I don't own Naruto or Ah! My Goddess but I can't resist writing this.
Karma. It is a powerful and nigh unstoppable force, it topples mountains, turns aside oceans and can withstand time itself. It is balance, the force of attraction. You withstand evil, avoid evil, and prevent evil, and you get good karma. Resist and you gain the opposite, cause something and you get that karma back. On the rare occasions that something of near equal power, such as a star of unluck or blind emotions block the karma, the person in question is granted a single wish from either heaven or hell as appropriate. On all but one occasion it was for the karma to be unblocked and they lived their normal lives, but one man disbelieving his wish stated that he wished for the goddess delivering it to stay with him forever gaining the love of his life, and immortality.
Now for the first time in several thousand years another is worthy of a single wish. The recipient? A small five year old child, living on his own. Hated, feared, and in spiritual agony. But what would such a child wish for? They can't possibly comprehend the ramifications of bending reality and time itself towards a single desire! There is no way for him to know that something he will say very soon can destroy or save the world. To make him loved or end his life, the power to do anything one time and one time alone. Is anyone worthy of such a thing?
A small boy in a dirty white t-shirt and blue shorts was in his apartment alone. Naruto pushed his bangs out his eyes around the dust and the gloom. It looked like a wild party had been held just the night before but everything was covered in dust. The walls had hate messages of "GO BACK TO HELL MONSTER!", "BURN AND DIE!" and "GO BACK TO WHERE YOU BELONG AND ROT". He had a screwdriver in hand and was horribly underfed. The small blue eyed blond was dirty and poor on top of being small for his meagre age of five.
Naruto was tinkering with a broken T.V. he had found in the garbage. He had seen other people watch shows on this and was trying to figure out how to make this broken one do the same. It wasn't broken too badly he just didn't know to plug it in. No one ever taught him anything he had to pick everything up by watching others and listening. He sighed and sat down in front of the black screen. "I guess it is just a piece of junk. Aw man I wanted to watch the pictures like those other kids do." He muttered as he flopped onto his back.
"Hey! What are you calling a piece of junk?! Just plug it in! It'll work fine." A woman's voice said it was playful and friendly in a way that was calming too.
"Do what now?" Naruto asked and it laughed gently, but he got the feeling she wasn't laughing at him.
"Oh of course no one ever told you... take that bit with two metal bits sticking out and put the metal bits into the holes in the wall surrounded by plastic but don't force it!" the voice said merrily as if she liked being with him. Blinking but cautious for anything wrong to happen Naruto plugged in the old T.V. and it flared to life. He rushed to the front of it and was greeted with the image of a dark skinned woman with white hair, she had a red six pointed star dead centre on her forehead and two small blue triangles with their points facing inwards high on her cheeks. "Yo cutie!" She said and she started to rise up out of the T.V. screen to the now terrified Naruto who was backed up against the wall and completely out of his element.
"Don't be afraid kiddo, I may be the daughter of the Queen of hell but I also have the Lord of Heaven for a father. My name is Urd. I am a goddess second class limited." Urd said introducing herself to him, she was giggling slightly at his light blush caused by her provocative purple gown that revealed oh so much but nothing at all while still looking elegant and dignified.
"B-beautiful." Naruto said under his breath and she laughed gently as he realized she heard him. "S-sorry. I'm Naruto." Naruto said standing up straight in his embarrassment and bowing.
"So where are your parents squirt? Something big is about to happen to you and they should help you through it." Urd asked, she had deliberately been uninformed about the technicalities of her current assignment.
"I-I-I don't have any. The matron said monsters do-don't deserve any." Naruto said crying a little, Urd immediately rushed to his side to comfort him. /What the hell? I wasn't told about any of this! Crap is that... by my father, he's holding a rogue demon at bay... and being given hell for it... what to do?/ she thought and Naruto gave a sniff as he warily returned the hug he was receiving and he spoke very, very softly so soft Urd as close as she was could barely hear him even with enhanced senses. "I wish she was my mommy."
A huge glow erupted from both of them and Urd felt the child in her arms change at the most fundamental level. Divine essence poured into him, the rogue demon was converted into a demon part and his humanity was turned to a third. /Third God, Third Demon, Third Human? Wow that's some kinda hybrid./ "W-what happened?!" Naruto asked pulling away from her and staring at his new outfit. He was wearing dark blue Hakama with red strapped gata and a simple dark reddish brown vest with two black bracers on each arm.
