Just a crazy bit of silliness that I thought up when any reasonable person would be sawing wood. I reiterate the sentiment at the end of this effort.
Warnings: m/m slight romance, some naughty language, the dreaded author insertion.
Pairs: 1x2 rating: adult-to be on the safe side although there is nothing too graphic, because I really do not write stuff I want minors to read.
It all started when I shot Heero, not once, but twice. I wasn't trying to kill him, I was only trying to prevent him from killing the girl. Relena Darlian. Aw, but you already know about all
that, already know about how we piloted Gundams for the cause. I was a street rat, a thief, abandoned at an early age left to the mercy of the environs of l-2. I eventually wound up at
Maxwell Church, after my only and true friend Solo died from the plague. I stole a Gundam to prove myself, only to return to the charred remains of the only home I'd ever known.
Heero hadn't fared much better. He was raised by an assassin who, upon dying told the boy who would later be known as the "perfect" soldier (I don't know who started that business),
to follow his emotions. Heh, heh, some advice, ne? Anyway, so you know all that-how we fought, Heero's broken leg, how he saved me instead of shooting me like he was supposed to,
how he ransacked my Gundam for parts (still not over that-I mean, my Scythe's parts, dammit!) meeting up with Quatre, Wufei and Trowa, my friendship with Hilde and Howard and the
Sweepers, the Eve wars, the Mariemaia incident-you know all that, so "Duo? what the hell is this?" Heero leaned over his shoulder and read what he had written on his laptop.
"Oh-hey 'ro. i'm writing our memoirs down about how we got together."
"But none of that happened then. It wasn't until we were in Preventers together. We hardly even saw each other during the wars. Besides, why do you want to write about this?"
Duo stuck his tongue out in the classic raspberry gesture. Heero frowned and nudged his shoulder. "C'mon Heero-what's the big deal? I just want a record, a chronicle, if you will, of our lurve."
Heero rolled his eyes and walked away. Duo sighed and turned back to the laptop only to be greeted by a blank screen. Bastard! "Heero!" Duo yelled as he traced his partner's steps,
"you're going to pay for that! How the hell did you even manage to trash my file with me sitting right there!? Heero!"
Still no sign of land. It's been days and days and..........well it's been two days.
"Not again. Duo, I thought we agreed; you are not going to write any more."
"Hey, you are not the boss of me, bucko."
Bucko? what do I see in him? "Duo......."
"Quit bugging me. Why does it bother you? It's not like I'm writing porn, or a bodice ripper."
"The other thing, idiot."
"Bodice ripper? Oh, uh-something to do with trashy romance fiction that make women all hot and bothered to the point where they would rip their bodices open. Victorian era, I
"Hn." Heero still had no idea what the braided fool was talking about so he ignored the whole thing. Duo knew that confused look, though, so he began to type furiously: the strong,
handsome captain sat back at his laptop when the sudden draft of cool air informed him that he was no longer alone. "Lieutenant," he acknowleged. the handsome, virile, manly,
cinamon-fire haired lieutenant drew close enough that the captain could feel his hot breath against his ear. "I was told my presence was required," the comely braided man breathed.
"A bodice ripper," he replied smugly. Heero rolled his eyes. "What? think you can do better?"
Heero knew a challenge when he heard one. He climbed behind Duo on the chair and reached around to the keyboard. He typed even faster and more furiously than his partner: the
devastatingly handsome, chocolate-haired captain raised an amused eyebrow. "I am not aware of requiring your presence, officer." The cute, pert, little, lieutenant pouted adorably.
The captain could not resist a knowing smirk. It was just like the ambitious young man to insinuate himself with the captain once again in an attempt to curry favor. But the captain
was inclined to indulge him. He pulled the lieutenant down upon his lap. The young man gave a surprised and indignant yelp.
"Hey!" Duo interrupted, " I do not yelp."
Heero batted his slender hands away. "I haven't finished yet." He resumed the speedy typing Evelyn Wood would envy: the captain ran a hand down the long, luxurious braid. He
smiled. The fey beauty looked up at him with hopeful, wide eyes. "Are you sure you don't need me, captain?"
"Oh-I wouldn't say that," the dark haired man replied as he pulled the other man into a soul searing, shocking, missile heat seeking, tonsil examining kiss.
"Wow," Duo whispered.
"Yeah," Heero said, a wide smirk lighting up his handsome face. He slid out from behind Duo, stood, adjusted his package and rushed off to their bedroom. Duo blinked and shook his
head. "Bodice ripper," he chuckled, as he sprinted after his mate.
No more writing occurred that day.
