Whew, was that the longest break or what? I haven't updated since the beginning of May! Bad bad bad. Many, many apologies!
Thanks to those of you who are still with me for this!
I am following pages 324 - 328 of Breaking Dawn. Not the longest of chapters I'm afraid.
Big thanks to katmom for beta-ing! Lots of love!
I don't own Twilight, I just like to get into Edward's head once in a while.
Resurrection – Part 4
This waiting was interminable. Coupled with the fact that that dog was here, almost every day, life was a veritable living hell.
The only thing holding me together was Bella. Bella who was dying, slowly before my eyes. Yes, we'd found a way to nourish her, with blood of all things, but still, with that...thing inside of her, death was surely and steadily approaching.
At this point in what was known as a life, I wished ardently that I was not able to read minds. Between Jacob's constant longing for my wife and Rosalie's near-fanatic obsession with the monster I'd implanted in Bella, my mind was full to the point of bursting.
Though really, it was just punishment for having the gall to think I'd be able to make Bella happy. Punishment for inflicting myself on her, not just physically, but emotionally as well. I was nothing but a fool to have believed this could work.
I'd failed her, horribly, and soon I would lose her. The very least I could do was stay with her, no matter how painful it was. My pain was nothing compared to hers.
Despite my family's urging, I had ceased to hunt. I didn't deserve it, but really, I couldn't stand to be away from Bella anymore than was absolutely necessary. Feeding didn't fall under any kind of vital category.
To be honest, I'd lost my 'appetite'. What was the point? Bella would die and I would follow as soon as I could. Let the animals live.
It was a usual afternoon, with Bella, Jacob, Rosalie and me in the living room. Bella had her cup of blood next to her from which she took frequent sips.
Jacob's thoughts consisted of wondering why Bella wanted to keep him around. It was something that gave me food for thought as well. While I knew he was special to her, I couldn't understand the way she clung to him, as if she couldn't bear to let him go.
It made me aware that he was the choice she should have made. He was the choice she would have made if I'd died in 1918 as I should have.
Rosalie, ever vigilant, had her eyes trained on Bella, waiting to carry out any request she might have. The two made for the most unlikely pair of allies. No one could have guessed Rosalie would become Bella's staunchest defender; and from me, of all people.
I had only wanted to love her, to make her as happy as she'd made me.
Sighing, I sat back against the couch, willing myself to block out the thoughts of Jacob and Rosalie. I came alert when I heard a faint whisper.
What was that?
Puzzled, I strained to listen for the sound. It came again, this time more clearly.
"Did you say something?" I asked Bella. I was fairly sure she hadn't said a word, but I needed the confirmation of it.
Bella stared at me in confusion. "Me? I didn't say anything."
If the voice wasn't Bella's, and it certainly wasn't anyone else in the room, then what...?
My God, it couldn't be, it wasn't possible.
Like it, more…
I moved off the couch, sinking to my knees in front of my wife; all my attention focused on her bulging middle.
"What are you thinking about right now?" I asked her.
"Nothing, what's going on?"
"What were you thinking about a minute ago?"
"Just...Esme's island...And feathers."
I contained a smile at her answer; then I heard the whisper again.
Good! Like it. More…
More? What did it want?
"Say something else," I murmured.
"Like what? Edward, what's going on?"
Good. A pleasant feeling radiated from Bella's abdomen. Completely flabbergasted, I realized the being inside of her enjoyed listening to its mother.
Would a monster have such feelings? Gently, I placed my hands on Bella's stomach, attempting to gain deeper contact with the baby inside.
What is Edward doing? The twin thoughts of Jacob and Rosalie sounded in my mind. I could hear the shock in both of their heads.
"The f –" I paused, thinking it wasn't the right way to label the being Bella carried. "It...the baby, likes the sound of your voice."
Bella continued to stare at me, blinking a few times as she took in what I was saying.
"Holy crow, you can hear him?" she nearly screamed in her excitement.
Loud… Don't like. Dismayed surprise came from within her, the baby reflexively kicking due to the sudden fright the loud noise had produced.
Bella grimaced, her hand going to hold her stomach. I moved my own hands to the top of her belly, where the baby had kicked out.
"Shh," I said. "You startled it...him."
"Sorry, baby." Bella was now looking at her stomach with amazement and love. For the first time, I understood how she felt.
There was a different emotion coming from the baby now. I concentrated to try and determine what it was. I inclined my head towards her distended stomach in an effort to hear better.
"What's he thinking now?" Bella looked anxious to know. Her entire face was lit up.
"It...he or she, is..." At the sound of Bella's voice the same emotion came from the baby.
As far-fetched as it was for a fetus to be feeling anything, the emotion emanating from it was unmistakable. But then, no one knew what to expect from a vampire-human hybrid.
I couldn't help the smile that crossed over my face. "He's happy." I could hear the awe in my voice as I told her.
Bella's breathing hitched, her face taking on a beautiful glow. I could see the love she had for the baby bubble up to the surface, causing her eyes to overflow.
For the first time, I felt the same way. For the first time I was willing to consider that it wasn't a monster inside the girl I loved. Maybe Bella had been right all along. Trust me to want to ruin it for her.