"Calm down kiddo. As I already told you I'm a goddess right?" Urd asked and Naruto nodded. "Well you started crying before I could tell you that I was sent to grant you a wish... and I heard you mutter that you wished I was your mother... So now I am, son." She said nervously and Naruto stared at her for a moment then tackled her into a hug. /Well he's an affectionate little wonder this could prove to be fun. Plus his markings are damn cute/ she thought remembering what she had seen for only a moment. Naruto had nine markings three on each cheek and three on the forehead six of them sloping lines and the other three reminded her of her sister. (Think Kyuubi possessed Naruto for the shape, then three long Belldandy style marks on the forehead) A red one with a green one above it and a blue line below on each cheek, on his forehead the blue was two the left followed by the red and green.
They just stayed there for a while, Urd was using her empathy abilities to learn about her new son and Naruto was washing away his pain and insecurities. They were interrupted after a bit by a knocking at the door. Urd sighed and stood up carrying Naruto with her, she opened the door to the apartment and frowned at the young Chuunin with silver hair and his forehead protector as part of his tuque. "The honourable council calls you Urd Norn to their meeting chambers to discus your... adoption of the little freak." Mizuki said eyeing Urd up and down and fully appreciating her fashion sense.
"Whatever. Lead the way kid." Urd said and smiled as Naruto stuck his tongue out at Mizuki. He led the way jumping off with force when they left the apartment building and was shocked when Urd was right behind him the whole time. She walked into the council room with Naruto now riding piggyback was watching in interest and drawing many odd looks with the marks on his face.
"Ms. Norn... you are here to answer questions as to why..." a chubby man began. He was balding with a few grey hairs and he held an expression of constant scorn on his face.
"Is anything out of place in the papers?" Urd asked her violet eyes boring into the man.
"It isn't that so much as the paperwork should not exist in the first place. The man said and Urd raised an eyebrow.
"So let me get this straight. My adoption of him is perfectly legal with everything properly filled out and you have an issue with this?" Urd asked putting the man on the spot.
"Yes because no one can recall ever giving you the papers to fill out in question." The man said smugly.
"And how could you know that? If the papers were discovered only recently then it would have been impossible to do a full investigation... and if a legal form is properly filled out and filed then unless it is outright ridicules or contradicted by either local law or another document it is perfectly legal." Urd countered and Sarutobi who had been softly smiling smiled even wider, he was really starting to like this spunky but viciously smart women. She had all the bases covered and everyone knew it, but councilman Gyasho was stubborn.
"That thing has no right to family!" Gyasho shouted out and was met with a lightning bolt courtesy of Urd.
"Don't insult him, he's family now and above all else family is precious to me." Urd said as the man collapsed in a twitching mass. "I didn't kill him but he won't be able to move for a while." Urd reassured the people in the room who were now watching her warily. By their accounts such a powerful Raiton affinity was unheard of. Sarutobi and the shinobi clan heads were intrigued while the civilians for the most part were terrified. Danzo was seething that the Kyuubi brat now had such a powerful protector. Naruto was grinning cheekily at them realizing just how good things were getting.
Cherri Haruno cleared her throat to try and get things rolling again. She personally had nothing against Naruto having lost nothing during the Kyuubi attack, but she was easily swept away by the overwhelming hatred directed towards the kid. "Lord Sarutobi I believe this was one of the preset circumstances towards certain... information about Naruto being released is it not?" She asked and the Hokage nodded reluctantly.
"...Naruto, Urd. What I'm about to tell you is sensitive information but you are both now in a position to be in the know. Naruto... you are the living prison of the Kyuubi no Kitsune, that is the reason why many people look towards you with hatred. You are also the only child of the Fourth Hokage, and as such you will now inherit the clan estate and fortune. The two other circumstances for this to occur were when you reached eighteen years of age or the rank of Chuunin." Sarutobi explained and Naruto suddenly looked fearful.
"Don't worry about the rogue demon in him. The red markings on his face represent the creature's power, the blue mean's the power of the gods, and the green is the power of nature. I added to his seal so that the Kyuubi is being killed inside it. By tomorrow it will be dead and all that will be left of it will be those nine marks." Urd said lying like a master. /And they doubted that being a goddess capable of lying would be useful./ she thought snorting internally. Naruto stared at her in wonder but had caught onto the lie almost right away.
"Thanks Mom." He said nuzzling her neck a little to go with the act. /What the? Cunning little guy he's on to me and playing along like a pro. It's gonna be fun hanging out with him!/ Urd thought smiling at the closeness.
