My Movie

Summary: Jacob reflects on his life and how cinematic it's become.

Note: This is not in any particular order. It's just random moments of Jake's life. So yeah...I hope you like it. I hope I got Jake's personality fairly well.

I was bored. Blondie kicked me out, said I was "upsetting Bella" so I had nothing to do. And I'm very tired, so I don't have the energy to freak out about Bella or insult Blondie and Bloodsucker, or anything. But I need to do something besides sleep. I don't want to see Bella dying every time I close my eyes.

"Jacob? You awake?" I heard a voice ask. It was Leah.


"No need to be so touchy, jeez!" she said, sitting down beside me. "I'm bored."

"What a coincidence. So am I. What are we going to do?" I asked her.

"Let's talk about movies." I gave her a look. "Like, you life movie. What type of movie do you think your life would be?" she clarified.

"Can we say corny?" I teased her. She smiled. I could see her white teeth in the dark.

"I miss Emily. You know how corny she can be, so I decided to do something I think she would have done, give me a break!" she said, hitting my shoulder.

"What my movie would be? Hmm…" I said, thinking. "Well… I could tell you for sure, it's more cinematic than I thought it would be."

I always thought my movie
Would be a comedy
Not quite the tragedy that it's become

More slapstick than chick flick
More Caddyshack than Breakfast At Tiffany's

"I can't believe this!" I yelled at my dad.

"Jake, calm down, you're gonna take the whole house down!" he yelled back. I looked at my hands and saw how much they were shaking. I sat down, trying to clear my head, but all I could think about was that Bella was with those leeches, trying to save Cullen's ass.


"It's okay. Look, you deserve to be pissed, all right? But you don't need to tear down the house."

"I can't believe her! He left her, left her, and now she runs to help him?! I've been trying to help her. I know how much it hurt her, I know she still loves him, but come on! He ditched her, broke her heart!" I vented. Billy rolled next to me and sighed. I gave him a look.

"What? I didn't say anything!" he said.

"I'm sorry. Everything's been so overdramatic. I'm never home…I can ask Sam if he could-"

"Uh-uh! You are not going on chick flicky, I'll do anything for you on me!" he yelled. I laughed.

"My life is a freaking chick flick," I said. "Boy falls in love with girl, boy ditches girl, girl is crushed and comforted by boy #2, then boy #1 comes back and boy #2 is left alone," I said. "Guess which boy I am?" I asked bitterly.

"Now, none of that self-pitying crap! You and Bella have got something. You're good for her, not the Cullen freak," Billy comforted me.

"Great pep talk Dad," I said sarcastically. He rolled his eyes at me.

"Alright, you've got a point. You're life is pretty chick flicky. So you know how you can fix that? Go hang out with Embry," he said. I laughed. That boy's got the dirtiest and grossest sense of humor ever. He could make anyone laugh.

So, thank me at the podium
For a lifetime of contribution
Turn on the cameras
Someone cue the extras
Hair and makeup to the set

Because the big screen's calling
Final casting call
Its your big shot baby your the next big star
On another stupid movie
'bout a guy with a broken heart
Is falling apart
Your headed for the cutting room floor
And in the sequel honey
I'm the guy who gets the girl

She could rot for all I cared. No, that's not the truth…but she can rot at this moment. Why the hell would she invite me to her stupid wedding? I'm the other guy, you don't invite the other guy to your wedding. Has she ever watched a movie?

"Jacob, stop moping. If that's all your going to do, I'm leaving," Embry yelled to me.

"I'm allowed a little moping time!" I yelled back, smacking his head.

"Not when I'm around. At least you had a girl. I haven't touched a girl that wasn't t related to me since the 8th grade!" he yelled. I smiled. That's because he was a gross and a buttheadish. "Just because I can't technically tell what you're thinking right now, doesn't mean I don't know!" he yelled. I laughed. He grabbed for the remote. "Just think of it this way: 51% of the population of the world is girls. You will find someone who isn't in love with a leech eventually. Just get over Bella!" he said, flipping to Epic Movie.

