Ninja Chef Naruto
I got this idea after reading 'Puppet Master Naruto' where Naruto was raised by Sasori. I thought about it, Naruto has been raised by a lot of people, but I don't think I've actually seen this particular set-up before, although I'm not going to use that particular facet anywhere near its full potential. I'm not exactly going to focus on keeping things in character, so please attribute any variation on politics, characters or mechanics from the original as intentional changes to set up the AU, not accidents caused by not paying enough attention (which most of them will probably be). Oh, and this will probably be mildly unpleasant for many people to read if they properly understand exactly what's going on... or funny, depending on your sense of humor... Sicko.
Anyway, I do not own any of the intellectual properties contained herein, as even things not from the Naruto universe are most likely... lifted from elsewhere, perhaps even other fan-fictions. And if any particular fan-fiction based idea happens to be your own, it's flattery, not theft.
Chapter One: Tempura and Sushi with Ramen
Zetsu shifted invisibly through the trees, having not only avoided his replacements but also led them into combating the Konoha ANBU. He was feeling somewhat smug with the knowledge that his old village would suffer politically and militaristically. After all, he'd only nibbled on one civilian's arm, how was that such a serious crime? He gave an insidious giggle, remembering the look on the guy's face.
He knew his good cheer couldn't last though, being a missing-nin was sure to be tough and would most likely make him a stoic and cruel monster instead of the nice, fun loving guy he was. And that weird black rash he'd recently gotten on the side of his face had him a little worried, it was hard enough to get medical treatment as it was before he became a criminal, where was he going to find a doctor able to deal with his... uniqueness now?
He paused as he caught a scent in the air, meat. He wasn't particularly hunger at the moment, but why not look into it anyway?
Slipping easily through the vegetation without so much as a leaf reacting he found himself over a clearing filled with blood. Confused, he checked the area for any signs of chakra usage or battle, but found none. Shrugging to himself he slid down into the slight puddle of red fluid and plucked the lump of flesh in the middle up to examine before snacking on it.
Only to pause in confusion, the closest village, Konoha, was quite a distance away, so how could some kid have wondered all the way out here? Further, why did an unmarked child smell like the blood flooding the area? Oh well, a dead, malnourished four-year old may not be filling, but waste not, want not.
Except the child was breathing. Hmm... This would not do. Eating a dead child was fine, of course, but to kill a tiny and obviously poorly cared for boy was wrong. After some thought he re-assessed the area. There were no signs of battle or even a struggle, but there were prints from tabi fairly high in the trees, indicating a body drop by shinobi.
Well well, what to do about this? Obviously, he'd just have to take the kid with him and raise the boy up as an emergency food supply in case something went wrong. He gave little nod, congratulating himself for being such a nice guy.
And as his lifted up the small boy, noting his whisker marks, he didn't notice the black 'rash' on his cheek peel away a little.
To think, he usually hated October.
"Zetsu-nii-chan!" A sun-kissed blond whined. "I want ramen."
"You know there isn't a ramen stand anywhere nearby, if you really want ramen, learn to make it yourself. Now finish your bandit." The blond's companion replied, munching on a leg.
The child pouted and lifted a severed arm.
#More Time Passes#
"But nii-chan!" The yellowish-blond groveled, having hefted a combat-skillet in front of him.
"Fine, but only if you learn how to really use it." Zetsu replied, handing some money to a terrified shop-keeper.
"Thanks nii-chan!" The blond shouted, latching onto the nuke-nin's waist.
#Even More Time Passes#
"Now now, ramen isn't very healthy, besides if you can make a lot of different types of food I'm sure you'll find something you like almost as much as ramen."
"Okay, nii-chan." The strawberry-blond resignedly muttered.
"So I guess this is good-bye, huh nii-chan?"
"For a while, yes. But really now, you are old enough... I think... so don't you agree it's time you made your own way in the world for a bit."
"Yeah, I guess so... So, uh... can you stop by some time nii-chan?"
"Alright, I'll be checking up on you every few months, so try not to make too much of a fuss... Bye bozu."
"Nii-chan!" The reddish blond huffed before stalking away, muttering to himself. Zetsu chuckled.
#And So It Begins#
Naruto had been wandering toward Wave for a few days now, having walked the civilian way to have time to choose what to make of the mercenaries when he got there, it wasn't as if any important village cared about Gato other than those that wanted him dead for various crimes. Besides, Gato sounded greasy and fat so he didn't have any particular interest in the man.
