This is a Get Smart/Bill Dana Show crossover. For those who don't know or remember the Bill Dana Show, Dana created a wonderful character named José Jimenez who, on the show, was employed as a bellman at a hotel. Don Adams played his sidekick, Byron Glick, the house detective, who was a prototype of Maxwell Smart. I thought it would be interesting to have two of Don Adams' characters meet each other. Mr. Phillips was played by Jonathan Harris, who went on to "Lost in Space" fame as Dr. Smith. Ironhand is a character in the Get Smart episode, "Ironhand" from the 5th season. This story also contains characters from two other shows, "I Love Lucy" and "The Dick Van Dyke Show."
Stealth in Manhattan
Maxwell Smart was sleeping soundly in bed next to his wife, Agent 99, when his shoe phone rang. Out of habit, he grabbed for his foot but only succeeded in tumbling out of bed. The jolt woke him but he was still groggy and couldn't remember where his shoes were. He pushed himself under the bed and reached out with his arm. Finding the shoe, he put his hand around it, but fell asleep again on the floor.
By this time 99 had awakened. She looked over at Max's side of the bed, crawled to the edge to look over and saw that he was halfway under the bed. "Max, what are you doing?" she said softly.
"Mmmmm," he muttered, not moving. Then the shoe began to ring again. Max woke up with a jerk and hit his head against the bottom of the bed.
"Owwww!" he said and extricated himself from under the bed, taking the shoe with him. He pulled off the sole of the shoe and said, "Max here, that you Chief?"
"Max, where were you? What took you so long to answer?"
"Chief, where do you think I was at 2:30 in the morning? I was under the bed and I fell asleep. Eh…well not exactly….what is it that couldn't wait till morning, Chief?"
"Max, sorry about the early phone call, but this just couldn't wait. I want you and 99 on the plane tomorrow morning for New York City…I have you booked for a 5:30 am flight."
"What? You can't do that, Chief! I need my beauty sleep… And who will watch the twins?"
"I just called Larrabee; he can watch the twins while you're away. He's on his way over now. Max, we have a crisis."
"Why do crises always happen in the middle of the night, Chief?"
"Don't know, Max, but please listen! You remember Ironhand, whose plot you foiled when he was trying to get the Anti-Anti-Anti-Missile-Missile plans? He's back."
"How did he escape?" asked Max, now fully awake.
"Remember, he knocked himself out by mistake with his giant iron hand and we took him to the hospital? He escaped shortly after he was admitted there. The guards outside his room were no match for his iron hand."
"Yes, Chief, that Ironhand was something…he could smash furniture, walls, hurt people, and he made a big mess too!"
"Max, he's in New York City, running a KAOS underground information center out of a hotel, right under the eyes of the police. Right now he is after top secret government plans…the plans are for stealth aircraft. We believe he is planning to sell them to unfriendly foreign governments. Max, we need to keep those plans out of KAOS hands."
"Right, Chief. We'll get packing right away."
"No time for packing, Max. Larrabee will be at your apartment in just a few minutes with your disguises."
"Yes, since Ironhand knows what you look like, you will need to wear disguises."
"Good luck, Max. Say good luck to 99."
Max hung up the shoe and said to 99, who was sitting on the edge of the bed in her robe. "Good luck, 99."
She looked puzzled. "For what, Max? Good luck for what?"
"The Chief wished us good luck, 99. Whenever he says that, we know we will need it."
"Where are we going? Who will take care of the twins on short notice? My mother is hours away…"
"Larrabee is on his way over right now…" There was a knock at the door, Max pulled his robe on and ran downstairs.
Max got close to the door and said, "Does your chewing gum lose its flavor on the bedpost overnight?"
"I don't know, Max, I never tried that," came Larrabee's voice from the other side of the door.
"Larrabee, it's the password," said Max. "You're supposed to say, 'It would taste worse if I left it on my heart in San Francisco.'"
"I bet it would, Max. Let me in, this stuff is heavy."
Max sighed and opened the door.
"Here are your clothes, Max. And 99's clothes. And your guitar."
"My guitar?" said Max incredulously.
"Yes, the Chief said you and 99 are going to be disguised as country-western singers. There is a Latin band booked there for a few days and the Chief has arranged for you and 99 to be the featured western singers for some of their shows. It should be a lot of fun, Max."
"I'm going to sing?" said Max, wondering if Larrabee had understood the message correctly.
"Yes, Max, that's what the Chief said. Here, he wrote it down because he didn't think you would believe me. And when you're done with the paper, because it's top secret, I have to eat it. It's peppermint flavor."
The paper from the Chief stated that Max and 99 would be going to the Park Central Hotel in Manhattan, overlooking Central Park. They would be using the aliases of Bucky and Susan Blazer.
"Bucky Blazer?" said Max, in disbelief. "Who makes this stuff up?"
A few hours later, Max and 99 arrived at the Park Central Hotel dressed in their disguises. Max wore a navy blue western shirt with white trim, silver star-shaped conchos and fringe everywhere. He had a white cowboy hat and white trousers with navy piping tucked into his black riding boots, one of which had been outfitted as a boot phone. 99 wore a matching outfit with a white skirt and black curly wig. Two of her conchos were outfitted as a phone. The Chief had sent along several other matching outfits to wear during the several days they expected the case to last.
Max sauntered up to the hotel's desk, followed by 99. He put down the luggage. The desk clerk took a good look at Max and said, "Don't I know you from somewhere?"
"The name is Bucky Blazer," said Max, his voice rising half an octave and pronouncing each word precisely. He looked the man straight in the eye. "I've never been in this hotel before. We have reservations. Can we get a bellman to help us with the luggage?"
"Just a moment," said the clerk. He knocked at a door next to the desk, opened it and said, "The guests you were expecting are here, Mr. Phillips."
A tall, distinguished gentleman with iron gray wavy hair and a dark conservative suit came through the door. "Ah, we've been expecting you, Mr. Blazer." He said smilingly, in a British-sounding voice. "We will do our best to make sure your stay is a pleasant one." He rang the bell on the desk twice and a bellman ran over immediately.
"José," said Mr. Phillips, "Please take the Blazers up to room 722."
"OK, Mr. Phillips," said José in a soft, Spanish-accented voice. He picked up the two suitcases and led the Smarts to the elevator. He kept up a friendly patter as he led them to their room.
"My name José Jimenez - at your service. Anything you want, you just ask for me, José. Lessee if the towels were change, Mr. Blazer." José had big expressive brown eyes, black wavy hair and a very nice, helpful way about him.
"Oh, he's so nice," whispered 99 to Max. "Make sure you give him a good tip."
