"Oh, no! A daughter of Kronos!" everyone at camp gasped in unison.
Being the most smartyest person evur, I was obviously the first person to figure it out.
"But I can't be the daughter of Kronos!" I sniffled. "I'm too nice!"
"And hot," chimed in my darling PJ. All the guys nodded in assent.
"If I'm the daughter of Kronos, then so be it," I said heroically.
Mr. D, the camp director/person/god/thing, took a sharp intake of breath and whispered to Chiron, "She's a daughter of Kronos? That means she's my aunt! But anyway, remember that prophecy?"
"Yes," Chiron/Dumbledore agreed. "The one where it foretold Potter Puppet Pals?"
"No, you imbecile! The one about the next daughter of Kronos!"
"How she's supposed to destroy the world on her fifteenth birthday and rebuild a new world from the ashes?"
They were whispering, but of course everyone could hear them.
My perfect eyebrows shot up behind my hairline. "Today's my birthday! But, that can't be! I couldn't hurt a fly!"
To demonstrate my point, I grabbed a fly from the air and kissed it. But I kissed the fly a little too much.
"Help her, she's choking!" screeched PJ. "She's choking on the fly!"
The author had, of course, forgotten to mention how I can perform the Heimlich Maneuver on myself while singing opera and riding a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle, though. So I dislodged the fly all by my Mary-Sue self!
"Ta da!" I sang, whooshing around my long blond hair and showing my big, blue eyes to everyone. Several guys fainted. "Oh no you don't!" I felt panicked. They collapsed! On the ground! Being perfect and everything, I magically used my newfound daughter-of-Kronos powers to make them wake up and dust the dirt off of them and make them fall in love with me. "Are you all better?"
"Yes!" they said, approaching me and stroking my hair. Which was kinda hard, since there were so so so so many of them.
PJ looked jealous. "Scarlett! No, you love me, right?"
I started crying again. "Yes, of course I do, but I don't want to hurt all of these lovely young men's feelings! What can I do?"
He approached me and looked into my big blue eyes with his big orange (the author is lazy again!) eyes and said as he kissed away my tears, "Scarlett, sure as my name is Percy Jackson," oh, so that's what his name was! "I will always love you. But if I have to, I will share you with the other young men, such as myself. I will always be here for you! Never forget me!"
"No!" I cried. "Don't leave me!"
"Leave her! Leave her!" chanted the guys surrounding me.
Just then, some blond guy crashed into camp. "Percy Jackson, your time has come! DIE!"
"Father!" I said, snapping out of my [fake] crying.
The blond guy turned to me. "You are no daughter of mine, Scarlett Twinkle-Twinkle Little Star Glitter Sequins Smith! Join me, and maybe I won't kill this half-blood!"
"Daddy!" I said, perfectly at ease. "I can never join you. I like the Olympians too much, even though I've only met one! I'm sorry." I started crying again.
"Scarlett, then I have to kill Percy Jackson." He looked at me.
PJ looked into my eyes. "Let me die, Scarlett. It's for the best."
"NO! Take me instead!" I sobbed, being the selfless person I am.
"Fine," shrugged my dad.
"NOOOOOOOOOO!" screamed all the boys at camp.
"Do I really have to die though?" I hinted. Then I began to sing the most beautiful opera ever, and I made it even sound like there was an orchestra in the background! I sang, "Why do you want to kill meeeeee? Meeeeeee, your daughteeeeeeeeeeer? Iiiiiiiiiiii don't deseeeeeeeerve tooooooooooo diiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiie!"
Daddy contemplated it for a few seconds. "I dunno, I really like killing."
"WAIT!" I dug out Ali's lamp and rubbed it. Ali swirled out in purple mist. "Alibaptimazitaminakjabced, I wish for my daddy to be banished to Tartarus permanently. And I wish that the host body of Luke Castellan will be completely human again and not in Tartarus with Kronos!"
"As you wish it, so it shall be," said Ali. He snapped his fingers and what I wished... happened. Because I'm perfect and everything.
The blond guy whose spirit my dad had been using turned to me and knelt on the ground before me. "Scarlett, I am eternally grateful to you. What can I do for you? I'll do anything! You saved me!"
"Luke," I declared, magically knowing his name, "you can share me with the rest of the boys who are in love with me!"
"YAY!" everyone cheered.
"And the new world will be built starting right now! And you all will be in it! No monsters or diseases or bad fashion choices will be in the new world! Now, to help me bring about this new world, I need you all to help me."
"We'll do anything!" They all said.
"Sing the chorus of A Whole New World to bring about the final transformation!" I said, automatically knowing what I said was true.
Soon everyone, my voice the prettiest and loudest of course, began singing. And as they sang, the world dissolved away from us. Soon we were floating in empty space. Then, a new world formed! It was all pretty, too! Filled with ponies and rainbows and ice cream and sprinkles! And everything was pastel colored!
We all stopped singing and looked around. The Olympians were magically there, too!
"Behold, the new world!" I said triumphantly. "I call it The Land of Mary-Sues! TLOMS! Yes, that's the name of this new world- Tloms! And everyone will be perfect and beautiful and wonderful and smart, just like me!"
The Olympians said, "We can't rule a perfect world like Tloms! We need you to be the Super Powerful Queen!"
"I accept!" I smiled while crying at the same time.
PJ was crying too, but he still looked manly. "Does that make me king?" he asked hopefully.
"Of course! In Tloms, everyone is royalty! And no one will ever die, either! And we won't need any new people, since we're all so perfect! And none of us will age, ever!"
Everyone rejoiced forevermore in my wonderful new world of Tloms.
And we all lived happily and Mary-Sue-ily ever after! EEEEE! All because of me!
Hmm, that was kind of disturbing. Oh well, whatver!
Yes, this is the end. I know, I'm sad too. But you can still review!
Tloms sounds kind of creepy. It's too perfect, you see? Don't make Scarlett Twinkle-Twinkle Little Star Glitter Sequins Smith-s, people. They're kind of scary. So, learn from our mistakes and prevent the PJO fandom from becoming Tloms! Sign petitions! Get the word around! NO MORE MARY-SUES! You'll regret ever creating them, believe me!
So use this story as both a humor device and a learning tool. Create OCs with care, people, and you'll never have to deal with a Scarlett Twinkle-Twinkle Little Star Glitter Sequins Smith!
Thank you for reading this, friends.