Depression Hurts… Everyone

Disclaimer: I don't own these characters. They're 100% Stephenie Meyer! Oh and the title goes to the Cymbalta commercial people. carry on.

JPOV

As I watched Alice, my Alice, doodle a new design for a sundress, I let my mind wander and thought about the way she felt around me. Whenever she was near me, I could detect that she had feelings of euphoria and love, and that she always felt safe with me. That's one of the reasons I love Alice; she's not afraid of me, like most people are.

Everyone just sees me as the Cullen who looks like he's in pain all the time. And some of the time that's true, such as when I am near Bella. The thirst practically kills me, and sometimes I almost lose control. On those days, it's a good thing I have Alice. She makes me want to be less of a monster.

Nobody except Edward (and if it were my choice, he wouldn't know either) knows that it hurts me knowing that everyone thinks I'm some sort of uncontrollable, psychotic, thirst-crazed vampire. Even the humans who don't know what we are can tell that something's up with me. I'm more of the suffer in silence type, so I don't even share these feelings with Alice. I can't bring myself to think about what kind of discussions she'd put me through after that, and I can't bring her constantly joyful mood down. I love her too much to do that to her.

Though sometimes I just wish that someone other than Edward were in on it. Thankfully, my brother knows not to mention it from the tenor of my thoughts. Every time I feel the fear someone is going through, the terror they feel just from seeing my expression, it's like that person stabbing a knife into my stone cold heart. What most of the people in my life don't know is that those feelings of terror and fright from those people is usually what twists my face up to make it look like I'm in pain.

I know that it's never going to change. Or, at least not until I get better control of my thirst. But until then I'll continue to suffer, to suffer in my silent mind, and I'll pray that Edward doesn't say a word.

Yay. you've read this wonderful short story by Ava. I just love the title. what about you?

Anyways, make sure you review cause we all wanna make ava happy don't we? And trust me, as her friend I know she can be very devious when she's angry. So its best to get on her good side right away, and review!

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thanks,

dal, evie, and ava!