José came out of the bathroom. "The towels all clean, bathtub clean too. "The lamps all turn on…" he demonstrated by turning each one on. "You need anything….anything you just ask for me…José Jimenez." He motioned for them to come over to the window and he pointed out the nice view.
José went on, "Glad we put you in this room…has such a pretty view. We always say here, "If the room has a pretty view, a happy guest is you."
"Yes," said Max, getting a bit weary of the talkative bellman. José held out his hand for a tip. Max gave him a quarter.
"Max!" said 99, "Give him more than that!" Max grudgingly gave him another quarter. "Max, here, give him this!" 99 whispered and she handed Max a dollar.
"A dollar?" mouthed Max to 99 silently, "Isn't that a bit lavish?" He gave José the money and José left with profuse thank-you's.
"What is it, 99?"
"Where's the guitar? Did you leave it in the cab?"
"Eh, no, 99…it's still at home, where it belongs, serenading my clothes in the closet."
When José returned to the lobby, Mr. Phillips called him over to the desk. "José, that Mr. Blazer looks familiar. Have you ever seen him before?"
"He says he is a western singer," said José, "but I have never seen him before. Maybe you seen his picture in the papers."
"No, not in the paper…but he looks so familiar…" mused Mr. Phillips. He glanced at José. "Now get back to work!" he said sharply.
Just then a large group of people entered the lobby. They were carrying various luggage and musical instrument cases. A handsome, black-haired Latin-looking man accompanied by a tall red-haired woman came up to the desk to check in. They were followed by an older couple: a bald, heavy-set man and woman with short blonde hair.
"We're the Ricky Ricardo party," said the dark-haired man. "We have reservations."
"Yes!" said Mr. Phillips. "We have several suites on the 11th floor reserved for your party. José and Eddie!" Phillips called. "I want you both to handle the luggage."
Phillips motioned to José. "And don't do anything to mess this up, Jimenez!" he whispered. "Ricky Ricardo will be playing a gig in the Crystal Room for three nights this week and bringing in a lot of paying customers for the show, too. Make sure they are VERY happy here!"
"Oh Ricky, isn't it wonderful being back in New York again?" said the red-haired woman after the bellmen had left their suite. "I love living in the country in Connecticut, but it's so great to be back with all the excitement in the big city."
"Lucy, wherever you go, there is excitement!" said Ricky. "The wrong kind of excitement!"
"Are you sure I can't sing with the band tonight, Ricky? Please?" asked Lucy. She put her arms around his neck and kissed him.
"Lucy, you promised to behave! I have two western singers booked for the show and I don't need anyone else."
"Lucy, you and Ethel can go shopping and see some shows, do what ever you want, but stay out of trouble! And no, no matter what you say, you can't sing with the band!"
"I have to meet the western singers now, so we can arrange rehearsals. Now stay out of trouble, Lucy!" he said sternly.
"All right," she pouted. After he left, she dialed Ethel's room. "Ethel, how would you like to do an act with the band tonight?"
"You wanted to see me, Mr. Phillips?" said Byron Glick, entering Phillips' office. The house detective was a small, thin man with a high forehead and squinty eyes. He had short wavy black hair and was wearing a dark suit. He always talked in a loud, nasal voice. It grated on Phillips' nerves.
"Yes, Mr. Glick! We have some very important guests with us this week. Now I don't want anything disrupting their stay, do you understand?"
"Yes, sir, Mr. Phillips! Is there anything in particular you want me to do?" He squinted his eyes at Phillips.
"Your job, ninny!"
Glick mouthed the word "Oh," silently and nodded his head.
"Make sure there are no thefts, keep an eye out for anything suspicious going on…Glick, do I have to go over your whole job description?"
"No sir, Mr. Phillips, I read it once and it's etched in my brain for good!" Glick tapped his forehead with his index finger and smiled self-assuredly.
"It had better be," growled Phillips. "Or you'll be standing in the unemployment line!"
Glick left Phillips' office and looked at the hotel register book. He took note of all the new names signed in for today. He turned and saw José.
"José, Mr. Phillips wants me to spy on all the guests. What can you tell me about the ones that checked in today?"
"Oh the musicals guests," José smiled. "They's going to play band music in the Crystal Room."
"José, I have a plan…I am going to check out all the band members and singers…any one of them could be a thief!"
"That's a good plan, Mr. Glick. But you better go check on that Mr. Ironhand … the one who's been here for a month, you know. He keeps having accidents with that big artificial hand of his. It must be too heavy. I had to replace 2 lamps and a dresser. Mr. Phillips doesn't know yet. And they's all sortsa suspicious looking people in and out of his suite."
"Yes, that's strange. But I have to check out those band people first. You want to help me, José?"
"I can't, Mr. Glick, not now. Mr. Phillips is watching and there's more people checking in. Talk to you later."
Glick put his hand inside his coat on his shoulder holster, looking for his gun…it wasn't there…he felt in his pockets…not there…he took his suit coat off and reached down inside his shirt….
He heard a voice behind him…"I see you're working hard, Mr. Glick…are you searching yourself for weapons?" Glick turned to face Phillips…holding the missing gun on his outstretched palm. "Are you looking for this?"
"Why yes, Mr. Phillips, so nice of you to bring it to me!" answered Glick, smiling.
"Aren't you going to ask me where it was?" asked Phillips raising his eyebrows.
"No, Mr. Phillips…it's here and that's all that matters. I'm on the job!"
"If you were any more on the job, Mr. Glick, you'd be sleeping!" said Phillips, sarcastically. "Now get back to work!"
Glick got on the elevator and rode to the 7th floor. He pulled his gun and walked surreptitiously to Room 722's door. He stood listening at the door.
"99," said a man's voice. "I don't know about that singing. I've sung in the Control musical chorale for some years now, but never as a soloist. And I don't think I could do that nasal country twang… I mean, 99, I will do anything for my country, but this goes too far!"
There was a sound on the other side of the door. "What was that?" whispered 99. It sounded like a gun dropping heavily to the floor and then someone scrambling to pick it up.
Max put his index finger to his lips. He went over to the door and opened it suddenly. A man on the other side, who had been apparently leaning on the door listening, fell into the room, his gun flying across the floor.
99 shut the door as Max grabbed the fallen gun and pointed it at the intruder. 99 took a good look at the man…he could have been Max's twin brother! "Max! He looks exactly like you!" she whispered.
"What are you talking about, 99. That's ridiculous! He doesn't look anything like me! He's much shorter and has squinty eyes!"
The man spoke up, "I heard you two talking –I don't think you're who you say you are!" His voice was loud and nasal.
