AN: Willa's story! I know a lot of you guys have been waiting for this, so here it is! I hope you like it, its gonna be a lot like To Be Without in that POV will mostly be Willa with a few snippets from Seth. Yes, another chapter for To Be Without will be out soon!
My Life Of Ignorance
When I was eight, all the girls in my class ganged up on me when the cutest boy in class told me I was pretty. I didn't go to school on the Reservation because I had already tried to make friends there and failed miserably, I had no real friends in the class so when I was pelted with wads of gum during recess no one stood up for me. I wasn't a bitch like I am now so I went running to the school nurse instead of ripping off their kneecaps. The nurse tried to calm me down, but all I wanted was my dad. She tried calling my dad, but he wasn't available and Emily was on the Makah Reservation so they had to call Seth.
He showed up ten minutes later, his face was deep red in anger and he had a yelling match with my teacher and the principle about having the girls expelled for what they did. They both told him it was too harsh a punishment for ten girls, especially when there was no actual proof they did it. Seth left and five minutes later came back with three boys, with quaking knees and they told the principle and teacher that they saw the girls throwing the balls of chewed gum at me from the playground.
The look on the faces of all the girls when they were told they were expelled was better than when they were forced to apologize to me. Seth was gritting his teeth the whole time the girls were in the room. The nurse and Seth spent an hour getting the gum out of my long espresso hair and in the end, I had to loose over half of my hair. I cried the whole time the nurse was cutting my hair as Seth held me. I had been growing my hair out since I was five and it was grazing my bottom when I lost it. When I finally stopped crying I looked up at Seth to thank him when I saw tears in his eyes.
I figured it all out from there.
My whole life I talked freely about the pack and their big secret with them, so I knew about imprinting. And it didn't take me long from that day to see the truth. Seth had imprinted on me.
It all made sense. He was always there for me no matter how out of his way it was. Once I got homesick on a field trip to Seattle in second grade and he drove four hours to spend the rest of the day with me. He always kept me happy on my birthday when I was disappointed when my mother didn't come home. Up until the day I turned fourteen I never forced any answers out of Seth about the truth of it all.
I think that was the day I just snapped. I had always gotten myself into trouble, but it just kind of followed me, but on my fourteenth birthday I started looking for it. My hormones had been raging for over a year and watching all of the other werewolves and their imprints were making me sick, knowing Seth wouldn't even talk about the subject with me. I stopped hanging around him and when I started high school because I became the new Willa. No more quiet and stoic, but bitchy and down right angry. Because it was easier for me to live that way, to hurt everyone before they hurt me.
I could see it hurt Seth, and it made me almost proud of myself as sick and twisted as it was. He frustrated me and Seth could not be frustrated easily, unlike myself, so I hurt him instead. The look on his face the first time he saw me with a boy, you would have guessed he had just seen a baby be run over by a semi, and that's when I knew how to make him suffer for making me suffer.
Two years of numerous boys and just as many life-threatening situations and he was no closer to telling me anything. I always figured one of the nights I wandered around with suspicious characters from midnight until daybreak he would snap and I might actually get something out of him. But he would always slap on an entirely fake smile and joke about creatures of the night. He was the best liar of pack. He was the only one that had been able to except everything I did, even though I did it to piss him off.
Once more, Seth Clearwater found a way to frustrate me more than anyone else ever has.
In a way, Seth kept me from falling apart as I turned into a teenager without a mother. I was so wrapped up in making Seth suffer, I didn't care so much about her absence. That was, until Claire came back.
I hated her. Dad just fell all over her and I was disgusted. Everyone seemed to clamor over my long lost sister, even Seth took time out of his 'irritated me to death' schedule to spend time with her. I wanted to scalp her in her sleep. Then I actually met my mother. She was beautiful, the pictures couldn't do her justice but she was also ridiculously narrow-minded and it all fell into place. Why she took Claire. Why Seth never told me the truth. Why my dad was devastated.
It was all my mothers fault. Not Claire's. If she didn't flip out and leave with Claire, Dad would be happy with her, Claire would be happy with Quil and I'd be happy with Seth. But she ruined everything, for all of us.
When I told Dana she seemed more apologetic that she wasn't here for me rather than jealous that I got to see our mother. She has always been that way, more worried about me and Dad rather than herself.
It let me understand Claire more. She's just like Dad, only she doesn't want to put people off right off the bat. Its pretty fucking scary when the sister that doesn't remember you father is more like you father than you are. It's pathetic too.
Dana continued to plead with me, to let off Claire and actually try to be sisters with her. If she wasn't away at school I knew she would be here trying her hardest to keep me and Claire in the same room for more than five minutes. So, when I got that stupid pregnancy scare, I asked her to come.
I didn't want Dana to know, I knew she would be disappointed with me if she did, and everyone else would just tell Dad, so I took my chance with Claire and she did a lot better than I hoped. She didn't ask too many questions and she didn't try to chide me for my actions. That was probably when I realized she wasn't that bad of a big sister. Then, the vampire appearance threw us all for a loop.
We were taken into the protective custody of werewolves and friendly vampires with little understanding of what exactly was going on, which is basically what happens every time a bloodsucker shows up. I sulked and grumbled about it until I went home with Jasper and got the news about my once pregnancy.
When you find out you had a baby and lost it, it takes the wind out of you, makes you numb all over. You want to miss what you lost, but you never had a chance to be happy you had it. That just fucked me up more. But, I got over it a lot sooner than I thought I would, thanks to Seth.
I probably shouldn't have announced what happened in such a crude way, but I was angry and upset. Seth looked like he was going to puke and that actually made me feel better, for a second until he tried to comfort me. I stormed out of the house like I always do, muttering to myself about stupid werewolves when Claire caught up to me.
