A/N: Well, I should be working of AoD, but I just wanted to take small break from my lovely story. Annnnd here is my new little side project.
This drabble compilation is and will continue to be completely made up of only dialogue!
It may or may not have anything resembling a plot in the future.
But, golly, what a fun project! A dialogue project! PLEASE KEEP THIS IN MIND!!!!!!! I'm sure someone won't get that. Blargh.
Anyways, all of these conversations (however many there might be) are more than likely going to take place when Light and L are handcuffed together!! Yay!!
The Abusive Ass Rider
In the Bedroom at Headquarters
"What are you writing?"
". . . A friend."
"And why are you leading this friend to belief you are being forced into an abusive relationship involving chains and a demanding taskmaster?"
"Because I have been forced into an abusive relationship involving chains and a demanding taskmaster."
". . . ."
"Don't try and deny it."
"I have not tried anything of the sort, Raito-kun. I am merely speculating on how this friend of yours will interpret your words."
"I'm confident that my friend will interpret my words to mean that I have been forced into an abusive relationship involving chains and a demanding taskmaster, Ryuuzaki. What else could I possibly mean for my friend to interpret other than what is clearly stated?"
"I am surprised that Raito-kun implies that you and myself are involved in a relationship."
"Well, it's kind of hard not to develop a relationship with someone you're chained to twenty-four/seven. It's like any relationship you have with your coworkers, only much more irritating."
"And I am abusive, Raito-kun?"
"Of course you are! I haven't been able to get a decent night's sleep in weeks with all of your bad habits!"
"And did you mention this your friend?"
"Sure. I wrote that you keep me up all hours of the night, leave the bed in such a mess that it's hard to sleep in, and you won't even let me get up to use the restroom some nights because you're too busy bugging me and making a nuisance of yourself."
"What? No, bugging me. Meaning you won't stop bothering me, and I can't get to sleep."
"So I interfere with your sleep, Raito-kun?"
"Well, it's kind of hard sleeping when you're chained to a demanding insomniac."
"And I leave the bed a mess?"
"What with all the crumbs you leave in the sheets, yes."
"I do not allow you to use the restroom at night?"
"You completely ignore me when you're working on that laptop of yours. It takes me forever to drag you away from it."
"And you also see me as a demanding taskmaster?"
"Oh, give it up Ryuuzaki. You're riding my ass about the damn Kira case so often, it's a wonder I'm still functional. There's only so much sleep deprivation that I can withstand. It is possible to take a break from work, you know? Preferably before three in the morning."
"I ride your ass, Raito-kun?"
"And did you use that particular phrase in your email?"
"Well, yeah. I mean, that is a pretty apt description of what you do, but I used the word 'rear' instead of 'ass.' I'm not completely crass in my missives, Ryuuzaki. And besides, you really do ride my ass more than anyone else on the task force. I think it's a little bit unfair."
"Who is this friend you are writing to anyway, Raito-kun?"
"I hardly see as to how it's any of your business, Ryuuzaki. And what's with all the questions! Can't you see I'm busy?"
"You are still a suspect, Raito-kun. Anything like this is something I must monitor. How do I know that you are not secretly contacting the second Kira? Scheming with supporters I am unaware of?"
"Or maybe I'm just emailing a friend, and you need to get off my ass about it, Ryuuzaki."
"You do know that I have the ability to hack into your email account and not only read your email, but trace it to its recipient?"
"Damn you, Ryuuzaki! Why can't you just leave well enough alone and give me a ounce of privacy?"
"Because I'm an abusive and demanding taskmaster who takes unbridled joy in chaining you to my person."
Four Hours Later . . .
"Heh, now that you are asleep, Raito-kun, I can finally see what you have been up to. Hmm, let me see. Ahh, here we go. Yes, yes . . . oh for the love of bloody - damn PC. I'll have to talk to Watari about a new laptop. Stupid piece of - oh, finally. Now, Raito-kun, let us see who you have been contacting behind my ba - . . . . Well . . . that will be decidedly awkward."
Next Morning at the Yagami Household
"O-Oh my God!"
"Mom? Mom, what is it? Is everything alright?"
"Sayu, call your father this instant, and tell him to come home! Now!"
"Light's been kidnapped!"
". . . Wh-what? Kidnapped? By who?"
"An evil man who has chained him up and forced him to - to- . . . ."
"I'll call Dad! Mom, please stop crying! It's okay! Look, I've got the phone! I'm dialing his number right now!"
A/N: Wow. Light is such an idiot. Innuendo flies completely over the poor boy's head!
Well? What the hell are you waiting for? SAY SOMETHING!