Max made a face and looked at 99. "99, his voice is really irritating!" he whispered.
"Who are you?" asked 99.
"Inspector Byron Glick, Special Investigator for the Park Central Hotel."
"Can you prove that, Mister?" demanded Max.
"My ID card is in my wallet," replied Glick. "If you let me…"
"No tricks!" said Max. Glick reached inside his coat, then checked his pants pockets with no results. He looked in his coat pockets.
Glick made a face, squinting his eyes together. Then he snapped his fingers. "I forgot…I dropped my wallet down the hotel mail slot this morning …I have to wait till the mail is picked up this afternoon." He brightened. "José can ID me…"
"Max, let me call Mr. Phillips," said 99. Max kept his gun on the house detective while 99 called downstairs.
"Mr. Phillips, this is Mrs. Blazer in 722," said 99 on the phone. "I wondered if you could describe your house detective…no trouble…no he isn't bothering us…just wanted to make sure…yes…squinty eyes, dark hair, average height, navy blue suit, irritating voice….yes, that's him. Thanks, Mr. Phillips…we just wanted to report he's on the job!"
99 turned to Max. It's OK, Max, you can let him go. He's the house detective.
"So what are you investigating us for, Mr. Glick?" asked Max, handing the gun back to Glick.
Glick was looking confident again. He patted his gun, safely back in its shoulder holster. "You don't seem to be who you say you are!"
"What makes you think we are not western singers here to sing with the Ricky Ricardo band?"
"Well, for one thing, your boot is ringing."
"Eh, yes," said Max. He sat down on the edge of the bed and pulled at his boot. It wouldn't come off. He pulled harder. He fell off the bed.
"99, will you help me here?" She pulled on the boot and it still wouldn't come off.
"Max, let me call the Chief back." She twisted off the heel of the boot and removed the sole. She put her head down on the floor and dialed the Chief."
"Max, why didn't you answer your boot?" said the Chief's voice.
"Chief, this is 99."
"Where is Max, 99?" asked the Chief.
"He's still wearing the boot, Chief. We can't get it off. Can you call me on the concho phone next time?"
"99, we need you and Max to keep a very close watch on Ironhand this evening. We believe a courier is to arrive at the hotel with the stolen aircraft plans. You must be ready to intercept that courier."
"But Chief, we're expected to sing with the band tonight…"
"I'm sorry, 99, you and Max will have to work that out for yourselves."
"Right, Chief." She put the boot back together. She told Max what the Chief had said. Glick was listening in with a confused look on his face.
"So you're not the Blazers?"
"Mr. Glick," said 99, "I am sure you will understand this, being an undercover detective yourself. We are secret agents, Mr. and Mrs. Maxwell Smart, working for the US government agency Control. We have been sent to capture a hideous criminal who is working out of this hotel."
"Who is it?" asked Glick. He snapped his fingers. "I'll bet its Mr. Phillips!"
"No, it's not," said Max. Glick looked disappointed. "It's Ironhand, who has been holed up in this hotel for the last month. Tell me, Mr. Glick, have you noticed anyone who constantly makes a mess of his room?"
Glick narrowed his eyes. "José was talking about that! He said he had to replace some furniture several times in one of the guest's rooms."
"Max, we may have to take José into our confidence too…" said 99. "Mr. Glick, I think you and José could help us out on this case."
There was a knock on the door. Max opened it. Ricky Ricardo was standing there.
"I just wanted to talk to you about rehearsals…" Ricky took a look at Glick and then at Max. "Which one of you is Bucky Blazer?"
"I am," said Max.
Ricky looked at Glick. "That your brother?" he asked of Max.
Max looked insulted. So did Glick. "No, Mr. Ricardo, that's the house detective, Mr. Glick.
"Here is the schedule of rehearsals and performances with the band. And please don't be late…I don't want to give the band overtime!" he smiled. "I'm really looking forward to hearing you both sing with the band tonight," said Ricky. "I heard that Mrs. Blazer has a very lovely voice."
Ricky waved and left the room. Glick followed him.
"Max, what are we going to do?" said 99. "We can't be in two places at once!"
"I'll think of something, 99!" said Max, with much more confidence than he felt.
Lucy Ricardo knocked on the door of Ethel and Fred Mertz' suite, across from the one she and Ricky were occupying. Ethel opened the door.
"Ethel, is Fred here?"
"No, Lucy, come on in. Have you figured out a way to get us into the show tonight?"
"Ethel, if we could talk those western singers into pretending to be sick tonight, Ricky wouldn't have any choice but to let us sing instead!"
"Lucy! Why would the Blazers bow out of a show?"
"I don't know, Ethel, but there 's always Plan B."
"What's Plan B?"
"I haven't figured out Plan B yet…" said Lucy.
"Lucy, remember what Ricky said, you absolutely can't be in the show this week!"
"Ricky always says that…have you ever known me to listen to him???"
Max and 99, in their western disguises, were about to leave their room to check out Ironhand's hotel room, when there was another knock at their door.
"99, this is starting to be Grand Central Station!" said Max, sarcastically. He opened the door to a tall redhead.
"Hello, I'm Mrs. Ricardo…just wondering if I could ask you a favor…"
"Yes, your husband was just here…" said 99, "we'll be rehearsing with the band soon…"
"I was wondering, Mr. Blazer…well, I'll go straight to the point…you see, Ricky doesn't often let me sing or do an act with the band…I was hoping I could do an act tonight…what I mean is, could one of you please get "sick" so I could take your place?"
"What are you talking about, Mrs. Ricardo? That's ridiculous!" said Max.
"Bucky, that might not be a bad idea…" said 99. Max didn't answer. "Bucky, I'm talking to you…" She elbowed him in the ribs.
"Owww, 99, that hurts! What did you do that for?" He finally got it. "Eh, yes, Susan, what do you have in mind?"
"Well, Mrs. Ricardo could take my place while I check out those things I was talking about earlier," said 99.
"What things, 99?" Max looked blank.
"Why do you keep calling her 99?" asked Lucy.
"Eh, it's a pet name."
"Maybe you both have something to do?" said Lucy hopefully. "My friend Ethel Mertz and I can take both your places in the show!"
"Just a minute, Mrs. Ricardo," said 99. She pulled Max aside. "Max, if we let them take our places with the band tonight we can keep an eye out for the courier! We can feign sickness…maybe food poisoning or something."
"Hmmm," said Max. He brightened. "That way I won't have to sing! Or rehearse either!" He turned back to Lucy.
"Okay, Mrs. Ricardo, you and Mrs. Mertz can do your act tonight…I'll call your husband and beg off."
