Yes, I know the National Day of Silence was on last Friday, but it totally slipped my mind with my school play and everything. So here's my fic in honor of it.
Disclaimer: I do not own Harvest Moon.
I am alone.
In a world where everyone is happy, I am alone, the last person left who is truly sad.
And I know I can never be happy – that I will always be this way - simply because I am in love with her. But who could not be in love with her? She is gorgeous in every sense of the world; luscious blonde hair, sparkling green eyes, and the sweetest personality in the world. She is caring and kind, never putting herself before others.
Almost every boy that meets her falls in love with her – and unlike a fleeting crush, they typically stay infatuated with her for long periods of time.
So why am I so different?
Why cannot I be with her, no matter what I do or how hard I try?
The reason I cannot be with her is not because she is with another or any other common explanation. No – my reason is more understandable than any other in the world, yet so many people would shun me for it.
Merely because I am female.
That's it. That is the only thing that prevents me from being with the woman I love more than anything, the person I would do anything to make her happy. Just because I am not a guy, because I was born a girl, so therefore I can never be happy unless I am with a man.
That's why? Yes, it is.
Normally, I would see it as a little obstacle, a tiny bump in the road of life that I would conquer. I never let anything stop me from achieving my dreams, I never let anything hold me back, I never let someone tell me what to do. Never.
The soil quality was poor and nothing could grow? That didn't stop me. I still ran the farm.
I couldn't leave home for my parents would never let me go? They didn't prevent me from going. I left anyway.
They said that I'd never be able to run a farm, being a city girl and all? Like that could hold me down. Every word they said only spurred me on – made me try harder.
But when it comes to this, I cannot prove them wrong. Conquering it would take more than pride and determination – it would take the willingness to be exiled from everyone and possibly risk the happiness of the one I care for the most.
Those are the stakes, and I'm not going up against them.
If I told Kathy that I loved her, she would react well. She's probably smile that warm smile of hers and say something kind. She wouldn't push me away. She wouldn't do anything harmful. It's not her.
It's them. If word got out that I liked a girl, what would they say? They would push me away. They would treat me like I was some alien trying to invade their perfect planet and spread my weird values. To them, I would become I piece of trash that is littering their soil. They'd throw me away, smiling at their good deed.
A few wouldn't react that harshly, I know. However, it still would be awkward. Far too many conversations would become excessively quiet. Everything would become one giant mess.
I could not deal with that. As tough as I act, I could never do that.
I'm not strong enough.
So I will hold my tongue. I will put on my fake smile and proceed with my day as if there is nothing I am hiding.
When Luna giggles to me about how amazing Gill is and how I need to find a relationship, I will simply laugh it off.
I will not mention how I cannot be happy in a relationship with anyone but Kathy.
Smiling sweetly, I will hold my silence.
Those words I long to say will never leave my mouth. Instead, they shall stay locked up in my brain.
Silently, I will continue in this world.
Alone, and surrounded by my own silence.