The girl, who had been freaking out about losing Quil, had just left him for me. That was when I realized she was a great big sister. I wouldn't say it out loud for a while, but I didn't hate her anymore. It's hard to hate someone that sacrifices what they want for you. Seth doesn't count here because he's such an infernal ass.
So, I told her what I knew to be true. What no one would ever speak of. She looked upset, she looked crushed. We probably would have walked all the way home if Alice hadn't come, boy did I want to kill that little cretin. We were shipped home and I started cursing werewolves from that moment until I passed out. I didn't care who was listening I was beyond pissed and still ridiculously hormonal.
Then Claire took matters into her own hands. Jasper had gone, they probably figured out there were no more vampires, and left me with no back up. I could have easily asked him to throw Seth out when he came into the house five minutes after Claire, but I was on my own.
His head was hanging as he walked in the back door, and I just start yelling from there, without thinking because being a bitch is second nature now.
"You've got some nerve Clearwater!" I yelled angrily.
His head seemed to drop even lower before he dared to look up at me with those big, sad, black eyes.
"Don't give me those damn puppy dog eyes! They're not gonna save you!" I snapped.
His eyes dropped down to my feet.
"Are you going to say anything?" I demanded disgusted. "Maybe why you've been a jackass this whole time!?" I offered harshly.
"I-" I stopped him to moment he started trying to say that word because I knew exactly what he was going to try and say in his defense and I didn't want to hear it.
"YEAH! YOU!" I shrieked as my eyes started to fill with tears. He winced, I knew it had nothing to do with the volume of my voice. "It's always about you!" I yelled, my tears starting to fall thickly. "You never answered my questions because you didn't want too!" I sneered as the out pour of tears slid down my cheeks and wet my shirt.
He tried to reach out to me, to comfort me. I jumped away from him with a vicious glare. I knew that would hurt him more than my tears and it was still feeling good to hurt him. I stalked upstairs and into my room, before I could slam the door behind me, it was stopped by another hand. I spun around to see Seth in my doorway.
I screamed and in my fury grabbed my lighter bedside table and chucked it at his head. He ducked of course and it hit the wall behind him, making a nice hole in the wall. Dad was going to blow a gasket over that.
I was shaking, as I usually did whenever I got so angry I started to throw things. "Unless you've got something to say for your self you better leave now." I growled dangerously, glaring daggers at him.
He thought for a long moment before finally saying something. "You weren't supposed to get hurt." He murmured, his normally cheerful voice full of sorrow. Truth be told, I hate it when he's sad because he's always the one I can count on to be happy.
"Well that blew up in your face didn't it?!" I asked laughing bitterly.
His body tensed in pain again, another sharp hit to his sensitive spot, me. "Imprints can just be friends." He said weakly.
"I never needed a friend Seth, I needed someone I knew would never leave! The least you could have done was tell me that!" I bellowed with more tears starting to form just thinking of all the times that simple statement would have soothed me.
I reached back into my room and grabbed my door and yanked it shut. I heard the wood splinter and saw it hang from the bottom hinge from the corner of my eye as I forced myself passed him and back down the stairs. I needed an easy escape from him if he kept up with his shit.
A flare of frustration flashed through his eyes and I could tell I was really starting to break him. "What are you going to do? Runaway again, hide at your boyfriends house?" He asked as he followed me down the stairs, spitting the words as he said them.
I made it halfway through the dining room when I spun and looked at him. "Maybe I am Clearwater." I seethed through my clenched jaw. "Maybe I'm going to go out and become a hooker just too fucking spite you and you're fucking plans!" I yelled vehemently.
"Why do you have to fight everyone?" He asked tiringly. That bastard doesn't get to play victim after getting eight years of chances to fix this whole mess.
I snapped. I picked up the chair from the dining room table and threw it at him. It hit him and shattered, as well as sending him a foot backward and breaking the hall closet door he slammed into. "You lied to me, my whole life, I get to fight with you!" I screamed frustrated, pulling at my hair as I did.
"It was for your own good!" He yelled back. Normally, I would have been excited to finally get him yelling at me, but it just fueled my fire to get back at him.
That sentence brought on my tears again, just being reminded that he actually did care about me was making me loose my determination. "What's the point of lying to me when I know the truth?!" I sobbed loudly, my chest racked with cries.
"I'm trying to keep you safe!" He roared, with two of his own tears sliding down his perfect cheek bones.
"Well you've done a piss poor job of that!" I cried out as I tried to breath through more tears, only to fail miserably and started to sob again.
I've seen a lot of those 'run over by a bus' looks of pain cross his face before, but the one that he gave me after I said that had to be the worst. He didn't even try to counter that flat out lie and turned and walked out the back door.
The breath was knocked out of my lungs as the door slid shut behind him, and I had to fight back tears of sadness instead of anger for the first time in a long time. When it came to Seth at least.
Claire came back in a minute later and pointed out how much of an idiot I was being, not that I needed it, I already knew. I packed and left her with a few simple instructions and a warning not to touch my room and got into my Mustang and drove for his house.
Seth had a tiny little cabin in the woods that no one ever went to because he was rarely ever there. I used to use it as a party place before Dad caught me, so I know the area well enough not to get lost. The little cabin was empty when I got there twenty minutes later. I let myself in and got comfortable, because I knew Seth was just as stubborn and as broken as I was and it was going to be a while before he came back to face anything.
I put in a movie just for noise and started to pick up because there was nothing else to do. All I would be able to do while I waited for my idiot werewolf was clean and watch movies. I wanted to yell at him all over again for leaving me with such little entertainment opportunities, but I nixed the idea. I wanted him to come back so I could force myself through an apology, not send him back into the woods for being a little brat again.
I'm better at being a brat than I am at giving apologizes. Hopefully, I can change for this one time.