"Cancel it at the last minute," said Lucy. "It'll be better if he doesn't know right away. Thank you, you don't know how much this means to me!" She shook their hands enthusiastically and left the room.
Ricky Ricardo wondered why the Blazers suddenly cancelled out of the rehearsal and subsequently, the show itself. Their excuse had been food poisoning. Something didn't seem right… Ricky started the concert set with several songs by the band, then announced to the audience that the Blazers were indisposed tonight, but expected to join the band later in the week.
After the first set, José went up to Ricky with a piece of paper. Ricky read it and announced to the audience, "We have a last-minute substitute act to fill in for the Blazers…." Ricky suddenly realized that he had been railroaded by Lucy again, but it was too late. He started the next song with the band, as Lucy and Ethel ran out in western square dance dresses. They began to dance. Ricky rolled his eyes and kept on playing the drums. Everything should be all right unless Lucy started singing….
"Max, the band concert has started…now's our chance to get into Ironhand's room!" said 99.
99's hand was on the doorknob when there was a knock on the door. "Max, quick! Get in bed like you're sick!" said 99.
Max jumped into bed, boots and all and covered up to his neck. He hung the hat on the bedpost.
It was Mr. Phillips. He was carrying a huge flower arrangement that he handed to 99. "I am so sorry to hear you are indisposed, dear lady," said Phillips. "I understand you have food poisoning. Was it from the hotel restaurant? I hope you are not thinking of suing…"
"I'm feeling much better, Mr. Phillips, but my husband is still very sick…."said 99.
Phillips looked over at the bed where Max was trying to hide under the covers. "Mr. Glick! What's the meaning of this?" He pulled the covers off Max, revealing his western clothes and boots.
Max sat up over the side of the bed. "Mr. Phillips, that's my husband, Bucky Blazer!" said 99, in fake indignation. "Why he doesn't look anything like Mr. Glick!" she fibbed.
"Thank you, Susan," said Max, finally remembering her alias.
Phillips was still not convinced. "I don't believe you, Glick. I expect Jimenez is involved in this…where is he hiding?" He opened the closet and looked in the bathroom.
"Mr. Phillips, are you looking for me?" José appeared in the doorway, followed by Mr. Glick.
Phillips took a good look at Glick and then another good look at Max. "Hmmmpphh," he said. "I suppose he's a relative."
"NO!" said Max and Glick at the same time.
"Jimenez, bring those flowers back downstairs; these people aren't ill!" said Phillips as he left the room. "And Mr. Glick, get back to work!"
As soon as Phillips left, José said, "I am going to leave the pretty flowers for the pretty lady. Mr. Phillips is just a cheapskate, but I didn't say that."
Glick came back as soon as Phillips had left. "Ironhand is at the concert, Mr. Smart. I saw him leave."
"Finally!" said Max. "We can search his room. Thanks, Glick."
Max and 99 took the stairs up to Ironhand's room on the top floor of the hotel. José and Glick met them there, using the elevator, to make sure no one came up unnoticed.
Max took some chewing gum from his pocket and said, "99, chew this for me."
"Max, what is it?"
"It's exploding chewing gum. A new invention from the lab. We can blow the door open with it. But it has to be chewed first."
"Max, that's dangerous; I'm not going to chew exploding gum!"
"Okay, 99. Here, Glick, chew this."
Glick chewed the gum and Max put it around the lock of the door. They all put their fingers in their ears, backed off a ways and waited…and waited…and waited….
"Max, I don't think it's working!" said 99.
Max took a match and lit the gum. They put their fingers in their ears and backed off again. The gum caught on fire, sizzled for a moment and made a singed area on the door where it had been, but the door was still locked.
"Looks like the lab will have to go back to square one with that gum," Max complained. He looked again at the wrapper. Eh…I must have picked up real gum…" He started to look through his pockets to see what else he might have.
"That gum's not a total loss," said Mr. Glick. "Has a great flavor!"
"I'll remember that next time," said Max, dryly.
Glick was fiddling in his pockets too. "Maybe you can use this."
"What's that?" said 99.
"The Master Key," said Glick. Max gave him a dirty look.
Max took the key and unlocked the door to a scene of utter devastation.
"Mr. Ironhand must have been in a bad mood today!" said José. The bed was smashed, as was the desk. There was a giant hole in the wall. The furniture was overturned and the window was broken.
Max and 99 checked the suite. They searched through papers on the wrecked desk. "There's nothing here, Max," said 99. The courier must not have arrived yet."
"Relax, 99," said Max. "We have plenty of time. The concert isn't over yet."
José rushed in the room from his lookout at the door. "Mr. Ironhand is coming back…you have to hide…I will stay here…"
Max and 99 frantically looked for a place to hide. There were only two places: the bathroom and the closet. 99 ran in the closet and closed the door. Max jumped in the bathtub and pulled the shower doors closed. Mr. Glick was still standing in the room when Ironhand came in with two henchmen.
José busied himself with piling up the pieces of the broken furniture. "Mr. Ironhand, you need clean towels and bed linens," he said coolly. "I will have the maid come up to clean your room. And I will get you some new furniture."
"Both of you, out!" yelled Ironhand. "It makes me so mad when the hotel staff sticks their nose where it doesn't belong." Because he was missing a hand, Ironhand had an enormous fist prosthesis made out of iron on the end of his right wrist. He used it like a weapon. He pounded it on the television and the TV splintered into pieces of wood, and shards of plastic, glass and tubes."
Glick spoke up. He was writing in a small notebook. "Mr. Ironhand, we will be charging you for all the broken furniture, the window and the hole in the wall…let's add the TV…"
Ironhand turned and gave Glick a strange look…well, you almost had me there, Smart, until you started talking…no mistaking that weird voice of yours…I almost finished you off last time…I won't miss this time!"
Max, inside the shower, knew he had to get out to keep Glick from being hurt by that monstrous fist. He pulled at the shower door. It wouldn't come open. He started kicking at the glass in the door. He couldn't break it. He accidentally backed into the shower faucet and turned on the water. The faucet was stuck now, too. Max was getting wetter by the moment.
Ironhand paused, hearing the shower come on. "Who's in there?" He nodded to one of his henchman. "Go look!"
The thug opened the shower door. Max was standing on the edge of the tub and he trained the showerhead on the man's face and gave him a sharp kick in the chest. The man knocked himself out falling backwards onto the porcelain sink.
Glick pulled his gun at that moment and José, with a pillow in his hands, jumped up behind the other henchman and pulled him backwards with the pillow over his face. He sat on the man's face. Glick had his gun trained on Ironhand. Ironhand knocked it out of his hand with his fist. He moved forward to slam his giant hand into Glick's chest.
