DISCLAIMER: Neither Em, nor any of the other characters that appear in Adventureland, belong to me. Instead I must make due with creating my own stories for them. Pardon my artistic license as I add a few characters here and there.

Most people look back at their past experiences and sigh with content. All they remember is the times they did well: no regrets, no sorrows. There's only memories of hanging out with their friends on Saturday nights, going to the movies and eating popcorn. Not me. My entire life has been fucked since the day I entered eighth grade. It's like from that day, the world has just been a black hole, sucking out all of the good stuff and leaving me with shit.

The day I started eighth grade was the beginning of many firsts. At the time, some of the things seemed pretty great, but now that my life's moved on, I feel like I should have been arrested for even existing. I really hope that some day, if some kid finds the crap that I'm writing down, maybe they'll think twice about doing what I did. That'd be great; a kid reads some stuff about fucking their life up and decides to not do any of these things.

That would totally make my time writing this worthwhile. Cause otherwise I'd never be caught dead doing this. If anyone ever found out about this thing and read it, I'd fuck them up so badly, it would take a surgeon to fix them. And then I'd have to hide, cause I could never live down all the shit that would be said.

Maybe it's not such a great idea to write crap when I'm totally buzzed. Then again, the Beatles got away with it: just look at all the crap they wrote and then turned into music that everyone loved. So maybe this isn't going to turn out so bad after all, if I can manage to write all this when I'm high.

At least I don't have to write any of this by hand. My step-mom wants me to go to law school and move the fuck out of the house, so she got me a typewriter to type up application shit for schools to look at. As if it isn't enough that I already go to NYU. Whatever, I can't wait to leave that fucking bitch behind.