Author's Beginning Notes: This a new type of story I haven't seen very much of on the fandom. You guys should try some more AU (alternate universe) stuff. I'm sure it would spice up the fandom! :)

Disclaimer: disclaimed.



Phase One

By: Popular Wannabe

"Master Artemis," the hulking figure of Domovoi Butler bowed in greeting.

Artemis Fowl looked up from his paperwork, asking, "Hello, Butler. How can I help you today?"

Butler came up from the bow, meeting his master's bright blue eyes. "Juliet has persuaded me to ask you about something."

"If it's about this secretary subject, I don't want to hear about it," Artemis instantly replied, scowling. He clicked his fountain pen in annoyance.

"I know it is rather irritating, but Master Artemis, you need one." The eyes of Butler showed nothing but compassion for his friend.

Artemis sighed deeply. "I do not need a secretary. I am fine as it is."

"No, Artemis, you aren't." The use of only his first name alerted Artemis that Butler was serious about this, and it wasn't just his sister speaking. "I'm afraid that you are overworking. You are the president of Fowl Incorporated, the leading investment company in Europe. You could have taken over your father's own business, but instead you started one from scratch. You work long hours, and sometimes you don't even sleep. You need relax, for your own health."

Artemis scoffed. "My health is in tip-top shape."

"Artemis!" His best friend hissed. "You are showing signs of premature aging! You are not in quote, tip-top, unquote shape. You muscles most likely have shrunk from lack of movement."

"Fine," he gave up. "Use my dearest cousin as an assistant."

Butler rolled his eyes in a rare sign of unprofessionalism. "Your dearest cousin, Eve, is in college."

"She can skip class."

"Artemis! You know she will not be your secretary; Eve is too much like Juliet. Eve takes those college classes for fun, not for her education." Butler was annoyed, but only because his master refused to be concerned of his health. "Would you stop being so stubborn?"

Artemis clenched his fists tightly. "Fine. Send an ad out, but don't blame me for the troubling outcome. And I will fire this secretary if I sense something planned between you and Juliet, and them."

Butler smiled and bowed once again. "Thank you, Master Artemis."

Artemis spoke through gritted teeth. "Just leave."

Butler grinned. "Goodbye, Artemis. Please relax a little while I fetch Juliet. We expect to see you home within an hour."

He left the room, barely making a sound as he shut the door gently behind him. Once safe and out of his master's hearing, Domovoi Butler let out happy cheer, dancing in the elevator.

Everything was going to plan. All that he had to worry about was his principle finding out. Which would be pretty damn hard, considering his IQ, but Butler was sure he could pull it off.

I hope.

In his office, Artemis sighed. He doubted that this secretary plan was going to go well. Knowing his best friend, he was probably swayed by Juliet and then actually convinced of the plan over his principle's health.

Lies, his mind chirped immediately. This has to be part of a bigger plan.

Artemis scoffed. His bodyguard going against him? And doing what? Finding his long lost brother? Discovering warlocks? Setting him up with a girl?

He chuckled at that last one. As if.

Author's Ending Notes: Well, I've changed a lot. I'm editing the next chapter as I type. So er... yeah. I'm so sorry for the wait. I can't give you any excuses, because there are none. School's a bitch. Um, and I've just had major writer's block. To be honest, I don't even know if this story can go much father... :/

Dude, I've gotten so many reviews; thank you so much. Thanks for being patient. Thank you for everything.

Thanks so much for waiting with me! Much love(:


Edited: 1/18/10 6:40 PM