At that moment, 99 flew out of the closet and, with the heel of her cowboy boot, hit Ironhand sharply on the back of the head. He slumped to the floor.
Max tied up the three KAOS agents and sat on the edge of the broken bed, still dripping.
99 looked at Glick and José. "You two were great! I am very impressed!" José smiled shyly. Glick's smile said, Of course I was great!
"What about me, 99?" pouted Max.
"Oh Max, you're always wonderful!" She kissed him on the lips. Then she turned back to the others. "We have to get these three out of here before the courier comes… We don't want to make him suspicious!
Max was thinking hard. "You know, 99, we have to get these three out of here before the courier comes… We don't want to make him suspicious!"
99 rolled her eyes. "Yes, love, you're right! But what are we going to do?"
José piped up. "There is a broom closet at the end of the hall…we can put them there. I have the key!"
"Good thinking, José," said Max. "I'm going to have to meet the courier…"
"Max, you're going to have to put on different clothes."
"You're right, 99," said Max. He was still soaking wet from his "shower." He found some of Ironhand's clothes in the closet and changed into them. "99, I still can't get these boots off…"
By this time, Glick and José had taken Ironhand's two thugs down to the broom closet, putting the tied-up men on hand carts and then pushing them upright down the hall.
99 examined Ironhand's iron hand. She couldn't figure out how it was attached. It looked as if it were really a part of his body. It must be a robotic hand! No, that didn't make sense, he couldn't flex the fingers; it was just an inanimate fist.
"Max, we have to get him out of here!" said 99. "The courier should be here soon…" José and Glick removed Ironhand down to the broom closet and returned. José took up watch at the door.
"Uh, oh," said José. "Here comes trouble." He opened the door for Mr. Phillips.
"What is the meaning of this?" yelled Phillips. He focused on Max. "Glick, I am holding you personally responsible for this devastation!"
Max sighed. "I'm Bucky Blazer, Mr. Phillips." They would never trap the courier if everyone in the hotel kept showing up in Ironhand's room.
99 piped up, "This isn't Mr. Glick's fault, Mr. Phillips; the guest in this room, Ironhand, is a known enemy agent. We work for the US government; we've been sent to intercept an enemy courier."
Phillips looked skeptical. He raised an eyebrow. "Are you telling me that the government is employing western singers?"
"That's just our cover," she explained.
Glick stepped out of the bathroom. "I'm writing down everything in this room that's broken and we can add it to Mr. Ironhand's bill," he said, holding up his notebook and tapping it so Phillips would notice.
"Will wonders never cease," said Phillips sarcastically, "Glick has had a sane thought!"
Phillips exited the room. 99 closed the door. "Let's let Max take over, now," she said. "It's best if there is only one person in the room to meet the courier. The rest of us can cover you from the bathroom, Max."
"Good thinking, 99," said Max. "Don't come out till he has given me the plans."
Max turned the lights down so the room would be darker. He sat down on what was left of the bed and waited. His idea was to keep the courier in the dark and receive the plans. Perhaps the courier would spill a few secrets if he knew any. Then Max could get the courier to check in with KAOS to report completion of his delivery. 99, Glick and José could surprise the courier and Max would wrap up the episode by making the capture. It was just a matter of time….
There was a knock on the door. "Come in," said Max quietly.
The door opened. A man in a brown leather trench coat stepped into the room. He had gray hair and a mustache. He looked over at Max and said in a heavy German accent, "Schmardt? Iss that you?"
Max closed his eyes momentarily. Why would KAOS send Seigfried, his old enemy, as a courier? He had to think quickly.
Max stood up and announced loudly, "The name is Byron Glick, house detective. Mr. Ironhand has sent me to accept something from you and put it immediately in the hotel vault for him." Max squinted his eyes, trying to look dumb.
"Schmardt!" said Seigfried, becoming irritated.
"Why are you calling me Schmardt?" asked Max. "Why don't you phone my boss, Mr. Phillips, down at the desk and ask him who I am?" He pointed at the phone on the bedside table, the only surviving piece of furniture in the room.
Seigfried looked skeptical. He dialed "O" and asked for Phillips. "I undershtand you haff a house detective … deschribe him!….loud nasal voice, ja, black hair, dumb look on his face…ja, he iss bothering me! I hope you vill fire him!" Seigfried slammed down the phone. "I vant to see some ID, detective!"
Stalling for time, Max pretended to look through his pockets. He put his hand on his revolver and whipped it out.
"All right, Seigfried! The jig is up…hand over the plans!"
"Vaht plans? I haff no plans!" Seigfried held up his hands to show they were empty.
"Take off your coat," demanded Max. Seigfried complied. He searched Seigfried. No plans, although he found lots of weapons. "Regular arsenal in there, Siggy."
"It iss you, Maxie! Vell, it's so good to see you!"
"You too, Seigfried." They were about to shake hands when they both remembered they were enemies.
"OK, Seigfried, where are the stealth aircraft plans?"
"Vaht plans, Schmardt? I told you I haff no plans!"
Just then came a knock at the door. "Grand Central Station again," sighed Max, under his breath.
"Who is it?" asked Max, still holding his gun on Seigfried.
"It's Lucy Ricardo and Ethel Mertz!"
"Don't come in…" Max began to say, as Lucy opened the door. He hid his gun behind his back.
"Oh, Mr. Blazer, you're here…We were looking for Mr. Ironhand. He left the concert in the middle…he's so handsome, and such a big financial magnate, Ethel and I wanted his autograph…well, from the other hand, I guess."
"He's not here right now, Mrs. Ricardo," said Max. "Would you settle for my autograph?"
"Well, sure, Mr. Blazer! Here, you can sign this." Lucy handed him the program from the evening's show. Max took it, his gun still in his hand.
Lucy and Ethel both screamed at the same time. "Lucy, he has a gun!" said Ethel. Seigfried took advantage of the excitement to pick up his machine gun stealthily and grabbed both Lucy and Ethel from behind and held them at gunpoint.
"Throw down the gun und put your hands up, Schmardt!" Max sighed and complied. Seigfried backed out of the room holding Lucy and Ethel hostage. "Don't follow me, Schmardt or the ladies gets it…fffffttttt…right in the head!" He closed the door.
Max was wondering where his backup had gone. What were those three doing in the bathroom, playing checkers?
He tried the bathroom door. It wouldn't open. He knocked. "99, are you still in there?"
"Yes, we all are, Max. Somehow we got locked in and Mr. Glick dropped the Master Key down the sink. I think he left his gun out in the room somewhere…can you get the door open, Max?"