Interruption: Heero: you do realize that a lieutenant outranks a captain?
Heero: go back to sleep, duo.
"Heero? how long are you going to be on the laptop?"
"Aw-c'mon, that long?"
"What do you mean you're rerouting Relena's wireless connection? Doesn't she have people to do that for her?"
"I mean besides you!"
"I don't want to get my own laptop. I like using yours, Hee-koi."
"All right, all right, don't get your tightie whities in a bunch, lambchop!"
Duo knows when to run and this is a prime moment.
3 hours later:
"So-you done being geektrocious*?"
"Geektrocious-it's a new word I have just coined. means atrociously geeky. That's you pal, the very definition. I'm going to lobby to get it into Websters. And since you define the very
word, your cute lil' ol' picture is going to be right beside it."
Heero sputtered indignantly. "That is preposterous!"
"The hell it is. just ask Lasanya Herzog in the secretarial pool at Preventers. Last June she caught her boyfriend with another woman and she went all curling iron on him."
Heero blanched. "Do what?"
"Yeah-she Conaired his, um, the family jewels."
"Yeah-that's the brand name of the curling iron she used to ah-bake his goodies."
"So now conaired is a verb?"
"Wait a minute-how is she working for preventers? Why is she not serving a sentence?"
"Well, the boyfriend refused to file charges, and," Duo leaned in to whisper in Heero's ear, "Une likes her style."
Heero gulped. He went to the bathroom, wondering all the while how Duo knew all this stuff, as he searched for, and found to his satisfaction, that they did not possess a curling iron
of any ilk.
Perhaps the initial attraction began with one particular stakeout. We were required to infiltrate a strip club that catered to men who liked to see other men dance and strip, while in
drag. Heero looked yummylicious in his black lace.
"Gah! Duo, what the hell?"
"What?" Duo was the picture of innocence. Heero pointed to the laptop screen. "What does that incident have to do with us getting together?" He said the word incident like it was in
quotes. Duo looked up at him, violet eyes wide in confusion. "Well, I just was thinking about that assignment and how cute you looked, especially with that frilly......"
"I did not!" Heero bellowed. Duo began laughing. "You're just mad that I got more tips than you did."
"If you did, it was because you were shameless enough to show more skin. And don't even get me started on the lap dances!" he growled.
Duo smiled tenderly at his lover. "You are jealous, Hee-koi."
Duo's arms wrapped around Heero's waist from behind. He nuzzled behind his ear in that spot. "You are too, koi, Hee-bear, smoochie pie, lurve muffin......."
Heero turned in his arms and shut him up with a kiss. "Am not," he said against Duo's lips. Duo smiled and tickled him in the ribs a little. "Have it your way."
And Heero did.
Day 5 as previously sated, err.....stated, Heero proceeded to have his way all afternoon and well into the evening. No writing ensued.
That's right-two days were needed for the boys to recover.
Also-if you are wondering why these two Preventer agents do not seem to work: this is their two-week vacation.
"Who was that?"
"The extra voice, cave man!"
"Author insertion? How lame!"
Hey! Just remember I can go all Daffy Duck on your ass and give you a daisy for a head.
"Psshht! that works with graphics, dolt!"
Have I mentioned my degree in fine art?
You bet your perky little nose, eep!
"Good idea, 'ro."
Hey-wait a minute! Where are you two going?
Author stomps through the living room into the bedroom. Oh. oooooh. okay, then.
"Get outta here, leejeeg!"
Heh-don't mind me fellas.
Okay, okay. I can take a hint.
Pssht! what a couple of spoil sports. Who knew you could do that with a feather duster!
"Not writing today?"
"Nah-I kinda lost interest."
"Oh." Heero stood beside Duo, fidgeting with the hem of his blue tee shirt. (Bet you thought I was going to say green tank top, huh?)
"What is it Heero, spit it out."
Heero looked at him, weighing the possible outcomes of listening to him. He decided not to spit. Duo arched one cinnamon eyebrow. "Sometimes you are too literal, ya know? I just
meant tell me what's on your mind."
"I think you should continue to write our memoirs."
"Yes. I think it would be beneficial to have a written record for posterity, so we could look back and, and,"
Duo waited expectantly. Heero smiled sheepishly and sighed, "It would be nice to have an account of our lurve."
Heero reeled backwards as his arms were suddenly full of an amorous Duo, who plied his face with affectionate kisses.
* geektrocious -I thought it up in the wee hours of the morning and as I have never heard it before, conclude that ownership is rightfully yours truly. I sometimes have theses bouts of inspiration when most people are asleep. imagine if i drank!