That was when he smelled some moderately strong chakra, chunin most likely. Well, if they were at the border between Leaf and Wave they were probably missing-nin since Konoha rarely sent anyone this way and Wave didn't even have a ninja village... Hmm, he'd have to look into it anyway.
Veering slightly out of his way he leapt into the trees alongside the road before continuing forward. The scent got stronger as he approached, he also started picking up traces of others and whiffs of expelled chakra, indicating a recent battle. But the primary two were rather strong scents still, meaning they likely had hung out in the area for quite some time to ambush traveling shinobi or wanderers, given how little traffic actually went to Wave in this day and age.
The other scents were fairly new to him, one smelled of well-worn books, dogs and lightning, another smelled like artificial shampoo, unnatural deodorant and manufactured perfume and a third stank of sake, tears and stress. But the last two were more unique, with one stinking of sorrow, metal and some indescribable quality of blood that he knew denoted a kekkei genkai in its dormant state, though it was one he'd never smelled before. And then the last, a stink of unimportance, blandness and expendability.
But enough of those who weren't here. The other ones, the two that remained, smelled almost identical, both emitting the stench of poisons, fresh rain and weapon oils.
He tracked out their exact position from both their scent and the sound of their breathing, it appeared they hadn't noticed him yet... No, it was more like they were asleep, but they also seemed to be standing so that couldn't be right... With a bit more stealth than he normally employed he sneaked around to where he believed to be behind them before hazarding a glance through foliage from a distance.
Oh, they had been captured and left behind. Well, damn, there goes the thrill of the hunt. Oh well.
Hmm, he hadn't gotten much of a whiff of that nondescript dead leaf-genin that looked to have been poisoned, despite the corpse laying so close to the other two. He must be slipping.
Now walking casually he exited the tree line and boldly stepped in front of the unconscious nuke-nins. With a lazy gesture he took out a storage scroll and unraveled it before unsealing a few more storage scrolls filled with spices and fresh ingredients. Having set everything out he then reached for the battle-skillet and misshapen, knife-like sword on his back with a gleeful grin on his face, already having a recipe to try out in mind on the two chunin.
...A few hours later he finished off his lunch, savoring the amount and flavor of chakra infused in it, before sealing away the uneaten dishes and portions while they were still hot so they would already be prepared when he wanted the left-overs. With a contented sigh he strapped his blade and skillet onto his back again and leaped off after the other ninjas he'd smelled earlier, they had enough of a head start. Besides, it had been sometime since his last chakra-rich meal and how could he pass up a second course with a kekkei genkai thrown in too? He licked his lips in anticipation, not sparing a thought to the ANBU who arrived on scene just moments after he'd left.
#First Duel Of Hatake And Momochi#
Kakashi would never admit it, but he was in a very difficult situation right now, defending his three...
...two genin and their charge from another jounin wasn't easy to begin with, even without being deprived his Sharingan advantage by mist and fighting someone of nearly equal level. One wrong move could get him and his team killed very quickly, or even worse, get them killed very slowly.
So far he was holding his own, matching his opponent water-clone for water-clone but if Zabuza got the idea to use a wide area jutsu while Kakashi couldn't see him at least one of the genin would be hurt. But fortunately it didn't come to that, as another series of clones killed each other one after the other he was able to quickly perform a wind-jutsu to wipe away the fog covering the area and once more revealed the battle-field.
The two jounin stared off, both the same distance from the surviving genin and their charge, neither moving as Kakashi's first move would mean the death of one of the genin and Zabuza's would mean his own end thanks to the Sharingan. The stand off ended after a few tense seconds of escalating killing intent.
"Sasuke, calm down." Kakashi ordered without glancing away as Zabuza reached for the hilt of his zanbato. "Nothing's going to happen while I'm here." The leaf-nin drew a kunai and braced himself. In a blur of motion both jounin clashed together and broke apart nearly a dozen times, neither getting a decisive blow as Zabuza retreated closer to the shore until the two were fighting on top of the water.
"Not likely, since you're the one who'll need saving Kakashi." Zabuza shouted, starting some hand-signs.
Kakashi perfectly mimicked him and two water dragons clashed into each other. Behind Zabuza's the missing-nin launched himself forward and swiped downward with his sword, narrowly missing his target as Kakashi moved and countering with kunai. Both were once more flying through hand-signs again before they landed.
