Twilight – If Only He Knew
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of its characters.
Leah's Point of View
Leah's Point of View
The waves washed over my feet as they created perfectly sculpted footprints in the soft sand. My head snapped up as I observed a struggle for power between the sun and the clouds, the light and the dark. A werewolf and a vampire, I added as a bitter afterthought.
La Push beach was empty as usual but I enjoyed the peace. I didn't have any energy left after having patrolled the forest for a consecutive eighteen hours. Eighteen hours of constant company from the rest of the pack, physically and mentally. This was Jacob's fault. If it wasn't for his obsession with Bella Swan then I wouldn't have been forced to cater to those bloodsuckers' every instruction.
It also meant that I had to spend time with Sam and listen to his sickeningly sweet thoughts about Emily. To be honest, I couldn't care less because I was over it. I was over him. He's the alpha though. Shouldn't he have some respect for the rest of the pack and refrain from sharing his personal thoughts about my cousin? Jacob was just as bad with his daydreams about Bella.
As my eyes swept absently around the beach, I spotted someone sitting with their back against a large driftwood tree. I didn't have to focus my gaze or walk any closer to them to know that it was Jacob. After all, that was Jacob's driftwood tree. I'd seen him there plenty of times in the past. Frowning, I raised an eyebrow and wondered when I had started paying so much attention to him.
Feeling the impact of the tedious atmosphere, I strolled over to the other end of the beach. Aside from Seth, Jacob was probably the only member of the pack that I didn't mind talking to; although it usually resulted in two werewolves furiously snapping their teeth at each other. Slowing down to barely a walk, I noticed that his eyes were scrunched together, deep in concentration.
He could sense my presence because he shifted into the tree, sitting up straighter but his expression remained the same. I waited impatiently for him to acknowledge me, not wanting to disturb him and cause another fight. As the minutes passed by, I exhaled loudly and decided to kick him in the leg. It was gentler than I had intended but I knew it wouldn't have bothered him either way.
Jacob's eyes flickered open, narrowing as he glared at me. "What do you want now?" he snapped, looking extremely irritated. "For God's sakes Leah, do me a favour and just go away. Why are you so determined to make my life a misery?"
I decided to ignore his words and leaned against the tree, sliding down onto the sand, positioning myself close to him. Silence filled the air, our breathing faint as we stared in opposite directions. The lack of communication between us was starting to annoy me so I swung my head back towards him, only to find Jacob staring at me intently, causing me to jump back in surprise.
"What?" I could feel my cheeks blushing uncharacteristically as I watched the smirk pulling at his lips. "Are you deliberately doing this to try and annoy me? Or are you wondering why I look like an absolute mess right now? Not that I feel the need to explain anything to you but I think you will find the reason for my exhaustion staring back at you in the mirror."
"How is it my fault?" he challenged in a light tone. His eyes were twinkling mischievously as a teasing smirk drew out across his face into a beaming smile.
Seeing him grin like that reminded me of the youthful Jacob who always tried to charm me. I remembered back to a time when I had thought that he was sweet and adorable. In a way, he still was but I knew it wouldn't last long. It seemed that neither of us was destined to be happy. The difference was though, he wanted to be but I was perfectly content with the depression.
His cheerful yet sincere tone brought me back to reality. "I haven't seen you smile in so long. I don't know why you don't do it more often."
Taken aback by his words, I realised that he was right. I was smiling. My first instinct would have been to wipe the happiness off of my face immediately but to my surprise, the smile only seemed to widen. "I always thought the bitterness suited me more," I murmured in a tone that was contradicting my expression. "It doesn't look good on you though," I added with a softer smile.
The conversation was taking a serious turn, leaving its relaxed atmosphere behind. Jacob clenched his hands into fists, breathing deeply as he stared off into the distance. "I don't get what she sees in that leech. I'm willing to break the treaty to help her. Why doesn't she seem to understand the extent of my feelings?" He appeared to be talking more to himself than he was to me.
If I was honest, I really didn't want to sit here and listen to Jacob's love triangle but his voice was sad. I figured it was time for me to cut him a little slack so I feigned interest and sighed heavily. "No matter how much we love them, they always think that they can do better. Well, it's their loss. They don't deserve us." My voice started to get louder with anger seeping into the words at the end.
Jacob watched me glower in the direction of the setting sun, refusing to meet his gaze. "Do you still love him?" he asked apprehensively. Sam was a touchy subject so he was rarely mentioned in my presence. The only person who was brave enough to approach it was Jacob.
Keeping my eyes focussed on the crashing waves, I mumbled in response, "I... I don't really know how I feel about him now. Sometimes I miss him. We used to sit and watch the sunset together even if there was no sun at all. It would just be the two of us."
"I hope I'm a good substitute for Sam," Jacob joked. "Although, I am only a beta," he added in a teasingly dejected voice.
Laughing gently, I finally decided to turn around and face him. "Thanks Jake," I said. We were quiet again but the awkwardness was no longer present which made me feel better. "You don't have to be so nice to me, you know."
Shock washed over his expression and he studied me with a frown, drawing his eyebrows together. "Leah, everyone cares about you even though you act like a bitch to them all the time." He gave a short, husky laugh. "They're worried about you. Sam and Emily feel really guilty for hurting you. We just want you to be happy but I don't understand. If you don't love him anymore, why are you always so upset?"
Dropping my eyes to the floor, I tried to think of ways to avoid the question. I never allowed myself to elaborate on my feelings, especially for Sam; and I thought we were discussing Jake, Bella and the bloodsucker. How did it turn into a heart-to-heart about Sam? Deep down inside me, I knew the truth but I also knew that I would never be able to explain it.
Instead, I opted for an excuse that was partly true. "It's easier being angry than it is being sad," I shrugged nonchalantly, hiding any emotions that I knew he would pick up on. "So, what are you going to do about Bella?"
It was Jacob's turn to look uncomfortable. "I'm going to fight for her." He was adamant. "I know she loves me. She just doesn't know it yet. I'm going to show her how much I love her. It's just..." Trailing off, he glanced towards me hesitantly. "I'm never going to give up on her but at times, she acts like she's imprinted on the leech. Do you think anyone is ever going to fall for me?"
As his eyes locked with mine, he instantly dropped the distressed expression and grinned. The momentary flash of pain in his eyes disappeared with a sparkle replacing it. "It's my turn to go on patrol now," he muttered, getting to his feet. "Thanks for keeping me company, Leah. It's nice to know you're still human inside." I laughed at the irony. "And thank you for protecting Bella."
"Hey Jake," I whispered softly as he started to turn around and leave. He watched me curiously, waiting to hear what I had to say. "I'm not doing this for Bella. I'm doing it for you."
Nodding gratefully, his lopsided grin returned to his face. "You should smile more often. I think you look beautiful when you smile."
He spun around and started walking away, taking long strides across the beach. His feet touched the sand for no longer than half a second before it took off again. While there had been no sun earlier, the clouds had made way for the moon to break through. Jacob's bare back shone as the moonlight lit the beach. His words were ringing in my mind.
"I hope I'm a good substitute for Sam."
"If you don't love him anymore, why are you always so upset?"
"Do you think anyone is ever going to fall for me?"
Sighing, I averted my eyes to the ocean, listening to the swishing water that held the reflection of the moon. If only he knew.