"I think I still have some of that exploding gum, 99…I'll have to shove it under the door so Glick can chew it…"
"Max!" said 99, "Try something else!"
"Ok, everyone, get away from the door…" Max shot the lock off the door and let José, Glick and 99 out of the bathroom.
"Max, did you get the plans?"
"I just don't understand it, 99! Seigfried was the courier and he didn't have any plans on him! I searched him! I don't even understand why he was here! And now he took Lucy Ricardo and Ethel Mertz hostage!" As he said it, he remembered that he should be going after them.
"Let's check out the lobby, 99," said Max. "Glick, you make sure Ironhand and his boys don't get out of that closet. José, call the police to come for them."
Max and 99 got on the elevator and rode to the lobby. Max glanced around looking for Seigfried. No sign of him.
99 spied Lucy and Ethel crouching in the lobby phone booth, over in the corner. She opened the door and looked down. "Are you ladies okay?"
They stood up, still shaking. "Oh, Mrs. Blazer, that was so frightening! Who was that horrible man?" said Ethel.
"Which way did he go?" asked 99.
"He just abandoned us in the lobby and ran out the door!"
"You can relax, ladies," said 99. "You're safe now…my husband is looking for him."
Max went over to the big sofa in the lobby. Someone was lying there sleeping. He did a double-take. It was Shtarker, Seigfried's not-overly-bright assistant.
"Shtarker," said Max, waking him up. "Where's Siegfried?"
"He vas going to call me vhen he vanted me to come upshtairs." He recognized Max and sat up on the sofa. "Hi, Mr. Schmardt!" He wiggled his fingers at Max in greeting.
"Shtarker, what's in the brief case?"
"Secret plans, Mr. Schmardt! Seigfried said I should hold on to them und not let them out of my sight till he called me. He hasn't called me yet!"
"Shtarker, I have an idea. Why don't you go look for Seigfried. He just ran out of the hotel. I can hold on to your briefcase till you bring him back. I won't let the briefcase out of my sight."
"Oh, Mr. Schmardt, you are so nice, ja! I vill find Seigfried and ve vill be back to kill you later!"
"Have a good day, Shtarker," said Max. As soon as Shtarker left the hotel, Max ran over to 99. "I have the secret plans, 99!"
"Let's go back to our room and call the Chief!"
"Are the ladies all right?" asked Max, in a rare show of concern.
"They're fine, Max. Seigfried gave them a scare, but he just used them to get away. Should be interesting when they tell their husbands about it!"
Back in 722, Max and 99 opened the briefcase. "These are the plans, 99. Now, I can't let them out of my sight!"
"Of course, Max, KAOS agents could steal them back…"
"No, 99…I promised Shtarker!"
99 called the Chief on her concho phone. "Chief, we have the secret stealth plane plans!"
"Good work, 99!" said the Chief. "I will be up there to personally pick up the plans tomorrow after the show."
"After the show?" said 99. "You still want us to be in Ricky Ricardo's show?"
"It's up to you and Max. And I did get the distinct feeling that Max didn't want to do the show. Since I have to pick up the plans from you anyway, I can stay to see the band."
"That's right, Chief! Max will be relieved."
"And 99, tell Max not to let those plans out of his sight!"
"He won't, Chief. He promised Shtarker."
"99, how are we going to get my boots off?"
"I don't know, Max. Let me call José and see if he has any ideas."
José brought up a bootjack that did the trick in just a minute or two.
"José, you and Mr. Glick were wonderful today," said 99. "Max and I will be putting in a good word for you with Mr. Phillips. I think you both should get a raise!"
Max was lying on the bed with his stocking feet on the briefcase. "99, what else is in that suitcase that the Chief packed for us? And 99?"
"What is it, Max?"
"Don't tell me there are only western clothes in the suitcase."
She looked through the suitcase. "Max, there are only western clothes in the suitcase."
"99, I asked you not to tell me that!"
"Max, don't you think it's better if you wear the western clothes? If you don't, people will keep mistaking you for Mr. Glick."
"Yes, you're right, 99," sighed Max. "I just don't understand how they could mistake me for him…"
"Max, we still have another night in the hotel and we have to stay till the Chief comes to get the aircraft plans tomorrow. Then we can leave for Washington. But in the meantime, Seigfried knows we're here…I don't feel the plans are safe with us staying here that long…"
"Hmmmm," mused Max. "I could handcuff myself to the briefcase…"
"Max, I know the solution! Why don't we leave for Washington right now. Mrs. Mertz and Mrs. Ricardo want to be in the show anyway. That way, we don't have to worry about Seigfried finding us here! And the Chief won't even have to come to New York!"
"No, 99, that would never work. You know," he went on, "I think we should leave for Washington right now. That way I don't have to sing at all!"
"Excellent plan, Max!" said 99. She called the Chief on her concho phone. "Chief, we're coming back to Washington right now with the aircraft plans. What's that?… Control can't afford plane tickets for us for the return trip?"
Max overheard and grabbed the concho phone out of 99's hand. "Chief, I HAVE to get out of here…I don't want to stay to sing and I want to get back home to my own clothes! What?…We have only two choices? Control will consider letting us take the bus or we can rent bicycles? Bicycles are out, Chief! I know they would be cheaper, but I won't be able to ride one with a briefcase chained to my hand. And I don't like the seats in the bus…Could you spring for the train?….How about just one ticket…99 could rent a bicycle…"
Max gave the conchos back to 99. "99, we're taking the train," smiled Max.
"Good work, Max!" She gave him a huge hug and kiss.
Two hours later, the Smarts were on the train heading from New York to Washington, DC. Max was handcuffed to the briefcase. 99 had bought him a trench coat in a nearby shop so he wouldn't look so conspicuous. He had the riding boots back on, hoping he wouldn't get a phone call on them.
They had said their goodbyes to José and Inspector Glick, who had truly been helpful on the case. Ricky Ricardo was as disappointed in their departure as Lucy and Ethel were elated in being able to perform again with the band. Fred Mertz offered to do his vaudeville act too.
"It's good to be going back home, Max!" said 99.
"Yes, it is, 99." It was late, the train stewards turned down the lighting and brought around pillows for the passengers. The Smarts fell asleep in their coach seats, holding each other. The handcuffed briefcase was safely between them.
99 woke up with a start. Max was awake and drinking something. "Max, what is that?"
"Oh, it's just water, 99. I asked the conductor for some water. He was nice enough to bring me some. Want the rest?" He offered her a very large paper cup. There was just a bit left. She drank it. It tasted odd.
"Max, usually, on the train, it's easy to just get up and get your own water. Why would you ask the conductor?"