Waves countered waves and water bullets hit water bullets as the duel continued, neither gaining an upper hand over the other in their mutual attempts at shinobicide.
They clashed with blades again and then...
They shot apart as another form leapt from the trees, landing where they'd been standing just moments before.
The figure in question had wild orange hair and purplish eyes that pulsed in a storm of red and blue beneath their surface. He wore a face mask similar to Kakashi's over his mouth and nose along with an open chunin vest and black cargo pant. On his back was strapped a massive curved pan and an over-sized kitchen knife. He was laughing giddily while emitting something akin to killing intent, but... joyous...
"A Sharingan, a Sharingan! Oh, what a delicacy! There aren't suppose to be Sharingan anymore, oh!" Both jounin adjusted their stances to defend themselves. "I have no idea what goes with Sharingan..." The previously happy-dancing weirdo paused and took up a thinker's pose. "Well, I suppose as an eye it would go in soup or be best mixed up into a sauce... Maybe I should think about it first and research other doujutsu cooking techniques for a while. After all, I may never even see another Sharingan again. Hmm... And you do have more chakra..." The weirdo said, shifting his eyes onto Zabuza. "So you probably taste better overall... But you're both jounin... Argh! I can't decide! How I am suppose to chose between a Sharingan and a huge chakra capacity? This is so unfair!"
"The Demon Butcher..."
Both jounin shifted to have stronger guards against the newcomer than against each other.
"Sasuke, you're in charge. Take the others and go!" Kakashi shouted to the genin team on the shore behind the Demon Butcher.
The chef looked over his shoulder at the genin. "Hmm... Bland-looking... scrawny... Eh, I'd rather have bandits, there's usually enough of them to be filling."
"Kakashi-sensei, who, who is he?" The pink haired genin asked in a somewhat quiet voice while the black-haired one scowled at the chef's assessment.
"Zetsu's Chef, a missing-nin from an unknown village who served as the apprentice to S-Ranked missing-nin Zetsu from Amegakure. Assumed A-Ranked, he's never actually been witnessed in combat, but it is known that he prefers ninja with kekkei genkai or extremely large chakra capacities for his targets. He also shares in his master's habit of eating his victim's body, though he actually cooks them first."
"Cha, how insulting! That information is all wrong! I'm not nii-chan's apprentice! And I never came from a ninja village either, so I'm not missing! Honestly, I tell every ninja I run into the truth and yet nobody ever corrects the bingo-book! Hmph! That does it, I'm having Sharingan soup tonight." Naruto shouted, grabbing the skillet's handle.
Zabuza sped forward and slashed at the young chef while Kakashi crouched down and charged up chakra around his arm.
"No good, I'm almost out of chakra... I'll only have one shot." The jounin mutter to himself, which was in fact a terrible idea since he had two enemies at the moment and would have to bluff one of them later. In the meantime, zanbato met combat-skillet in a series of professional debates over which was a better weapon. The skillet won.
Naruto frowned slightly as he watched the stunned nuke-nin regain his bearings. Why was the one he said he wasn't going to eat trying to kill him? He had assumed the swordsman would wait for one of his opponents to be killed then attack the winner. Oh well.
With his left hand Naruto grabbed the zanbato-sized knife on his back and brought it down towards the mist demon's head. As expected of such a high level opponent, the blow was blocked by the enemy's sword, allowing the chef to clobber the jounin with his battle-skillet again.
Zabuza wobbled on his feet, clearly losing his composure from the second blow. In the meantime a rather large and rowdy flock of birds started screeching somewhere behind Naruto... Who ignored them in favor of shuffling through a list of delicious mist-nin recipes. Tempura with ramen sounded good.
As the missing-nin readied himself shakily, two needles bloomed from his neck and Zabuza slumped, getting caught by a rather small hunter-nin.
"Thank you for weakening him. I've been chasing Zabuza for some time." The hunter stated dryly.
"Oh, no problem. In fact, I'll even take care of the body for you." Naruto replied, sheathing his knife and leaning his skillet over his shoulder.
"Uh, that's alright." The hunter-nin shot-off, hauling Zabuza's body and sword with her.
"Hey! That's my tempura with ramen you're stealing!" He yelled, chasing after the masked ninja.
