Title: What's that in your pants?
Summary: Ryuuku and Rem wonder where human babies come from. Raito/Misa Rem/Ryuuku (sort of) A quick look into the love life (or not) of a Shinigami. M for a reason!
Disclaimer: I do want to own Ryuuku, he's mah kinda guy. But I own nothing… shit…
Warning: M for a reason. I am going to try and take this as far as I can. There will be inappropriate behaviour and touching. You have been warned.
A/N: I know Shinigami have no sex life, and that they can't have babies and stuff like that. But that doesn't mean they can't be curious. If you don't like the idea, don't read this. I am merely trying to entertain, Shinigamies having sex is NOT my thing. I said MY thing what you think and do is up to you, please enjoy reading.
Dinner, a movie and a night on the couch. One evening, and it would be the perfect action to get Misa out of his hair for some time so he could concentrate on school and the Death Note. They had dinner, they had a movie and now Raito planted himself on the couch with a bowl of popcorn, next to his girl… girlfr… … Misa.
She was beyond talking in third person, and instead concentrated on snuggling closer to the one guy she loved. Grabbing a few pieces of popcorn she fed him one, and kept the rest to herself. He didn't hate her, never hated her. But there was a time he disliked her bad. But as time crawled by his annoyance lessened. And to be honest, why not?
She worshipped the ground he spat on. She was cute and he could trust her. And after giving him her Death Note, and Rem's wrath that came with it, he decided that he some what liked her… to some extend.
"Can Misa have a kiss please?"
And without two certain Shinigami whose names he could not remember right now he gave her what she wanted. Drooping her legs over Raito's she partially sat on his lap. Her boyfriend wrapped his hands around her waist, trying to behave like a gentleman. Slowly closing his eyes, he could have sworn he saw a glint of Ryuuku, but he hoped it wasn't.
The first mistake was when he partially opened his mouth, Misa making a soft moan, seeming to like it. A second later she is lifted from his lap with immense force, big bulging eyes glaring bloody murder when he opens his eyes, just an inch from his face.
"Don't you dare hurt her you bastard!" Rem hissed through clenched jaws. She was ready to kill. On top of that, Ryuuku added;
"My finger points!"
An awkward silence fell. You know, like the one that falls when you are in an elevator with the person you secretly love, and then you fart a very loud fart. And the fart smells… That… is how awkward the silence was. And you can't say "It was you." to the other either, because there were only two of you, and he knows he didn't fart. It was that awkward…
"… Misa was on top how was I supposed to hurt her?" Raito started, still staring at his Shinigami, thankful Ryuuku actually knew what to say. He had, sort of, drawn Rem's wrath to himself for a moment, anger not as present when she glared at the boy again.
"She was moaning!"
"Because she liked it!"
Misa herself went from tomato red to a very unhealthy shade of red, knowing her boyfriend was speaking the truth. She slowly turned to face her Shinigami and smiled at her, calming her a little.
"But…" Meaning this was the moment Rem had to apologise, and Rem did not do such a thing, she sought for a way out, not knowing where to turn. The female Shinigami releases her favourite human, gently placing her on the ground.
"You guys were gonna do it!" Ryuuku points, grinning like mad.
"Do what?" Rem turns to him, their swollen eyes meeting.
"Well… it… t… ttt… yeah…"
"What's it… t…?" Anger shifting towards Ryuuku.
"Well… when humans… and they hate it… but do it anyway… angry sex… banana… … and then…" At this moment Misa had jumped from the couch, leaving Raito with a growing migraine. While Ryuuku 'tries' to explain what he 'knows' of the birds and the bees, Misa is sniffing around in her bag. At this point he had to try.
"When a man and a woman love each other they..." He was interrupted by Misa.
"Misa has an idea!" Dropping on her knees in front of the television and dvd-player. She turned around and smiled. Half crawling half falling towards Raito she plants herself on the couch again with a remote in her hands.
"This should explain everything for Rem and Ryuuku." The moment she presses play Raito felt like writing a couple of names in the Death Note.
"Why did you have that on you?"
"Fan gave it to Misa." She smiles, and grabs some more popcorn.
A blonde woman wearing short shorts, that's, really short shorts, a red top hiding her big breasts and a pair of sneakers. She is sitting in what seemed to be her living room. Suddenly the doorbell rings and she, with overreacted drama, gets up and opens the door, obvious to who it could be. A man dressed in grey is holding a package, big and brown and there could be anything in it.
"Delivery." The man smiled, he was quite handsome.
"But I did not order anything."
"Well, then we should just have sex." Music was switched on, cheesy, slow music, a deep voice overruling it sometimes.
"What the fuck?" Rem turns her scary head to the teens, snorted, and went back to the screen in utter confusion.
"Do you have another package for me?" The stupid woman smiles and pushes both her hands in the man's pants.
"Oh yeah." He smiles back at her as she slowly lowers herself on her knees. The light in the room seems to change to a darker shade, God knows why. With skilful hands the lady unbuttons the pants and draws the man's hard-on out.
"This sure is a big package."
"Hey look! I got one of those!" Ryuuku, having unbuckled his pants commented. He was using his thumbs to keep his pants open.
"What?" Rem uses a long nail to grab the rim of the pants, as she draws them a little closer she has herself a good look-over.
"You do! I didn't know you had one of those."
"I completely forgot I had it."
"Are you fucking kidding me?" Raito whispers to himself, making Misa giggle.
"They're curious. Rem told Misa some Shinigami look a lot like humans in many ways."
"And they never took the time to… have a good look-over?"
"Raito-kun is right. Shinigami just don't care enough to look. So this is Rem's first time…" Her breath hitches. "Get your hand out of his pants!!" The girl screeches with a high-pitched voice.
"Rem!" Raito screamed.
"What!?" Rem screamed right back at him, hand still in Ryuuku's pants.
"Your hand is cold." Ryuuku commented his Shinigami friend who withdrew her hand from his pants.
"Oh for God's sake…" The brown haired boy rubbed his temples. He was so lucky the man who came all over the girls face on T.V. had drawn the attention of the Shinigamies again.
…---What ya waitin for? Go to chapter two! After reviewing.---…