We gazed at each other, united over the miracle that was taking place. I didn't need to be able to read her mind to know what she was feeling. Joy was written clearly on her features.
And I knew my own face held the same expression.
"Of course you're happy, pretty baby, of course you are," Bella spoke lovingly to her stomach, rubbing it with her hand. "How could you not be, all safe and warm and loved? I love you so much, little EJ, of course you're happy!"
EJ? That was new; I hadn't heard her refer to the baby by name before.
"What did you call him?" I asked, intrigued.
"I sort of named him," she told me, flushing. "I didn't think you would want...well, you know."
"Your father's name was Edward, too." I could only presume the 'J' stood for 'junior'.
Even after everything I'd put her through, she still wanted to name the baby after me. How very Bella. I looked at her fondly.
"Yes, it was. What --?" I paused as more emotions came from the baby.
"What?" she asked, eagerly.
"He likes my voice, too," I said, surprised and pleased. The baby liked the way I sounded. It was like it recognized us as its parents already.
"Of course he does. You have the most beautiful voice in the universe. Who wouldn't love it?" Bella said her expression full of love.
"Do you have a backup plan?" Rosalie broke in. "What if he's a she?"
I had been so caught up marveling along with Bella that I hadn't even noticed Rosalie or Jacob in the room.
Glancing at her, I saw she had the same look of wonder on her face. There was nothing malicious about it. The thoughts coming from her were full of the baby.
"I kicked a few things around," Bella said, wiping her tears away. "Playing with Renee and Esme. I was thinking…Ruh-nez-may."
All of our thoughts echoed the same sentiment. It certainly wasn't a usual name. Trust Bella to come up with something unique. It was fitting for what was surely the first baby of its kind.
"Ruhnezmay?" Rosalie repeated, rolling the word around in her mouth.
"R-e-n-e-s-m-e-e. Too weird?"
"No, I like it. It's beautiful. And one of a kind, so that fits." It's a beautiful name. I just know that the baby is going to be beautiful too. It looks like Edward is finally coming 'round. It's about time.
I smiled listening to Rosalie's inner monologue. Yes, I was coming around. Being able to hear the baby's thoughts had done much to convince me it was not a monster in Bella's stomach.
I looked at both Rosalie and Bella talking on the couch.
"I still think he's an Edward," Bella said, gazing tenderly at her rounded middle.
There was something else coming from the baby; some great feeling. For a moment I struggled to place it. Then, all at once, I identified it.
"What? What's he thinking now?" Bella's face was radiant, her eyes shining.
I knew there was no way I could hate this being ever again. The thoughts it was broadcasting cemented my loyalty to it. There was no turning back now.
Gently, I laid my head against Bella's stomach. I could have listened to these particular thoughts and never grow tired of it.
"He loves you," I whispered, awed by the knowledge. "He absolutely adores you."
Bella's eyes and mine locked, hers filling with tears again. She placed her hand over mine, the widest smile I'd ever seen stretching her lips.
A matching smile slowly spread across my face. We sat there, grinning like fools at each other.
"Our baby, Edward, yours and mine. I told you he was fine, he's going to be so beautiful, I know it. I'm so happy you've come back," she murmured, running her free hand through my hair.
I don't know how long we stared at each other, finally united over the coming child.
There were so many things I wanted to say to her. I wanted to relate my growing wonder that we had created a new being, when it should have been impossible. I wanted to apologize for my previous behaviour, for having pleaded with her to abort the baby.
But I could only stare into the chocolate brown eyes, finding peace in them as I always had.
Finally, I could hope again. I could start to believe what Bella had been saying all along. That everything would be all right, that she would survive the birth.
With the baby's cooperation it was possible. I felt like I was emerging from darkness into the light once more.
Our interlude was interrupted when Jacob abruptly got to his feet. Having been unaware of him while I listened to the child, I could hear him clearly now.
That goddamned leech. I thought he was on my side. And now he's back on hers. It's going to kill her; he knows it as well as I do.
He was supposed to hate it, he was supposed to suffer. It's killing her and he's acting like they're a family. He doesn't see! That thing has blinded him. He's going to pay… Hell, I can't stand this!
Jacob's pain was so all encompassing, I physically cringed. He didn't deserve to see this, he didn't deserve further pain. I knew he loved Bella still. I knew he didn't understand.
I have to get out. Now. Where can I go? I have to get away from her, from it, from them. I'll never trust a leech ever again.
Acting on his thoughts, I ran over to the end table where our car keys were kept. As quickly as I could, I grabbed a set and threw them in Jacob's direction, wanting to provide the escape he so desperately needed.
"Go, Jacob. Get away from here." I knew Jacob wouldn't mistake my meaning. He could tell I was trying to help.
As I watched him bolt from the room, his thoughts turned around in my head. It's killing her…
With new determination I looked at Bella who had a troubled expression on her face. It disappeared when she felt the baby move, replaced with her former look of joy.
She was going to get through this. I would make sure of it.
A/N: Thanks for reading! If you want, you can follow me on twitter. I update my writing progress there. The link is on my profile page.