...Kakashi stood on the surface of the water, holding his charging pose and staring at where the other two shinobi had run off from. The chidori around his right arm continued to chirp and crackle as it slowly dissipated. He had been waiting for the deadly cook to turn around so he could run him through with his lightning based attack, waiting so that he could strike out in the most impressive fashion possible making his students appreciate that they had him teaching them instead of the other, less cool, jounin.
With a shrug he pulled out a copy of Icha Icha Scouts and started reading while stalking back to his students.
#Arrival In Wave#
Naruto sniffled as he slowly chewed his mercenary on rice. The hunter-nin was just too clever, at first he almost had her several times but then she started putting up these walls of ice and jumping through opening they could block. The trail had led to this camp of Gato's men. Thinking they were hiding his prey, he interrogated them all.
But now it was too late, chakra bleeds out of people within just a dozen or so minutes of death, so you had to cook it quickly to lock it in or it'd be just as bland as... Well, he never really ate animal meat before, but it probably tasted as bland as that.
So he sulked, too depressed to bother with making the mercenaries into a viable meal, instead creating the most simple and easily assembled of all foods, flash-roasted slabs on top of rice.
Unknown to Naruto, it was actually a very bad idea for normal people to eat foods that were saturated with chakra; a normal body could only hold around one and a quarter as much chakra as it produced with a few rare exceptions. Zetsu, for instance, actually produced less than an eighth the chakra he could hold and literally needed to eat fighters and ninjas to survive, let alone perform jutsu.
In contrast, Naruto had a seal that freely intermingled his chakra with an equal amount of youki from the kyuubi, not that Naruto was aware of it. As such, instead of exploding in a spectacular blaze of pure energy, his body instead leeched out the fox's youki and incorporated it into himself to let him hold and create more chakra than he could before, which was further augmented by more chakra-laced meals in a cycle that was rapidly altering the boy's composition into something never seen before. Beyond that, Kyuubi was infinitely pleased that its container had chosen to sit on the top of the food chain and sow real terror in the pathetic little humans. So pleased, in fact, that it donated little bits of its chakra to assist the boy in combat.
All these factors had culminated in a change of eye and hair color, the growth of claws and fangs and the deepening of his whisker marks, not to mention increases in height, though his frame was still quite lithe as fox youki prevented him from bulking up or growing too tall. The overall effect was similar to someone with a kekkei genkai eating enough chakra-laden meat, only applied to the entire body instead of just the bloodline markers. After all, the Sharingan didn't just pop out of the Byakugan at random, the way it "evolved" was actually what got the early Uchiha kicked out of the Hyuga clan.
With a final, heart-breaking sniffle he sealed away the rest of his bowls, not feeling nearly as hungry as he usually did in his depression. He sighed and started looking around the impoverished country in a vain and futile attempt to find the hunter-nin for lunch tomorrow. Or maybe that jounin from leaf, though he still didn't know what went with Sharingan.
A pained groan filled the tiny hide out as Momochi Zabuza tried to slump into a sitting position.
"Zabuza-sama, you mustn't try to move. You're injuries are too extensive, you need rest." The faux hunter-nin told her charge, calmly resting her hands on his torso and forcing him to lay back down.
"Ah... H,how bad is it..." The demon of the bloody mist murmured weakly.
"It... I have never seen you so badly injured before, Zabuza-sama. Fortunately there is almost no bleeding internally or externally, except for the few scrapes Kakashi-san was able to give you." Haku swallowed nervously. "But several of your bones are broken and there are chakra burns where the... chef's weapon hit you. Your left tibia is broken in two places and the ulna has nearly a dozen hairline fractures. Two of your ribs on the left side are free-floating and another has a partial fracture. Your right shoulder was dislocated and your right ankle was partially shattered from absorbing the force of his downward slash. You also need to recover from the effects of being put into a death-like state and near-chakra exhaustion... and Kubikiri may need some repairs."
Zabuza sighed in frustration and glanced at the scar running diagonally across the side of his zanbato. "How long."
"Six days to return a full range of movement. A week and a half to be combat ready. It won't be a full recovery, but any longer and the bridge..."
"I see. Did you at least figure out a counter to the Sharingan? There would be no point in fighting those fools again unless Kakashi is an easy kill."
"Yes, Zabuza-sama. The Sharingan..."
