Author's Note: Well, this is a BlairSerena friendship fic, centered around Serena. I hope you guys like it! This takes place during the last month of their freshman year and centers around Blair's bulimia. There will be two chapters total. Read and review please!

Disclaimer: Vanessa/Chuck would not have happened if I owned "Gossip Girl".


Sometimes people put up walls not to keep people out, but to see who cares enough to break them down.


Serena Van Der Woodsen strutted back to her table at Match 65 as she exited the women's restroom.

It was a sunny day in the middle of May, and the two girls were eating lunch at Blair's favorite sushi bar before heading out for a shopping spree. They were heading to the Hamptons with Blair's parents, the Archibalds, and Chuck Bass in less than a month and they needed to fill their summer wardrobes.

She smirked at the guy at the corner table as she headed to her seat. He had been eyeing her with his gorgeous emerald eyes since she and Blair walked in. As she looked over his tan form, she couldn't escape the voice in the back of her head that reminded her he was no Nate Archibald.

Eventually, she approached her and Blair's table and took a seat across from her friend.

"Did you order yet, B?" Serena questioned, sliding into her seat.

"No, I've been trying to get the waiter's attention for the past ten minutes. Incompetent much?" Blair scoffed.

In an attempt to avoid a rant from Blair, Serena made eye contact with the waiter and motioned for him to walk toward their table.

"Ugh, finally," Blair grumbled.

"Can I take your order?" the waiter inquired as he slid up to the table, looking at Serena.

"I'll have the rainbow rolls please," Serena ordered.

"And for you, miss?" the waiter asked Blair.

"I'll have the spicy tuna rolls, the eel and avocado rolls, and the dragon rolls," Blair listed.

"One moment, ladies," he replied, taking their menus before walking away, his eyes on Serena's figure.

"Wow, hungry?" Serena grinned, taking a sip from her Coke.

"Yeah, I skipped lunch," Blair replied, smirk fixed perfectly in place as she took a sip from her iced tea.

"Oh," Serena replied, "Didn't your mom get home from Milan last night?"

"Yeah," Blair replied, looking down for about a second.

For that moment, a look of what almost seemed like sadness crossed her elegant features, but seconds later she looked up at Serena, her ruby lips twisted upward once more.

Sometimes, Serena just wished Blair would let her in. They had been best friends and Serena told Blair everything; however, it seemed that Blair told Serena almost everything. They were practically linked at the hip, but it was a very rare occasion that Blair would let her guard down. She was always poised and proper, even when Serena could tell that she was at her breaking point.

Honestly, sometimes she just wanted to shake Blair sometimes and let her know she could talk to her.

"How are things with Nate?" Serena cheerfully probed, although she couldn't escape the twinge of pain that ran through her chest.

God, Nate…she really wished she could get him out of her head. But as much as she repeated that "He's my best friend's boyfriend" mantra repeatedly in her head, she couldn't escape the feeling she got in the pit of her stomach when she was around him.

She felt lightheaded, dizzy, and completely sick. But somehow, she just kept craving more of it.

"Great," Blair answered, "He came over last night and watched My Fair Lady. He brought over these delicious pastries from the bakery on 74th and Lex."

"That sounds so fun, B," she responded enthusiastically, although her mind was somewhere else entirely.

She felt sick whenever she heard Blair gush about her perfect relationship with Nate. She wanted to be the girl Nate cuddled and watched movies with, the one he bought ruby studded rings for, the one kissed gently on the lips before heading to lacrosse practice. And Serena hated that she would never be that girl. He and Blair would be the perfect couple while she sat on the sidelines.

However, worse than that, Serena felt immensely guilty. She tried to get Nate out of her head, distracting herself with other guys included. But whenever she was with them, as thrilling as it may be, she couldn't escape the voice in the back of her head reminding her that it wasn't Nate. And it never would be.

"Yeah, it was great," she agreed, looking blissful.

Thankfully for Serena, the waiter appeared before she had to hear anymore about Blair and Nate's perfect night.

"Here's your order," he smiled, placing their food down in front of them, throwing Serena a wink.

She smiled politely in return before turning her attention back to Blair, who was already devouring her spicy tuna rolls.

Serena started to tell her to slow down, but stopped herself. She eyed Blair suspiciously as she ate. There was something off and Serena couldn't quite figure out what. Blair was going down each row of rolls, in order of type, inhaling her sushi as rapidly as one possibly could using chopsticks.

"So, where do you suggest we shop next?" Blair asked in between bites.

"I'm thinking Barney's," Serena suggested cheerfully, "I found this dress there that I must have."

"Sounds good. I vote Bendel's after that," Blair chimed in.

"Alright, we need to take Chuck and Nate shopping with us again. Last time was probably the best shopping trip ever," Serena giggled.

The previous week they had dragged Nate and Chuck shopping with them, and Nate was practically bored to tears. He spent the entire time complaining about when they could leave. Chuck, on the other hand, was surprisingly enthusiastic, giving them tips on what they should and shouldn't buy.

"We'll just make sure Nate brings a copy of Sports Illustrated with him," Blair laughed.

Serena chuckled as she started in on her first sushi roll. She glanced over at Blair's plate, noticing she had already inhaled all of her food. Deciding not to comment on it, Serena chewed her food and eyed her friend suspiciously. She knew something was up, but she couldn't figure out what. And so, Serena ate her rainbow rolls in silence, racking her brain for all possible explanations to Blair's strange behavior.

Finally, finishing her food, Serena put down her chopsticks, taking a sip from her Coke.

"S, I'm going to call Nate to see if he needs me to come over later to help him study for the French test, and then find the ladies room," Blair declared, "You can get the bill when I'm gone so we can shop."

"Okay," Serena agreed.

As she waited for the waiter to appear, she couldn't help but wish she was Nate's smart girlfriend whom he loved, calling to ask if he needed homework help. She felt a wave of guilt and desire wash over her body as she toyed with the thought.

Thankfully, the waiter appeared, interrupting her thoughts.

"Here's your bill, miss," he stated, handing it to her, "I put my number on the back of the receipt. Give me a call."

He smirked devilishly in a way that reminded her of Chuck before sauntering off. Serena put in enough cash to cover both their meals, grabbing the receipt.

Maybe she would call him…he was no Nate…but still. Maybe it would distract her.

Serena rose to her feet and headed toward the restroom to tell Blair she had gotten the check. God, she just wished Blair would talk to her. She knew something was wrong and she just wanted to shake Blair and tell her to stop trying to act like she was putting on a show.

The quote "All the world's a stage and all the people in it merely players" was practically the story of Blair's life. With her, everything was a show, and it was a rare occasion that she stopped performing.

Serena swung open the bathroom door, stepping inside; however, she immediately stopped dead in her tracks.

A/N: Well, that's part one! The second part will be up when I have the time to write it…heh. Read and review please! And ask kind as story alerts are, they do not let me know what you think of the story so please leave a review. It only takes like a minute of your time. Thanks! :)