Hi guys! Sorry for the delay in updates, I'm currently scratching my head over how to best proceed with Born to Kill: Deathstroke. You have to really pour over the comic book character's history to appreciate how royally the Teen Titans cartoon screwed him over. There's a lot for me to do in trying to rework so much history.
Also, I'll be removing Cold Reception from Fanfiction (temporarily) to rework the story a bit, because it hasn't come out to my liking. In the meantime, I've decided to put up a oneshot which I hope you'll find funny. It's based off a joke I heard a little while ago, and it cracked me up.
DISCLAIMER: I don't own Teen Titans. Nor do I own the joke. Oh, and I'm not Christian either. Or Muslim. Or Jewish. This means I am so going to hell for this.
God's Gift to Beast Boy
Beast Boy strolled through the park alone. The usually bright, cheery park was now dull and the trees bare of leaves, while the sky was darkened by brooding black clouds. Winter was well on its way.
Suddenly, the clouds parted, shining a bright ray of sunlight onto Beast Boy, who stood half-blinded in the spotlight.
"Garfield Mark Logan…" spoke a rumbling, disembodied voice.
Beast Boy was stunned. "Whoa, who said that?"
The voice declared loud and clear, "It is I, the Almighty Father!"
"Umm, you're getting closer…"
"Are you my conscience?"
"Are… are you serious? You do not know who I am?"
"Nah. I'm totally pulling your leg! You're God, aren't you?"
And God did let out a sigh of relief that did uproot and smash the surrounding trees to tiny bits before the amazed boy. "Oh thank heavens. For a minute there I thought I was talking to one of those damn atheists. Always have a mundane, soul crushing answer to even the most wondrous of My creations."
Beast Boy stood there amid the wreckage with his mouth wide open in wonder.
Then God said, "Do you mind closing your mouth? Your gingivitis is hurting my eyes."
Beast Boy quickly closed the offending orifice. "Heh heh. Sorry."
God then continued thus: "Garfield Mark Logan. Because of your lifetime of virtuous acts of heroism, kindness and compassion to others on this earth, I shall grant you a single wish, whatever it may be. But choose wisely. You will not get another."
Beast Boy thought for a moment. Then he replied, "How about a bridge to Hawaii? It'd be cool to drive all the way over there for a holiday."
And God said, "I could grant you that wish. But in so doing the construction would exhaust many valuable natural resources that humanity will need in the future. What about something else?"
Beast Boy sat down upon a fallen pine tree and thought about it for a few minutes. Finally, he stood back up, a determined look in his eyes; looking as though he had gained several years of maturity.
He said to God: "I want to be able to understand women. They're really complicated! I mean, look at Raven! There's so much I don't understand about her, but I try really hard to do so! I try to make her smile and laugh. I try to show her that her life shouldn't have to be so miserable. But I feel as though I'm not getting to her sometimes. I feel like there's something I'm supposed to be doing, but I'm just not getting the drift. I'm not psychic!
"So my wish is to be able to understand women. I want to know the reasons why they cry, why they get angry and why they insist on keeping the toilet lid down. I want to know how to comfort them when they do cry and how to calm them when they are angry or jealous. I want to know how to make women happy and laugh. I want to understand how they think and rationalize everything so that we aren't always at loggerheads with each other, and how to gain and maintain a stable and loving relationship between us."
There was a profound silence for several seconds at this most noble of requests.
The God said, "Do you want two or four lanes on that bridge?"
P.S: For those of you wondering what my religious affiliation is, I am, ironically, an atheist.
I also know there are a lot of other things that Beast Boy could have wished for (like bringing back Terra), but then again, he does sometimes wish for some real random stuff.