"Well that is unexpected, however I've never heard of any clan so proficient with the sealing arts, or anyone possession such a powerful lightning affinity." Shikiku Nara said his voice echoing in the incredible silence. "Mind explaining how such abilities could remain secret for so long?"
"My family keeps to themselves, but the little tyke needs me so here I am. We also migrate whenever someone new is brought into the fold and only stay in small groups." Urd explained and Naruto looked at her hopefully.
"Does that mean I've got Aunts and Uncles coming to see us?" Naruto asked and Urd laughed.
"Yea, they'll most likely start showing up in a couple days. That's about the same time I gave my little sister after she moved in with her boyfriend... well their married now and have a kid but that's not the point." Urd explained and there were a few chuckles.
"Well now that all relevant information is on the table I'd like to adjourn this meeting and speak to you and Naruto in private Miss Norn." Sarutobi said and with that people began leaving the room talking among themselves. Urd shrugged and began following the old man and when he was certain they were alone he chuckled.
"I must admit Naruto , I got the shock of my life when I realized that it was the eldest of the three Norn sisters who adopted you. Eh Goddess of the Past Urd and self styled goddess of love and romance?" Sarutobi asked his eyes twinkling as he filled his pipe.
"H-how did you know that?!" Urd asked shocked.
"They don't call me Professor Sandaime for nothing." Sarutobi said using a spark of chakra to light his pipe, he took a pull and gave Urd a sidelong glace as they walked into his office. They walked in and Naruto and Urd both took a seat as Sarutobi locked the door and activated a privacy jutsu. "What I would like to know is just how in hell did you manage to get the daughter of both the devil and kami-sama to adopt you?! I know you can pull some impressive feats when pressured but this takes the tobacco." Sarutobi said slumping down into his chair.
"Well as you know old man." Urd said and Sarutobi snorted at that. "I work for the most part directly for my father and am merely on good terms with my mother. I received an assignment that was a little confusing but it was to basically grant a five year old a single wish. He wished for a mother." Urd explained levelling a bit of a glare at him. "What I would want to know is why you let a little kid get into such a position?! Aren't you this villages leader?" she demanded and Sarutobi squirmed a little.
"I can only lead them if they will follow, and when it came to Naruto few followed me. I may be the most powerful Shinobi here but... I'm old, I should have retired decades ago to be with my family but my successor died and there was no one else worthy of the position... Furthermore in the chaos around my successor's death the civilian half of the council wrote many laws and regulations that carried over legally stripping me of much of my power." Sarutobi said with a sigh.
"Well greedy mortals aside I'd like to check out the place me and him will be living. Mind handing over the keys and maybe a set of directions?" Urd asked and Sarutobi fished a heavy looking key ring out of his desk.
"I'll take any excuse to get away from the paperwork so I'll walk you there myself and show you the more important places around the village." Sarutobi said hauling himself out of the chair and guiding them out of the office.
"Sounds good, lead the way old man." Urd said.
"Says the women thousands of years my senior." Sarutobi said and got a slight bop on the head which knocked off his hat for his remark.
A couple hours later.
"Hunh this place is almost exactly like the old temple my sister lived in with her boyfriend." Urd commented when the tour was completed.
"Hmm I didn't figure this place was that old." Sarutobi said and Urd laughed softly.
"Anyways gramps I'm sure the paperwork is touching the ceiling in at least two piles. That and I need to start tutoring the brat on how to use his powers." Urd said then there was a HUGE surge of energy just outside the small mansion. "Oh crap MOM!" Urd said and she rushed outside with a nearly panicking Hokage and her newly adopted son hot on her heels. They got outside and saw a twister of purple electricity pulsing and giving out bursts of massive energy scaring the crap out of everyone capable of sensing chakra within a ten mile radius. Even the civilians could feel it making their hair stand on end as a deep sense of foreboding descended over Konoha and then out of it stepped a deeply tanned women with snow white hair in a red gown similar to but even more elegant then Urds, she also had large bracelets and anklets on with a ton of ear piercings and an ornate headdress.
"URD-CHAN!" Hild squealed like a school girl giving her daughter the mother of all hugs. (Pun not intended.) "Is it true!? Did you really make me a grandmother?" she asked absolutely giddy.
"Yes he's the blond right behind me..." Urd said in a bit of a shock that she figured it out so bloody quickly.
"AWW!!! You're so cute!" Hild squeeled gathering Naruto up in a hug of the same epic proportions as the one she gave Urd.