"I didn't. He came by and asked if I wanted anything to eat or drink. I said 'just water.'"
"Max, conductors don't do that, they take your tickets and manage the train. They don't wait on people and bring food. Are you sure it wasn't someone from the dining car? I'm not sure they are open this late at night…Max, that water tasted weird…'
"It was nice of him to go back 5 times to get me more. I was really thirsty."
"You drank 5 glasses of water?"
"Big ones, too, 99. I think I better find the head."
Max stood up and opened his eyes wide. "Come to think of it, I'm feeling a little dizzy." The train looked like it was spinning around. He grabbed onto the seats to steady himself.
"Max! Are you all right?"
"99, I'm going to need a little help here…I think I've been drugged." Max was having a hard time standing up and the train's motion wasn't making it any better.
"Max, hold on to me. I'll get you over to the restroom." He put his arms around her, but his knees kept folding under him.
"Max, this isn't a good idea. I think we should just go back to our seats…"
"Nonsense, 99 – we're almost there," he mumbled. 99 opened the restroom door for him. Max grabbed the door and held on to it, swaying with it for a moment.
"Max, don't lock the door! I'm right outside…" Max went inside and locked the door. After a moment or two, 99 heard a thump.
99 knocked frantically at the locked door. "Max! Are you OK? What's going on?" There was no answer. 99 wished that Max hadn't forgotten to take that exploding chewing gum with him. She looked in her purse frantically to see what she could use to get the door open. Aha! An exploding fingernail file! She shoved the file between the door and the frame and lit it with a match. It made a tiny explosion and the door opened.
Max was laying on the floor, out cold. She enlisted the aid of a male passenger to help her get Max back to their seat.
99 wondered what drug KAOS had given Max. She wanted to slap herself for falling asleep. She found her concho phone and dialed the chief. There was no dial tone. She put the conchos away.
99 considered the other alternative….Max's boot phone. Maybe it would come off this time. She pulled and pulled to no avail. Even José's boot jack wouldn't have worked here because the person wearing the boot would have to stand up and pull the boot off himself with the jack. 99 sighed as she pulled Max's leg up on the empty seat across from him. She twisted off the heel, removed the sole and dialed the Chief. She had to lay down on the seat to talk, next to his foot, her legs uncomfortably over the end of the seat.
"Chief, this is 99. KAOS agents have gotten to Max on the train! He's out cold, drugged, I think…" 99 described for the Chief what had happened. He asked her what the water had tasted like.
"99, from your description, I believe it's a new KAOS drug that we have just become aware of. It's being used as a knock-out drug. It seems to be mostly harmless once it has worn off, but the effects do last for a few hours, sometimes even a day. Max may exhibit severe muscle weakness and pain and some odd behaviors. He may appear to be confused…that is, 99, more confused than usual," said the Chief.
"Is he going to be OK, Chief?"
"From the little information we have, he should be fine once the drug has totally worn off….Tell me, 99, do you still have the briefcase?"
In all the worry over Max, 99 had forgotten about the briefcase. She checked his left wrist. He still had the handcuff on, but there was no briefcase attached. The chain had been cut!
"Oh, Chief, this is turning into a nightmare! The briefcase is gone! After all the trouble we went through to get it! It must have been cut off when he went into the restroom!"
"99, it must still be on the train! It's a through train to Washington, so no one could have gotten off. You have to find those plans before the train arrives in Washington!"
"But I can't leave Max like this!" She felt like crying, but didn't.
"99, I don't think Max is in immanent danger. They have the briefcase; there is no reason for KAOS to do anything further to him. But you be careful, 99!"
"OK, Chief." 99 knew her first duty was to her country and she breathed a silent prayer that she and Max would be safe.
99 started to walk toward the front of the train. There were quite a few coaches, most seats filled. She mentally took note of all the people's faces, their suitcases, and looked at the luggage areas in each end of every car. Nothing stood out and the small black briefcase was nowhere to be seen. She walked through the US Post Office car, where clerks were sorting the mail into pigeon holes. Nothing obviously suspicious there. But the briefcase could be concealed in any of the bags of mail. That was the second car on the train. The first car was the baggage car. Another good place to conceal a briefcase.
No one was in the baggage car and she searched frantically. There was nothing. She wasn't sure how to get into the diesel engine or the booster so she decided to figure that out later if she needed to. She turned around to check the other half of the train. She would pass Max on the way and could make sure he was all right.
As 99 came to Max's seat, he appeared to be sleeping, leaning his head over toward the window. There was a little boy about 8 years old sitting next to him. A tall, handsome, brown-haired man and a pretty dark-haired woman sat across from them.
"Hello," said 99.
"Oh, sorry," said the man, "is he in your seat? Richie, go sit on your mother's lap."
"I don't wanna sit on Mommy's lap. I'm not a baby!" said the little boy, probably 8 years old.
"Richie, did you hear me?" said the father.
"Okay." The boy made room for 99.
"I'm sorry! We came over here when this man sounded like he was in pain. He was moaning. We came over to try to help, to see if he needed anything, but we couldn't wake him up…."
99 glanced at Max. He wasn't moaning now.
"Oh, let me introduce us…" said the tall man. "My name is Robert Petrie - call me Rob - and this is my wife Laura. And our son, Richie."
"Nice to meet you, said 99. This is Maxwell Smart and I am Susan Smart. We're on our way back from a vacation in New York City. "
"Is there something wrong with him?" asked Laura, looking at Max, concerned.
"Well, he's not feeling too well.…he got sick on the train. We'll have him checked out when we get back to Washington." She looked at Laura. "And we lost a briefcase that had some important papers…I think it's on the train, but we don't know where."
"What did it look like," asked Rob.
"A black brief case, small, with a broken handcuff on it…"
"And did it have me on the other end?" piped up Max. He pointed at himself. He opened his eyes, which were crossed slightly. He was slurring his words.
The Petries looked at each other. Laura frowned. 99 said, "It's not what it looks like! Please believe me…he's really sick…something he drank…I mean…"
"Rob, give it to her. Go on…" said Laura.
"I think we found what you are looking for." He pulled up the briefcase from under the seat. It had the other end of the handcuffs still attached.
99 gasped. "Where was it?"
"Richie went to look out the back of the train from the observation car. He saw the briefcase on the outside platform. It was just sitting there. Rob went out to retrieve it. We were going to turn it in to the conductor…"
"Oh, thank goodness you didn't turn it in to the conductor!" said 99. "He's the reason Max is in this condition!"
"Oh is the conductor a drunk too?" said Richie, in a loud voice.
"Richie! That's not nice to talk that way!" said Laura.