I hope I'd get the girl one day.

So if you miss my movie
Get the DVD
Check out the chemistry
Between you and me
Less 'Raising Arizona'
More 'Steel Magnolias'
So when you walk down that red carpet
I hope you trip and fall
I hope someone squirts you with a water gun
A super soaker filled with pee

Because the big screen's calling
Final casting call
Its your big shot baby your the next big star
On another stupid movie
About a guy with a broken heart
Is falling apart
Your headed for the cutting room floor
And in the sequel honey
I'm the guy who gets the girl

"Jake! Charlie gave me something for you!" Billy called. I ran into the living room. He handed a note to me.

Dear Jake,

I miss you, a lot. I know the Cullens are back, but I still want to spend time with you. You're my best friend.

I didn't read the rest. I couldn't take it. I missed her to, but she couldn't have me and the bloodsucker. It just wasn't possible. She chose him, I didn't bail on her. I ran to my room to write back. After many re-writes I finally wrote that I missed her too, but it didn't change anything.

I wanted to see her, badly. We had…chemistry. We just fit, perfectly. I knew she loved me, somewhere in that brainwashed head of her's, she loved me. She just needed to realize it. Or at least not try to make me and the vamp be friends. We wouldn't ever be friends. Until that moment…I hoped she tripped and fell right into a puddle of dog pee…or Paul pee…that shit smelled.

All apologies
To Kevin Costner
and that chick from monster
Give me Adam Sandler,
Will Ferrell, Belushi and even Val Kilmer
He was funny in 'Real Genius'

What about 'Top Gun'?
No, 'Top Gun' wasn't funny
Top secret was funny too
But he sucked as Batman

"Why the fu-"

"Your brother is only two feet away!"

"Why the hell are you putting up with Bella?! She's pregnant with a fu-freaking monster! Whose father is also a monster!" Leah yelled at me.

"Buzz off Leah! It's my life and I get to decide if I want to screw it up or not!" I yelled back.

"Jacob! Do you know what's going to happen to you if you keep hanging around her?! You're going to end up with a personality like me, and look like Val Kilmer. Not Val Kilmer in Top Gun, Val Kilmer now!" Leah back.


"You're going to hate the world and everything in it. You're going to have a beer gut and the girls that used to like will run away in fear."

"How do you know that?!" I asked.

"Because it's already happening. You already hate everything and everyone! You need a life, a hobby, something!" she yelled.

"I appreciate your help, but I'm fine!" I yelled, and with that said, I walked away.

Maybe she was right. Gosh, my life was turning out to be a real cinematic event. I needed someone to make it more easy-going. I needed Quil and Embry. They could be my Adam Sandler and Will Ferrell.

Because the big screen's calling
Final casting call
Its your big shot baby your the next big star
On another stupid movie
About a guy with a broken heart
Is falling apart

Steven Spielberg's calling and he's sending a car
It's your big shot baby, you're the next big star
Of another stupid movie
About a guy with a broken heart
Who's falling apart
Your headed for the cutting room floor

I'm going to go insane. There's no way Bella is pregnant. This is something out of a horror/chick flick movie. That's the only way she could be pregnant.

But in the sequel honey
I'm the guy who gets the girl

The gravity of the Earth no longer tied me to the place where I stood.

It was the baby girl in the blond vampire's arms that held me here now.


So what do ya'll think? I hope you liked it. I may write more Twilight stories, I may not. I'm not so fond of how the series ended, so the odds of me writing anything about Nessie is slim to none. I might though, you never know. I am a diehard Team Jacob member, so don't expect any Bella/...Edward....(sorry, it hurt to type that) fics. But I'm thinking of writing something w/ Emmett and Rosalie, so stay in touch.

Alright, I'm done moping. What did you think?