#With Team 7#
"And so it becomes obvious we'll need some further training to defeat Zabuza when he recovers. Not only that, I have sent for reinforcements in case Zetsu's Chef should reappear."
"Yes, sensei." The three genin chirped back in varying degrees of excitement.
"Now then, for the first lesson... tree climbing."
"But sensei, we already know how to climb trees."
"Without using your hands, here watch." Kakashi formed a ram seal and casually walked up the side of one of the trees littering the area.
"Oh, I see, we just use our chakra to stick to the tree, right sensei?" Sakura chirped.
"Ha, that's easy." A nondescript genin declared, before walking up the side of another tree. He promptly fell and broke his neck.
"Now, that's the important part, too little will keep you from sticking to the tree, too much will repel you from it. Now you two start practicing okay?"
"Yes sensei." Sasuke and Sakura replied, setting to the task in question.
#And So Time Passes#
Haku was gathering herbs, while in disguise. She was having some difficulty focusing on the task at hand though, when she had first started she had run into the monster that had so wounded Zabuza-sama and he had commented on both her true gender, her high chakra capacity, the kekkei genkai active in her and how similar to the hunter-nin she was. If she hadn't freshly applied some perfumes to prevent being tracked she had no doubt he would have recognized her immediately, as it was his suspicion was aroused and he was no doubt tracking her every move even though she couldn't pin-point his location.
She paused when she saw a nondescript genin with a leaf-headband sleeping under a tree, his clothing ruffled and slightly torn. He was bland and plain looking, and though it felt slightly bad, he was the perfect way to get the predator stalking her off her tail. She poked his headband to wake him up.
"You shouldn't sleep out here, you'll get a cold." She started.
"Huh? Oh, yeah... Thanks." Came a blurry reply from the semi-conscious ninja.
"So, you are a shinobi of the leaf... What are you doing out here?"
"Oh, sensei had us training and I guess I fell asleep."
"Why do you train?"
"To get stronger, duh."
"But why do you want to get stronger? Do you have someone precious to you?"
"Huh? What? No! No... Well, maybe... Uh, no one comes to mind really. I guess I just don't have any real attachments in this world... Maybe, maybe if I can get stronger I can find someone who cares about me and, and not die..." He trailed off.
"So you fight because you are afraid to die?"
"Uh, not really. I'm pretty sure I'll die before sunset, like it's some kind of foregone conclusion. Just a feeling you know? But I've already come to terms with it and it's not like anyone will care or anything, I mean all my predecessors are dead no one's said anything about them so... I, I'm just a stand in... you see..."
"Well, good-bye then. Oh and I'm a boy."
"Huh? But I wasn't..." The bland genin started, rising to follow her. He froze as a giant knife brushed his throat.
"Take me to your Sharingan!"
And so an utterly dull looking head rolled onto the grass of the clearing.
After a single bite of his ramen, Naruto decided never to kill bland-smelling things again.
#And To The Bridge#
Naruto wandered around the woods, aimlessly seeking the training ground of team 7 he had over heard about from his last meal. Instead he found a diced up boar.
Shrugging, he tracked after the trail left by the mercenaries as they were better fare than utterly tasteless genin. He arrived just in time to see the two he was following cut down a nondescript genin with a leaf headband before threatening a woman and her child. With a lazy sigh he killed the swordsmen and reduced them to shredded mercenary, which went well as a stew item. He had just finished packing away the new ingredients when the woman shyly starting pleading to him.
This confused Naruto, civilians largely fled on sight of him, especially after seeing him prepare food. He cocked his head and listened.
"...help my father, I'm sure Gato's men are swarming the bridge..."
And he was off. Mercenaries may be small fry, but swarming meant more than enough to be filling.
What he found when he arrived was even better. There were two genin teams, minus the one nondescript genin that was laying in a pile of severed limbs and a pool of his own blood near some sort of crystal dome, as well as four jounin. Not only that, but one of the jounin was Zabuza and another was that hunter-nin with a kekkei genkai! And the new genin team had three kekkei genkai in it too.
Everyone except Zabuza froze as he arrived. It was only for a second, but it was more than enough time for the missing-nin to generate a thick mist that concealed everything from the eyes. Not that it mattered much to Naruto, his nose and ears gave him an edge over everyone else now, so he strode boldly forward.
