Chapter 10: Jiminy Cricket IS GOD!
I'm SO UGLY! I can't believe that insanely attractive man gave me such wicked magic! Now no one will love me! Spot will see right through and me go off this that cook chick! There's no way out now...I must kill myself. Dramatic drum roll please! (cricket. cricket)
"I SAID DRAMATIC DRUM ROLL!"
Suddenly, I saw a tiny spec jump onto my left now purple and chubby shoulder. Turning my veiny violet neck, I yelped when I saw the spec was a cricket. I'M AFRAID OF BUGS! Cue the screaming.
All that came out of my large throat was, "SOMEONE HELP MEEEEEEEE ANYONE!"
The cricket shook his head sadly before taking off his top hat, "You know, screaming won't get you anywhere..."
I froze when I realized the nasty insect actually spoke! "Great, I'm going crazy too!"
"I'm pretty sure you were already crazy beforehand dear." The cricket tapped my left ear with his small cane. Did a CRICKET just BURN me? How do I even know what burn means?
I clenched my teeth angrily, "I don't need back talk from a cricket!"
Again, the cricket shook his head disapprovingly as if he was my mother. WAHHHH! MY MOTHER IS DEAD! I started to tear up and pout a little, but the cricket was one step ahead of me,
"Oh stop it. You're not allowed to be emo here! It's 1899!"
I glared, "What makes you so high and mighty?"
The cricket smiled pleasantly before bowing, "Well, I am Jiminy Cricket. I'm like God but only smaller and more terrifying."
Like I believe in God anyway! There is no God! If there was, then he wouldn't have taken away my parents! Then I would be happy and not some huge blue berry!
Jiminy sighed and climbed up my head, "Will you stop feeling sorry about yourself? Think about all the other people who have to deal with you. You should feel pity for them!"
I mumbled, "You know, for God, you're not very nice."
"I just speak the truth. No matter how much it hurts." Jiminy sat indian styled on my head.
I smirked smugly, "Okay, if you must speak the truth all the time, do you think I'm pretty?"
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN NO?"
"Like I said. No. You're FUGLY!"
Tears started to leak out of my eyes, (hey what do you know, they're purple too!), "I don't even know what FUGLY is and I feel threatened."
A man behind me snorted, "You should be."
Hey! I may take insults from a talking cricket, but I will NOT stand for verbal abuse from a stranger! Struggling to hop around, I shouted, "Show yourself you fiend!"
"Alright alright...keep your dress on. Really, KEEP IT ON!"
My sudden attacker decided to make his appearance. What I saw, I didn't expect. There in front of me was probably the most beautiful man on the planet. Whose this Spot you speak of? I don't know a Spot. THIS STRANGER WAS FRIZZLE MY DIZZLE HOT!
Jiminy muttered above me, "Here we go...she's gonna make a pancake of herself...."
The hot stranger was wearing a semi long leather jacket, ripped jeans and some brown boots. His hair was brown and spiky, his eyes were an emerald green. SO MUCH BETTER THAN MR. BLUE EYED BROOKLYN!
My future husband stared up at me, his amazing hands in his even more amazing pockets, "Were you born that way or somethin'?"
I winked flirtatiously, "If you want me to be."
"Dude. No chick flick moments."
I pouted, "But I am this CHICK!"
The stranger snorted yet again before pacing around me, (probably checking me out), "Could have fooled me." He then turned around and shouted to another equally hot man in the distance, "What do you say Sammy? Should we shoot it?"
Jiminy replied, "You dummy."
"How did you hear that?"
"I'm God. I can read minds too."
Oh, that explains it. OKAY WAIT WHAT?! MY FUTURE HUSBAND IS GOING TO SHOOT ME? HOW COULD HE? HE DIDN'T EVEN TAKE ME OUT ON A FIRST DATE! Shooting is definitely third base!
The taller and equally hot guy walked over, confusion all of his handsome face, "Uh---I'm not sure. Maybe a demon is possessing it?"
Jiminy whispered, "I wish that was the case.." UGH SHUT UP SLIMEY INSECT!
"I'm not slimey."
My future husband pulled out a gun from his leather jacket, "Let's just shoot the mother yucker and get out of here."
"Yucker?" A new voice asked.
Sammy jumped slightly when a man in a trench coat appeared by his side, "Damn Castiel! Don't do that to me!"
My future husband lowered his gun and stared at this Castiel longingly, "Yeah, Cas. What the hell are you doing here anyway?"
Castiel completely ignored Sammy and I, walking up to my future husband, "I came here to get you Dean."
Dean? So THATS his name. It's delicious. LIKE APPLE PIE! Casitel snapped his fingers and apple pie magically appeared on a paper plate.
Dean shouted with joy and grabbed the plate, "Yum!"
Castiel rested his hand on Dean's manly cheek, "I came to get you, so we can skip off into the sunset and eat pie."
Sammy raised his eyebrows, "Dean? You and Cas are gay?"
Dean nodded his head before glaring, "Yes, we have been for some time. AND DON'T CALL HIM CAS! IT'S MY THING!"
WAIT! MY FUTURE HUSBAND IS GAY?! Eh...I can work with that.
Castiel spun around over to me, "You will not steal my Dean in the power of Christ." I felt my chubby purple body begin to move on its own.
Jiminy squealed, "Welllll, it's time for all old cricket God to get out of here. Susan...I have NICE life!" With that he disappeared out of thin air.
Sam and Dean watched as Castiel raised hand and walk over to me. I screamed bloody murder. I DON'T WANT TO GET HAND RAPED!
Castiel put his finger to his thin lips, "Shush...It's time to wake up now..."
I shouted, "WHAT DO YOU MEAN---." Before I could finish my sentence, Castiel placed his hand on my forehead and everything went black.
"LOOK AT ME, I'M THE KING OF NEW YORK! SUDDENLY, I'M RESPECTABLE, STARIN' RIGHT AT CHYA, LOUSY WITH STATURE!"
I groaned and rose from my creaky bed. Dammit Newsies alarm clock...why must you always wake me up at the worst moment? I stared into my small mirror, dark circles surrounded my blue eyes. I must have fallen asleep when I was writing my newsies fic.
Just as I predicted, my laptop was on my desk, the screen still blaring. Deciding to keep going, I settled myself in the dark brown wooden seat.
What a strange dream I had last night...man....Susan was SUCH a MARY SUE. I'm glad my brain decided to torture her. I stared at my word document, suddenly, the words 'MARY SUE' was written all over it. I almost puked in disgust. That will NOT do! Wow, I almost sounded like Susan...ha...chuckle chuckle.
Wrinkling my nose, I deleted the whole word document. I must start new. A story FREE of mary sues. Suddenly, an idea popped into my head as if a light bulb went on. My fingers started to type quickly as my brain passed down the information to them. My new fanfic will be about a newsie named Shadow, hair color a brownish blonde. Her purple eyes will shine with trouble and she's secretly in love with our dear Bumlets. Her height is average so she can stand up to HUGE people.
Most importantly, the story will consist of Shadow beating the SHIT out of Mary Sues. Like, how any newsies story should be.
A/N: Happy Halloween! I hope you all have a good one! I dressed up as Michael Jackson! Reviews is like virtual candy! Trick or review! Wow, I'm lame =D.