I just HAD to do this. I mean, how could I not? And even though I am completely discouraged by all the other tags, which were just AMAZING, I'm going to publish mine, too.
I'm still in a haze...
"If it wasn't for my grandfather, I probably would've killed myself when I was a kid."
She couldn't keep the words out of her head; they reverberated, and they kept her awake this night as she lay tossing and turning in her bed.
Crude as it may sound, she had no idea it had been that difficult. She usually saw the strong Booth; the one without fear, the man who could conquer anything. It hurt her that once he had thought he wasn't strong. There had been a point in her partner's life when he had seen no other way out.
This man, so alpha male in his ways, had once been so discouraged he would rather give up and leave the world than stand up and fight for himself. She couldn't wrap her mind around the concept; it was such a large thing, and it brought implications.
The intensity with which she felt all these emotions was scary. After all, rationally she had nothing to worry about. He hadn't killed himself, he had been right there with her all along. There was no reason to be afraid; no reason to feel this painful constriction in her chest.
So why did she feel like this? She could see no logic behind it, and she could only draw one conclusion.
It wasn't logical.
And that scared her, because for all the implications, this wasn't one she was ready to accept.
Ignoring this thought, she remembered his look as she had shared her experiences with her foster family – it had been her third host family, and she had had an immediate dislike of them, even if they had appeared to be good people.
She had planned on telling Sweets, just to make him feel better; instead, she had been near tears when she recalled the story. Then she had looked at Booth, and when she saw his eyes she had only felt more desperate.
She couldn't understand herself anymore – it was a frightening truth, because she had always been able to rationalize her decisions, her thoughts and her ideas. It was the one thing she had always counted on. She could always rely on herself and her ability to compartmentalize and rationalize.
Now, though, she realized there was someone else she could rely on, and maybe she wouldn't need to rationalize everything, simply because not everything could be rationalized.
And she had never thanked a man she didn't know more.
I feel like this is partly Brennan POV, partly my own POV...