"Demon! What is a monster like you doing in our village!?" a one armed and heavily bandaged man demanded glaring at Hild with his one visible eye.
"Visiting my daughter and newly adopted grandson, what's it look like?" Hild answered cheekily utterly unafraid of the rapidly growing ninja force behind the man all of them readying weapons. "Now shoo, little human I don't have time to waste on a one armed worm with an overblown sense of entitlement." Hild said. Then she turned back to Naruto. "Oh these whisker marks are so adorable! You'll be a knockout with the girls I know it!" she gushed and everyone but Danzo and ROOT either laughed or sweatdropped.
"Kill that vile witch!" Danzo shouted and the ROOT members didn't listen as Sarutobi ordered them to stop. Hild turned smirking and laughed daintily. Just as the entire force was about to strike all at once she snapped her fingers and black hell fire rose up around each one burning them to ash before they could even scream.
"Jeeze mom wasn't that a little overboard?" Urd asked and Hild shrugged.
"Mess with the best die like the rest... or something like that I don't keep up with the trendy sayings of the day." Hild said shrugging and a great deal of people were staring at her in shock.
"A-hem. Lady Hild, we could speak inside while you dote on Naruto. Perhaps we could arrange a few things?" Sarutobi offered as he led the way into the mansion and gave orders to the ANBU still loyal to him to not let ANYONE inside. "Well that's going to give me a mountain's worth of paperwork to deal with now O Queen of Hell. Couldn't you have simply hypnotized them or something?" Sarutobi asked and Hild giggled as she ran her fingers through Naruto's hair, she had taken a fast liking to doing that as it felt smooth and soft.
"Sorry I held back as much as I could Saru-chan but I'm one of the most powerful beings in existence you know." Hild said causing the old man to blush and cover his head with his hat. Urd looked from her mother to Sarutobi with wide eyes.
"You didn't." She said.
"Oh yes we did." Hild said giggling.
"We did not! Tempting as that may be I am simply an acquaintance of your mother." Sarutobi protested his eyes narrowing.
"I'd say we're far more then acquaintances... especially since we just need memories to know all about each other, Hanging Like an Ape Hiruzen." Hild said blushing a little herself Naruto just blinked and decided to stay quiet knowing that everything was shooting about a mile over his head and if his new mom for all her playfulness was sputtering and shocked he didn't stand a snowball's chance in hell.
"One game of poker does not make lovers Hild!" Sarutobi snapped and Hild's eye twinkled.
"Well it helps if its strip poker, and boy were you something to behold in the buck thirty years ago. Although I must admit you took my gown rather quickly in that game." Hild said teasingly causing Sarutobi to bleed out the nose a little in memory.
"Oh I need some Sake." Urd said then noticed that Sarutobi had pulled a flask out of his hat and took a swig of the obviously potent mix. "Please?" she said and he tossed it to her and she took a gulp and breathed out a flash of fire with a cry of pain. "Damn that's some tough stuff." Urd exclaimed tossing the flask back.
"My own personal brew." Sarutobi said with a wry grin before taking another swig to calm himself. "Anyways Hild I know how much you value family so we have to find a less... alarming way for you to come and go from Konoha. Perhaps a gateway forged of Demon Magic and Fuinjutsu? One that will let you simply enter as if walking through a doorway, that way no one will bother you or me about your presence here." Sarutobi offered.
"Well Hanging Like an Ape, if you can whip up a couple quick seals I can do the rest. I'd hate to bother such an old crusty man." She said and got one hell of a glare from him which she giggled under and waved off. Finally after boring holes in the walls behind Hild he took out a couple pieces of paper a brush and some ink and quickly made a couple seals. "Ohh! Someone suspected this was coming. Still the clever monkey you were as a flexible, spry and good looking in oil with the light..."
"MOM! Enough I think he gets it! And could you please avoid scarring Naruto for life!?" Urd practically screamed causing Hild to go into a giggle fit and Naruto to finally escape her embrace, she was nice but there had to be an upwards limit to it. "Look it's about eight so I'll put Naruto to bed then we can argue about risqué topics." Urd said quickly using a sleep spell on Naruto, he was out instantly.
What do you think? Naruto raised by Urd... Holy Crap Konoha is screwed. Still I can have a LOT of fun with his new powers, like say... Mini Naruto riding Tora the Hellcat? Or Hinata trying to put him in a jar because he's too cute for her? Oh the possibilities...