Disclaimer: I own neither The Simpsons, nor Dexter's Lab.

A/N: …Soaringdragon43 found this link and posted it on the Pokemon forum I go to. And the link generates extremely bad ideas for crossover fanfiction, and I…well, I saw tentacle rape and decided to go for it.


In the chronicles of time it so came to pass that one day, Homer Simpson took his young son Bart out for a camping trip.

Young son Brat—Bart—did not much appreciate this gesture of love and fatherly affection. In fact he was down right pissed that he had to miss the rerun of Desperate Housewives—I mean, uh, Will and Grace, no, wait, I mean—

Oh, forget it.

So the father-son duo was out in the woods.

And so was another father-son duo. Dexter and his Dad—who henceforth shall be known only as Dad due to a shortage of creativity thanks to the pirates of Botswana—were out searching for DeeDee, who'd chosen these woods to get miserably lost in.

No, I won't tell you why she was in the woods. But I will offer you some chocolate if you shut up and let me plod ahead in this asinine story that hurts my brain to create.

Homer and Bart, naturally, ran into Dexter and Dad.

There was some dialogue.

There was a misunderstanding.

There was a chicken beheaded in Illinois, but that happens all the time so we won't really worry about that.

It appeared that due to certain discrepancies in wording and a few crucial miscommunications, Bart made it understood that he was very much interested in having anal sex. Dexter made it clear that he was more than willing to help Bart out with that, but unfortunately he wasn't gay and believed 'experimentation' to be unnecessary in a situation like this. Bart described a particularly vivid fantasy, a wet dream he'd had a few nights ago involving an octopus with metal tentacles and no suckers (because um, hey, awkward getting those stuck to parts of your body) and Dexter said what do you know, he had one of those in his bag. Bart asked if he could borrow and Dexter said sure, what the hell it'd be fun.

And while all this was going on, Homer was making a very bad impression on Dad, and Dad was wondering if DeeDee's corpse was found out here, could he maybe get those funky barrettes she used every now and then.

Thus it was that Dexter and Bart had the perfect window of opportunity to sneak off and satisfy their urge to watch/indulge in tentacle sex.

It was a weird arrangement, no doubt, but everyone got what they wanted so that was all right then.

Except Dad, of course, who actually found DeeDee alive and well ruling over a colony of pygmy shrews wearing those funky barrettes in her hair, so he couldn't get them.

Homer went back home to Marge and complained that he'd met some guy who was better drawn than him, and had some kind of weird disease where his skin wasn't yellow or dark brown.

Bart and Dexter realized belatedly that their fathers had left them alone in the wild and waited for Mandark—who had some sort of built in radar for finding Dexter—to show up. They spent the intervening time alternately touching themselves with the tentacles and plotting to take over the world and make prostitution and gay marriage legal.

They both agreed, however, that the transvestites would have to go.


I feel so dirty.

Which is a big deal.

For me.