"It's all right," said 99. "I know what you must think. Let me level with you…Max has been drugged."
"How do you turn a brief case into a conductor?" said Max. "With electricity?" Max was struggling to focus his eyes. "99, I need a kiss."
"Call me Susan!" she whispered. She kissed him.
"99, Susan said to call her Susan," said Max.
"Laura, believe me, Max is never like this…he was drugged."
"Why would someone want to drug him?"
"The briefcase. It contains very important papers that he's bringing back to work."
"What type of work does he do, Susan?"
"We're both in the greeting card business."
"And someone would drug him to get the latest greeting cards?" asked Laura skeptically.
"It's a cut-throat business, Laura! Are you going home to Washington or for a visit?"
"No, we are on vacation! We want Richie to have an interest in history and one of the best places we can take him for a learning vacation is Washington, DC. We live in New Rochelle, New York."
"That's a beautiful place to live, Laura! And I am sure Richie will enjoy the trip to Washington."
"Yeah," said Richie, "We're going to see where the President lives and everything!"
Just then Max's boot phone began to ring. He opened his eyes and tried to reach for it, instead falling on the floor into the space between the seats. "Would you get that, 99?" Max said, pointing to his foot. She propped him up under the window with his legs out flat.
With the Petries looking on in amazement, 99 took the sole off, bent her head down and answered his boot. "Yes, Chief, we're about…" she consulted her watch. "about a half hour out of Washington. And yes, I do have the briefcase, thanks to a very wonderful little boy I met on the train." She winked at Richie. "You'll meet us at the station with some other agents to take the briefcase? That would be wonderful, Chief! I can't wait to get rid of it."
99 put the shoe together and with Rob's help, got Max back in his seat. Richie was wide-eyed, still staring at Max's boot. "Hey, that's nifty! How did you get a phone in there?"
"It wasn't easy," mumbled Max. "And it might be stuck on my foot forever!"
99 smiled at Richie. "It looks like we'll all getting off at the same place," she said.
"And a mighty fine place it is too," said Max. "Which place is that again? 99, can you and Susan rub my back?"
"Sure, love. Put your head in my lap."
"Can you tell me one thing, Susan? Why does he keep calling you '99'?"
"It's a pet name, Laura."
"Oh." Laura looked skeptical. They were certainly the oddest couple she had met in a long time. Nice, but odd.
"So what do you do for a living, Rob?"
"I'm the head writer for the Allan Brady Show."
"Oh, that's a very funny show, Rob! Yes, I have seen your name in the credits! You do a wonderful job!"
Rob smiled, a little embarrassed. "Thanks, Susan. I have a wonderful staff to work with. Couldn't do it alone."
Max still had his head in 99's lap and she was massaging his back. "And I couldn't do it alone either!" he said, holding up his index finger to make his point. "Why, without KAOS, I'd be out of a job!"
"Max, stop talking!" said 99.
A little while later, Max stirred and sat up slowly. He rubbed his eyes and tried to focus them. "Who are you?" he asked, looking at the Petries.
"Max, these are the Petries, Laura, Rob and Richie. They helped me recover the briefcase!"
"Pleased to meet you. Thanks for getting back the briefcase." He looked quizzically at 99. "Was it gone?"
"Max, someone drugged you and then took the briefcase right off your wrist. Look!" She held up his left wrist where the partial handcuff was still located.
"I dreamed I drank too much water and kept falling down. Then I was floating and I got a horrible pain in my stomach and then I woke up and 99 was rubbing my back. Any of that make sense?"
"Sort of," said 99. "You seemed to be in and out of consciousness. We'll have to get you checked out thoroughly when we get home."
"They're not going to give me a shot, are they?" moaned Max. "I hate shots!"
"Me, too!" said Richie.
"So do you have any children, Mrs. Smart?"
"Yes, two-year old twins: a boy, Shawn and a girl, Sarah, and…" she pointed to Max, "and him."
"I can't imagine why the briefcase was left on the observation car platform," mused Laura.
"Yeah, and I wonder why those men jumped off the train!" said Richie in his loud voice.
"What did you say, Richie?" said 99. "Someone jumped off the train?"
"Yeah," said Richie. "I think one of them was the conductor. And two other guys in black hats!" He was enjoying the attention. "Then they started running after the train. Why did they do that?"
"They realized they forgot the briefcase, Richie," said 99.
"Richie, why didn't you say something sooner?" asked Laura.
"Nobody asked," said Richie.
The train was pulling into Union Station in DC. Laura and 99 exchanged addresses and phone numbers with a promise from 99 to stay at the Petries', should they ever vacation in New Rochelle.
Max tried to pull his suitcase from the rack above the seat, but it wouldn't budge. He pulled harder and it fell on him, knocking him down. "Max, let me get the luggage," said 99. "You hang on to the briefcase."
99 helped him up and grabbed the luggage. Exiting the train, Max fell down the stairs and nearly lost the briefcase on the tracks, under the train, but that was the only incident. With the help of a redcap, Max and 99 got the luggage into the station and met the Chief, Larrabee and two other agents.
"Thanks for coming at this late hour, Chief," said 99. "I just didn't want to spend a whole night worrying about that briefcase."
"I know, 99. Now is Max going to be all right at home tonight? We expect a full recovery from the drug, but I would like you to check him into the Control clinic tomorrow for some…" he whispered, "blood work. Just to be sure." 99 nodded.
Max was a few feet away, leaning against a large three-sided advertisement board. He was holding on to it because he still felt a little unsteady. He squinted his eyes at the Chief. "Chief, where did you say I am going tomorrow? Can you say that a little louder?"
"Blood work, Max, to make sure you're okay, said the Chief," quietly.
"Eh, I didn't get that?"
"Blood work, Max!" shouted the Chief. Max tipped over the advertisement board, falling backwards on the floor.
"You know, 99, with Max, I can't tell if the drug is still working on him or if he's back to normal!"
The following day, after Max had been given a clean bill of health by the Control clinic, they stopped at the Chief's office.
"Max and 99, congratulations on recovering the aircraft plans! Espionage would have been put back 50 years if those plans would have gotten into enemy hands. Our lab is working on an antidote for KAOS' new drug. And Max, I'm sorry you were the unwitting guinea pig…"
"Chief! I resent that!"
"I am not an unwilling pig!" He looked confused, "What are you talking about, Chief?"
"Max, I mean that I'm sorry that you were the first Control agent to be drugged with KAOS' new knock-out chemical."
Max squinted at the Chief. "Why, Chief? Did you want to be the first?"
"Max, are you sure the clinic gave you a clean bill of health? 99?"
"He's back to normal, Chief," said 99.