His first action was to swat the hunter-nin out of her mirror and shatter them with his skillet. He then brushed aside the three genin within the icy dome, knocking them toward the bridge-builder to get them out of the way. The genjutsu that was put on him was similarly brushed aside and the kunoichi responsible was also knocked away. Then his two real targets came into range.
Zabuza was sneaking around giving Kakashi light slices but never causing vital damage. Kakashi, in contrast, was perfectly still, reacting only by side-stepping when necessary to evade fatal damage. With a grin Naruto took his santoku in hand and prepared to strike at the same time Zabuza did so he could store the Sharingan away first.
But Kakashi was ready for it. He narrowly side-stepped so that the two blades clashed against each other, letting him stab at Zabuza's arm with kunai, disabling it. The eyebrowless man backed away as the hunter-nin went to assist him.
"I knew you'd return. But this is where it ends Zetsu's Chef! Ninpou: Earth Binding Fangs!" Kakashi shouted, cuing several dogs to leap from the ground and latch onto Naruto, holding him in place. Kakashi took his charging pose as the mist started clearing.
"Huh, I've never tried summons before... I wonder what they taste like." Naruto muttered, uninterested.
A chidori popped to life around Kakashi's right arm and he started forward.
With a slight (to him) burst of chakra, Naruto dispelled the dog clinging to his right arm and brought the battle-skillet before him, unalarmed. Chidori hit skillet and glanced off the rounded bottom, sliding around it and throwing the jounin off balance. The chidori dispelled another nin-dog before punching a hole straight through the bridge.
The chef snorted as the other summoned dogs disappeared. One casual flick of the skillet-hand's wrist later Kakashi was flying into the railing on the far-side of the bridge.
With a sinister giggle Naruto returned his attention to his future sushi with ramen and tempura with ramen. The sushi was cowering behind the tempura. Sad really. Suddenly the tempura launched forward, his zanbato slashing downward while the sushi shot into a mirror and popped out of another one, hurling senbon. Santoku met zanbato and frying pan met senbon. The ninja weapons didn't stand a chance. One flick later both sushi and tempura were collapsed against the railings opposite Kakashi, tempura's zanbato in two massive shards.
"Ha ha ha, so this is all the demon of the mist can manage huh? You're no demon, you're just a cute little imp!" A grating voice declared, the very sound of it reducing Naruto's appetite.
"Shut up." The chef shouted, trying not to vomit.
"Ah, what's the matter? Angry? Don't act so surprised, you should have guessed I wasn't going to pay you." The voice sounded again... Making Naruto run to the railing and empty his stomach.
Everyone who had been present during the fight watched, confused as the mist cleared completely revealing a mass of mercenaries at one end of the bridge and more than a few unconscious genin at the other end with dazed jounin in between.
"Eh, who the hell are you?" The fat and greasy fellow behind the mercenaries demanded, pointing at Zetsu's Chef.
He contained the urge to vomit again and growled as he faced the short... thing. How dare the sound of its voice make him lose... well actually all that was really in there at the time was stomach acid... but still! He had been on the verge of getting six kekkei genkai and four jounin level chakra and now he wasn't hungry. At all! This never happened, all his life he was always at least a little hungry, but now... Now...
"Die!" He roared, enraged. In a mad charge he fully released his normally contained chakra and rarely existent killing intent. The mercenaries and business man froze in paralyzed terror. Within minute all were cut down and bloody, dismembered remains littered the area. He panted angrily, his chakra still swirling and pulsing around him in a cloud of destructive power. Finally he sighed, strapped his bloodied equipment onto his back and turned away, muttering "I'm not hungry any more" in a pouting voice before disappearing in a burst of speed.
Zabuza gathered up the two pieces of Kubikiri and Haku before fleeing. Kurenai got her bearings and started kicking Kakashi in his ribs to wake him up while Sakura and Hinata tried to awaken their surviving teammates.
And so the bridge of Gato's End was completed.
Someone pointed out I hadn't been putting translations down. As I'm somewhat lazy, I'll assume there is some familiarity with Naruto fanfiction and only post those words unlikely to be seen in other fics. I kinda don't want to do even that, but some of the details of the story require it.
Santoku - Three purpose kitchen knife, used largely on fish and vegetables as it's a somewhat traditional instrument, used for its traditional three purposes. Slices, chops and shaves (think skinning, but only for relatively thin things, like potatoes and fish).
And I just realized how much more annoying the on-site spellchecker is.