wretched look on his features.
"Ok," he gasped "We kill Tuo,"
Vergil looked at him
"You know Dante; this is going to be difficult. Possibly the most difficult thing we've ever done. We'll need to prepare ourselves. You bringing some devil arms?"
"Yeah but which ones?" Dante muttered "Can't take 'em all, they'll be too heavy"
"You've already had a fight with the author of the story, who had had two swords having sex to prove a point. Do you think anyone cares about physics anymore?"
"Good point" Dante agreed, magically distributing his weapons among his pockets, apart from rebellion, which he somehow stuck to his back.
"Can I leave Agni and Rudra here?" he asked.
Vergil rolled his eyes "You'd better not. No doubt the author wants them for some ridiculous sub-plot, in which they become the most important thing in the story, saving all our lives,"
"True," Dante agreed, stuffing them into his pockets as the two left the kitchen, and marched down the hall.
"So where do we find this Tuo?" Dante queried, as he and Vergil trotted out the door.
"If we're lucky, she should be close enough by, so she can see what sort of havoc she's reaping,"
"And if were unlucky?" Dante asked, staring at the full moon that was casting a mystical silver shadow on everything beneath the navy sky.
"We'll be gang raped, killed and eaten by a pack of whales"
"I meant with finding Tuo"
"Oh," Vergil said distractedly "Then she might be difficult to find"
Well. That wasn't very good, but I've some good stuff planned if you can bare the wait! Bair the wait? Bear the wait? Ugh.